The Everything Kids' Joke Book
Page 10
“I haven’t slept for three days.”
“Why not?”
“I only sleep at night.”
The straight player is the one who says “Why not?”
COMIC BIOGRAPHY
Poor Marx for Comedy
Groucho Marx, the cigar-chewing, bushy-eyebrowed, crouch-walking leader of the nutty Marx Brothers, once confided to a director his surefire method for testing whether a joke was funny or not. Groucho would tell the joke to Zeppo, the quiet brother who played the romantic roles in their films. “If Zeppo likes it,” said Groucho, “we throw it out!”
At first glance this may look like a boring, thankless chore. But an audience takes its cue from the straight player. When the straight man or woman laughs, gets angry, or reacts in just the right way to a joke, the audience will laugh twice—once at the joke and once at the straight player’s reaction. The straight player makes the comic look even funnier.
Comedy teams always have one straight player. Dean Martin was the straight man to Jerry Lewis, Dan Rowan to Dick Martin, Oliver Hardy to Stan Laurel, David Spade to Chris Farley, and Gracie Allen to George Burns.
It takes talent and practice to be a comedian. It takes even more skill to play it straight!
Step on It! (Running Gags)
What is a running gag? It is a joke or funny stunt that happens several times throughout a single movie, scene, or TV show. A classic example is the poor Chihuahua that keeps getting sat on during Airplane Two: The Sequel. You never know when that pitiful pooch is going to turn up next, or who’s going to sit on it.
Another hilarious example comes from Mel Brooks’s Young Frankenstein. When we first meet the Frankenstein family’s creepy housekeeper, Frau Blucher, the sound of her name alone is enough to frighten the horses. Even toward the end of the movie, when someone deep in the castle’s underground lab says “Frau Blucher,” the horses’ muffled braying can be heard in the courtyard far outside!
FUN FACT
Famous Straight Men and Women
Gale Gordon in The Lucy Show
Richard Deacon in The Dick Van Dyke Show
Judd Hirsch in Taxi
Isabel Sanford in The Jeffersons
Dave Foley in News Radio
Mary Tyler Moore in The Mary Tyler MooreShow
David Spade in Just Shoot Me
Running gag: a joke or stunt that happens several times in a movie, play, TV show, or standup routine
Comic motion: actions that are funny, like someone climbing out of a swimming pool with all her clothes on.
A running gag can be wordless, simply a physical stunt. A favorite running joke of movie fans is Inspector Clouseau’s pal Kato in the Pink Panther comedies. The dimwitted Inspector has ordered Kato to attack him at any time without warning, day or night. Clouseau thinks that this will help keep him alert, on his toes, and sharpen his skills as a supersleuth. Throughout the films then, Kato will suddenly appear from nowhere, leap at the Inspector, and start a huge knockdown battle royale.
COMIC BIOGRAPHY
Getting His Feet Wet
Mack Sennett was one of old-time Hollywood’s busiest comedy directors. Sennett had a big hand in creating the kooky Keystone Kops, Charlie Chaplin’s Little Tramp character, and most of the films of Laurel and Hardy. Sennett also invented three major cliches of American comedy:
A wacky chase scene (with cars, trains, motorcycles, etc.)
A pie-throwing fight
A beautiful girl loved by the crazy comedian
After Sennett became famous, a pesky young actor asked him what it took to be a good comedian. “You have to understand comic motion,” explained Sennett. “That’s simple,” said the fellow. “You mean like making funny faces?” Suddenly, Sennett pushed the actor into a nearby swimming pool. When the wet and gasping fellow climbed out, Sennett said, “That’s comic motion.”
COMIC BIOGRAPHY
What a Ball!
Lucille Ball was the Queen of Comedy. Known for her zany physical humor, goofball costumes, and trademark flaming red hair and “ambulance-siren” wail, she starred in the number one TV show of the 1950s. Lucy was also one of the hardest working comedians on stage, TV, and films. Look at her output (and that doesn’t even include the countless hours she spent rehearsing her perfectly timed comic shtick, songs, and dance routines):
124 radio episodes of My Favorite Husband
179 TV episodes of I Love Lucy
13 original Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour programs
156 episodes of The Lucy Show
149 episodes of Here’s Lucy
and 79 movies!
The TV comedy Seinfeld was full of running gags. A gag at the beginning of the show will turn up unexpectedly in the middle of the story or right before the closing credits.
Other running gags to watch for:
The woman with her pet dogs in A Fish Called Wanda.
The literal “running” gag of the jogging Buster Keaton in A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum.
The rubber hand with the ring (and the word “Munson”) in Kingpin.
The plate glass window in What’s Up, Doc?
The mysterious apartment in The Ladies’ Man.
All of Ferris’s well-wishers in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Carry a Big Shtick
A shtick is a collection of gimmicks or gags that a comedian relies on. Shtick comes from a Yiddish word meaning “bits and pieces” and was used to describe a small part in a play. The word now refers to the bits and pieces that make up a comedian’s toolbox of verbal and physical humor.
Examples of comedians’ shtick:
Shtick: the regular bits and pieces that make up a comedian’s toolbox
Robin Williams: funny voices, improvisation, and quick changes of pace
Jim Carrey: wild facial expressions and exaggerated physical movements
Roseanne: weary, no-nonsense, suburban mother
Bill Murray: smarmy, “thinks he’s cool” know-it-all
Adam Sandler: goofy, class clown
Jerry Lewis: wide-eyed, well-meaning bumbler
A Shtick List
Shtick can also refer to a widely used gimmick that never fails to provoke laughter. The oldest of these would be getting a pie thrown in your face or slipping on a banana peel. Other shtick include:
Wearing clothes that are too big or too small
Not paying attention while walking or riding a bicycle and bumping into a wall, door, or another person
Someone asks you a question when your mouth is full
Dressing up as the opposite sex in order to avoid someone
Carefully reaching for a single item at a store but accidentally spilling hundreds all over the floor
Getting a tie stuck in anything, especially in your food, a suitcase, or a closing elevator door
During a conversation, just as you are about to say an important word or phrase, a loud noise occurs (airplane, construction work, traffic, etc.)
Sitting down at precisely the same time as someone else, or turning the page of a book at the same time
Two frightened guys looking at each other and screaming
The Spit-Take
Try this well-used shtick: A friend says something shocking just as you are taking a sip of water. Your reaction? A sputtering blast of liquid all over you and your companion. This particular shtick is known as the spit-take, a time-honored method of getting a laugh.
Spit-take: when someone sprays a mouthful of liquid all over someone else in response to something said
FUN FACT
Exit Laughing
“Nobody ever died of laughter,” exclaimed Sir Max Beerbohm (1872-1956), a British caricaturist and wit. But Max was wrong. According to historians, there are at least two cases of hilarity producing fatal results. These two men both died from laughing too hard:
Thomas Urquhart, a Scottish writer and translator, in 1660
Calchas, a Greek fortuneteller, sometime before 800 B.C.
It’s a goo
d thing the jokes they heard are not on record!
Gen-X author David Foster Wallace uses the idea of deadly laughs for his monumental (1,079 pages!) bestseller Infinite Jest. In Wallace’s book, the mysterious bad guys televise a movie called Infinite Jest that is so amusing, so entertaining, that people who watch it forget to sleep, eat, or drink and eventually starve to death!
The spit-take has been used on almost every TV sitcom and in countless films. It is also used in plays and comedy clubs (front row ticketholders beware!). But it’s not the easiest joke to master. Timing is everything. The joke that provokes the spit-take must be heard clearly before the reaction takes place. And if the spit is too short or too long, the laughter turns into a groan.
Whenever you hear a joke, your reaction is a take. (In other words, how did you “take” the joke? Did you think it was silly, boring, stupid?) Comedians are experts at “doing a take” and can whip up laughter by simply reacting to the wild antics taking place around them. Many comedians do a take by looking directly into the camera or at the audience. It’s as if they are saying, “Do you think this stuff is as ridiculous as I do?”
One word of caution: Be careful what you are drinking when you do a spit-take. After all, milk and grape juice can stain, and hot coffee might lead to an argument. The pros use cold water and avoid getting into “hot water!”
The Sight Gag
A sight gag is a joke without words. It does not mean wearing silly clothes or making a goofy grin. A sight gag is a well-planned joke that makes us laugh because of something we see, rather than something we hear.
Do You See What I See?
Can you find the 20 silly substitutions in this picture?
FUN FACT
Just Four Laughs
Only four comedies have won the Academy Award for Best Movie since the Oscars were first handed out in 1929:
It Happened One Night (1934) You Can’t Take It With You (1938) The Apartment (1960) Annie Hall (1977)
A classic example takes place in Jacques Tati’s Mr. Hulot’s Holiday. At a summer hotel, a group of strangers is playing cards. There are two tables, each with their own game. The roomful of serious players stare at the cards in their hands, oblivious to their surroundings. Mr. Hulot comes onto the scene looking for a missing ping-pong ball. As he bumbles around searching for his ball, Mr. H. nudges Mr. Gonzales, one of the card players who is sitting in a swivel chair. The chair rotates smoothly just as Mr. Gonzales, his nose buried in his hand, lays down a card. The card lands on the table next to him instead of his own table. Then Mr. H. swivels the chair back into place. The wrongly played card provokes a riot at both tables.
The scene is just as hilarious if you watch it with the sound turned off.
Here’s another sight gag: A boy and girl are sitting at a coffee shop. She is drinking coffee, he is chewing bubble gum. The couple stops talking, stare meaningfully at each other, and then kiss. When the long, romantic kiss is over, suddenly it’s the girl who blows a bubble.
Movies that are not strictly comedies may also contain sight gags. Look for the lovebirds in Melanie Daniels’s speeding sports car in Hitchcock’s The Birds. The sight gag adds just the right touch of humor to an otherwise nerve-wracking film.
Hunting for more ideas to create your own sight gags? Watch the amazing Mr. Bean, Roadrunner cartoons, I Love Lucy reruns, silent movies, or Mel Brooks’s modern Silent Movie. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective; Men in Black; Ghostbusters; Addams Family Values; and every episode of The Simpsons contain loads of sight gags.
Young Frankenstein is a sight gag encyclopedia:
The girl flying through the window
The corpse’s arm on the broken wagon
Igor’s head on the laboratory shelf
The hermit spilling hot soup
The light from the unlit candelabra
The revolving bookcase
Parody
A parody, also known as a spoof or a takeoff, is a humorous imitation of something serious. Austin Powers is a parody of James Bond. Airplane! is a takeoff of Airport. Mel Brooks, a spoof specialist, created a hit parade of parodies: westerns (Blazing Saddles), monster movies (Young Frankenstein), and Hitchcock suspense films (High Anxiety).
Parody: a humorous imitation of something serious
FUN FACT
Funny Playwright
George S. Kaufman wrote some of the funniest plays ever produced in America, including The Man Who Came to Dinner and You Can’t Take It With You. He also wrote this punfully apt inscription for his gravestone:
Over My Dead Body
His friend Dorothy Parker got in the act and wrote one for herself:
Excuse My Dust
The best parodies are when the audience knows exactly what is being spoofed. Here’s an example:
Mary had a little lamb
She tied him to the heater,
And everytime he turned around
He burned his little seater.
And another:
‘Twas the hour before midnight
And all through the gloom
Not a creature was stirring,
Except in the tomb!
What’s the Punch Line?
Do you have what it takes to be a comedy writer? Test your H.Q. (Humor Quotient) by matching your answers against the standard joke lines. If you come up with lines that are even funnier (and make your friends and family chuckle), you should be writing for TV!
Punch line: the part of the joke that gets the laugh
1. Why did the weirdo throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see ________________ ________________.
2. Mother: Honey, I can’t get the car started! I think it’s flooded.
Father: Where is it?
Mother: In the________________ ________________.
3. “Mom, I’m feeling upside down.”
“Upside down? What do you mean?”
“Well, my nose________________and my feet________________!”
4. My dad solved the parking problem: He bought a________________ ________________.
5. A fellow forgot to buy cheese for his mousetrap. So he cut out a magazine picture of a slice of cheese and put that in the trap instead. Amazingly enough, the trap worked. The next morning he went to inspect the trap and found what?
6. What’s the best way to drive a baby buggy?________________its ________________.
7. “Doctor, will I be able to play the piano once the operation is over?”
“Certainly.”
“That’s funny, because________________.”
8. A customer walks into a seafood restaurant and demands, “Do you serve crabs in this dump?”
And the headwaiter replies, “________________.”
9. Jimmy: What kind of dog is that?
Troy: He’s a police dog.
Jimmy: He doesn’t look like a police dog to me.
Troy: Of course not.
That’s because he’s________________________________.
10. What does a 400-pound canary say?
“ ________________________________.”
11. Didja hear about the vampire that had a bad cold?
His ________________kept him up all night.
12. What did the jogger say when he ran into the doctor’s office?
“ ________________!”
13. What does a baseball player do when his eyesight goes bad?
He gets a job as ________________.
14. Customer: Waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: ________________________________.
15. “I see your son drives his own car now.”
“Yes, finally!”
“How long did it take him to learn?”
“About two-and-a-half________________.”
16. “What are you going to give your little brother for Christmas this year?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“What did you give him last year?”
“The________________.�
��
17. “My Dad thinks he’s a poodle.”
“Wow! How long has he thought that?”
“Ever since he________________.”
18. What did the baby mouse say to his mother the first time he saw a bat flying
overhead?
“Look, Mom, it’s ________________!”
19. What do you call a cat who likes lemonade?
A ________________ ________________.
20. “Is that little kid your brother?”
“He sure is.”
“He’s awful short.”
“That’s because he’s my________________ ________________.”
Answers
Your H.Q. (Humor Quotient)
Right answers:
0-3: Bet you’re a hit at family reunions.
4-8: Class Clown!
9–14: Hire a talent agent.
15 or more: Call Jim Carrey! He needs you on the set NOW!
Glossary
Beat: pause or break in the dialogue for comic effect
Burlesque: A show of many skits with singing, dancing, and comedy
Comic Motion: actions that are funny, like someone climbing out of a swimming pool with all her clothes on
Dilemma: a tough problem or sticky situation
Gag: a laugh-provoking remark, trick, or prank
Limerick: a light or humorous verse with a specific rhythm and rhyme scheme
Limick: a shortened version of a limerick
Monologue: the routine of a standup comic