by Susana Mohel
“Beau Brummell? Fermin will love that,” I chuckle. My friend has long since decided to embrace his quirkiness and loves dressing to stand out from the crowd.
“How do I look?” I ask. Joel turns to look at me as I walk across the room, parading like a catwalk model in one of the glamorous dresses Fermin got for me.
Joel stares for a minute, then takes a large drag of air like a fish out of water.
“You’re not seriously going out dressed like that?” he growls.
“Oh, do I look that bad?” I’m crestfallen, I thought I looked at least passable.
“Tara, you look fucking amazing,” Joel grounds out, the hungry look in his eyes confirming his words.
“So, you do like it?”
His eyes slowly scan me from top to toe.
“Yes, I like it. Very much. So much, I can barely keep my hands off you. That’s okay because you’re my woman, and I’m your husband, so it’s okay for me to see every single detail of your sexy little body in that skimpy dress,” he says, maintaining eye contact while slowly buttoning up his black shirt and tucking it in his jeans. “Problem is, every other red-blooded male will feel exactly the same way the second they clap eyes on you. Which is why I don’t want any other guy within six feet of my woman tonight. Understood? We clear on that?”
“No need to go all possessive caveman on me, Joel. It’s just a dress, and all we’re planning on doing is having a relaxing night out,” I sigh, shaking my head.
“In that case, guess I’d better bring my gun along to ward off unwanted admirers,” Joel jokes. At least I assume he’s joking…
I turn to look at myself in the mirror again. Trust Fermin to have picked a style of dress that really suits me, plus I love the gorgeous gold color. I still look pale, but the makeup has done its job.
“There’s still time to change your mind. I can think of a much better way for us to unwind which doesn’t involve going out,” Joel says, grabbing me by the waist, pressing my back to his chest. “I’m sure Fermin wouldn’t miss us if we stayed home. If you really want to dance there’s a bed right here where I can show you all my moves.”
“Joel, no,” I say seriously. “We still have so much to talk about. Things aren’t resolved between us yet, and jumping into bed won’t provide any real solutions.”
He pulls my hair to one side and gently nuzzles the soft skin behind my ear. He plants soft little kisses all along my neck, sending goosebumps over my skin. Just these small touches feel so persuasive that I’m very, very tempted to say to hell with reason. But I have to keep my lustful hormones under control.
“I disagree,” Joel murmurs. “We can resolve every single issue you care to name right there in that bed. Start off with some sweet love making, follow that up with some serious talking, tucked up together, just the two of us. No interruptions, no one else around, just the two of us telling each other how we see this marriage working. Sound good?”
More than he knows, but I can’t risk opening up to him about everything, not yet, so I force myself to push him away.
“Sure it does, but I promised Fermin we’d go clubbing, and he’s not going to take no for an answer. Please, let’s just go out with him for a while tonight, and in return I promise no cold water therapy in the morning.”
Joel sighs.
“Well, babe, if that’s truly the best you can offer, guess we’re going out.”
It’s around eleven at night and we’re entering the busiest club in the city. Naturally Fermin knows someone and gets us in straight away, despite the long line outside.
Miraculously, we find a table in a corner and settle in. Almost immediately Fermin disappears, leaving Joel and I alone.
“You want to dance?” Joel leans down to whisper in my ear, his breath sending tingles down my spine. I nod breathlessly.
He smiles, standing as he extends his hand and leads me to the center of the small, crowded dance floor. It’s heaving, so Joel pulls my body flush to his, threads his fingers through mine and starts moving us to the music.
No words are spoken. Our eyes lock, our lips meet, and suddenly we are the only ones in the universe.
“We need to get out of here,” he murmurs, breaking off our kiss.
“But we only just got here,” I prevaricate, knowing exactly why he wants to leave.
“So? Your friend didn’t hang around, he’s already off enjoying himself,” he argues, letting his hands slowly slide down my body to squeeze my butt and pull me hard up against the rock-solid erection straining against his jeans.
“We need to leave. I need to get you naked. So. Let’s. Go. Home. Now,” he urges.
I give up. I can’t resist, not when I want him just as badly as he wants me. What we feel, this magnetic pull between us, always kicks off the second we touch.
Always has, always will I guess.
I can’t deny how much just looking at him turns me on. Joel was always tall and lean, but he’s filled out considerably over the years. Now, he’s a man, not a boy, and I love the feel of his solid muscles, gained from hard ranch work and not some stuffy gym full of posers. He’s all male, all man, and for now at least, all mine.
I’m all his too, putty in his hands, powerless to resist. He can do whatever he wants with me and I will let him.
“Okay, yes. Take me home,” I whisper. With no hesitation, Joel takes my hand and starts looking for the exit.
“Hey, we can’t just disappear, we have to let Fermin know we’re leaving. He didn’t bring his own car,” I point out.
Joel curses, but fortunately we find Fermin in a corner, perched on one of the sofas, chatting and flirting in the middle of a crowd of guys and gals.
“See? I told you,” I giggle at Joel’s wide eyed expression.
“If you must, you pair of lightweights,” Fermin rolls his eyes at the news we’re leaving. “At least I can say I tried my best to get you to let your hair down. But hey, whom I to judge? You have fun however you choose, and I’ll see you both back at the ranch tomorrow.” He gives us a knowing wink.
“But how will you get back if you don’t come with us?” I worry.
“I’ll Über, it, babe. No sweat.”
Without further ado, Joel drags me out to his truck in the parking lot.
After the stifling heat of the nightclub, I shiver in the cool night breeze. I’m missing the warmth of Joel’s body wrapped around mine.
“Relax, baby. I’ll keep you warm,” Joel murmurs in his deep throaty voice, and I nearly combust on the spot.
Soon, we’re heading down the interstate, which at this hour is almost deserted. Joel reaches over and runs his hand up and down my leg. From my knee to the edge of my underwear. Teasing, building the sexual tension and anticipation between us.
But when the truck suddenly starts accelerating, Joel frowns, taking his hand from my leg to tightly grip the steering wheel.
Something’s not right.
“What’s going on? We’re getting faster,” I ask worriedly.
“I don’t know,” he finally says after a few seconds that feel like an eternity. “The truck isn’t responding.”
I want to stay calm, but Joel’s tense expression has me scared.
I grip the edge of the seat—this wasn’t how things were supposed to turn out. I was kind of enjoying being a little scared of Joel and what he had planned for us.
Being scared to death on a white-knuckle ride home—not so much.
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Sheer terror renders me speechless.
All I can do is pray for divine intervention, as my lips move in silent supplication to the powers that be, keeping my eyes tightly closed to shut out reality and force myself to stay calm. The last thing Joel needs is me indulging in pointless hysterics while he’s struggling to keep us on the road, so to curb my panic I silently rock back and forth in my seat.
A drip of cold sweat trickles down my spine as I sense the Grim Reaper eagerly anticipating two more inconsequential souls joining his rea
lm.
Then I feel Joel’s hand shaking my arm.
“Tara,” he urges as he keeps his eyes on the road ahead. “Babe, I need you to open your eyes and hold on tight. There’s a flat piece of land coming up, so I’m going to take us off road and put us in a controlled crash.”
“Oh my God, Joel” I whimper with fear. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
He takes his eyes off the road to glance at me for a few precious seconds, his deep amber eyes seeking my approval.
“We’re running out of options, and I figure this is our best shot,” he says quietly. “It’s now or never. You ready?”
I give him an almost imperceptible nod, and that’s all he needs.
Joel shifts the truck into neutral, then jerks the steering wheel sharply to the right, slewing us off the road and into an open field.
Time stands still for what seems like an eternity, our lives in the lap of the gods.
“Just pray we don’t come across any kind of an obstruction,” Joel grits out as he wrestles to keep control.
The truck jolts and bounces along on the uneven terrain for what seems like forever, but is in fact probably less than a minute or two. To stop myself from screaming my head off, I bite my lip so hard the metallic taste of blood fills my mouth.
The truck makes all kind of ominous cracking and crunching noises, so I hardly dare let myself believe that we’ve remained upright and the truck is actually slowing down, until it eventually grinds to a stop.
By some small miracle, our prayers have been answered and we’ve come through unscathed.
“Shit,” Joel exhales, letting his head fall onto the steering wheel where his hands are still gripping it tightly. “That was fucking close.”
“Yeah, too fucking close for my taste,” I giggle, lightheaded with relief.
“Are you ok, Tara? That was a pretty rough ride.” He runs his fingers over my face, my arms, checking I’m still in one piece and unhurt.
“I think I peed my panties, but other than that, I’m good,” I giggle again. It’s either laugh or cry at this point, but thankfully my body sticks with hysterical mirth.
Joel lets out a heavy sigh as he falls back against his seat.
“Well, I gotta say, this was not how I planned on things going tonight.” He reaches over, taking my hand to softly press his lips to my palm.
“Me either. And I hate to bring this up, but assuming your truck’s wrecked, how exactly are we going to get home now, seeing as we’re stuck out in the middle of nowhere, with not another soul around?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll make a few calls, get a tow truck organized. Then I suppose we’ll have to follow the Brummell’s example and get us an Über.” The way Joel calmly takes control of our situation goes a long way to soothing my fragile nerves.
Within half an hour, the dark of night is filled with multicolored lights. In addition to the tow truck, two high way patrol cruisers also arrive, the officers most likely suspecting a ‘driving under the influence’ incident. Thankfully, they soon establish this is not the case and allow us to go on our way.
“At this rate, Fermin’s going to get home before we do,” Joel murmurs against my hair as we finally fall into the back of the Über he’s organized. He pulls me close, wrapping his strong arms around me. “Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe we should get you checked out, in case you’ve suffered some whiplash…”
“No, no more doctors and hospitals, please, Joel? Just take me home.”
I’m exhausted, and all I want is to curl up in his arms where I feel safe and sound again. I’m so tired that I’m not aware of falling asleep until I feel myself being lifted out of the car, the cool night air washing over my weary bones. My husband effortlessly carries me into the house, and upstairs to our bedroom, where he very carefully places me on the bed, as if I’m made of fragile fine porcelain, then lays himself down next to me. All I know in this moment is no matter how I got here, right now I’m safe with Joel. With my man.
“Feels as if we’ve arrived in heaven after narrowly escaping the jaws of hell,” I whisper.
Joel pulls me closer, squeezing me so hard it’s bordering on painful, but I don’t mind. It’s reaffirmation that we’re alive, that we can actually still feel. Same goes for my heart.
“Yup, you got that right, this is pure fucking heaven,” Joel agrees sleepily. “So fuck the rest of the world, let’s just stay here forever, or at least for the rest of eternity.”
My breath catches in my throat.
Forever. Eternity.
Those words had ceased to exist in my vocabulary.
Just a short while ago, we were in mortal danger.
We nearly died.
Now we’re safe.
But the sad truth is, ours can never be a long and happy symphony. Ours, mine, will be but a short song. There will be no happy ever after. A short and sad song of love.
I can no longer delude myself about being in love with Joel Sadger. Of course I am, I never stopped loving him after he left all those years ago, not for a single second. That’s why I was compelled to find him, once I had some justification for seeking him out. Now, despite my deception, he’s become my husband.
Our beginning was written in the stars, but our ending has never been revealed.
Until now.
My newfound revelation means exhausted as I am, sleep eludes me.
Despite our escapade, Joel gets up at his regular early hour. I pretend I’ve just woken too, that I haven’t spent a sleepless night. We head down for breakfast ahead of his regular daily meeting with the ranch hands.
“Do you really have to go? After everything that happened last night, surely you can take some time off…” I’m trying to persuade him, using soft kisses all over his jaw as a bribe and also as a promise. Because now I’d give him so much more in our bedroom.
He gently interrupts me by caressing my lips with his thumb. “My love, there’s no choice, I have to get to work. Life on the ranch doesn’t stop just because we had a shitty night. Won’t achieve anything sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves, not when we’re running on minimal staff and our livestock need feeding no matter what.”
Hell, I know he’s right, but it still sucks that he can’t stay with me just this one time. I busy myself fixing some coffee and a quick breakfast. Knowing my time with him is limited, I want to grab every possible moment.
“Well, aren’t you two the early birds,” Fermin comments as he wanders in and steals the coffee pot out of my hand. He’s very chipper considering it’s early and he’s not usually a morning person. “Ah, coffee, just what I need.”
At least Joel no longer seems so resentful of him, although I still don’t think he’s figured quite what to make of him yet. Which is understandable, considering I’ve never known anyone like Fermin either.
“If you knew what kind of a night we had, you’d get why we’re up so early this morning,” Joel comments as we sit down at the table.
Fermin covers his ears with his hands.
“Too much information! I’ve no wish to hear any of the gory details of what you two got up to after you snuck away,” he protests.
“You know, for a man of the world, your buddy Beau Brummell sure is prudish, isn’t he?” Joel winks, pointing at him with his thumb.
“Trust me, prudish is the last description anyone should use about me,” Fermin snorts with laughter as he continues their friendly banter. “And may I say how pleasantly surprised I am that an ignorant cowboy like you can reference Beau Brummell.”
“Told you he would love it,” I grin at Joel, wishing I had my phone to take some pictures of them bonding as Fermin hoots with laughter.
“You do know that man is in love with you,” my friend confidently asserts, the moment we’re left alone on the porch, preparing to carry on with our house painting duties.
Before he left, Joel did his utmost to try and persuade me to go back to bed, and any other time I would have gladly acquiesced to
his order, but today I really don’t want to be left brooding alone. I thought I could safely rely on Fermin to distract me, perhaps with some tawdry tale of what he got up to last night. But annoyingly, that seems not to be the case, as Joel is his preferred topic of choice.
“He is not. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I scoff.
This conversation has quickly turned to the very subject I wanted to avoid. I’d rather Fermin talked about who he hooked up with last night, or Italy, the latest Milan fashion show, anything else. Just not my relationship with Joel.
“I would bet my reputation on it.”
“You don’t have a reputation… at least not one worth worrying about,” I say tartly.
“Fair point,” he concedes. “But if I did have one, I’d bet on it.”
I roll my eyes and do my best to change the subject. “Come on, we’re here to do a job, so grab the roller. This painting won’t get done on its own.”
It doesn’t work.
“And you’re in denial about the fact that you love him, too,” he persists.
“Sure, we care about each other, but don’t make the mistake of confusing that with love, Fermin. So please just drop all this nonsense and let’s get on with some work. This is a big place and there’s still plenty to do.”
“You can deny it all you want, Tara, but I know what I’m talking about. You’d have to be blind not to see how crazy in love with you that man is.” Fermin is like a dog with a bone, he just won’t let this drop.
He seems so confident in his assertion that I can’t prevent myself asking. “How can you be so sure?”
“In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re both guys, so of course I know what he’s thinking,” he says petulantly.
“Fermin, just because you and Joel happen to be the same gender doesn’t automatically mean you know what he’s thinking. You two are worlds apart; you have completely different backgrounds, completely different outlooks, meaning you have virtually nothing in common.”