Code Name: Cowboy

by Carla Cassidy

  She didn’t give him an opportunity to reply, but instead moved closer to him and leaned against his chest. His heartbeat was thunder in her ears, and her tears were the rain of hopelessness. “Come with us, Cameron. Come with me and Rebecca. We can find another ranch, a place to build whatever you’ve dreamed of. Don’t stay here for Samuel to find.”

  The words tumbled from her, born of desperation and the love that pounded in her heart. “I’m afraid for you. Please...come with us.”

  “Alicia.” His voice was unusually deep, husky as he placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pulled her away from him. He cupped her face in his hands. “And what then? We build a life built on lies, running from two monsters, your Brodenck and my Samuel?” He shook his head and in his eyes she saw her heart break. “I care about you, Alicia, but I can’t go with you and you can’t stay.”

  She knew the truth of his words, and also registered the words he hadn’t used. He hadn’t said he loved her, and a portion of her heart shattered into a million little pieces. If she’d entertained any thoughts of staying any longer, they were dashed by the words he didn’t speak.

  “I’ll let you know when we’re ready to go.” She turned and left before he could see the devastation in her eyes.

  In her bedroom, she fought against a wave of tears, knowing she had to be strong for herself...and for Rebecca. It was good they were leaving now, before she had another day of loving Cameron, before she had any more nights of lying in his arms and feeling his heart beat against her own.

  It took her only thirty minutes to pack up all that she had brought with her. There was only one thing she would be leaving without. A piece of her heart would always be here with Cameron.

  With her bags ready to go, she went in to check on Rebecca’s progress. The little girl was packed and sitting on her bed, staring out the window with a mournful expression. “All ready?” Alicia asked.

  Rebecca sighed and nodded. With Cameron’s help it took only a few minutes to load their bags and boxes into the back of the pickup, then they took off driving toward town.

  The roads had been cleared, leaving huge snowdrifts on either side, but there were slick spots that forced Cameron to drive slow.

  Rebecca was unnaturally quiet and Alicia realized the little girl had crawled back into the shell of isolation she’d worn when they first arrived.

  Alicia stared out the window, filled with a hopelessness that knew no bounds. She and Rebecca were back on the road to nowhere.

  If only there was something she could use as leverage against Broderick and Ruth, one of those skeletons Cameron had talked about. Again a vague memory tried to surface, an obscure thought attempted to take shape.

  She frowned thoughtfully. What was it that niggled at her? What struggled to be remembered... what thought begged to come to fruition?

  She shook her head and placed a hand around Rebecca as Cameron turned into the garage parking area. Her car sat on the side of the building, ready to take her and Rebecca away from Mustang, away from Cameron.

  While she paid the bill, Cameron loaded the trunk of the car with their things. Rebecca stood near his truck, silently watching him with huge, grieving eyes.

  By the time Alicia left the garage building, Cameron had finished loading them up. She stood, keys in hand, looking at him, loving him.

  Never had he looked more attractive. The daunting man who’d hired her was gone, replaced by the man who owned her heart. “Cameron...I...” She broke off, flushed, no words left to say.

  Rebecca burst into tears and threw herself into Cameron’s arms. “I love you, Mr. Lallager,” she cried, her little arms wrapped around his neck.

  He held her tight and closed his eyes for a long moment. When he opened them again Alicia saw the shine of tears and knew that even if he hadn’t been able to love her, he’d truly loved her daughter. Alicia was leaving a piece of her heart here with him, but Rebecca would be taking a piece of his when they left.

  “And I love you, Rebecca,” he said. He kissed her soundly on the cheek, then set her down on the ground.

  “I wanted to stay with you forever,” she said as she swiped free-falling tears. “I had my fingers double, double crossed that we could stay for always.”

  Cameron bent down and wiped her tears with his thumbs, much like he had wiped Alicia’s. “Sometimes little girls have to pay for grown-up problems.”

  “But that’s not fair,” Rebecca said.

  “I know, sweetheart, and I wish I could make it so life was always fair, but it’s not.” Cameron stood and gestured toward the car, his gaze on Alicia. “You’d better go before it gets any later. That radio of yours work?” She nodded. “Make sure you listen to the weather and don’t try to drive in any Montana storms.”

  She nodded, wanting to scream. The weather. He was talking about the weather while her heart bled from mortal wounds. “Get in the car, Rebecca,” she instructed. Rebecca, still silently crying, did as she was told.

  Alicia quickly slid behind the steering wheel, not wanting to give him an opportunity to touch her in any way. If he touched her, she would crumble.

  “Be safe, Cameron,” she said as she started the engine.

  He nodded, his eyes dark and fathomless. “And you be happy, Alicia,” he replied.

  She pulled out, fighting back tears.

  Be happy. How was that possible without him in her life? How cruel fate had been to dangle a dream in front of her then cruelly snatch it away.

  As she turned onto the highway that would take her out of Mustang, she looked into her rearview mirror, wanting one last look of the man she loved...the man she knew she would never see again.

  Cameron watched the car until it disappeared from sight, a dull ache in the pit of his stomach. Already he felt the resounding emptiness of his house, the absence of laughter, of life.

  She’d taken his check, but he knew she’d never cash it, knew she was headed for parts unknown, not back to Dallas to face her problems.

  She was gone from his life now, and he should feel relieved. She had gotten too close, reached inside him where he hadn’t allowed anyone in for a very long time. She’d been a threat. And yet he felt no relief now that she was gone. Only sadness and a loneliness deeper than any he’d ever felt before.

  Irritated, he got into his truck and slammed the door. As he drove home he tried not to picture Rebecca’s sweet face as she’d clung to his neck and told him she loved him. No matter what happened, Rebecca was the victim in the fight between Alicia and the Randalls.

  He tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he thought of Alicia’s words of love to him. Beautiful Alicia with her sapphire eyes and the smile that warmed him throughout.

  He knew she’d wanted words of love in return for her own, but he hadn’t been able to speak of love, refused to believe he was capable of that emotion.

  Once back at the ranch, he wandered from room to room, wishing the scent of her didn’t linger, that the house didn’t radiate with their very presence.

  Rebecca’s latest artwork still decorated the refrigerator door and one of Alicia’s earnings remained on the cabinet, forgotten in the packing flurry.

  He picked up the earring, a small gold hoop. She’d worn them the night of the Halloween party. She had dainty earlobes, and he remembered how she sighed in delight when he caught one of those lobes between his teeth. With a muttered curse, he tossed the earring into the trash.

  He tensed as a knock fell on his front door. Had Alicia come back? Or had Samuel finally arrived? Somehow he couldn’t believe that his nemesis would announce himself with an innocuous knock on the front door.

  Moving to the window, he saw a familiar truck parked out front. He opened the door to find his sister and his brother-in-law on his front porch. In Elena’s arms, Cameron’s nephew grinned and drooled.

  “Hi Cam. We stopped by to see how Alice and Rebecca survived their first snowstorm.” She pointed to the melting snowman in the yard. “Looks like
you all had some fun.”

  “They aren’t here. They left...moved on.”

  Elena stared at him first in confusion, then in disbelief. She turned and handed Trent the baby, then swept into the house as if to disprove his words. Trent shrugged and followed his wife into the living room. Cameron closed the front door and turned to face his sister.

  “What do you mean they moved on? Cameron, what happened?” She sank down on the sofa.

  “Nothing happened. She decided she didn’t like it here.” He couldn’t quite meet his sister’s piercing gaze.

  “I don’t believe you. She was in love with you, Cameron.”

  He sighed. “I know, but she knew there was no future here. I’m not the kind of man she needs. You know me, Elena. I’m a loner.”

  Elena stood and approached him. She reached up and touched his face. “Oh, Cameron, how long do you intend to push people away from you? You can pretend with other people that you don’t have a heart, but I know you too well to believe that. I’ve seen your heart and Alice saw it as well. It’s not the heart of a loner.”

  Cameron stepped away from her. “Sometimes, dear sister, you’re a real pain in the ass. Trent, I don’t know how you put up with her.”

  Trent smiled fondly at Elena and she returned his smile. “Somehow I manage,” he replied.

  As Cameron saw the obvious love that existed between the two of them, a renewed pain of loss arrowed through him. Elena and Trent had the same kind of marriage Cameron’s parents had enjoyed... one of mutual respect, passion and commitment.

  By the time Elena and Trent left, Cameron had slid into a dark mood. As the sun set, he stalked out of the house and toward the stables, wanting to check on the horses. As always, Sugar greeted him with a friendly whinny and Bandit swished his tail and snorted a hello. And as always, the wild horse backed into a corner of her stall, ears flattened and nostrils flared.

  Cameron stared at the horse, a proud beast who refused to bow to him. She had more spirit than any horse he’d ever seen and somehow she reminded him of Alicia.

  It had taken Alicia a long time to trust him, to finally confide in him and he’d had to let her go. Perhaps it was time to let Mischief go as well.

  Decision made, he opened the stall door, then propped open the wide doors that led outside. Knowing the horse wouldn’t move while he was in sight, he walked around to the side of the stable and waited.

  The sun had nearly disappeared when the horse bolted out of the stable. Her hooves thundered across the frozen ground as she headed out toward the distant pastures. The fencing in the pastures hadn’t been completed, so Cameron knew eventually she’d find her way back to the box canyon where he’d caught her, back to the pack where she belonged. Eventually she’d find her way home.

  He walked back to the house, an emptiness inside him. As he stepped through the front door, the phone rang. He hurried to answer.

  “Hi Cameron.” Alicia’s voice washed over him, momentarily easing the yawning emptiness. “I wanted to call and tell you that you were right.”

  “Right about what?” He sat on the sofa and gripped the receiver tightly against his ear.

  “It’s time to stop running.”

  He heard the sound of her breathing, then she continued. “I’m going home, back to Dallas to face my monsters.”

  He closed his eyes, imagining her fear, the courage it had taken for her to come to such a decision. “I’m glad, Alicia.”

  “I...I just wanted to thank you for everything and tell you if I do use your check, I promise I’ll pay you back every cent.”

  “That isn’t necessary. It was a gift, not a loan.”

  “No. I’ll pay you back. It’s the only way I can accept.”

  “Okay,” he agreed. He wanted to think of something to say, some reason to keep her on the line so he could hear her voice a little longer. But he had no words left, nothing to offer her.

  “Well...I just wanted to tell you what I’d decided,” she hesitated a moment, then continued. “I’ll be in touch about the money. Goodbye.” She hung up quickly, as if knowing there was nothing more to say.

  So, she was going home. Back to Dallas to fight the Randalls. Good, it was the only way she could live a normal life, the only way she could give Rebecca a good life. She’d run long enough. She had to face those monsters.

  He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, wondering how long it would be before he faced his own.

  Chapter 13

  Alicia and Rebecca had driven for several hours in the direction of Wyoming. They stopped for the night in an inexpensive, but clean motel along the highway.

  “Will it always be like this, Mommy?” Rebecca had asked as they carried their suitcases into the small, stale-smelling room. “Will we ever have a real home again?”

  It was then that Alicia had made her decision to return to Dallas and face whatever fate had in store for her. The thought of losing Rebecca was intolerable, but the life Alicia was giving her daughter on the run was almost as bad.

  She loved Rebecca enough to risk going home and seeing if there wasn’t some sort of arrangement that could be worked out with the Randalls.

  If worse came to worse, she had the check from Cameron to use to hire a decent lawyer to fight a court battle.

  Rebecca had almost immediately fallen asleep, exhausted by the emotional turmoil of the day, and it was then that Alicia had called Cameron.

  She wasn’t sure what had prompted the call. She told herself he had a right to know her plans, but she suspected the truth was she wanted...needed to hear his voice just one last time. And someplace deep in her heart, she’d hoped he’d tell her he missed her, he wanted her to come back, that he loved her. But of course that hadn’t happened.

  Minutes later she lay in the motel bed, her thoughts whirling in her head. Cameron’s voice had caressed her, the deep tones both a pleasure and a torment. She’d had to fight with herself not to pack Rebecca back into the car, turn around and drive back to Mustang, to him.

  But to what purpose? She’d told him she loved him, and he’d said he cared about her. Cared. Like she had for Robert. But caring and the kind of love she felt for Cameron were two very different emotions. And just as she knew now that caring about Robert would have never been enough for her had he lived, she knew Cameron caring for her would never be enough for her.

  She turned over on the lumpy bed, seeking a more comfortable position as her mind whirled. Again she had the feeling that she’d forgotten something important... something about Robert and the day of his unexpected death.

  Poor Robert. He’d wanted so desperately to break away from his parents, but years of conditioning by them had made him feel inept and afraid. He knew he and Alicia would lose everything if he separated from them...the house, his job, their comfortable way of living. Torn between his desire to support Alicia and Rebecca and the crushing power of his parents, Robert had plunged into a depression where nothing seemed possible.

  She frowned and closed her eyes, willing her thoughts to take her back to the day of his death. The shock and grief of his accident had obscured much of the events of that day in her mind. But she now felt it vitally important that she remember every minute.

  The week before the accident, Robert had seemed unusually happy...excited and several times he told Alicia he was working on something that just might help him create a different future for them. Although Alicia had questioned him several times for details, he’d merely smiled and told her to be patient.

  What had he been working on? Were there skeletons in the Randall family closet as Cameron had suggested? Whatever it was, Robert was a man who wrote down everything, kept records of phone calls, both business and personal.

  His briefcase.

  Alicia sat up with a gasp. The police had released the briefcase to her, but she’d been too distraught at the time to even think about looking in it.

  What had she done with it? Where had she put it? Dammit, she couldn’t remembe
r.

  She stretched out once again, knowing there was nothing she could do until she got back to Dallas. Hopefully the house would still be just as she’d left it. Hopefully Broderick and Ruth hadn’t cleaned the place out and sold it.

  Closing her eyes, she ached for Cameron’s arms around her. She wondered if the pain of the betrayal he’d suffered at Ginny and Samuel’s hands had made it impossible for him to ever love again. If so, it was sad.

  She knew that Cameron had a wealth of love trapped inside him, love that escaped when he was with Rebecca and when he made love to Alicia.

  Somehow she’d hoped she’d be the one to heal him, to make him want to trust in love again, but that hadn’t happened. The most she could hope for was that another woman would come along for him, one who would finally make him give himself completely, one with whom he would build a family and live happily-ever-after.

  Tears oozed out from beneath her eyelids. If she couldn’t bring him a lifetime of happiness, then the next best thing she could do was wish that life for him with another woman.

  And perhaps when enough time had passed, she would forget the time she’d spent in Mustang and the love she’d left behind.

  She and Rebecca hit the road just after dawn the next morning, each mile taking them closer to Dallas and uncertainty.

  Alicia had awakened without the normal jangle of nerves, without the fear that she’d lived with for the past several months. Instead a cold, hard resolve had formed in her chest, bringing with it a strange kind of serenity.

  Her decision to face whatever lay ahead was the right one. No more running, no more furtive glances over her shoulder, no more fear.

  Somehow, someway, she would fight Broderick and Ruth and win. She had to believe that...she had to believe that ultimately good always prevails over evil, that God wouldn’t allow her daughter to be raised by coldhearted, dictatorial monsters.

  That night once again they slept in a cheap, nondescript motel. Alicia fought with herself, wanting to pick up the phone and once again hear Cameron’s voice, feel his closeness even if just for a moment over impersonal phone lines. She fell asleep only after hours of tossing and turning.