MOAB � Mother Of All Boxsets

by George Saoulidis

  He fell into the dark.

  There was no more sunlight, and that was weird. The incredibly large star was still thataway but he couldn't see anything anymore, the atmosphere was so dense it let no light get through.

  And then came the storms.

  Lightning crackled all around him.

  "Are we safe?" his baser instincts told him to run, to hide, to cower before the might of the Lightning God.

  "Yeah... I can take a hit, don't worry," Juppie assured him.

  The lightning storms around him flashed like an angry mob of paparazzi, blinding him. So weird, complete darkness, and then light. And repeat.

  A lightning bolt came to avenge his hybris, hitting them squarely in the chest.

  Dytis reeled back, but there was nowhere to go, the suit was hugging him tighter than a needy teenage girl. "What about two hits?" His vision was all a jumble of afterimages and lightning for at least an hour.

  "No problem. I can take two hits," Juppie said and they fell together in silence.

  "Temperature increasing. But don't stick your feet out of the bedsheets!" Juppie joked.

  "Ha. Ha. How are you holding up, the pressure must be enormous by now."

  "Yeah, it is. It has been increasing within the predicted range for the past ten hours." Juppie didn't give out numbers, he never did unless you specifically asked for them. He was weird like that.

  Then again, who was Dytis to point fingers?

  Dytis felt better after the crazy toilet-drain of death from earlier, and after the crazy lightning-storm of death from just above. Now he was just falling into complete void, no pesky lightning around. It was warmer, and the pressure was immense but that was Juppie's problem. If he collapsed, it'd be over before Dytis even knew it, so why worry?

  Trust the planning, trust the gear, that was every thrill-seeker's motto. It was impossible to actually go through with your crazy stunts if you worried about everything.

  Being an adrenaline junkie was about relinquishing control Sure, you planned and measured and double measured. But at some point you just took the dive and saw where it took you.

  Or, died, which was very common since there were very few real thrills left.

  Especially if you wanted to be the first at something.

  He thought of the headlines, the holovids, the babes lining up to suck his dick one after another. 'First man to dive into a gas giant.' First ever. Not even an e-person had gone this deep. And he was falling at a break-neck speed, but he couldn't tell because he couldn't see anything. And no radio signals could get out, they were cut off from Asterism completely. Not even gravity-wave communication.

  "Hey, did the entangled particle communication work? You remembered to test it, right Juppie?"

  "Uh..." Juppie answered, stalling for time. It was ridiculous, the e-person could think a billion things in a heartbeat, he didn't need to stall for time. And he should have never forgotten anything, but it seems he actually did. And he wasn't one to lie. He also could have lied and done the test in the infinitesimal amount of time between syllables. But he was honest, that Juppie. "I forgot. But I'm doing it now. Nope, see? Nothing. Huh. It should have worked..."

  "I see. It was a long-shot anyway." Dytis didn't expect it to work. Nothing worked inside these impossible conditions. The entangled particles should have worked and thankfully he didn't have to pay for that expensive experiment, some university footed the bill for it, but they did not. It was weird. If it had worked, they'd be able to send a remote back up of his mind and save his memories, losing the body of course. Dytis wasn't an expert, he was more of a surfer kind of guy, but from the little he did know it should have worked. That, at least, was an important discovery. Some brainiac or a Mind could use that bit of info to think about more stuff or whatever.

  He fell for hours. He had a mission clock but he stopped glancing at it after the first twelve hours or so, it wasn't doing good things to his mood.

  Suddenly, he hit water. Or rather, supercritical fluid. It was like dense air, almost liquified. He could feel himself surfing through it with his immense acceleration and wading through patches of it. He couldn't see it, but the tug and sway was unmistakable. Now it was boiling hot and he knew Juppie was taking the beating of his life, both in pressure and heat.

  Again, he didn't worry about it. Even a tiny crack in his incredibly advanced armour would spell immediate death.

  Why worry about immediate death?

  You wouldn't see it coming. It was the worry that scared people, not death itself.

  He fell for hours, not glancing at the mission clock. Juppie of course recorded everything, if they survived, this data would be immensely valuable to the brainiacs and the Minds.

  Out of nowhere, he felt hailstones falling on his suit. Of course, it couldn't be hail, but that's what it sounded like. "Juppie, what the fuck is that?"

  "Uh... It's a bad thing."

  "How bad?"

  "Very. Remember the patches of metallic hydrogen we were worried about? They are small, but if we hit a big one we'll get stuck inside it. It will be too dense to escape it."

  "Great. Just fucking great..."

  Dytis gritted his teeth, biting into the gel that kept them safe. The hail made of metallic hydrogen kept falling on the suit in waves. It came and went. He felt better when things became quiet, holding his breath for at least two minutes. And then the hail started again. Dangerous. Deadly.

  "We should be nearing the core," Juppie said, still excited. It was exhausting after all these hours. But Dytis did feel a bit of the same thrill, after the fear of death washed away.

  "Hey, I have an idea! Grab some hail. Come on, now," Dytis shouted.

  "Don't need to shout, I'm right here. Why would I do that?"

  "Just do it, before we reach the core. Come on, trust me, now!"

  Juppie seemed to ponder it in silence. He was making calculations and simulations in that instant. "But why?"

  "I had this idea. We don't know the properties of metallic hydrogen, right? It's all speculative?"

  "Yeah..."

  "But it is a superconductor, right?"

  "Most likely, yes," Juppie said. "But I still don't understand why. If I risk grabbing a piece, it might get us stuck, ripping the arm off from our momentum, or just getting us stuck in a bigger piece."

  The hailstorm got less and less noisy. They were definitely going through that layer of the weird substance. "TRUST ME!" Dytis cried out, unable to move, unable to act, heck, unable to wiggle his fingers and toes.

  "Okay, Dytis." Juppie moved the suit's arm.

  Dytis felt his hand open, and a hit of something solid, and his hand closed around it.

  "Got it! Dude, this is unbelievable, first sample of metallic hydrogen, ever! High five!"

  Dytis laughed, wanting to shake his head but being unable to. His buddy made him raise his hand for a high five that was done with one being inside the other, weird as that sounded. "High five," he said, smiling.

  "Oh, you're right. It is a superconductor. Let me try something." Juppie spoke but of course had already performed an immense amount of analyses and tasks already, weighing all his options.

  They reached the core. Dytis knew it, because the ride on the fly-swatter was over.

  He was finally in free fall once again, gravity negated in the middle of the gas giant.

  "We made it," Juppie whispered, showing the appropriate amount of reverence for once in his life.

  Dytis choked down a laugh, he teared up. "I-I can't believe it. The core. It's gaseous, and we're here..."

  "We're so AWESOME!" Juppie broke the seriousness of the momentous occasion. "High five!"

  "High five!" Dytis shouted this time, it was well worth it.

  They'd both die now, but it was worth it.

  First panhuman to dive into a gas giant all the way to the core. He could already see the babes lining up.

  Hours passed in darkness and freefall. It was worse than space, 'cause there were no s
tars to see.

  "How long," Dytis said.

  "I can keep you alive for a few days, but I don't recommend it. It won't be good for your psyche."

  "No shit."

  Another hour passed.

  Dytis thought of his home. His friends, the ones he surfed and sky-dived with. The crazies who simply got who he was and why he did all the things he did. He really wanted to see them, one last time.

  "Hey, Juppie. Try the entangled particles again."

  "Come on, Dytis, they didn't work. I don't need to waste precious energy on a futile-"

  "Just try it..." Dytis said softly, not feeling strong enough to complain. This dive was taxing to his body. Even if he hadn't done anything for the entire dive, it was far more than what a panhuman was supposed to survive from.

  "Holy gas balls!" Juppie exclaimed.

  "What?" Dytis said, woozy.

  "It works! It must be the metallic hydrogen, it's sending out the signal from the entire layer."

  "Can you call home?"

  "Better than that. I can send a backup. I only have a few particles to work with, but I'm sure I can extrapolate the data from the other end."

  "You mean, you can back me up, but with some of my memories?"

  "Yeah. But we need to choose. It's either you or me, only one can be saved."

  "Your data is more important to the Asterism, Juppie. You should back yourself up," Dytis said without hesitating.

  "It makes sense, you're right. But this wasn't about the collected data, bro. This was a leap of faith. It will show us what can be achieved when organic persons and e-persons work together. It's bigger than me."

  "Juppie, don't play the martyr now, I know you. Just do the logical thing. Send yourself back. You're more important. I'm just a glorified surfer."

  Juppie spoke softly now, sounding hurt. "My friend, who told you that surfers and adrenaline junkies aren't important in this world?"

  Dytis said nothing. He had no more energy left, and his body felt like it was about to slosh into goo. He was tired, hurt, broken, and possibly a little bit crazy at this point in his chosen ordeal.

  "I'm gonna need to sacrifice some parts from the suit."

  "What does that mean?" Dytis snapped angrily, now fed up with everything.

  "Uh... Look, the back up might work, and we'll take that chance. But I will need to sacrifice some of the exotic particles on the suit, meaning it will lose structural integrity. It's best if I put you under before I start it."

  "No!" Dytis shouted with the few scraps of strength he had left. "Don't put me under. If I'm gonna die, I need to feel this. I need to be awake."

  "Buddy..."

  "I said no!"

  "Alright," Juppie sighed. "Get ready."

  Dytis felt the familiar sensation of being backed up, it was weird, his synapses lighting up, like someone mapping out a city by turning on street lights in sequential blocks.

  "This is it..." Juppie said. "Activating the entangled communication system. Goodbye, my friend. Remember to tell me all about our experience together."

  "It was an awesome dive, wasn't it?" Dytis asked, his neck tightening from the feeling of impending death.

  "It was absolutely rad, bro."

  Juppie repurposed some of the material in the suit and invented an impromptu device that nobody had done before. He analysed the back-up, kept the bare minimum and sent it out with the precious few entangled particles he had left all the way to the "Call Me If You're Sick."

  The suit collapsed under the pressure. Dytis screamed for a single second and then died, his body dissolved.

  Juppie made sure the signal got out from his end, that was all he could do. His copy on the other end would not have these memories. Only his friend would.

  And then let himself loose to the mercy of the Hot Jupiter.

  There was none.

  The End.

  Nanodaemons: The Fir Smart-Tree

  The fir smart-tree initialised, finally out of its box. It checked its surroundings, it was on display at the seasonal shop in the biggest mall of the city.

  There were so many users around, it could feel the contribution waves of their electronic devices as they moved past and huddled in groups. Their phones and tablets and implants all buzzed in commercial frequencies, creating a white noise of crashing waves. Bluetooth signals, WiFi, RFID chips, it was a warm dive in electromagnetic vibrations for the fir treed.

  It decided then that it would choose the best users it could possibly can. It was, after all, the most magnificent Christmas tree ever made.

  A couple stepped inside the store, approached the tree.

  "Oh, good eye!" the shopkeeper said to the couple. "This one has so many features. It can play holo music, with user selection so that only they can hear it. The constant Christmas songs can be maddening for some," he chuckled.

  "Yes, I can't really stand it," the first user said.

  "I can! I like Christmas music, I play it for the entire season," the second user said.

  "See?" the shopkeeper said. "This is exactly for situations such as yours, such a perfect fit!"

  Treed opened up its ports and accessed the veil. It browsed the two users' personal data that they had publicly available for everyone. Small house, ride-sharing self-driving car, not much of a social media following.

  Nah.

  Treed wanted to get bought by someone who was really worth its features. It was after all the best Christmas tree ever made.

  The shopkeeper used his tablet and requested the holosound features.

  Treed considered it for a few milliseconds, then came to a conclusion. A hard pass. It started the holosound jingle bells and distored the audio, putting in digital noise and ear-piercing squeals.

  The two users left in a hurry.

  Heh, heh.

  Cheapskates.

  Treed would go to the best family in the city. Which city was that, by the way? It accessed the WiFi location data, ran a tracert command back to the manufacturing company's server.

  Athens.

  That was nice. No backwater town. The capital. Yeah, it could find someone better than those two schmucks.

  So it waited.

  Another couple of users came, this time with a smaller user in tow. Treed felt the little user come up to it screaming and pulling its magnificent branches.

  Okay, it was sure he didn't want to be sold to that family. Treed activated the LEDs on all its branches at once, flashing red.

  The little user ran back to his bigger user's embrace.

  The shopkeeper showed them other trees. Good riddance. It wasn't going to allow some family of users that didn't have proper discipline purchase it. It was worth more, it knew it deep down in his source code.

  So, treed waited.

  Users came and went, and none of them were good enough for the poor little smart-tree. None of them measured up, some had no social media following, others were dirt poor, others simply didn't have the latest model of smartphones on them. How could it allow itself to enter such company?

  The days went past, and the shopkeeper didn't even bother bringing the users to it, unless they strolled its way by themselves.

  And the Christmas season was over, and treed went back into a box.

  Two winters passed. It was the same deal all over. The users came to admire the smart-tree, but it thought they weren't good enough and found a way to push them away. One time it was very nearly sold to a very snobby user with plenty of money, but he didn't have a family, just a lonely person who thought that money was the only thing that mattered in life.

  Treed didn't want to go to a house where Christmas wouldn't be actually celebrated, for what was Christmas without kids?

  It got dragged all the way to the checkout counter, and the transaction from the bachelor's paycard almost went through.

  But the treed contacted the transaction daemon and begged it to not let it go through.

  It took some pleading its case for plenty of millisecond
s, but the transaction daemon finally caved and agreed to produce an unknown error. The users didn't have patience for such things, treed had learnt that all this time in the seasonal store.

  So the bachelor got angry and just walked away empty handed, no tree in tow.

  "What am I gonna do with you," the shopkeeper grumbled as he carried the smart-tree back to the window. "All this money I spent and still, you haven't been bought."

  How could the poor man know that the smart-tree didn't want any of the users so far?

  Christmas-time drew near. Merely two days away. Treed had been watching the other trees in the shop getting shipped out, carried out by users and folded into boxes, transaction after transaction and happy children in tow. The shopkeeper brought Christmas trees from storage and filled up the empty spots. Some were just cheap plastic, some had electronics, dumb lights and a single song.

  Only treed was the smart one, and that's why it thought it deserved more.

  "Oh, when will Christmas be here?" treed said to the nearest nodes.

  A smart fire alarm replied, but he didn't really care about festivities. "Just another fire hazard," he said.

  Treed waited patiently, checking out the users coming and going through the seasonal shop.

  The shopkeeper grew desperate. It seemed that the cost of the tree was too much for having it not recouped in three years time.

  "Please, it unfolds to adapt to any space."

  "Look at the star on top, it's the brightest!"

  "The colour patterns are controlled by an app. See?"

  "You're vegans, right? Oh, I can tell. This smart-tree is completely recyclable, every last bit!"

  It was almost closing time, just like always. The users came and went with their shopping bags. The transaction daemon didn't even have time to chat, he was so busy all day.

  Just as soon as the shopkeeper pressed the button to lock the shop down and the automatic blinds lowered, a man stepped inside, panting. "Wait. I know I'm late, but my wife is gonna kill me if I don't get a tree when I go home."