Code Name: Cowboy

by Carla Cassidy

  A grudging smile curved his lips as Alice lost her footing and fell. Her laughter mingled with Rebecca’s and rang through the pane of glass to him. They appeared to be having such fun.

  Fun. Cameron had never built a snowman, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had fun. It had definitely been a long time before Alice and Rebecca had moved in with him.

  Over the weeks there had been moments in their daily routine when laughter had prevailed and a sense of fun had coursed through him. Fun and memones, that’s what Rebecca and Alice had brought to him. The memory of their days in his home were pleasant ones, untainted by ugliness like his other memories.

  Before he could change his mind, he raced up the stairs, grabbed a few items, then pulled on an extra pair of socks and an insulated shirt and his heavy winter jacket.

  “Hey Mommy, look! Mr. Lallager’s come to play,” Rebecca exclaimed as Cameron approached them.

  Alice’s cheeks were a bright pink, flushed from the cold and her exertions. Her eyes sparkled with merriment as she saw what Cameron carried. “I think he’s come to help us make our snowman into a cowboy snowman.”

  “Oh boy!” Rebecca shouted with glee. “A cowboy snowman!”

  “First we need to finish the snowman,” Cameron said. He set down the items he had brought from his closet, then moved to help Alice lift the middle section of the snow creature onto the awaiting base.

  Within minutes the snowman was complete and to Rebecca’s delight, Cameron placed an old western hat atop the snowman’s head, a kerchief around his neck and a huge golden belt buckle in the center of his “belly.” Two tin can lids gave him wide, silver eyes and red gumdrops provided a wide, happy smile. Rebecca giggled at the end result.

  “And now you know what I think it’s time for?” Cameron looked at Rebecca, then at Alice.

  “What?” Rebecca asked as she jumped up and down and clapped her hands together.

  “A snowball fight!” He grabbed a handful of snow and threw it at the little girl. Rebecca squealed as Alice armed herself with quickly made snowballs.

  A flurry of snowballs filled the air along with cries of success, howls of defeat and laughter. Cameron was faster at making and flinging snowballs, but Alice had an unerring aim and more than once he was caught midchest by a well-thrown ball.

  Several times Cameron stood still so one of Rebecca’s balls could catch him, simply because he loved the sound of her merriment when she managed to hit him.

  By the tune the fight was over, they were all wet, cold and more than ready to go inside. The skies had once again opened, the snowfall heavy enough to cut visibility.

  “How about I build a big fire,” Cameron said as they entered through the back door.

  “And I’ll make us some hot chocolate,” Alice said, both she and Cameron earning a smile of approval from Rebecca.

  After changing clothes, Cameron built a roaring fire in the fireplace. Drifting down from the upstairs were Rebecca and Alice’s voices as they changed out of their sodden clothing.

  He leaned back on his haunches and watched the dancing flames of the fire. It had been fun...playing in the snow, laughing together and acting like a family.

  A family. He hadn’t thought of having his own for a long time. He and Ginny had made plans, but when she had left, she’d taken all his dreams with her.

  He sat all the way down and held his hands out toward the fire. The female voices drifting down the stairs were sweetly melodic, pleasantly familiar and he closed his eyes and allowed the noise to soothe over him, like cooling balm against a burning wound.

  With the heat of the fire warming the front of him, his thoughts turned to Alice. Alice, with her sweet scent and smiling eyes. Alice, with those luscious lips that always looked as if they ached to be kissed.

  He’d love to have her here right now, beneath him in front of the fireplace. It was far too easy to imagine how the glow of the fire would paint her skin in soft gold tones, how her eyes would glow like the dancing flames when he stroked down the length of her.

  He sighed. Foolish thoughts. It would be utterly foolish to make love with her, to once again enjoy the sweet release of possessing her completely.

  When it stopped snowing, he knew she would leave. He wanted her to leave. He couldn’t take a chance on her and Rebecca’s well-being. He didn’t know what to expect from Samuel, but wanted to take no chances where Alice and Rebecca were concerned.

  He opened his eyes as Alice came down the stairs, the scent of her perfume preceding her. “Hmm, you look warm and comfortable.”

  He smiled. “I am.”

  “Hot chocolate will just take a few minutes.” With those words she disappeared into the kitchen.

  Light footsteps sounded on the stairs as Rebecca ran toward him. Clad in a light pink fleece pajama top and pants, she looked snugly warm. “Oh, a fire,” she exclaimed and sat down next to Cameron.

  She leaned into him, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do. Cameron’s heart spasmed unexpectedly.

  Children weren’t afraid to give their hearts, to expose their feelings openly and freely. It hadn’t occurred to Rebecca that Cameron might rebuff her. She liked him and with a child’s presumption knew he liked her, too.

  Cameron once again stared at the fire, wishing things were that uncomplicated for him. He remembered the conversation he’d had with Alice, when he’d tried to convince her that pain made you stronger, and she’d insisted that pain made you afraid.

  He realized now she was right. He’d been afraid...was afraid to trust in his own feelings, afraid to give any piece of his heart to another. Ginny and Samuel and their betrayal had destroyed his capacity to love anyone else.

  Rebecca’s weight against his side suddenly felt unusually heavy. He looked down to see that she had fallen sound asleep. The play outside in the snow had worn her out.

  He leaned down and pressed his mouth against her forehead, wishing he could be different for her, wishing he wasn’t so damned afraid. She smiled in her sleep, as if in some part of her sleeping mind she registered the soft kiss with pleasure.

  “Here we are...three steaming cups of hot chocolate complete with tons of marshmallows.” Alice set the tray she carried down on the coffee table, then smiled at Cameron and her slumbering daughter. “Too much snow play.”

  “Apparently,” he agreed.

  “I’ll just carry her up to bed.” She bent down to lift the little girl.

  Cameron stood and scooped Rebecca up in his arms. “She’s too heavy for you. I’ll take her.”

  He followed her up the stairs, trying to ignore the sexy sway of her hips that seemed to taunt him. When they got to Rebecca’s room, he gently placed the sleeping child on the bed.

  Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. “I had the bestest day,” she said, her voice slow and heavy with sleep.

  “I’m glad,” he said, unable to remain untouched by the absolute sweetness of her.

  “Go back to sleep, sweetheart,” Alice said as she tucked Rebecca in beneath the blankets.

  “Will there still be snow tomorrow?” she asked.

  Alice laughed and Cameron smiled. “Yes, honey. The snow will still be there when you wake up,” Alice answered.

  “Can we all play again? Like today?” The question was directed at Cameron, as if Rebecca knew her mother would play with her, and hoped that Cameron would, too.

  “I think I can arrange another awesome snowball fight,” Cameron replied.

  “I hope we always stay here with Mr. Lallagher. I like us all together.” Rebecca closed her eyes, her words slurring together. “I got my fingers double... double crossed.” Her breathing once again became deep and regular, signaling a fall back into the arms of slumber.

  As Alice kissed her daughter’s forehead, Cameron left the room, his heart in turmoil as Rebecca’s sleepy words echoed in each chamber.

  The little girl was obviously hungry for a father figure, wanted the security of a family. Bu
t Cameron wasn’t the right man to make that particular dream of hers come true. He’d died emotionally two years before, and dead men didn’t make good father figures.

  “I’ll bet she’ll sleep the whole night through,” Alice said as she joined Cameron in front of the fire. “She was exhausted.” She handed Cameron a cup of the hot chocolate, then sat down next to him.

  He sipped the sweet hot drink and watched her as she stared pensively into the fire. Her lashes cast long shadows on her cheeks and the firelight brushed her dark hair with red-gold highlights. She looked lovely and somehow sad.

  “Even if Samuel wasn’t coming here, even if there was no danger whatsoever, you’d be leaving soon, wouldn’t you?”

  She turned, her eyes registering surprise at his question. For a moment he thought she might continue her story, tell him one more lie. Instead she sighed, raked a hand through her hair and nodded.

  “And you aren’t really from Pennsylvania.”

  “Please, don’t ask me anything else, Cameron. I don’t want to tell any more lies, and I can’t risk telling you the truth.”

  Frustration tore at him. “Why not?” He set his mug aside and scooted closer to her. “What could be so terrible that you couldn’t tell me?”

  She chewed her bottom lip, her expression troubled. “It isn’t anything horrible or terrible. I haven’t murdered anyone or stolen anything.” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth once again. “Please...just leave it alone.”

  “Are you running from your husband?”

  “No. Robert’s death wasn’t a lie.” She pulled her legs up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them, once again staring into the fire. “Everything I told you about my marriage to Robert was true...how we met...how he died.” She shook her head slightly. “Let’s talk about something else. How’s Mischief doing since you moved her inside?”

  Cameron’s frustration mounted, but he tamped it down, realizing nothing he could say, nothing he could do would make her tell him what he wanted to know.

  He frowned as he thought of the wild mare. “I can’t get her to trust me at all. Physically, she’s doing all right, but mentally I’m a little worried about her. The spirit she exhibited for so long seems to be gone.”

  “But I thought that was what you wanted. I thought you wanted to break her.”

  “I wanted her to trust me...I didn’t want to steal her spirit.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  He picked up his mug and took a sip, then placed it back on the floor beside him. “I’m not sure.” He stared at Alice meaningfully. “I guess I keep working with her, hope she eventually learns to trust me, that I won’t hurt her.”

  For a long moment their gazes remained connected and to his surprise hers filled with tears and a small sob escaped from her. Instantly he pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you too hard.”

  His words only seemed to make things worse as her tears came faster and she sobbed again. He stroked her back, damning himself for pressing the issue. He’d learned with the horse that it was impossible to bend somebody’s will through sheer force. Besides, he wanted her to come to him, wanted her to trust him, confide in him willingly.

  “What can I do, Alice?” he asked softly as he continued to hold her close. “Tell me what I can do to help.”

  She raised her head and looked at him, her eyes still filled with glittering tears. “Make it snow forever,” she answered, and he tightened his arms around her, wishing he could do just that.

  Chapter 11

  Alicia didn’t know who made the first move. One moment she was crying in his arms, the next moment they were kissing...a kiss of infinite tenderness.

  Cameron’s hands cupped either side of her face as his lips plied hers with sweet heat. Alicia melted against him, into him, wishing it would snow forever, keep them together until they were old and gray and Rebecca was an adult with a family of her own.

  She tasted her tears mingling with the flavor of hot chocolate and Cameron. His tongue swirled with hers, creating shivers of pleasure that raced up and down her spine.

  She was cold...and he warmed her. She was frightened...and he soothed her. Everything she wanted was inside him. Everything she needed, he had.

  “Alice. Sweet Alice,” he whispered against her neck, and in that instant Alicia knew she had to tell him.

  She was so tired of living a lie, of answering to a name other than her own. She had to take a chance. She loved him enough to trust him.

  She gently pushed out of his arms and scooted away from him. Staring at the fire, she felt his puzzled gaze on her. “My name isn’t Alice Burwell. It’s Alicia Randall.” She turned her head and looked at him. He nodded, apparently encouraging her to go on.

  “My husband wasn’t an orphan. I didn’t meet his parents until after we were married. They hated me from the very beginning.” She looked back at the fire, remembering the first time she’d met Brodenck and Ruth.

  She’d been young and naive, and believed herself madly in love with Robert. “They were cruel and hateful not only to me but to Robert. They told him it wasn’t necessary for him to marry the first common piece he’d slept with, that they would pay for an annulment and give me money to go away.”

  She drew a deep breath and gazed at Cameron once again. “Robert told them both to go to hell, that we were married and we intended to stay married. It was the first and only time he ever stood up to them.”

  She stood, unable to sit and dredge up the past, the memories that formed a knot in the pit of her stomach. She had been so stupid, so innocent, and so desperate for family.

  She’d wanted Broderick and Ruth to accept her, to love her and she and Robert had tried so hard to make that happen.

  “What does all this have to do with your running?” Cameron asked.

  “In order to understand what’s happened, you have to understand Robert’s relationship with his parents. They were intrinsically tied together. Robert worked for the family business, his parents owned the house where he lived, he was given an allowance to live on rather than a salary.”

  She clutched her hands together before her, the memories sweeping over her. “They controlled everything we did, where we went, who we socialized with...everything. I was in my own little world, preparing for Rebecca’s birth. It wasn’t until Rebecca was about a year old that I realized how controlled we were by Broderick and Ruth.”

  She paused and walked over to the window. Peering out she saw the snow was still falling. They were still safe...at least for the moment. Cameron got up from in front of the fire and sat down on the sofa. He gestured for her to join him there, but she shook her head, needing to pace while she confronted her past.

  “Robert grew more and more unhappy each day, but he didn’t know how to break away from them. He didn’t have the emotional strength to make the break...and then he died.”

  “And left you all alone to cope with his parents.”

  Tears blurred her vision as she looked at Cameron and nodded her head. “Right after his death, I tried...I really tried to be there for Broderick and Ruth. No matter what kind of people I believed they were, they had lost their only son and I thought in our shared grief we might find some peace. And for a while, that’s what I believed was happening. They were kind to me and Rebecca, and in my own grief I desperately wanted them to be my family, too.”

  Again tears burned hot in her eyes as she remembered those days immediately following Robert’s death. She had plunged into a dark despair unlike any she’d ever known. She was alone with Rebecca... and frightened, their future uncertain as she realized everything she had belonged to Broderick and Ruth.

  Mourning Robert’s death, guilty with the knowledge that she’d never loved him like she should have, when his parents had asked if Rebecca could spend an occasional night with them, she agreed, wanting to be a good daughter-in-law, wanting to encourage Rebecca’s relationship with her grandparents.


  “Alicia.” Cameron’s hands on her shoulders pulled her from the past. His eyes were gentle as he used a finger to swipe at her tears. “Are you okay?”

  She nodded and leaned against him, burrowing her face in the front of his shirt. “After Robert’s death, his parents took more interest in Rebecca.” It was easier to go back to the past with his arms wrapped around her and his heart beating next to hers. “Once a week or so she’d spend the night with them and then they’d bring her home late the next day. I wanted her to have a relationship with them, wanted her to have a sense of family that I never had. Then about four months ago they came to me and offered to pay me fifty thousand dollars to disappear.”

  She felt Cameron’s swift intake of breath and she looked up at him once again. “They wanted Rebecca.”

  “They are the people monsters Rebecca dreams about,” he said.

  “Yes. Although it wasn’t until recently that I made the connection. Of course I told Broderick and Ruth to keep their money, that I didn’t intend to go anywhere without my daughter. And that’s when Broderick told me he’d already started the paperwork to have me declared an unfit mother and custody of Rebecca granted to them. That night Rebecca and I ran.”

  “But Alicia, you aren’t an unfit mother,” Cameron said, a thumb caressing the side of her face. “I’ve seen you with your daughter, watched you in your daily interaction with her. You’re a good mother.”

  “You don’t understand,” she exclaimed, frustration rising inside her. She stepped out of his embrace and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, chilled to the bone with thoughts of losing Rebecca.

  “They have money, Cameron. Enough money to pay witnesses, buy doctor reports. They can make me be whatever they want me to be...a drunk, a junkie, an abusive or neglectful mother. You don’t know these people, Cameron. They aren’t going to let a little thing like the truth keep them from what they want...and they want my daughter.” Her voice rose, almost hysterical by the time she finished.

  “So, you’ve been running.”

  She nodded and swallowed hard to control her emotions. “I’m sure Broderick has hired investigators to hunt for me so we’ve been moving around a lot, never staying in one place for more than a night or two. When I left, I didn’t have access to very much money. A couple thousand dollars. The rest is tied up with the business and in trust funds. I finally ran out of money when we landed here in Mustang. My plan was to work until I got together enough money to mount some sort of a legal defense.”