by Roman Shepp
“I'm sorry, we should have been more considerate,” Tony said.
Saeed shook his head. “No, no, you must not apologize for things like that. I am... I need to deal with my grief. I cannot pretend it didn't happen, and I don't want my pain to prevent you from sharing good memories. I am sorry I interrupted you. I just...I can't help thinking about all the things she'll never get to do.”
Sadness filled Tony's heart. He glanced toward Jane and knew she was feeling it too. Neither of them knew what to say. Silence hung around them again, heavy as the tension that rose through the city. The streets they walked along were empty, and Tony was glad for it. The last thing he wanted was to experience another carnival of madness.
“She wanted to be a nurse when she grew up,” Saeed said softly.
Tony and Jane turned to face him. “I had to go to the hospital once. I was working on something around the house and I hammered my thumb. They came with me and the nurse treated me. Aaminah thought it was the most wonderful thing in the world. After we left she wanted to be just like the woman who made Daddy feel better. She was such a sweetheart.”
“She sounds like it. I wish I could have met her,” Jane said. Saeed offered her a smile.
“I am trying, my friends. I do not know if I ever will be able to move on, but I am trying.”
“We know Saeed, and we're here for you. I just wanted to say that I know the three of us only have been thrown together by chance, but I'm glad we found each other. I feel as though I can depend on both of you and trust you. From what we've seen so far I don't think I could have made it alone.”
“Me neither,” Jane said, “you two know that for a fact. I just can't believe how quickly the city went crazy. You'd think some people would be able to keep their head together.”
“I'm sure that some of them were, but they're probably the ones who are laying low and keeping quiet. The loud ones are the ones who are going to be out in the city, running amok. I just dread to think what else is out there.”
“Can there be anything else? We've seen enough, haven't we?” Jane said.
“There are always worse things,” Saeed said quietly. “I have felt this fear before. When Aaminah was born my life changed. I suddenly saw the world filled with danger and wanted to believe I could protect my daughter. I imagine people are feeling a similar way now. Everything has changed for them. Suddenly they see that they are vulnerable, and there is no safety net. I do not know what happened to the police or the army, but people are on their own. This is the unknown and they will be vulnerable and scared. Their first reaction will be to turn on each other, to strike out because nothing else makes sense.”
“You seem to know a lot about how people will react,” Jane said. Tony wondered if there was a note of suspicion in her voice.
“My wife was a psychologist. The human mind was her specialty. We often had long discussions about the way people acted and thought. She told me we were creatures of habit, and we all had been conditioned to expect certain things to be reliable. When that safety net is gone, people panic. They can't think rationally, and the more people panic, the more others get scared, and this results in what we have seen.”
“Is there any way to stop it? Like, can people just snap out of it?” Tony asked.
“It is unlikely, not unless they are told from a higher authority that things will be settling down. You see, for all that we think we are free, we are actually part of a machine. Society works very intricately, but very smoothly, well, unless you have been down at the DMV,” he said with a small chuckle. Jane joined in, as did Tony, but his laughter was false as he never had learned to drive a car.
“We each have our roles to play, roles forced upon us by our jobs or our age. And when given the ultimate freedom most people freeze because we have been conditioned to be told what to do, whether it's by religion, or our employers, or our parents. We have this need to seek authority, which is why I am not surprised people followed that man who captured us, and why people like him probably are forming groups all over the city.”
“But why haven't the cops done anything about it?” Tony asked.
“There's just not enough of them,” Jane said.
“Saeed is right. People are trained to listen to authority. We're taught it at a young age, first from our parents, then from teachers. We see people having roles and we think this means they know better, when really, they're not that much different from us. I think that's always the lesson that makes you an adult, realizing that nobody has any idea how to go about life. But with cops, think about how many of them there are, and then how many normal people there are. On an ordinary day the police can keep order because most people agree you should abide by society's rules, so the police can deal with the minority who break those rules.
“But in this case? Everyone is going crazy, and they're not going to give a crap what uniform people are wearing. Without the fear of authority and punishment there's nothing holding people back, and since this attack came so swiftly it's not like the police had a chance to prepare anyway. They rely on their radios to organize themselves, and those were down. So, instead of being one unified force, they were spread out across the city, unable to call each other for help. Maybe some of them managed to keep things calm somewhere, but the city is big, too big to control.”
It was a sobering analysis, yet one that was far too accurate. Tony glanced back toward the city and wondered if there was anyone who had managed to gain a measure of control.
“Maybe it's better that we are in a smaller group. Sounds like being in a larger one just would lead to more people getting angry with each other,” he said.
Still, he thought about the people who were hiding in the houses and buildings around him, people who had reacted to their fear by hiding away. In an ideal world everyone would have come out and faced the adversity together. They would have shown America's enemies that nothing could dampen their spirit, but that was not the case.
Finding a small shop, the group walked in, first making sure nobody was around. Some of the shelves were bare, but there still were some canned foods and some water. Tony found some more dog food for Groot as well. Topping off their supplies, they wondered how long the food in the city was going to last. Yet, they really couldn’t bear thinking about it.
“I never realized how long it took to walk through the city on foot,” Jane said, wiping her brow. “I'm glad I got these sneakers.” They took a break to rest their legs. Jane massaged her calves. Sipping some water, Tony made sure to keep an eye out for danger.
“Yeah, I'm used to walking, but it's going to take us a while to get to this bunker, wherever it is.”
“I don't think it's too far into the forest, once we get there,” Jane said, wincing as she apparently found a tender spot in her muscles.
Tony was feeling the effects as well. His slimness belied the state of his fitness. He lived a sedentary life, with his only exercise coming as he walked to work and back each day. There were a few times, mostly in the summer, when he went running, but often a lack of motivation and discipline struck him. Now he wished he had stuck to it. He already could feel blisters forming on his feet, and his body was aching all over. The few muscles he had were strained, and there still was a crick in his back from when he had slept on the hard floor. Walking over to some cars, he tried them, just to make sure they weren't missing an obvious opportunity. Yet, none of them worked since their electrical components had rendered them immobile.
“It's no use,” Tony said. “Unless we find some bikes somewhere we'll have to continue on foot, even though having some transportation would be a godsend. Kinda funny really, that our technological progress was the thing that caused our downfall. I wonder if the country ever will get back to its best again.”
Neither Jane nor Saeed gave him an answer. They trudged forward, ignoring the aches in their muscles, continually hoping to find something that would give them hope for the future. Tony thought about the comic book store and the
rest of the city, wondering if he ever would see them again. His whole life had revolved around that store, and he hoped by providence it would survive all this chaos and carnage. The road ahead was long, though, and hope seemed to be a rare commodity.
“What's that?” Saeed said, peering into the sky.
Tony and Jane lifted their heads skyward, gazing up at the soft white clouds drifting across the blue sky. It took a few moments for Tony to see what Saeed had noticed. When he did a smile broadened upon his face. Up in the sky was a hot air balloon. So, the three of them adjusted their pace and their direction, intending to follow the hot air balloon in the hope they could get the attention of the aeronaut within.
Chapter Three
It was a long walk, and Saeed was ignoring his physical pain. In fact, he almost welcomed it. The sharp tingling in his legs was nothing compared to the pain within his soul, and it seemed like a suitable penance for him. Although the vision of Nadya had given him new hope to continue with life, he had yet to forgive himself for the crime of surviving. Unable to shake the thought that he should be with them, it had taken all his strength to stay with Jane and Tony. He wondered if they knew how important they were to him.
With nothing else in his life, these two people were the only ones keeping him alive. If he had been left by himself, Saeed was sure he would have done something foolish by now and thrown his life away. The other thing stopping him, of course, was the thought of Aaminah. If the two of them ever were reunited in the afterlife, Saeed wanted to make sure his daughter looked at him with pride. What he did on this Earth still mattered, although his heart still was a churning sea of wild emotions.
The streets they walked through were barren, which was a welcome relief from the sinful people who had accosted them. The lewd and depraved acts Saeed had witnessed filled him with remorse for the people for who survived as well as those who had died. There were some moments when he wondered if Nadya and Aaminah were the lucky ones, for they did not have to watch humanity descend into such depravity. At least Tony and Jane seemed to be genuine, and Saeed only hoped he could help them succeed in their quest to survive. He thought about what Nadya would have said if she had been alive. Something about having to rise above our basic instincts and make sure we did not succumb to that which threatened to tear humanity apart.
It was so difficult not to lash out at everyone, though. Why did they get to live when Nadya and Aaminah hadn't? Why did they get to indulge all their vicious and violent desires without retribution? Perhaps if Saeed had not found Tony, he would have given his life to punishing those who needed punishment. His humanity would have been stripped away and he would have been made into a weapon. Thankfully, Tony had been by his side, enabling Saeed to keep a tentative hold on his sanity. He feared for anyone who had been through something similar to him and had not had people around to keep them stable. There surely were others like him, people who had lost their families, and many of them would not have anyone to help them through it. Eventually, they only would add to the chaos of the world, add to the screams of anguish and the innocent blood staining the ground.
'Don't turn down that path, Saeed. You are better than that. That is not a sign of the man I love.'
Nadya's voice still was in his mind. She had not appeared to him again, but it felt as though she was speaking to him from the afterlife. Although Saeed always had been a deeply spiritual man he imagined this was merely wishful thinking on his part. Still, he wasn't going to ignore Nadya, even if it was his own thoughts just echoing back toward him.
“I'm not sure I am the same man anymore,” he said softly. He slowed his pace and hung behind Tony and Jane so he could keep these conversations a secret, not wanting them to think he was crazy, or that he would put them in danger.
'You are, my love. You will always be my love, and for all that you have lost, you have not lost that.'
“It feels like it sometimes. I can't hold onto you anymore. I can't kiss you or feel your body next to mine.”
'Is that all our love was? Some physical thing? We touched hearts, minds, and souls. Our love goes beyond the physical plane. It endures even now, when I am no longer with you.'
“But it is so difficult to hold on. I want to take this anger and strike out at the world, to make everyone see that they are wrong, that they should not be acting this way.”
'And where would that end? I love you, Saeed, but you are speaking unwisely. Would that be the advice you would give to our daughter if she came to you with similar feelings? We all carry the burden of humanity. Through our actions we shape the future, and the world is a reflection of our souls. Now more than ever there is a need for good men to rise to the occasion, and there are no men better than you. Embrace the pain, let it remind you what you are fighting for, what you want the world to be. Let no person suffer as you have suffered. Be true to yourself. Do not let this hatred win. Do not let those men who killed us win. The best victory you can have is to be the man I fell in love with, to resist your instincts and stay the course. Do not let this world get the better of you. Because if it, does there is truly no hope for the world.'
Saeed stayed quiet after that. The world did indeed need healing, but it wasn't going to be easy, not for Saeed anyway. Perhaps the wrong member of his family had survived. If Aaminah had made it out...she had wanted to become a nurse, maybe she could have helped the world. The adults hadn't done a good job, maybe it was time for the children to take over.
Jane and Tony slowed so that Saeed could catch up. His heart burned inside, and he wished he knew what to do. There were so many things pulling him in different directions, and so little that offered him hope. It all was well and good to be walking to this bunker with Tony and Jane, but Saeed didn't know what they were going to find when they got there. Surviving was one thing, but living? Could he actually see a life for himself after all this was said and done? When he searched his mind for an answer he couldn't find any other than a vehement no. Nadya and Aaminah had been his entire life. They were his destiny. What was a man to do when his destiny was taken away from him?
“I wonder who's flying that balloon?” Jane said excitedly.
“I don't know, but I can't wait to find out! I've always wanted to fly in a hot air balloon. I did think about becoming an aeronaut once, but I never was a fan of heights. It takes a lot of guts to get up there,” Tony said, gazing to the sky.
“Aeronaut?” Jane asked.
“Oh, that's the technical term for someone who flies a hot air balloon.”
“How on Earth do you know something like that?”
Tony's face turned crimson. “I had a lot of niche interests, and it came up on a few quizzes. There were a few different things I wanted to try. I even thought about enrolling in Clown College.”
“Wait, they actually have those?”
“Where do you think people learn how to be a clown?”
“What stopped you from doing that?”
“There weren't as many around as I thought. The nearest one was a few states over and, well, like I said, I haven't traveled much.”
“Ah well, maybe in another life,” Jane said. “All I hope is that they're friendly, that's if we can even get their attention.”
The two of them had been animatedly flinging their arms in the air, shouting to the balloon, but as yet there was no sign the pilot (or aeronaut, apparently) had seen them. Saeed found it difficult to work up the enthusiasm to get their attention. He had no interest in meeting anyone else. There's not much hope, and even if there is, he didn't see what good a hot air balloon would do. It's not as though it could take them far, and the entire country was suffering. He wasn't sure about this bunker either, not after the treatment he had suffered at the hands of people. A bunker sounded like something the army had control over, and the army wasn’t exactly the most open-minded group when it came to people of his religion.
The houses were giving way to the forest and wide parks. The fewer houses the better, as far as Saeed
was concerned, since it meant there were fewer people who could threaten them. The world was filled with danger and death, and he was sure he hadn't seen the last of people who blamed him for the attacks.
There was some rustling in the nearby bushes. Jane and Tony were deep in conversation, so they didn't notice it. Saeed thought about calling out to them, but then he decided against it, and wanted to investigate himself. Groot noticed, but Saeed placed a hand up signaling the dog to stay and crept toward the noise. Saeed reached around his back for the long knife, feeling the weight of it in his hands. It was reassuring to know he had a way to defend himself, although he only could think about how things would have been different had he had the knife when his home was attacked. Maybe Nadya and Aaminah still would be alive.
He crouched down low, peering at the rustling, searching through the foliage to try catching a glimpse of what was hiding there. He was sure somebody was following them, lying in wait for a moment of weakness, ready to strike and take their supplies, and maybe their lives. Saeed wasn't going to give them a chance. He walked up slowly, ready to leap into action against whoever was there. A flash of movement surged in the darkness. Saeed braced himself, but then a blurred shape leaped toward him, snarling, gnashing its teeth.
Saeed was thrown back in surprise, not having expected an animal to leap toward him. He fell backward and had to hold off the bobcat’s jaws with one hand clamped around its neck. Hot saliva dripped down from the animal's maw, splashing against his skin. He turned his head away, trying to keep as much distance between himself and the bobcat as possible. He struggled with the knife, trying to get it into the correct position. Saeed stared into the animal’s eyes, and only saw ferocious hatred. Not only had the end of the world affected humans, but it had caused the animals to enter survival mode as well.