by Susana Mohel
“Well, that’s not the only evidence I have.”
Is he ever going to shut up?
“What other evidence?” I exclaim in exasperation. Why won’t he just shut the fuck up about this?
“Firstly, your husband can’t take his eyes off of you,” he counts off on his fingers. “Secondly, he can’t keep his hands off you either.”
“That’s just lust, you idiot, it doesn’t mean anything!”
“You are so fucking stubborn, Tara! Just open your eyes and see what’s staring you right in the face!”
It’s not that I don’t want to, I just can’t.
I don’t say this out loud, not wanting to lend any more fuel to his argument.
“Think about it, Tara. A grounded, sensible man like Joel would not make a rash, impulsive decision to marry you, not unless he already had deep feelings for you.”
“Would you please just give it a rest, Fermin? I’m sick of this subject,” I sigh.
“Alright, let’s change the topic. Can you think of anyone who’d want to harm you?”
That stops me in my tracks. Where’s he going with this? Is it another of Fermin Carrillo’s wild conspiracy theories?
“Not that I can think of, no. What makes you ask?”
“I know you’ll think I’m crazy…” Yup, already do, but I won’t say it out loud. “…but the accident last night seems very odd to me. Something about it just doesn’t add up.”
“Don’t blow this up out of proportion. It was just one of those things. Shit happens, cars develop faults. It was just bad luck.”
He hesitates for a few seconds before continuing.
“I’m not so sure it was just back luck, Tara. And the thing is, I’m pretty sure Joel suspects the same thing,” he lets drop.
What. The. Fuck?
If Fermin was trying to get my attention, he’s certainly succeeded now.
“What makes you say that?” I frown.
“Because before he went out this morning, your dear husband took me to one side, and ordered that you were not, under any circumstances, to be left alone, and that I wasn’t to let you out of my sight. He also gave me his cell number, along with instructions to call him immediately if anything seemed in the slightest way odd, or if I was in any way concerned. Plus, he lectured me long and hard about how I was to take care of you, that my first priority was keeping you safe. Basically, he assigned me as your bodyguard,” he confides. “Now I’d say that indicates the man has to be pretty damn worried, considering only yesterday he was giving me the jealous evil eye, yet now he’s calling in a bro favor to take care of you in his absence. I’m flattered he’s put his trust in me actually, seeing as my own mother still considers me incapable of acting like a grown up and adulting a lot of the time.”
“Which I happen to completely agree with,” I can’t help butting in.
Fermin ignores my comment as he continues.
“Something stinks and it’s got nothing to do with all the cow shit around here, Tara. Joel is in love with you, and he’s terrified that something might happen to you. My question is, who would benefit the most if something untoward happened to you? Who would gain the most from your early demise?”
Suddenly, the incredible run of bad luck we’ve had over the last few years comes sharply into focus. The death of my father, the bad management of Redlands, the financial losses we’ve suffered, and, of course, last night’s scary episode. The dots rapidly connect and I wonder why the hell I didn’t see it before.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit!
I have to talk to Joel, to fill him in about everything, including the real reason I went looking for him. Thanks to me, my husband could have been killed last night, so I think he at least deserves that much honesty from me.
Paint splatters everywhere as I impatiently throw down my brush, but I give zero fucks about any of that right now.
“Where are you going?” Fermin queries, as I hastily put the lid back on the tin of paint.
“I have to find Joel. Do you know where he went? Did you say he was heading out to the stables?” I’m already running in that direction.
“Tara, just calm down and wait a minute. There’s no point in rushing over there, he could be anywhere on the ranch by now, he said something about moving some cows and fixing fences,” Fermin yells, trying to keep up with me. But I’m a woman on a mission to find her man and there’s no stopping me.
“Then I’ll get a horse to go find him,” I shout as I run toward the stables, leaving him behind as he gives up and takes out his cell to make a call instead.
There’s no one around when I get to the stables, but I quickly pick out a docile looking pinto and set about saddling up, cursing impatiently as I struggle with the fiddly straps. But soon enough I’m heading out to find Joel.
I have to see him, I have to tell him.
Fortunately, I don’t have to ride out too far before I spy my husband a short distance away. Dear Lord, just the sight of him on horseback, wearing chaps and his Stetson, has me hot and bothered. He’s so assured and commanding as he expertly reins in his horse while issuing orders to the workers.
“Joel!” I yell to catch his attention. “Joel!”
“Tara?” He turns to look my way, but instantly appears alarmed and steers his horse towards me. “Tara! Watch out!”
“Why? What do you mean?” I shout back, totally clueless about what’s got him so spooked.
Until my world turns upside down.
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If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this fucking life, it’s that nothing comes for free.
If you want something, you have to work hard, be prepared to sweat your fucking ass off, and even that’s not always enough.
When Tara showed up at my office out of the blue that day, begging me to save her ranch, I had to think on my feet. I forced myself to remain cool and think logically, even though my first inclination was to do whatever Tara asked of me. I’d heard rumors that Redlands was in trouble after her father died, and it wasn’t surprising that Tara wasn’t up to the task of running such a huge ranch. Not her fault when her overprotective old man never allowed her to get involved in what he considered ‘man’s work’.
So, was I really prepared to give up my position at one of the best ranches in the area for a shot at managing Redlands? No, I decided I wasn’t. Being just the manager wasn’t enough. My goal had always been to have my own ranch someday, and knowing Tara had to be desperate to come begging for my help after twelve long years, I decided it was time to play hard ball.
I wanted the ranch and I wanted the girl.
All or nothing.
I wasn’t prepared to be just the hired help again, someone who could be dispensed with on a whim. A lot of water had passed under the bridge since that day her father caught us together, and I was no longer prepared to be treated like dirt. No, I quickly decided that if this was going to happen, it had to be done on my terms. I had to remain strong and focused and not act like a love-sick fool, even though Tara looked so vulnerable and scared when she walked in, that the urge to rush straight in and rescue her was virtually overwhelming. Keep her. Make her yours.
Because the moment she walked back into my life, a part of me I thought had died years ago sprung back to life. My frozen heart. The girl I’d once loved had grown into the stunning woman in front of me, and she was even more perfect than I remembered. Mine.
But I sensed there was more to this than met the eye. Intuitively, I knew her desolate look had to be down to more than just worry about the ranch. Time would tell, because Tara’s fate was sealed that day. Having found her way back to me, no way was I going to be stupid enough to let her slip away from me again.
Not this time.
I’d never been able to forget Tara. My first true love. The only one. I guess that’s why I’d never married, although I don’t deny I’ve had my fair share of hookups—I’m a red-blooded guy with normal healthy needs after all.
But I’ve never forgotten a single thing about her. The scent of her gorgeous thick brown hair, the rich timbre of her voice, her happy, carefree laugh, the way her blue eyes sparkled after we made love.
Even though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting myself into this time round, I already knew there was no going back. Tara wasn’t aware of the effect she had on me, but with her, it was as if I were a mere mortal worshiping at the feet of a goddess who commanded my free will.
She hadn’t quite got me by the balls yet though. I still had enough sense to figure out how to seize this opportunity and come out on top. She’d been the one who’d taught me what it had been like to have it all, then be left with nothing. Better to have loved and lost? I don’t fucking agree. That Shakespeare dude didn’t know what the hell he was talking in my opinion.
After Tara, life had been meaningless for the longest time. Bleak, dark unhappy years where I just existed. I didn’t enjoy life, I just went through the motions. But I forced myself to put that time to good use, working fucking hard to drag my way out of the gutter. That was the benefit of having no personal life, and it was worth it in the end, because eventually I reached the point where thanks to my reputation, I could pick and choose where I worked.
How rich then, that Tara had now came begging for me to save the ranch she’d inherited from her father. The very same ranch that had been his pride and joy, the very same one where he’d beaten the hell out of me, before having me thrown off his property like a delinquent. It was for Tara’s sake that I took that beating, knowing it’d be far more upsetting for her if I retaliated by beating the shit out of her old man instead. The old bastard must be turning in his grave now to think of his precious Redlands falling into my unworthy hands, having been offered up to me on a silver platter, along with the bonus prize of his daughter. Lordy, how the mighty have fallen.
Of course I realized that what Tara was offering me came at a price, but one that I was absolutely willing to pay—just on my terms. Fate is relentless, but so am I. Through the years, I’ve learned some very hard, very bitter lessons, but it’s all been worthwhile since they’ve taught me how to become far more ruthless.
So Tara needed me? Fine, she could have me, but only as her equal, not her paid lackey. Maybe this wasn’t how I’d have chosen for us to reconnect, but that’s the chance I was being gifted here. So, yeah, I decided I’d do this, but only if she agreed to my conditions. I’d be the one calling the tune, not her. I wanted her to understand we wouldn’t be playing at ranching, that she needed to fully commit and pull her weight. That’s why the day after our wedding, I set her to work painting the house. I didn’t want her to think that since I’d galloped in to save the day, she could now sit back and watch while I worked my ass off, my point being I’m no longer prepared to be treated as a lowly ranch hand, not by her or anybody else. Nobody screws over Joel Sadger these days.
Perhaps I was a bit hard on her, but in my defense, I’d had to put up with being treated like shit by her mother, with her arrogant assumption that I didn’t even own a decent fucking suit for our engagement dinner, as if I’d turn up dressed for mucking out the stables. But what really got to me, was on our wedding day, hearing both her stepfather and then Tara referring to me as an animal, a stupid fucking donkey. That lack of respect brought back a fuck-load of ugly memories, thanks to growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, always being looked down on, fighting prejudice and intolerance every step of the way.
To prove I’d left that life behind, I demanded total control of every aspect of Redlands, and total control of Tara. Control is the key, that’s the life lesson life I’ve learned. That’s why I left her frustrated, when she thought I was going to take her to bed and finish what we’d started on the stairs our wedding night. She wasn’t the only one frustrated as hell, and walking away from her was one of the hardest things I’ve done. But it proved my point. I’m in control, I call the shots, and if you treat me like an animal, I’ll act like one.
Tara will be my wife in every single way, a marriage of convenience never even a consideration as far as I was concerned. And you know what—even though I’d never previously contemplated getting married any time soon, being married to Tara just feels so fucking right. Being faithful won’t be a problem for me since I have no interest in any other woman.
Tara is it for me. Always has been, always will be.
I realized straight off I’d have my work cut out breaking down her walls and getting her to submit to me. But her passionate nature equals mine, so I knew it would only be a matter of time. Her jealousy of Cassandra proved she had strong feelings for me. My game plan was to get her to fall in love with me all over again, make her blissfully happy and content with me. Fuck, but we really could have it all, the dream life I hadn’t even known I’d wanted until she walked back into my life. Because for me, she is all my dreams wrapped in the most lickable skin.
All I had to do was keep my feelings under control. Cool and calm. Nice and steady. Just concentrate on getting Tara where I wanted her. One small step at a time. Not be a hot-headed fool.
One passionate kiss, and that all went out of the window.
I don’t deny I’ve enjoyed the company of plenty of women over the years, but I’ve never experienced the insane off the charts chemistry Tara and I have with anyone else.
Kissing Tara after all these years wasn’t a soft and sweet experience. One kiss was all it took for me to lose my usual self-control. One kiss had me so desperate to claim her that I resorted to using every seductive trick I knew to get her where I wanted her. But it didn’t feel manipulative or wrong, Tara wanted me, needed me, craved me just as much as I did her, and I’d given her ample warning of what to expect. It just all happened on a much shorter time scale, when I’d planned to draw things out, act more slowly, tease her.
Instead I kissed her with everything I had, with everything I was. And when she kissed me back, I was lost. But so was she. The goddess desired the mere mortal. Who would have thought?
But then it all blew up again between us the following morning, thanks to Tara having gotten totally the wrong idea about my relationship with Cassandra, thinking I was the father of her unborn baby, that we were lovers secretly conspiring behind her back. That’s what happens when you eavesdrop and only get part of the picture, but eventually I got her to see reason.
That’s the roller coaster personal side of our agreement. But I have to concentrate on practical matters right now, because no shit, Redlands is in one hell of a mess, and it’s going to take everything I’ve got to turn it around. But it’s also a fantastic opportunity to put into practice the ideas I’ve had for some time now. When you’re just a manager, the owner has the final say on what goes. That’s a large part of why I insisted on joint ownership of Redlands, so I’d have a free hand.
But my main worry currently is what the fuck caused the problem with my truck last night. That was a pretty close call, and we were lucky to have escaped with our lives, so I’m having the vehicle thoroughly examined to discover what the hell was wrong with it. The thought of anything happening to Tara really scares the shit out of me, and makes me want to lock her safely away somewhere. Now I really regret setting her the stupid fucking challenge of painting the house, because the stubborn woman won’t give up until she’s finished, so I had to resort to getting Fermin to watch over her while I’m working. That guy sure is weird, and I wasn’t sure what to make of him at first. Do I feel threatened by him or jealous of his friendship with Tara? Initially I did, but having spent some time watching them together, I know he’s not Tara’s type. She can deny it all she likes, but Tara needs a man’s man, one who can take control and dominate her in bed. Fermin can be annoying as fuck, but I do believe he wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to Tara. As she pointed out, he did drop everything and rush back from Europe to help her out.
“You want us to put the fences up here, right, Joel?” One of the ranch hands asks, and I’m so lost in my though
ts I can’t even remember his damn name. Something beginning with M? Marlon…? Martin…?
“Joel!”
My head snaps up when I think I hear Tara’s voice calling me, and I steer my horse around to face the direction I thought it was coming from. Hell, I must be deluded if I think I’m hearing her out here when I left her back at the house, with strict instructions to Fermin to keep her there and not to let her out of his sight.
Then I hear it again, loud and clear.
It’s definitely her, no question. Now I see her, galloping towards me on the pinto mare.
She yells my name with such urgency I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that something’s got her so spooked. Then I realize she’s galloping straight toward the trench the workers have just finished digging, so intent on getting to me that she hasn’t noticed it.
“Tara!” This time I’m the one desperately yelling her name. “Tara, watch out!”
But my warning comes too late. Despite desperately spurring my horse on, there’s no way I can get to her in time.
All I can do is watch her fall, and nothing I can do to save her.
Not. One. Thing.
I watch helplessly as the horse slides to an abrupt stop, throwing her off in the process. I hear the sickening thud as she lands on the hard ground.
The few seconds it takes to reach her are tortuous. I leap off my horse, kneeling down by her side to check how badly hurt she is. She’s barely conscious, and although I can’t immediately see any obvious injuries, she could be bleeding internally. She moans while I’m checking her over, so I make sure not to move her too much.
The mare she’d been riding makes her way out of the ditch and then gallops off. I thank the stars Tara’s foot wasn’t caught in the stirrup, otherwise she would’ve been dragged along and suffered far more serious injuries.
“Keep calm, my love, and don’t try to move. We’ll get you to the hospital just as soon as we can,” I whisper reassuringly as I gently brush some strands of hair out of her face. “Damn it, one of you call an ambulance!” I shout. “And tell them to hurry.”