Pull You Through

by Kaylee Ryan

  “They do,” he agrees, and my excitements wanes a little. “But I know this won’t.” My heart stutters as it picks up speed. “I know we need to get to know each other better before we can make promises to each other, so this is my promise to you. There will be no one else while I’m gone. I’ll write with that paper stuff you mentioned earlier.” He chuckles and presses another sweet kiss to my head. “I’ll call when I can, e-mail. I can text you, but it’s going to be erratic. I don’t know when I’ll be able to or how often, but you need to know that no matter the amount of time between all of those things, you are and will be the only thing on my mind.”

  “You need to stay safe,” I tell him.

  Another kiss on the top of my head. “This is training, and I will be. I have to be. I have something too precious waiting for me not to be.”

  “I know I shouldn’t say this, but I really don’t want you to go.”

  The hand that’s tracing my back wraps around me, and he holds me tight. “I’m with you, Austyn. Every day I’ll be with you. I might not be able to hold you or kiss you, but my mind and my heart are always with you.”

  My own heart sputters in my chest at his words.

  “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  I snuggle into him closer, and this is how our night goes. We talk about anything and everything. We spend the time getting to know one another, breaking up our conversation with lots of kisses and subtle caresses. Neither one of us willing to let sleep claim us, not wanting to miss a single second of our time together.

  “I probably need to get in the shower,” he says eventually.

  The sun’s already peeking through the curtains, so I know it’s already time. “What time is it?” We’ve just been lying here the last hour or so and holding onto one another.

  “Just after six. Combs said we’d grab food on the road. His dad will be here at seven.” He kisses my temple. “You stay in bed. I’ll be out soon.” His voice is low, and I can hear the hesitation—he doesn’t want to leave. Reluctantly, he releases his hold on me and climbs out of bed. He ruffles around in his bag and then disappears behind the bathroom door.

  As soon as I hear the shower turn on, I climb out of bed and rush to my bag. I pull out the notebook and pen I shoved inside and begin to write him a letter. I had one ready, but so much has changed since then. I now have more to say. The words pour out of me, and I fight tears. When the shower shuts off, I seal the envelope and hide the letter in the bottom of his bag, shoving the paper and pen back in mine. I pull on my sleep shorts and tank and sit cross-legged on the bed.

  “Hey,” he says when he steps out of the bathroom. “I thought you were staying snuggled in bed?” he asks sweetly.

  “Nah, I’m not going to stay here, not without you.”

  “You can. I have the room until eleven.”

  “No, I think I’ll just head home. I just… don’t want to be here without you,” I confess.

  He steps in front of me and cups my cheek. “Can you tell me something? Can you tell me that it’s only me? I mean, until we figure this out, see if the distance is something we can tackle, can you not see anyone else? I know it’s selfish and it goes against everything we’ve said up to this point, but fuck, Austyn, I can’t leave here not knowing that you’re mine.”

  I scramble to climb up into my knees to be closer to him. His hands grip my hips, holding me steady. “Are you mine, Slade Reeves?” I ask him.

  “No question.”

  “Then we’re good. I want you to know that it’s only you. If that changes, you’ll be the first to know. I need you to have a clear head when you’re training. You need to learn those skills to stay safe. To come home to me.”

  He pulls me into him and hugs me tightly. “Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be.”

  I don’t say anything. I can’t. If I try to speak, my tears will fall, and I can’t let him see that. I need to stay strong for him.

  His phone vibrates on the nightstand, and he pulls back, kissing my forehead before grabbing it. “That’s Combs. His dad’s downstairs waiting for us.” I scramble off the bed and dig for a hoodie. “What are you doing?”

  “I can’t walk you down like this.”

  “Hey.” Reaching out, he grabs my elbow. “Let’s do this here, okay? This is our moment. I want to remember you just like this.” I nod. The tears are close, and I’m fighting hard to keep them at bay. “I’ll miss you, angel,” he whispers before kissing me softly, and that’s all it takes. No matter how hard I fought them, tears fall unchecked as he kisses me.

  “I’m going to miss you, too,” I say through my tears when he pulls away.

  Using the pads of his thumbs, he wipes my cheeks. “I need your e-mail address. I don’t have one, but I’ll make one. I need your address too.” He unlocks his phone and hands it to me.

  I search through his contacts and stop when I see there are four contacts. Recruiter, Realtor, Combs, and Austyn. My heart breaks for him and all that he’s lost. I type in my information and hit Save before handing it back to him. “If you change your mind about us—” His lips press to mine, stopping me from saying more.

  “I want us, Austyn. I’m coming for you as soon as I get leave. This is where I’ll be.”

  “Stay safe,” I say, hugging him tightly, burying my face in his chest.

  “You too. I need to go.”

  “I know.” I say the words, but I don’t bother letting go, and neither does he.

  “Come on,” he finally says. He grabs his bags, shoves in his clothes from yesterday, and opens the door. We find Savannah and Brandon in the hallway hugging. Slade drops his bag and turns to face me. He cups my face in his hands and presses his forehead against mine. “My angel,” he whispers, and a sob escapes my lips. I can hear Savannah crying too.

  “My knight.”

  He chuckles. “I’m always with you.”

  I nod. “Take care of you.”

  He presses his lips to mine, and I know he can taste the salt from my tears.

  “See you soon, angel,”

  “See you soon.”

  He pulls away, picks up his bag and turns for the elevator. Brandon does the same. Savannah is next to me, and we wrap our arms around each other, holding on for dear life as we watch them wait for doors to open. They step inside and Slade waves, giving me a sad smile. I wave and fight the urge to run to him, to latch onto him and keep him here.

  When the doors close and they disappear, Savannah sobs against me. I hold her close. I lead her into my room, and we collapse on the bed, holding onto one another. Her sobs break my already fragile heart. My tears are for her and Brandon, my two best friends who have the real thing, the love that you’re lucky to find in a lifetime. They’re also for me, for Slade, and the hope that we can find our way.

  “I don’t want to be here,” Savannah says finally.

  “I couldn’t agree more. Go pack up. We’ll check out and head home. You’re off today, right?”

  “Yeah, you?”

  “Yeah, I traded with Beth.”

  “Let’s go back to my house, take a nap because I know neither of us slept a wink last night. Then we’ll go see Brandon’s parents or go shopping. Anything you want.”

  “What would I do without you?” she asks.

  “You’ll never have to find out.” I hug my best friend and then push her out of bed. “Go pack up. Meet me in the hall, fifteen minutes.” She gives me a watery smile and walks out the door. I’m zipping up my bag, doing a final walk of the room to make sure I didn’t forget anything when my phone vibrates in my back pocket. Pulling it out, I see a message from Slade.

  Slade: I miss you already.

  Tears well in my eyes.

  Me: I miss you too.

  I hesitate for a minute wondering if I should let him find the letter or tell him about it. I decide to tell him about it. What if he doesn’t unpack right away?

  Me: I left you something in the bottom of your bag.
>
  Slade: I might have left you a little something too.

  I drop my phone on the bed. Unzip my bag and turn it upside down. Everything falls into a pile on the bed, and there it is, a small white envelope sitting on top of the pile. I smile, knowing we both had the same idea. I grab my phone and text him a picture of the pile, the envelope on top.

  Me: Great minds think alike

  Slade: Did you dump your bag?

  Me: Yep, I was just getting ready to meet Savvy to check out, but I couldn’t wait.

  His reply is a picture of my envelope lying on top of his bag.

  Slade: We’re more alike than I thought.

  Me: Text me when you get there. I have some reading to do.

  Slade: I can do that. Get some rest.

  Me: You too.

  Grabbing the envelope, I sit on the edge of the bed and slide my finger under the seal. It’s a postcard from the hotel. Flipping it over, I read the back.

  Austyn,

  Just the first of what I hope are many keepsakes from our time together.

  These past nine days have been the best of my life.

  Thank you for giving me that.

  I’ll see you soon.

  Slade

  I’M STARING AT THE LETTER in my hands. I’ve been gripping it for the last hour. Part of me wants to tear it open and devour her words, the other part wants to wait until I’m alone. As if anything she has to say should be sacred between the two of us.

  Combs is sleeping in the front seat. I imagine, like Austyn and I, they didn’t sleep. His mom was there today, to say goodbye to him, and she commented that he looked tired. He assured her he would catch up on the drive. That was my intention too, but I can’t seem to shut my mind off. I keep replaying last night. Hell, every minute that I’ve spent with her is on a highlight reel.

  “You okay back there?” Eric asks.

  “Yeah, too tired to sleep I guess.” I laugh it off.

  “We have a lot of miles ahead of us.”

  “Yeah,” I say, looking out the window.

  “I’m glad he met you,” he tells me. “It makes his mother and me a little less anxious knowing he has a friend with him.”

  “We’re brothers,” I tell him. We are. We might not be blood, but there’s more to family than blood. We formed a bond during boot camp. Other than Combs, Spiller and Jeffers are my other two closest friends. The four of us are rooming together on base.

  Silence surrounds us, just the soft croon of whatever song is in the background and the sound of the truck tires traveling down the road. Looking down at the letter, I decide to go for it. With Combs, Spiller, and Jeffers around, this is probably the most privacy I’m going to get.

  I angle my body toward the door, slide my finger under the seal, and pull the letter out of the envelope.

  Slade,

  I don’t have much time. You just got in the shower, and after what we shared last night, the letter I had ready just isn’t good enough. I didn’t expect you. I knew Brandon was bringing a friend home with him. I thought we’d hang out, give them some time, but what I got was so much more. I got the honor of meeting the guy who charmed me, treated me with respect, and gave me so many firsts.

  No matter what our future holds, I’ll always have that. The time with you, the firsts. Thank you for that, for the nine days of amazing.

  It’s important you know there’s someone at home waiting for you. We haven’t defined us, but regardless of how that turns out, I don’t want to lose you as a part of my life.

  So when times get rough and you feel alone, remember that. I’m here waiting for you. Let that memory pull you through until I see you again.

  Stay safe,

  Austyn

  Folding the letter, I place it back in the envelope and grip it. Tilting my head back against the seat, I close my eyes. For years, I’ve wondered why me? Why was I dealt the hand of having drug-addicted parents? Why did the one person who I had in the world have to die? It’s now, as I hold her letter in my hands, her words and the memories of our time together, I think that maybe it all happened to lead me here. To lead me to Austyn. Gran was always big on saying things happen for a reason. No one knows God’s intention. I never really believed her, not until Austyn. Maybe all the pain, the sadness, the loss, the suffering, maybe that’s what I had to do to be here, in this moment—to be a marine, and to have the honor of defending my country, and the privilege to fall for the blonde-haired beauty with mesmerizing blue eyes.

  My angel.

  Maybe Gran guided me here. Maybe it’s fate. I don’t know the reason, but I know I’m incredibly grateful for Austyn and the time I’ve spent with her, and the time I hope to spend with her in the future. It’s going to be hard as hell. It’s going to be five long, lonely months without her kiss, her touch. I’m a prick for asking her to wait, but I had to. No way could I have left her not knowing she was mine. At least for now. I have to hold onto that, hold onto the hope of us. That’s my last thought as I drift off to sleep.

  When the truck stops, I open my eyes. Looking around, I see we’re in the parking lot of a restaurant. Rubbing my hands over my face, I yawn, trying to wake up.

  “Thought you boys could use some food, and I need to stretch my legs,” Eric says from the front seat.

  “Yeah,” I reply, because stretching my legs and my back is sounding pretty good about now. I’m a tall guy at six foot three, and this back seat has modest legroom, but being cramped in a truck for over five hours, sleeping at that, is not my idea of a good time.

  “Food is good. Then more sleep,” Combs says groggily.

  “Stay up late, did ya?” His dad smirks.

  “All night. Didn’t want to miss it,” he tells him honestly.

  “What about you?” he asks me once we’re seated at a table. “You stay up late too?”

  “All night.”

  “Let me guess, you didn’t want to miss it?”

  “No, sir. I just found her, and now I have to leave her. Co—I mean Brandon, he’s been with Savannah for a long, long time. They have that bond, one that will carry them through. I’m not sure I have that. I’d like to think we could, but only time will tell.” I don’t tell him that I couldn’t sleep for the fear that it would be the last time I’d see her. That my heart is hers, but I was too afraid to tell her that after only nine days. I don’t tell him that I would have given anything to have more time with her.

  “No matter how much time has passed, a week, a year, hell, even a decade, it takes work. You have to want it and have to be willing to give it one hundred and ten percent every day.”

  “Yes, sir.” I let his words sink in, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want her, want there to be an us for a long damn time, if not forever. I’m keeping that to myself, but the thought is there.

  “So it’s five months this time?” Eric asks, changing the subject and I’m grateful. We spend the entire time at the restaurant talking about what comes next. Combs, Spiller, Jeffers, and I are all going into combat engineering. Basically, we’re going to be the guys clearing demolition, potential land mines, and building bridges.

  “Yeah, then we’ll find out where we’re going to be stationed,” Combs tells him.

  The rest of our time is spent talking about what their next steps will be. Where we think we will be and hope to be stationed. Eric is one of those dads who listens to what you say. He’s not asking because it feels like the right thing to do. He’s asking because he actually cares what’s going on in his son’s life.

  Back in the truck, I pull out my phone and text Austyn.

  Me: Hey, how’s your day?

  Austyn: Hi! Good. Savvy and I came back to my place to take a nap.

  Me: Wish I was there with you.

  Austyn: Me too, but you have great things ahead of you, Slade Reeves.

  I don’t know how she does it, but she manages to always say what I need to hear.

  Me: What are the plans for today?

  Aus
tyn: Nothing much. We’re going to go visit Sarah in a little while. Keep her company.

  Me: We’re a little over four hours away. I’ll text you when we get there.

  Austyn: Be safe.

  Sliding my phone back in my pocket, I rest my head against the window and let sleep claim me once again. When I wake again a few hours later, we’re in North Carolina.

  “Almost there,” Eric tells me, glancing in the rearview mirror.

  “I can’t believe I didn’t think of it,” Combs grumbles from the front passenger seat.

  “Think of what?” I ask, still a little groggy and trying to get in on the conversation.

  “We’re staying in a hotel tonight. We could have had the girls come with us.”

  “Damn,” I mutter to myself. However, I must be louder than I think because Eric laughs and Combs grumbles, “Exactly” agreeing with me.

  “I’m sure it was hard enough on them to say goodbye. That’s why your mom stayed home as well,” Eric chimes in.

  “It was,” we both say at the same time. I can still see her tears as I kissed Austyn goodbye. When I signed up for this, I had no one. No one to miss me, and no one to miss. I was destined to a life with the Marine Corps. I don’t regret signing up, not for a minute, but I do wish I had more time with her, that she could have been in my life sooner. Then again, maybe if I had met her sooner, things wouldn’t have worked out like they have, like they are. I just keep hearing Gran telling me, “Everything happens for a reason.” I get that. I do. I just hope this reason keeps her in my life.

  When we reach the hotel, we grab our bags and check in. I opted for my own room, even though they offered to let me stay with them. This will give them some father-and-son time, and well, it gives me time to call Austyn. We have to report in at eight in the morning, so we call it a night and head to our separate rooms. It’s just after seven, and I don’t know if she’s home yet, but I have to call her. Even if it’s to hear her voice for a minute or two.