Heartfelt

by Danielle Allen

  “What can I do to prevent this?”

  I’ll do anything, I added in my head as I felt myself starting to freak out.

  A cold, calculated laugh rumbled through the phone. “That’s the beauty of this. You’re going to lose it all regardless of what you do. If you want to save that hot piece of ass of yours, you need to give up art. If you don’t, Bianca suffers the consequences and she’ll leave your ass once it comes out. And if you go to the police, Ms. Spence will fire you so you’ll lose your endorsement from her. If you tell anyone, I’ll send out this letter of recommendation to anyone with an email address and you’ll lose your girl. There’s nothing that you can do about this. You’re screwed. So really, I don’t give a fuck what you do because no matter what, you lose.”

  The two things I loved most in this world were Bianca Baker and art.

  And this motherfucker is trying to make me choose.

  “Where’s Bianca?”

  “You’re not in a position to question me.”

  “If you hurt her, I’ll end you. I’ll fucking murder you! Do you hear me?” I became belligerent as I screamed into the phone.

  “Love has made you dumb. Threatening the man who holds all of the cards in his hands is not smart. I told you I didn’t want to hurt her. If you threaten me again, I will.”

  I felt myself crumbling. I put the heel of my hand into my chest, right over my heart, and pressed down. The pain intensified.

  “Just let her go. I… I just…Please,” I stammered, unable to think clearly.

  “When words fail, speak through art because art and love are what binds us, right?”

  My head throbbed with a sudden headache. Running a hand down my face a couple of times, I swallowed around the hate that choked me.

  “Well you’re about to lose one or the other, art or love, and if things go really well, you’ll lose both. I told you I’d get you back.”

  “If you have an issue with me, then go after me,” I reasoned. “Leave her out of it.”

  “She’s leverage and if you fuck with me, she’s collateral damage.”

  After his last words, the line disconnected.

  “Hello? Benjamin! Benjamin!”

  ----------

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Letting out a rasping growl, I fell to my knees.

  Roses are red. These ones are black. I’ll stop at nothing to get you back. Shit. The whole time I thought it was Ashton trying to get Bianca back romantically, but it was really Benjamin saying he was going to get me back in retaliation.

  The burning sensation in my chest made it hard to breathe.

  Oh God. Bianca.

  Blood rushed through my veins so loudly that I couldn’t hear my panting breaths as I sucked in mouthfuls of air.

  What did he do? What did he do to her? I have to find her. I have to do something.

  Climbing to my feet, I grabbed my keys and flew across the room to the front door. Repeatedly slamming my hand against the call button of the elevator, I impatiently waited. The white hot rage that coursed through my body was wrapped in fear.

  I can’t let anything happen to B. I’ll do anything to protect her.

  When the elevator doors opened, a noise I’d never heard before erupted from me.

  “Ro, what’s wrong?” Bianca asked, rushing toward me.

  My eyes burned with the threat of tears as I wrapped her in my arms. Taking big gulping breaths, I continued to struggle to get enough oxygen. I shut my eyes tightly and buried my face in her hair. She was so soft and she smelled so good. I just wanted to lose myself in the moment. As long as I held her in my arms, I knew she was safe.

  “What’s going on? Talk to me, please. I’m scared, Ro.”

  I squeezed her tighter in response. I couldn’t speak. I knew if I did, everything would spill out of me. The feeling of not knowing if she was okay to the relief of having her in my arms was overwhelming. I just needed another moment to hold her.

  Bianca pulled away from me slightly. Her beautiful brown eyes searched mine. Placing her hands on my cheeks, she pulled me down to her and kissed me softly. “Please answer me. What’s wrong?”

  I swallowed thickly.

  Grabbing her wrists, I kissed the palm of both of her hands before leading her to our door. Once we were safely inside the apartment, I was slowly able to catch my breath. We walked to the couch and sat down.

  “I was so worried about you,” I admitted quietly, pulling her into my lap. “I didn’t…” My sentence trailed off because I didn’t know what to say. Even thinking of what could’ve happened to her was too much for me. “I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”

  Twisting so that she could comfortably wrap her arms around my neck, Bianca’s face crumbled. “I feel the same way about you. I’m sorry you were worried. I would’ve called if I could to let you know.”

  “Where’s your phone?”

  “Some asshole stole it. I had it in my hand as I was leaving out of the gallery. He bumped into me and then snatched it right out of my hand. It was crazy.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I tried to chase after him, but he was too fast. He may not have minded shoving people out of the way, but I did.”

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” I barked. “You shouldn’t have chased after him.”

  Bianca’s head tilted and she gave me a pointed look. “Someone stole from me. I wasn’t thinking of anything else but getting my property back. What would you have done?”

  The same thing.

  “That’s not the point. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I need you safe. I need to be able to protect you.”

  “I love that about you. I do. But you can’t protect me from everything. There are assholes in the world who do dumb things for dumb reasons.”

  “What if he would’ve pulled a gun on you? What if he would’ve put his hands on you? What if…?” I shut my eyes and let out a harsh breath. Just asking the questions started making me angry all over again. My jaw hurt from how tightly it was clenched.

  Benjamin has fucked with me for the last time.

  “Hey,” Bianca whispered, running her fingertips along my jawline. “Look at me.”

  I opened my eyes to find her penetrating gaze on me.

  “Talk to me,” she urged.

  Would it make it better or worse if I told her what was going on? I wondered as I stared into her eyes.

  “Is this about the thing with Ashton?” Bianca asked. “Because I thought about it and I needed to be the one to end it. You were right. He’s not the person I thought he was.” She shrugged. “So I’m going to go to call the police and file a report. The way I see it, if he wants me, having an order of protection against him will be the newsflash that he needs to get it through his head that I don’t want him. And I’ll try to keep my mention of you to a minimum so that it doesn’t get back to Charlotte.”

  “I don’t care about that, B.”

  “I do!” She adjusted herself so that she was straddling me. With her finger pointing into my chest, she emphasized every other word. “I’m not going to be the reason you don’t fulfill your dreams. Charlotte Spence is going to continue to make your dreams come true and I will not let Ashton’s jealousy or your relationship with me stand in the way of that. I love you too much to do that.”

  My heart rattled.

  She’s trying to protect me.

  My fingers flexed against her hips as I held her on my lap.

  “Bianca, no—”

  “I’m not going to let you sacrifice your career. Not for me. And not for anything else. It’s too much of a risk. I sent Ashton a firm, but polite response to his emails. Everything should be good now. But if not, the restraining order should drive the point home. After my email, he didn’t respond so I think he got the point.”

  She leaned down and pressed her lips against mine.

  What started as a sweet kiss grew into much more when I cupped her ass and held her in place. I deepened the kiss, pouring my h
eart and soul into her. She moaned in response and the sound drove me crazy.

  Something deep in my gut tightened as I felt her full lips move against mine with the same desperate desire that I felt. With each tiny suck of my bottom lip, she stirred my dick to life. My body hummed for her heat. My hands craved her skin. My tongue yearned for her taste.

  There would never be anyone who could make me feel what Bianca made me feel. There was no coming back from Bianca Baker. She was it for me. She was all I needed.

  I groaned loudly when her tongue grazed mine, sending a flood of emotions from my head to my heart to my dick and back up again. She spoke to every part of my body.

  Her hands grabbed at my shirt, pulling it up until she exposed my chest. She ran her hands up and down my abs until her hand rested over my heart, which beat only for her.

  “Roman,” she moaned sexily against my mouth, grinding herself against me.

  Pulling out of the kiss slowly, there was only about an inch of space between us. I looked up into her eyes and saw the vulnerability that I felt. I saw the love that I felt. I saw the worry and the concern and the desire that I felt.

  “I love you so fucking much, Bianca.” I pushed a few curls behind her ear as I stared up at her. “You are everything to me. You know that right? And I’m never going to let anything happen to you. You understand that too, right?”

  Bianca sat up gradually, never taking her eyes off of me. I could see the uneasiness taking over her facial features. Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded.

  “I need to tell you something and I need you to listen. Then I need you to trust me.”

  She swiped at her eyes before the tear could hit her cheek. “What is it? Just say it and get it over with.”

  She moved off of my lap and I felt the loss immediately. She made sure there was space between us as she moved down on the couch. She was shaking and I wanted to reach out to her, but I needed to tell her what was going on first.

  With a sigh, I reached out to grab the box on the coffee table. Opening it, I pulled out the manila envelope and handed it to her. “I got this in the mail yesterday. These are all of the pictures I was telling you about this morning. But this is what I left out.”

  As she flipped through the pictures, I read her the note and then handed that to her as well. I told her about the conversation with Nina and Brad’s confrontation with Ashton.

  “That’s what he was talking about then,” Bianca revealed with a knowing nod. “He said that you were spreading lies about him in order to keep us apart and that you even sent one of your cronies to threaten him. If I wasn’t so freaked out by how many messages he was sending, I would’ve commented on his use of cronies.”

  I smiled, unable to laugh even though I was amused. I hadn’t gotten to the worst part of the story yet.

  “Because we were leaving at the same time today, I waited outside for your taxi to drop you off. But when it was late, I started thinking that Easy’s threats might have pushed Ashton over the edge. So I came up here to look for you and I received this email.”

  I watched her eyes shifting as she read each line. I noticed the way her eyes widened and the way the corners of her mouth turned down. I watched her beautiful, expressive face and I felt a wave of guilt come over me.

  She’s dealing with this shit because of me.

  “Oh my God,” Bianca breathed, her eyes snapping to mine.

  I nodded. Scrubbing my hands down my face, I took a deep breath.

  She looked horrified. “These are lies! When did you get this?”

  “A few minutes before you came up the elevator.” I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I still hadn’t heard from you and I was worried. So when I got a phone call from you, I answered it, expecting you to tell me you got pulled into a last minute meeting. Something. Anything. But instead, it was more threats and…” I shook my head. Bringing the back of her hand to my lips, I held it there.

  “It’s not Ashton,” I informed her.

  Her eyebrows came together in confusion as she looked at me.

  “It’s Benjamin.”

  “What?” Bianca yelled, jumping to her feet. “You mean to tell me that your fucking lunatic of a brother is the one trying to ruin my life?”

  I stood up. With my hands laced and resting on the crown of my head, I paced. “Yeah. And he stole your phone specifically so he could call me and tell me that it’s not about you, it’s about me. He’s trying to hurt me so he’s going after the things I love most.”

  “Well what can we do? We can’t go to the police, but we can’t let this email go out either.”

  I stopped in front of her, cupping her face with my hands. “I’m going to the police.”

  “No.” She shook her head, taking my hands along with her. “You can’t.”

  “I can and I am.” I kissed her forehead. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. And I’m not going to let Benjamin get away with this. Do you know what he said to me? He said ‘when words fail, speak through art because art and love are what binds us’. He took what William used to say to me and told me that I’m about to lose one or the other. He’s forcing my hand and making me choose.”

  “Roman, no.” Tears formed and she blinked them back. “There’s got to be a better way. We can end this by letting me file the report. With all of the information we have, we can get him.”

  I kissed her and when I pulled away, her lips trembled.

  “You’ll lose your contract and you will eventually resent me for it. I can’t let you do that.”

  I ran my thumb over her slick cheek, stopping the descent of the lone tear that escaped. “It’s not your choice.”

  “The letter is a lie and anyone who believes it is a dumb bitch. Let it come out. I don’t care. I won’t let you sacrifice yourself for me. Please,” she begged, her voice breaking. “Please don’t do this. I can’t have the guilt of ruining your career on me. I can’t.”

  Everything in me broke as I watched the tears well up in her eyes. She fought like hell to keep the tears from falling. Her entire body was shaking and her breathing was coming in spurts, her chest heaving.

  She rubbed her forehead with her fingertips.

  My heartrate was unsteady and looking at her had an almost dizzying effect on me. “I love you,” I murmured almost inaudibly.

  “I love you, too.” We were both quiet for a minute before she asked, “Will you lay with me for a little while? My head hurts.”

  Picking her up, I carried her to the bedroom. We silently stripped off all of our clothes and climbed into the bed. She rested her head on my chest and her arm across my abdomen. With our legs intertwined, I ran my hands all over her smooth back.

  The room was dark and neither of us said a word. Seconds turned to minutes turned to hours. I wanted to be there to comfort Bianca, but my mind was on the many ways I wanted to kill Benjamin. Her breathing steadied and I was almost positive she was sleeping until I heard her voice.

  “I appreciate what you want to do. It means so much to me that you love me enough to put me first. But I hope you understand that I feel the exact same way about you and that’s why I can’t let you go through with it.”

  She paused. I didn’t know if she was waiting for me to respond, but I kept my eyes closed and didn’t say a word.

  Her hands feathered across my abs and moved back up to my chest. Her voice was almost inaudible as she spoke. “I’ve never had anyone love me the way that you love me. I’ve never had anyone support me the way that you support me. And I can’t lose that. I can’t lose you.” She paused and a little puff of air escaped her lips, tickling my skin. “Because if you lose art, I’ll lose you. You are art. You live it and breathe it. It is so much a part of you that I don’t think you would be the same if you had to live without it. And I would never want to change that about you. I would never want to change you. And without art, you would change. Without art, you would grow to resent me. Without art, I would lose you. I can’t lose you, Ro
.”

  She kissed my chest and curled up against me. Her breathing changed into long, deep breaths. Sweet sounds of contentment eased out of her as she fell asleep.

  I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. Holding the woman that I loved, I thought about what she said.

  I’ve painted since before I could write. Art has always been a major part of my life. And Charlotte Spence has done things for my career that I’ve always dreamed of. I have so much to say and Charlotte Spence has the connections to get my message out there. I don’t have to be famous, but I want to be heard. I’m not ready to give that up.

  Bianca shifted in my arms and I looked down at the top of her head. All I could make out was a thick mass of dark curls. I inhaled her scent.

  I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel this way about anyone. But I do. I’m so in love with her. I know what it’s like to be without her and I don’t want to ever experience that again. B is everything to me. She is the single most important person in my life. And I’m not ready to give that up.

  ----------

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “Good morning. You were up early,” Bianca greeted me quietly when I entered the apartment. She was wrapped in a towel in the kitchen starting the coffee maker. “Did you have a good run?”

  Well technically, I did run.

  “Yeah,” I answered, matching her tone of voice. To avoid eye contact, I started peeling off my long sleeved t-shirt. “How did you sleep?”

  “I woke up starving, but I slept well.” She tugged her towel in place and gave me a small smile. “You?”

  I didn’t sleep at all.

  “It was okay.”

  She nodded and looked down at the floor.

  The tension in the room was thick. Everything had always been easy with Bianca and me. I hated that our conversation last night had put us in an awkward, uneasy place.