MOAB � Mother Of All Boxsets

by George Saoulidis

  The glass eye worked perfectly in that regard. It somehow completed the whole image, an exotic, sunkissed man, with a huge cobra and a traditional curved dagger.

  His cobra turned towards some people. Bhai Sharan blew his flute and got her attention again, making her dance to the tune. That was a lie, actually. Cobras couldn’t hear anything. It was the movement of the flute that mesmerised them. That, and the beating he had given her since the time she was just a few centimetres long. Now, she stood, enormous and powerful, still thinking her master could beat her up.

  Snakes were easy.

  Humans… Now there was a challenge.

  Bhai Sharan didn’t just offer a service to his employers. He knew how to sniff out the perfect mark. Then manipulate him into getting the blame, while he stood in the shadows, his control over his cobra and the mark perfect. Absolute.

  People had stopped tipping him. The time of day was seeing little foot traffic, and he had seen what he wanted. He sat there until he had gotten every last passer-by though. He wasn’t doing this for payment. It was his tradition, his beliefs. It was a part of his people that the modern age had neglected, choking it up in entertainments and globalisation.

  “Kaur,” he whispered and petted his cobra. It was Punjabi for ‘Princess.’ He stood up, tucked his flute in his belt, folded his carpet and picked up his paycard reader. He glanced at the amount, it was thirty two euros. Not bad, for a day’s work. Then he walked away, his cobra slithering on the pavement next to him.

  Chapter 7:// Catching up

  They logged on the wifi babesbabesbabes. It was horrible, cheap, routed from a device with no recent updates or security fixes, hidden under a mountain of discarded clothes.

  A young man opened the door. He was wearing a bright red lifeguard suit and nothing on top, sweetly tanned muscles all over the place and had loose medium-length golden hair. “Hey bro, heard you were coming out today. Oh man, soz, couldn’t wake up at all, you know? Why didn’t you call?”

  “It’s fine,” the user said. “I needed to stretch my legs anyway, too much lying around.”

  fingerd> Finally! What a cheap slow connection this is… I fingered her.

  armd> Ugh… I think you are bugging out or something. This isn’t a female.

  A stream of social media selfies popped up of a juicy mature woman, posing in hundreds of different places and locations, with lattes, shopping, friends, bags, shoes, all triple filtered as if a toddler had spilt drool on the lens and taken up photography.

  fingerd> I think you are right. Two fingers at once! What a day!

  armd> Heh. Heh. Heh.

  The user swiped away the stream of silicone boobs and selfies that popped up on his vision and asked, “Do you have company?”

  The young man stroke a proud pose and said, “Of course I do.” Then he whispered, emphasising with his hands, “perfect boobies man!”

  fingerd> Got it! This man is amazing.jimmy@poseidonsealines.com and he has recently changed his relationship status to “in a relationship” with petridi.bibi@aphroditecosmetics.com

  A stream of last night’s photos that the “couple” had uploaded last night became the digital ghost of the party. The user looked around the living room and could only see the aftermath, but the online evidence completed the picture just nicely. Drugs, thongs, booze, fondling in various positions and selfie taking for two. Lots and lots of selfies for two. The young/old couple had the body and the social media following to attract hundreds of likes and shares from lonely, envious people. It was kinda artistic in a certain way.

  “Yeah, I can see that,” the user said and swiped it away.

  walkmand> Oh don’t! Hey, did you cache any of that?

  parrotd> How many times has amazing.jimmy@poseidonsealines.com been coupled anyway?

  httpd> He has changed his relationship status to “in a relationship” and back to single again 67 times.

  armd> Busy guy.

  “She’s asleep. Not to brag, but I got stamina. Come on in,” amazing.jimmy@poseidonsealines.com said and threw some pizza boxes on the floor to clean up a spot in the sofa.

  The user checked carefully for stains before sitting down.

  Amazing Jimmy, that was his name, brought a couple of cold beers from the fridge. It was the only thing set on his priority list for the smart fridge’s automatic ordering, so he never ran out. He had ran out a few times to be honest, but he had to really, really try and then had to belch really, really loud. He had legally changed his surname because of the old Amazing Spiderman comics that he’d dug up in his dad’s old comicbook subscription service. He thought it would help bring in the girls. Not that he needed any real help in that matter as he was a lifeguard, working in the popular Greek islands during the summer and at an expensive 5 star hotel’s heated swimming pool during the winter. Jimmy had a year-long suntan and the body male swimsuit models only wished they had. Loose hair and a dentist’s masterpiece of a smile brought in the girls alright.

  It wasn’t uncommon for ladies to drown on purpose just to be saved by Jimmy.

  He wasn’t very bright, but he was a good friend.

  “Hey, have you seen that snake charmer next street? Really weird guy. He has a cobra. A big one,” the user said.

  Jimmy leaned out the window, but the snake charmer was around the corner so he couldn’t see. “Really bro? How awesome is that? We should check it out with Bibi when she wakes up.

  “So, who’s the new girl,” the user said mocking his own choice of words.

  “Tease all you like bro, this lady, is like, experienced man,” said Jimmy, bobbing his head up and down. “Like, years of experience, ya get my drift?”

  “She looks damn fine for her age. Where did you meet?”

  “At work. By the pool. You know how it is, she was bathing nearby, we chatted, then got a drink, one thing led to another…”

  “I don’t know how it is, honestly. Never happened to me before. I usually have to chase them with a harpoon or something.”

  “Ya just gotta smile more ofter bro,” Jimmy said and flashed his amazing smile. “Anyway, she’s some bigshot manager or something. She really likes me. Like, really-really likes me. She told me she wants me to go with her to her niece in France or something.”

  “Nice. Nikaia in Greek. It’s a gorgeous Mediterranean city in France,” the user corrected his friend, but there wasn’t any trace of mockery in his voice.

  Jimmy the Amazing opened his can of beer and recalled his conversation with Bibi, staring idly. He pointed at the user and sipped deep. “Yeah. Yeah, that makes more sense now that you mention it. Nice the city. Do they have lifeguards there? They must have, right?” He whispered, “she’s loaded bro. Like millionaire. Like a one with a million after it.”

  The user rubbed his chin and said wearily, “Now that you mention it, I have a favour to ask…”

  He told his friend about the financial situation he was in, and that he would show up to work tomorrow morning and beg for a shift at the construction site. Jimmy had already visited him at the clinic and had seen the extend of the damage to his body, there was no need to embellish things at all. He was in no better financial condition than Leo, but the weekend was still far away so he wouldn’t have blown it all on partying and booze yet.

  “Sure thing man, whatevs. I’m here for you,” amazing.jimmy@poseidonsealines.com said and rubbed his strong chin.

  He went dead serious. “There is a price though. I can’t just hand you the money, you gotta earn it for yourself.”

  Chapter 8:// Paying back

  The PAN was abuzz.

  walkmand> I don’t get it.

  rfid> CF02032533139342DFDC1C35

  armd> It’s crystal clear. Our beloved user wanted a testament of my superiority in arm-wrestling.

  parrotd> OK. I can understand that. Man has always had a fascination with machinery. But what about the rest?

  The daemons metaphorically looked up at the row of photographs amazingjimmy@posei
donsealines.com had posted up only minutes before. The first one was of the two men, sitting across on the table, doing arm-wrestling and the user clearly beating the life-guard in strength.

  The rest were like this: the user with a “Vader” black helmet, angrily choking the air and the life-guard struggling for breath on his knees. The user with an outstretched hand, a mean face, and the subtitle, “talk to the hand.” The user and his friend next to each other doing a “Vulcan salute,” whatever that was. A 6 sec video of the two headbanging with metal music in the background and doing a gesture with their hands. And on and on.

  armd> The user loves me.

  walkmand> I provided the soundtracks!

  parrotd> Shut up everybody.

  No one did.

  Chapter 9:// Calling on

  Back in the cafeclnc wifi the datarate was still low even though there were barely any users this time of day.

  Leo the user checked the email he got from the Apollo Clinic. It said to come pick up his dog. It wasn’t actually his dog, but he had had to claim ownership for them to perform surgery on the poor creature.

  parrotd> The user needs instructions!

  httpd> Coming, coming. This connection is slow.

  The clinic’s instructions popped up on his veil, in his field of vision. He was to walk around the back of the building, where they had brought in Aibo, his newly acquired responsibility.

  The user saw the instructions but looked towards the cafeteria.

  parrotd> Did he crash?

  armd> No, he is hesitating again.

  parrotd> Must be a processing speed issue. Was there any head injury in the patient file?

  walkmand> Oh, he wants to see the girl antoniou.katerina@apollomedical.com! I’ll give him a tune.

  A rap song with the words, “Go for it” in angry repetition blasted the user’s ears. He took a step forward, then another. A nurse blocked his way and stared at him for a minute but it didn’t deter him. He went to the cafeteria and looked around.

  She wasn’t there.

  The user slapped his forehead and looked at the time. Her shift must have ended. He did a u-turn and headed around back to get his dog.

  Chapter 10:// Checking out

  Around the back of the clinic was an employee, who was tired and yawning constantly. The user showed him his ID and swiped it on the man’s device. He presented a tablet with terms and conditions, the user scrolled down at the bottom and signed with his fingerprint. Then the employee asked for a check-out fee and the user swiped his paycard with the money he borrowed from his friend. He picked up the key to the cage and stepped outside in the chilly afternoon.

  The user whistled and hopped a bit as he sang to the tune of “Who let the dogs out.”

  He stopped in surprise when he saw the waitress from earlier, sitting by the cage, snacking on her dinner.

  “Who… Em…” he said eloquently.

  “Oh hello!” she said, her stuffed cheeks turning into a cute smile. She covered her mouth as she chewed down.

  The veil showed her social media presence, the one he had seen before. Antoniou.katerina@apollomedical.com seemed to be a sweet ordinary girl who wanted to visit Spain someday. A perfect match for a blue-collar construction worker with no real prospects or career to speak of?

  Not really.

  But, to his luck, he had a dog.

  “Hey, I saw you earlier right? No Mayo guy,” she said and pointed at him, putting her meal down on her lap.

  “Yeah, that’s me. No Mayo guy.”

  eyed> This is going horribly.

  fingerd> She doesn’t like our user’s mayo? Let’s feed her some more, maybe she’ll change her mind.

  armd> *snort*

  eyed> I got this.

  A picture of his dog popped up on his veil. The user shook his head, remembered what he was here for and said, “I came to pick up my dog, Aibo.”

  Antoniou.katerina@apollomedical.com pointed at the plate in the cage next to her and said seriously, “You can’t do that yet, we are still having lunch he and I.”

  The user hesitated. “Oh, OK then. I’ll come back later.”

  He took a step back and almost turned around.

  She giggled. “Come join us you silly!”

  The user walked close and petted Aibo. He licked his hand and then went back to slobbering his dinner.

  Aibo was a brown mutt, one of those uncharacteristic stray dogs that roam around the streets. He was friendly and quiet. He had been hurt extensively, with cybernetic replacements in both his front legs, his chest and half his face. He looked like a borg. A dorg? No, let’s not call him that, it’s horrible. Aibo was an irrelevant name before but now was ironically fitting. He was still a fuzzy pet underneath all that, a living being.

  “I come around the back sometimes and bring the pets some leftovers from the kitchen. They don’t stay long, this is a humans-only clinic. The veterinarian one is at the other side of the city,” she said and snacked small, lady-proper bites instead of the gulps she did before.

  The user sat next to her and said, “Yeah, I know. They moved him to do the surgeries elsewhere. He was brought a few hours ago for me to pick up. So, here I am, picking him up,” he jingled the cage key. “After you two finish your dinner, of course,” he added.

  “Such a gentleman, Mister No Mayo.”

  She didn’t know his name. She wasn’t wearing any glasses, and she mustn’t have had the eye implants that Apollo Medical has advertising everywhere. He took in her eyes, they were a lovely shade of dark green. If she had access to the veil, the Shared Augmented Reality that overlaid public information over anything and anyone, she would have seen that the man talking to her was pappas.leo@hephaistosheavyindustries.com, his workplace, recent photos (yes, the embarrassing cyberarm ones he took with Jimmy a few hours ago), and any other info Leo had let public like the important one at this moment, that he was single.

  And straight. Totally straight.

  But now, he had to actually exchange names like in the olden days.

  “I’m Leo,” the user said.

  “Nice to meet you, I’m Katerina,” she smiled.

  “I know,” Leo said, and regretted it. He tried to explain his stalkiness away, “These eyes, they are veiling automatically. I don’t even know if there’s an off switch yet.”

  eyed> How rude! I’m shocked. Shocked, I say!

  Katerina was bothered for a second but then sighed, seemed to accept that explanation and carried on talking. “I don’t like the tech much. I’m not a purist or anything, I just think that we should use it only when it is absolutely needed, like your arm for example,” she said and pointed, Leo becoming aware of it and feeling embarrassed. “Or your dog, sure, the poor thing was in horrible shape, it’s marvellous that you could help him recover. But not the other stuff, like adjustable shape penises or glowy boobs and such…”

  Leo shook his head in agreement but was secretly worried. Sure, he hadn’t taken augmentation too far, it was expensive after all, but wasn’t he already a pimped up human? Half of it was medical of course, even the cyberarm was a necessary prosthetic, but he didn’t mind having new gizmos and he had already thrown a fortune in keeping his dad’s old walkman music-player compatible with the other stuff. That certainly didn’t fit the category “absolutely needed” in the minds of other people.

  Katerina carried on, “I just think that some people get addicted, you know? More features, PANs, shiny gear.”

  armd> That bitch! I vote against mating with her.

  She petted Aibo and asked, “What happened to him? And, god, what happened to you?”

  Leo sighed. “It was an accident at work.” He remembered that she wasn’t seeing the veil, so he explained. It was so distracting having to explain personal details to people. “I work at the latest skyscraper downtown, for Hephaistos Heavy Industries. Aibo isn’t actually mine, he was a stray dog that kept us company every day at work, me and the guys. He is quite lovable, so we adopted him
. We all carried some extra food and made sure he had fresh water every day. We made a small shack for him to sleep in, now that the weather was getting colder.”

  She made a genuine frown with her face and Leo found it lovely. “So you got hurt together?”

  Leo rubbed his neck absent-mindedly, winced when he realised he was putting too much pressure with his cyberarm and rubbed more gently. “Yeah, a heavy beam slipped and fell towards Aibo. I rushed, pushed him out of the way. The beam cut my arm off cleanly, and Aibo was hurt by some tools next to us that darted away from the impact like shrapnel. I learnt that later, I was passed out instantly.”

  “But you saved him,” she smiled. “That’s great. You are a good person, Leo,” she said and bumped her shoulder to his. Hey, that whole thing plus Aibo’s augmentation is very expensive, what are you, an architect or something?”

  “Hah, I wish. No, the insurance covered it. But they made sure I’ll be paying for it for the rest of my life. I agreed to get a second-hand hand so they would pay Aibo’s surgery as well, I had no money for it.”

  armd> Thank god for that.

  eyed> Shush you, this is so dramatic! I can feel the tears coming.

  Leo sniffed and added, “So, I claimed his ownership, they took care of him and voila. Now I need to take him home. Though… now that I think about it, he has never been at my place before, just the construction site.”

  Katerina was silent. She leaned closer and cupped his left hand, the fleshy one, into his. She had cold hands, but they felt nice and soft. She seemed to regard him for a while, both staring each other in silence.