Whispers of My Skin

by Susana Mohel

  He takes a few steps back and leans on the porch column for support before continuing.

  “I really don’t understand what’s going on here. You have to believe me, I would never lay a hand on my wife under any circumstances,” Stephen adamantly insists.

  “I’m just repeating what she told us,” I inform him.

  “I need to talk to Cassie, straighten things out, because I just don’t understand why she would make these awful accusations. Please?” he begs, looking round me and into the house, where Joel has retreated with Cassandra.

  “How do we know you aren’t going to attack her again?” I demand.

  “As I keep telling you, I’ve never hit Cassie, and I never would. I’m not a violent man, and I love my wife, now more than ever since she’s pregnant with my child,” he insists vehemently.

  “Why didn’t you return any of Joel’s messages or texts? Why has it taken you so long to come and get her if, as you claim, nothing happened between you?” I query, fervently wishing he had turned up a week ago. Because in the meantime, I’ve had to put up with her in my house, playing nasty tricks and causing trouble.

  “I just got back from visiting my retired parents in Florida,” he explains. “I go regularly to check on them, but Cassie doesn’t get on with them, so she prefers not to come. And although I could’ve sworn I put my cell phone in my hand luggage before I left, I couldn’t find it, so I assumed I must’ve left it at home. But I still haven’t managed to locate it, so I haven’t seen any of Joel’s messages. Please, just let me talk to my wife, and sort out what’s going on, I’ve been so worried about her and the baby. That’s why I came back early, because I hated being out of contact with Cassie in these early stages of pregnancy. I would’ve spoken to her on the land line, but she emailed to say there was a problem with that too, and emailing just isn’t the same.”

  I turn to call for Cassandra, but Joel and Cassandra are already there in the hall.

  “You’re not welcome in this house, Stephen,” Joel calls out as he glares at the man, while Cassandra tucks herself behind him. “You know, all these years we’ve been friends, I never would have taken you for the kind of man who beats his wife, but I guess you never can tell.”

  “You’ve got this all wrong, Joel, I’m not that kind of a man! Please, I have to talk to Cassie.” Stephen pleads.

  “I think you’ve said and done more than enough,” Joel insists. “I’m taking care of Cassie now, and I’m going to make sure you never get the chance to lay a hand on her again.”

  “As I keep telling you, I have never hit my wife. I would never resort to any kind of violence or abuse, so I’ve no idea why she would claim that I had. Look, she’s pregnant with my child, and all I want to do is take care of her, so please Joel, I assure you she will be perfectly safe with me, because we really need to talk.”

  “I’m not going home with you,” Cassandra states from behind Joel’s back.

  “You know, at this point I’m not sure that I want you to,” Stephen replies. “The way you’ve been acting, the lies you’ve been telling about me. However, the most important thing now is putting the welfare of the baby first. So, first off, I suggest you start explaining what the hell’s been going on while I’ve been away.”

  “All you care about is this baby, not me,” she retorts.

  Stephen glances at her, and then closes his eyes. A few second later he speaks again.

  “We either talk now or later in my lawyer’s office, it’s up to you. I may love you, but don’t take me for a complete fool, Cassie. The lies you’ve been spreading about me amount to defamation of character, so if you want to start divorce proceedings, I won’t stop you, but that’s my baby you’re carrying, and I will seek sole custody if you continue to act so irrationally. And remember that prenup you signed? That means you won’t get a penny of alimony.”

  Suddenly Cassandra changes her tune.

  “Stephen, honey, this has all gotten out of hand. Being pregnant has my hormones all over the place, I haven’t been feeling so great and I keep bursting into tears for no reason. Joel was concerned about me, so he invited me to stay so he could keep an eye on me while you were away. I didn’t tell you, because I know how much you worry about me, how important this pregnancy is to you, how desperate you are for an heir. But Tara is so jealous of my friendship with Joel, she’s making trouble by exaggerating everything and twisting my words to make me look bad. That’s why I was reluctant to come with you at first, I thought you’d be angry with me.”

  Cassandra finally comes out from behind Joel and approaches her husband.

  Finally, the veil is falling.

  Joel seems frankly astonished with the whole situation and is left dumbfounded. Cassandra thought she was so fucking smart with her devious schemes, but she didn’t fool me for a second, I always knew better.

  “Stephen, let’s go home and talk this through, away from her malicious influence,” she says, pointing her finger at me as she slips her hand through her poor husband’s arm.

  As much as I want to refute Cassandra’s accusations, I’ll swallow them if it means seeing the back of the bitch for good.

  “Let her go, Joel, I really don’t think he poses any kind of threat to her,” I murmur to him.

  And he does without a second glance.

  I hurry back into the house, with Joel following closely behind.

  “So?” I ask him once we’re alone. “Are you going to continue trusting your conniving little friend after this?”

  “What was I supposed to, Tara?” he replies. “Desert her, leave her on her own after she told me her husband had hit her? Imagine if it’d had been Camille, what would you have done?”

  “I would have gone out and kicked the bastard in the balls,” I answer without hesitation. I would do anything for my family, as he is well aware. “But that woman is not your sister and she has feelings for you. She’s in love with you, can’t you see that?”

  “I’ve always seen her as just a friend. A very close friend, sure, but never in a romantic way. And since I don’t have that many friends, those that I do have are very important to me. Apart from Cassandra, there’s only Connor. So naturally I felt very protective towards her.”

  “Yes, but what you don’t seem to realize is that she didn’t look at you in the same platonic way, Joel. Things are very different for her, and that’s why she’s always hated me so much.”

  “I can maybe see that now, but it’s come as a complete surprise to me,” he admits, raising his eyebrows, and I can tell he’s still in shock.

  “Now that the scales have finally fallen from your eyes, and you’ve seen Cassandra in her true colors, I trust you agree that she’s never to step foot in this house again. She is no longer your concern, is that clear?”

  Without giving him a chance to respond, I walk down the hall to the kitchen. Fermin and Mrs. Sanchez are standing there, obviously having overheard everything.

  “Where’s that glass of champagne?” I demand, turning to my friend. I’m allowed a small amount of alcohol now, and I think I deserve it.

  “That’s my girl!” Fermin grins passing me the flute.

  I knock back the glass of Dom Pérignon in one swallow.

  “Cheers!” I toast, raising a second glass.

  There are more things to celebrate than just the meeting going well.

  Finally, Cassandra is leaving. And with any luck, this time for good.

  A little later, Joel comes into the kitchen, looking very shame faced, as well he might.

  The champagne is kicking in and I’m a just little tipsy.

  As soon as they see him appear, Fermin and Mrs. Sanchez scramble to disappear from the kitchen, like rats deserting a sinking ship.

  “Can we talk?” he asks quietly, sitting on the empty chair beside me.

  “Oh, so now you want to talk? Now that you’ve finally realized that I was right all along. Shame it’s too little, too late.”

  “Tara, don’t be l
ike that. You’re being unfair.”

  Excuse me?

  “Unfair?” I declare indignantly. “You’re such a hypocrite, Joel Sadger! You talk about being fair, when all you’ve done this entire time is judge me and condemn me, while refusing to listen to my opinion.”

  “I’m so sorry, my love,” he says quietly. “I’m truly sorry.”

  “No, I’m the one who’s sorry, because I’m your wife Joel, so you should have put me first, not Cassandra. You should have believed me, trusted me, not her. But since that wasn’t the case, I think we’ve reached a dead end.”

  I’m tired, exhausted of his distrust. Maybe what’s between is based on pure lust, maybe we’ve grown apart too far in the intervening years. What’s the point of carrying on if he doesn’t value what we were trying to build between us? If every time there’s a bump in the road, he puts someone else before me? Maybe it’s for the best to put an end to things now, before things get even more complicated. I’ve had my dreams shattered so many times, I’ll survive yet another blow.

  “You can’t be serious, Tara!” Joel is clearly shocked, but what did he expect? Words come easy, but actions speak louder than words. He chose to believe his friend rather than his wife.

  “I can and I am,” I insist resolutely.

  “Tara, please forgive me,” he pleads taking my hand.

  As he stares into my eyes, I see the regret in his. But regret doesn’t change anything.

  “Without trust, love can’t survive,” I say rising from the chair. “And your lack of trust in my judgment really hurt, you know? So, I’m going to take some time and give some serious thought as to where we go from here, Joel.”

  I leave the kitchen without looking back. Joel remains behind, hopefully thinking about what I just said.

  We’ll see where the river of life takes us this time.

  When the anger fades, what remains is a feeling of deep sadness, almost resignation, knowing there’s no going back, that the sun and moon can never share the same sky. Dawn brings a promise that cannot be fulfilled, so the sky bleeds in pain at sunset.

  I lock myself in the bathroom to indulge in a long, hot, bubble bath. I feel so cold, inside and out. Today has taken its toll to deplete all my reserves, rendering me physically exhausted and emotionally numb. I can’t cope with this roller coaster ride my life has become. I thought Joel was my everything and I was his, but if all it took was a little of Cassandra’s meddling to come between us, then the foundations of our relationship must have been pretty rocky to begin with.

  It’s late when Joel finally enters our bedroom, where I’ve retreated after my bath. He tiptoes in quietly, being careful not to disturb me. But it doesn’t matter, I couldn’t sleep now if I tried. Regardless, I pretend to be asleep, feeling too weary to face him. Our relationship has just become one fight after another and frankly, it’s exhausting. Bad enough to be accused of something you have done, but to be blamed for something that you’re completely innocent of is heartbreaking.

  And the saddest part of all this? It means that bitch Cassandra has won. She’s caused this huge rift between us.

  I hear Joel drop his clothes on the floor and I close my eyes tighter, resisting the temptation to look at him. At least it’s dark, so even the sliver of moonlight sneaking through the thin curtains of our bedroom isn’t enough to see him clearly.

  “I know you’re still awake,” he murmurs, as he slides into bed, pulling the cover over us as he spoons himself against my back. “Tara, I know how difficult all this has been for you, and that the way I acted made things even harder. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, my love.”

  I close my eyes tighter, I don’t want to cry any more, I don’t want to react to Joel in any way at all, but still the hot, scalding tears roll down my cheeks.

  “You were absolutely right, I’ve been such a fucking stupid idiot. As my wife, you deserved my unswerving loyalty, and I should never have accepted another person’s word over yours. I could say that I was nervous about today’s meeting, that I was worried about Cassandra’s alleged abuse, but I know that’s just making excuses,” he says quietly. “Tara, please talk to me. Say something, shout at me, cry, yell and scream all you want, just don’t shut me out. Please, my love, please.”

  Still, I can’t bear to talk to him. Instead, I curl up into a tight ball, into my own protective cocoon.

  “I’m really, really sorry, babe, I’m truly sorry. As your mother said, I’m just an ignorant cowboy, a brute...”

  “Well, that’s one thing we agree on.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

  Joel takes this as a victory, that he’s broken thorough my cold-shouldered approach, and pulls me closer, wrapping me tightly in his arms.

  “How are we going to solve this?” he whispers, tenderly kissing my shoulder.

  “I have no idea,” I sigh.

  “You and I have to learn to communicate,” he says, slipping the strap of my nightgown over my shoulder. “Without lies.” Kiss “Without judgment.” Kiss. “Without anger.” Kiss.

  His mouth follows the path of his fingertips and my skin heats in response. Every cell of my body is attuned to his movements, to his caresses, to the heat of his touch.

  “And how are we going to learn that lesson?”

  “Trusting,” he says, turning me around, aligning my body under his. “Believing,” he murmurs. “Loving.”

  Before I can answer, his lips touch mine and words are forgotten, superfluous and unnecessary.

  The whispers of love are all we need.

  Desire runs through my body, and Joel takes advantage, kissing me, exploring with his touch, teasing me, building me, keeping me on the edge, so close and yet so far away.

  “This is just for you, Tara. Let yourself go, let me take you there.”

  I close my eyes and do as I’m told, and a thousand bright stars explode in front of my eyes.

  Only Joel can do this to me. No one else. I know this to be true from the bottom of my heart. He is my soul mate.

  I embrace the moment, I embrace him. I forget my worries, our problems and the future. I live in the moment with him.

  That’s all we can do. And for now, it’s enough.

  “Do you think we will survive this?” I ask little later, as I lie on his chest, his arm around me, our legs intertwined.

  “Tara, I’ll never stop fighting for you,” he murmurs. “I don’t deny I’ve made some stupid mistakes but trust me, I’m not stupid enough to repeat them.”

  “Are you going to talk to Cassandra again?” I have to know, I have to be sure this really is the end between them.

  He sighs. “I don’t see how I can after this. Not after the way she misconstrued our friendship and caused so much pain with all her lies.”

  “I did try to warn you that she wanted something more.” I can’t help it, Joel deserves a large helping of ‘I told you so’, and it’s never felt more appropriate than at this moment.

  “Yes, I know, but I just found it hard to accept when I’ve honestly never seen her as anything more than a friend, the nearest thing I had to a sister really. And it hurts that someone I thought was a genuine friend would act that way.”

  “How long have you been friends? How did you meet?”

  “I met Cassie several years ago, when I was really struggling to get any kind of work. At the time, she’d just married Stephen, after working as his PA when he set up his agency specializing in hiring of staff for the industry. She persuaded him to put me on his books even though I didn’t have any kind of references, and as he had considerable influence in the ranching community and was very well respected, I managed to get a position as a stable hand. That opening was all I needed, because from then on, I worked my ass off to prove myself. So I’ve always felt in Cassie’s debt, because if she hadn’t spoken to Stephen on my behalf in the beginning, I’d never have gotten that opportunity.”

  “So, Cassandra married her older, wealthy boss. Figures,” I comment dr
yly.

  “Do you really want to keep talking about her?”

  “Not really, no.”

  “Then let’s not,” Joel suggests. “Let’s move on, not waste any more time on her.”

  “Sounds perfect to me.”

  We lay together in companionable silence until Joel speaks again.

  “It looks like we’ve survived our first big fight, eh?”

  “Which means that the honeymoon is officially over.”

  “Do you think we’ll live happily ever after now?”

  “Oh, no,” I reply. “That’d be waaaay too boring. Don’t forget, the best part of breaking up is the making up. Especially in bed. Make up sex is the best. So, I want to fight with you lots, and make up with you lots.”

  “Is that so? What else do you want?”

  “Hmm, let me think. Well, I want us to have loads of kids.”

  Joel chuckles “When you say ‘loads’, just how many kids are we talking about? Five? Six? More?”

  “Well, maybe not that many, but I certainly want a family with you. And I want us to watch them growing up, together. And if God allows, I want us to grow old together. That’s what I want.”

  “Tara, my love, if that’s what you want, then that’s what I’ll do my very best to give you.”

  “But what I want right now, is for us to switch things up.”

  That gets his attention, as he pulls back to look at me.

  “Oh? Switch things up in what way?”

  I push him onto his back, then straddle over him, draping the sheet around us.

  “Our first round of make-up sex was all about me. So, I think our next round should be all about you,” I murmur, raking his torso with my nails, following the happy trail down his navel, where I let my hand linger, teasing him, knowing he’s already hard for me.

  “Jesus, Tara,” he groans, as I take his cock in my hand, playing with the tip, fisting his solid length, cupping his balls. I put everything I can into making him feel as incredible as I did earlier, and it’s not long before he’s shouting my name as pleasure radiates through his entire body. I smile as he catches his breath, then leans up to kiss me, holding my face in his hands as he whispers tender words of love.