There are the damn angels to escort that motherfucker out of here. Cue the smile on my face. "Goodbye dinner, huh?"
She shakes her head at my pleased expression and smiles back, "Yes. He's going back on tour."
"Ah, I would have thought he would wait until after Christmas."
"Well, he's going to take a week off and meet us in Florida then resume the tour in Miami. Frankly, I’ll just be glad to have our apartment back.”
I'm glad too. Wait? A week? "You'll be gone for a week?"
She nods, "Yeah, a small vacation for Christmas with Alex and Trevor’s parents in Florida."
Another twinge of jealousy shoots through my body. He's going to be with Brooke for an entire week in fucking Florida. They are going to hang out on the beach with her in some skimpy little bikini while I'm in Kansas with frigid temperatures and whatever else Kansas weather decides to throw at us. I do not like that scenario at fucking all. But what the hell can I say?
Cassie finally calls for us from the living room, "Are you guys ever going to come in here?"
Brooke laughs and heads toward my impatient sister. Gabby gives her a huge hug, "Hi, Brooke."
She hugs her back, "Hi, sweetie. How was your weekend?"
"Good." She’s smiling hugely.
I join them, and we do a quick meeting before Brooke has to gather her stuff and go. I feel the letdown immediately because thirty whole minutes flew by in what felt like one. Every face in the room loses a little luster. "Guys, I hate to run, but I have to go. I’m crazy busy right now, but next week will be longer. I’m happy to say you all are doing amazing.”
Michael asks her if she can, at least, stay for dinner, and she sadly shakes her head, "I can’t stay for dinner tonight, but I will stay next week if you will have me."
He grins, "Okay."
She doesn't stay to talk to me privately before she leaves like usual; I guess she just counted our conversation at the beginning as that part of the meeting. It does seem genuine, though, not like before when she was trying to blow us off, and I'm grateful that shithead will be out of her apartment after tonight.
The next week goes by without a hitch. I even receive a few texts from Brooke, and she even calls once to check up. This Tuesday meeting is a lot better. She's calm and taking her time to actually hang out with us. She seems happy and at ease, and that’s always how I like it the best. She even plays with Toby and the kids after eating dinner with us. She and Cassie tackle the dishes while I help with homework. Based on the giggling I hear from the kitchen, I’m guessing there’s a lot of girl talk going on. When it’s Gabby’s bedtime, she helps me tuck her into after reading her a story. The others have all gone to their rooms. At eight, she and I tuck Gabby in and read her a story, and the other kids go off to their rooms. Finally, Brooke and I are alone, and it’s about damn time. "Well this is more like it, last week sucked."
She laughs, "I know, I'm sorry. I wanted to stay last time, but it’s been so crazy."
I move closer to her and tuck a wild piece of hair behind her ear, letting it linger longer than I should. "I understand. I'm glad you stayed this time. You could stay a little longer you know."
She wants to, and God I want her to. She gives me a regretful look, and I know it’s going to be a ‘no’ before she even says it, and I’m not going to beg even though I want to. “I have to be in Olathe in the morning, so I need to go.”
I consider this and have to wonder. "Why Olathe?”
“I have a new family, and the three kids are in Olathe with an elderly grandmother. I have to take the mother to go and get them and sign the paperwork to transfer the case to me from the social worker there. Hopefully, I’ll be back by noon.” I study her and notice she does seem tired. I know she’s been picking up more and more cases and still trying to devote extra time to us like she always has.
After she gathers her stuff from the living room, I walk her to her car. She leans against the door, so I take advantage and move in close. I lean into the space just beneath her ear and breathe in. “God, Brooke, you smell so good.” She sucks in a quick breath and shudders. I know she’s just as affected by me as I am by her, and I’ll take that knowledge. I back away letting her open her door. “Drive careful,” I tell her. She leaves, and I can't wait for next Tuesday to get here.
Thankfully the week passes fast. Brooke and I have kept in touch, much to my pleasure. She’s texted me funny quotes or stupid shit Alex says. I return the same kinds of texts letting her know the things the kids are up to. I purposely keep from anything sexual or flirtatious. I don’t know why I just know I don’t want her to think it’s all about sex.
When Tuesday evening arrives, it goes much the same way as last week. This time, though I grill those burgers that I promised her while she helps the kids with their homework. She and Cassie tackle a home economics project in her room that I don’t even want to know about because, well yeah, I’m just not that guy. See why we need Brooke around. This time, when we leave Gabby’s room, I’m lost in thought. As I watched Brooke read her a story and put her to sleep, domestic thoughts cross my mind. Thoughts I’ve never had in my 26 years of life. And for the first time in the months since I’ve met Brooke, I want her gone because I’m scared of the places my mind is visiting.
Then Brooke surprises the shit out of me by taking my hand and leading to me the couch to sit down, pulling me down next to her. I have to wonder, why tonight of all nights? She looks slightly nervous, playing with the fingers on my hand where it rest in her lap. What the fuck is she up to? Then she bites her bottom lip, and I lose all train of thought which leads me to wonder if I hear her right when she ask "Do you have a little time this Friday?"
I mentally shake my head, is she asking me out on a date? Well hell, now I’m on board. "I have all the time in the world. What do you have in mind?"
She laughs and shakes her head, "I mean to come in for a meeting with my boss and me?"
"Shit. What did I do?"
She squeezes my hand reassuringly. "Nothing at all. In fact, you guys have been doing so great that after reading my reports she thinks maybe it's time to move to bi-weekly or monthly meetings."
Speechless. I have nothing to say. I know I should be happy, but damn. I'm filled with a sense of dread. Monthly meetings? So, could I potentially only see Brooke once a month? I need to figure out what the hell I can do so nothing changes. I’ve officially lost my fucking mind. I’m actually thinking about how I could fuck things up, and what, risk losing my family? Just so Brooke still comes once a week. What can I do to make sure she comes every day? My chest tightens, and for a moment, I think I stopped breathing because an absolute feeling of drowning is pulling at me. Goddamn, goddamn, something is absolutely not fucking right about me.
Brooke stares at me worriedly and rubs my shoulder, "Dylan, this is a good thing. You’re so close now to getting permanent guardianship.” But at what cost? I’m so fucking fucked.
"Okay. You’re right" I nod, not very enthusiastically, but I do nod.
"Someone from the office will call you to set up the appointment, and I'll see you then."
Since I’m still reeling from all the crazy shit swirling in my head, I let her leave to see if all the craziness in me will follow her. I barely even say goodbye, when earlier when she arrived all I wanted to do was kiss her, strip her, and fuck her senseless. But even after she’s gone, the unwanted feelings don’t go away.
I walk into the social services building Friday afternoon and get directed to a small meeting room next to the one Gabby, Brooke, and I played with Paige's puppy. The door is open, and I see Brooke sitting with a woman who must be her boss. Brooke notices me first and motions for me to come in. I do and then sit next to Brooke at the square table and across from her boss. "Hello, Mr. Monroe. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Janice, Ms. Porter’s supervisor.”
I nod politely, "Nice to meet you too."
Then Janice gets down to business. "First I just want to let you
know how impressed I am with the progress you have made in the past five months. There have been a couple of small issues, which were to be expected, but the positive outcome was exactly what we were looking for. The children seem to be well adjusted and doing much better considering your family’s tragedy which I find remarkable."
Brooke has taken the backseat in this meeting, so I address Janice, "Thank you. We couldn't have done it without Brooke’s help, though; she's very dedicated."
Brooke shifts slightly in her seat, and I wonder why that makes her uncomfortable. I meant every word. Janice grins at Brooke and then at me, "Yes, Brooke has proven to be a wonderful asset to our office. I’m also glad that matching her up with your family has been beneficial for all of you. In many situations just like this things have a way of getting even worse."
"I have to admit that at times she’s gone above and beyond for us.”
"After reading through her work, I have to say she certainly has done some astounding things outside of weekly meetings. Even after nearly 30 years in this office, I’ve not seen a social worker step up to the plate like she has, but it’s all worked out so well for you that I’m glad she did go the extra mile." This surprises me a little. I didn't think everything we have done would be in the file.
"I’m not here because she’s in trouble or anything am I? I mean Brooke has been nothing but professional."
Janice looks slightly confused, "No, of course not. Whatever Brooke has done it has clearly worked. You’ve just made such considerable progress despite your circumstances. In fact, it may be time to see less of Brooke and let her give more attention to other clients. I assure you, Mr. Monroe this is excellent news."
Yeah, fucking great. "Well, we aren't totally fixed yet, we still need some guidance."
I hope they don’t hear my desperation?
She nods, "Of course, and that's what the rest of the year is for. We don’t want to halt or stall progress. It’s just that the progress made so far tells me that you’re able to handle things well."
She obviously knows nothing.
We talk for twenty minutes, and then Janice stands, so I stand. "Thank you for meeting with us today, and I will let you know my decision as soon as it has the judge’s approval. But you are heading in the right direction."
She turns to Brooke, "I have to get going. I've got a meeting with the Sawyers. I should have a decision by your meeting next Tuesday."
She leaves closing the door behind her, and Brooke stands up, "That went well."
“Yeah. You think we’re going to move to monthly meetings?"
"I don't know. I would say it's more likely to be bi-weekly for a while.”
I nod, wondering how long a while is. "So is she pissed that you’ve helped us out so much or what?"
Brooke shakes her head, "No, not at all. We did have a long discussion this afternoon, though, and she just thinks you guys may need less attention. My client list has tripled over the last few months, and she wants to make sure I'm spreading myself out."
"So what does this mean? No more helping the kids out? No more staying for dinner with us?"
She looks a little sad and lost at the thought. Then she grins, "Actually, I left the dinners out and some other stuff. And you know if you need me you can always call."
I raise my eyebrow suggestively and step a little closer to her. "Oh really?"
She laughs, “Yes, Dylan. If you need me, I’ll always try to be there.” She promises.
"Damn, I like that promise." We laugh again, "So I guess you'll let me know about her decision when you hear?"
"Yes. I’ll call you the second I know."
"Okay, oh and about Tuesday’s meeting do you think we could do it in the morning?"
She looks curious and tries to joke, "Why do you have a date?"
"No, I'm taking the kids to Oklahoma for the Christmas party at the shop down there, and I'd like to leave early that day."
She looks bothered by that, "Oh, well that'll be fun. If you need to cancel, we can."
"No. I don't want to cancel.” I add too quickly. “I decided to take the kids to the party but promised we would be back by Christmas Eve. Gabby was scared that Santa wouldn't be able to find her at the new house, so there was no way I was gonna make her spend Christmas an entire state away. I promised her Santa could find her anywhere, but that we would make it back Christmas Eve.” Jax is pretty excited about it and booked two nice hotel suites. Michael and Luke are staying in one with Jax, and I'm in the other with Gabby, Cassie, and Toby.
Brooke smiles, "I'll check my schedule and call you, but I'm sure we can figure it out. I want to wish the kids a Merry Christmas, and I may have bought everyone gifts."
I laugh, of course, she has. "I can't believe it's just a week away. You didn't have to do that."
"Yeah, I did. You….you’re all special to me, and it’s their first Christmas since the accident. I want to make sure it’s special."
"Thank you. They'll love it I'm sure."
I leave and go back to take care of things at the shop. I try to picture what it will be like to only see Brooke once a month, and I don’t like it. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I come to hate it. When we first met, I hated the idea of her being in our lives, and now I don’t want to contemplate it. Just the days we go in between visits is becoming too long, but going for weeks. No, not happening.
The looming decision has driven me crazy, and by Monday when I still haven’t heard anything from Brooke I’m nearly out of my mind. It was everything I could do not to call her, but I’ve been practicing life without Brooke every week.
Monday evening after dinner I'm in my room going over stuff for the shop when Brooke’s name pops up on my phone. I answer holding my breath for the answer, "Hello."
"Hi, Dylan. I just wanted to call and let you know I still haven't heard anything from Janice."
"Damn, I thought she would have decided by now."
"I know, but she assures me I'll know by tomorrow morning. I'll see you at ten right?"
Brooke did send a text Friday afternoon to set up a time for her to come over Tuesday morning. “Yeah, we’re expecting you.”
"Good. I can't wait. I’m on my way to court now, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”
We hang up, and I admit, I'm even more anxious to find out how often we will be seeing Brooke now.
The next morning I get the kids up and ready. I had them all pack for the trip the night before so we can just leave for Oklahoma City right after the meeting and pick up Jax at his place. By ten, we’re all waiting anxiously for Brooke to show. The kids are excited about giving her the gift they picked out, and I can’t wait to give her mine either, and no….it’s not the keys to a 69 Roadrunner, but it may be close.
When we finally hear her knock Michael and Gabby race each other toward the door with Toby hot on their heels. The rest of us follow and greet her at the door, but it’s different than old times because everyone’s not standing at some crazy attention.
Brooke looks excited to see them and leans down to hug them both, not so much Michael, who I just notice is almost as tall as Brooke. Huh, Luke and I better watch ourselves.
Brooke smiles and greets the rest of us, and we all go to our places in the living room.
Brooke places the bag she’s carrying at her feet. "Merry Christmas you guys. Are you excited about going to Oklahoma?” Everyone starts talking at once about the trip, what they want for Christmas, and plans for Christmas day. I have already explained to Gabby about us doing something entirely different for Christmas dinner since Brooke was going to be in Florida and wouldn’t be able to cook. She offers to leave me a detailed menu for cooking a perfect dinner, but everyone is excited our plans to help serve and have dinner at one of the homeless shelters in downtown Kansas City. It was a funny suggestion that Cassie made, and after a lot of discussions back and forth we all agreed to do it, even Jax is joining us.
Finally, Michael jumps up and yells presents and
grabs the gift certificate that everyone chipped their allowance in to pay for and hands it to Brooke, it’s a for a full spa day. I had suggested it because of all the pressure, and work Brooke has been putting in at her job. Cassie immediately agreed and knew the exact one to get it from, because well, she’s a girl and knows that shit. We three guys just nodded, because well, we don’t know about that shit. This is one time I took direction and orders from my 15-year-old sister. Gabby went out on her own and drew a picture of her, Toby, and Brooke playing in the backyard. She had given it to me and asked me to frame it for her to give to Brooke for Christmas, which I happily and promptly jumped to do.
Brooke grabs her bag and begins pulling out the gifts she got for each of us, and I secretly relish in the fact that I know without a shadow of a doubt she didn’t do this for any other family. The kids immediately begin ripping paper, and Brooke leads me a little to the side. "I talked with Janice this morning, and she has decided we should go to bi-weekly meetings."
Well, Merry fucking Christmas to me. I huff out a short laugh and scratch my job. At least, it’s better than monthly. “Starting when?"
"Well, now. I actually won’t be seeing you guys next Tuesday. I won’t get to see you again until January 5th.” Looking at her face, I can see a little sadness and disappointment. Thank God, because it would suck if she could so easily just walk away from this.
“Wow, okay. So, two weeks, huh? Seems like an awfully long time to me."
“I know,” she whispers sadly. Then she squares her shoulders and tries to comfort me, and I need it but just not this way. I tune out the bullshit progress and how happy the judge and her supervisor are with the way everything is going. All I hear is blah, blah, blah, blah and then she surprises me, "I have to admit that I’m bummed about this too.” She laughs shortly and shakes her head. “I’m a little bummed, but it's a good thing. I mean it was unorthodox to have weekly meetings, so you clearly pissed off the judge, but he couldn't argue how well everything has been going for you.”
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