Silver White Winters

by Candice Sue Patterson

  His heart ripped in two. “Why?”

  “I wanted people to love me. I wanted to be perfect.”

  Before he could stop himself, Rae was in his arms. “You are perfect. For me. I’ve always loved you. Just as you are.” White heat sparked through his body as he became painfully aware of her pressed against him. He ached to taste her lips, kiss her until she forgot who or where she was.

  She sobbed on his coat.

  It was more than he could stand. Lane took her face in his hands and pressed his lips to the salty wetness of her cheeks, kissing away the tears. She was made for his arms. It was too easy to forget she’d been gone. He followed the damp trail down her jaw, the curve of her neck. A breathy sigh escaped her mouth, and he finished it off with one of his own, closing his lips over hers.

  ~*~

  Just as you are repeated in her ears as Lane’s firm lips toyed with hers. How had she walked away from this? They were perfect together. She slid her arms around his neck and drew him closer. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, a salve to her open wounds, as nourishing as the river after wandering the wilderness.

  Lane pulled away. “Slow down, Rae.” His breaths were ragged, but he kept her in his arms. He rested his chin against her forehead and chuckled. “You don’t do that for all your fans, do you?”

  She shook her head, not trusting words. She drank in the smell of his cologne, the very feel of him. Why had she denied herself this?

  “I love you, Rae. Heaven help me, I try not to, but it’s useless.” He kissed the top of her head.

  A charging army couldn’t have stopped her smile. “I love you, too,” she whispered. “I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know.”

  Lane’s arms tightened around her. “Now what?”

  “I don’t know.”

  They clung to each other.

  She didn’t know how much time had passed before Lane lifted her chin and placed a feather-soft kiss on her lips. A shiver zinged down her spine. She stood on tiptoe and kissed him back with certainty and control.

  Lane ended the kiss and rubbed his thumb along her jaw. His other hand buried into her hair, palming the back of her head. “You’re such a troublemaker.”

  Raelynn laughed.

  “We better go before we waste the whole day doing this.”

  After one more kiss that turned her legs numb, Lane wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her through the bridge. With each step, that persistent melody played in her mind, this time joined by lyrics. Creativity—and passion—consumed her like a raging fire. It had been so long…

  They stepped from the shadows of the covered bridge into the blinding whiteness. A robin landed on a nearby tree branch and tweeted a tune. Perfect. In this moment, her life felt right. She snuggled deeper under Lane’s arm, wanting to stay there forever.

  He pulled her closer. “Got plans for dinner?”

  “No.”

  “What am I gonna eat then?”

  She elbowed his side. “Whatever you cook.”

  He groaned. “All right. Come over around five and I’ll see what I can do.”

  “It’s a date.”

  In the meantime, she had a song to write.

  10

  Life had grown cold…

  dreams had been sold…

  Like snowflakes we drifted apart.

  But so much has changed, and I’m not the same.

  Your love has melted my heart.

  The chill in the air…

  the snow on the ground…

  The season to care and peace to be found.

  I failed to see it before…

  but you’re here…

  There’s more.

  Raelynn penciled the last note on her sheet music. So much more.

  In all the chaos of stardom, she’d lost herself, this place, Lane. God. Her inspiration. She gripped the guitar neck and lowered the instrument into its case. Born to sing—she’d been told that her whole life. But that wasn’t all she was meant to do, though she’d convinced herself it was. Having Lane in her life again blossomed thoughts of marriage, babies, growing old together, and rocking on the back porch against a mountainous backdrop. For the first time in years, and without the aid of any pills, a relaxing peacefulness settled over her.

  She glanced in the mirror and ran her fingers through her hair. She’d figure out a way to make a relationship with Lane work. The next six months would fly by, and if the studio didn’t renew her contract after that, she’d come home. If they did, she wouldn’t leave Lane behind. Maybe they could compromise. Spend half the year in Nashville, the other half here.

  Raelynn applied a layer of lip gloss and a little more blush, then stepped back for a final inspection. Lane still loved her. That brought the stupidest smile to her face, as if he were the celebrity and she was the fan. Which, in a way, was true. She spritzed on Vellum, the signature perfume she’d created when her second album went platinum. Tonight, that whole world could turn to dust and she wouldn’t care. Lane loved her.

  Daddy was snuggled close to Mama at the stove when Raelynn entered the kitchen. He whispered something in Mama’s ear Raelynn was glad she couldn’t hear, and Mama’s face turned crimson.

  Raelynn wasn’t sure whether to sigh or gag. “You lovebirds have the house all to yourselves this evening. I’ll be home, but I’m not sure when.”

  Daddy stepped away from Mama and cleared his throat. “Where you goin’?”

  Raelynn slipped on her knee-high boots. “I have a date with Mr. Ryan.”

  “Lane?” Mama and Daddy said simultaneously, eyes as big as ping-pong balls.

  Raelynn chuckled. “The one and only.”

  The pot on the burner made a bubbly sound, catching Mama’s attention. She continued stirring with her wooden spoon, mouth wide open.

  Daddy crossed his arms and leaned against the fridge. “Returning the coat went well, I take it.”

  “What coat?” Mama asked, her voice rising.

  Raelynn slipped on her jacket, waved, and grabbed her purse. “Goodnight.”

  “What coat?” Mama called again, but Raelynn closed the door behind her, giggling.

  She breathed in the cold air, her foggy breath clouding her view of the landscape, and sank onto the car’s leather seat. She gasped. “Yikes, it’s cold.”

  When the front tires hit the main road, her cellphone rang. Left hand on the steering wheel, she dug the phone from her purse and answered it. She was running late, as usual.

  “Finally. Why haven’t you called me back?”

  Raelynn’s internal brakes screeched to a halt. Her mind fell from the clouds and splashed into reality faster than an elephant off a diving board. “Jay.”

  “Who’d you think it’d be?”

  “I…sorry, I haven’t called. I’ve been busy.”

  “Doing what?”

  Falling in love. “What’s up, Jay?”

  “Well, there’s a fine how-do-you-do. I know we agreed it was a good idea for you to take some time off, but remember that Gold Crown movie we talked about? I’ve got you an audition scheduled for Saturday at noon. I’ve booked you a flight out of Charleston on Friday at two o’clock, and I overnighted the script to your parents’ address. It should be there tomorrow.”

  Her brain was drowning, gasping for air. “Whoa…a movie?” She kneaded her forehead, her shoulders already seizing with tension. “We agreed I could stay until the New Year. Please, I need this, Jay.”

  “I know, but this is a great opportunity to—”

  “I can’t. I’ve already made plans to sing at a local benefit concert Saturday night.” Talk about a 180. Three weeks ago, she’d have done anything to get her career back on track. Now she was running from it? Her priorities were knotted like a ball of rubber bands, and if she didn’t hold it tightly, they’d all bounce away.

  “A what? Do you know how hard it was to get you this audition?” Jay blew a frustrated breath. “All right, I’ll see if I can reschedule. A bene
fit concert, huh? We can use that to our advantage. It’ll go over big after the interview you gave at the mines.”

  He made a good deed feel like manipulation.

  “January first. That’s it. We’ve got a lot of work to do before we meet with the board. There’s this great song I want you to hear…”

  Raelynn turned on Lane’s gravel road, her mind blocking the rest of Jay’s words. Though she didn’t wish to prolong the conversation, she was too excited not to share her news. “Jay, I wrote a song.”

  Silence. “You did? That’s great! How did you—”

  “It’s being here. Ever since I arrived something opened inside me and—”

  “That’s amazing. I’ll book you a flight on Sunday, and we can record it in the studio.”

  For a smart man, he could be really stupid. “You’re not listening. I’m staying until after the holidays. We both know I’ve got things to sort out. Who knows? Maybe by the time it’s all said and done, I’ll write every song on my next album.” Maybe my last album. “I’m going to sing it at the concert and see how the audience reacts. I’ll let you know if it’s a keeper.”

  Raelynn parked in front of Lane’s house. Jay was still yapping. She gave the occasional “uh-huh” to give the impression she was listening. When she stepped onto the porch, the door opened, and Lane leaned against the doorframe wearing a black T-shirt and faded jeans. Her pulse tripped.

  A roguish smile curled the side of his mouth and darkened the shadow on his whiskered face.

  “Sounds good. Take care.” Raelynn ended the call, tossed the phone into the bushes, and thrust herself into Lane’s arms.

  ~*~

  Rae’s perfume set his gut on fire. Lane tightened his arms around her, and she snuggled closer. He pressed his lips to her hair and breathed her in. He’d never wanted to be married so badly in all his life. They could ditch this dumb chick-flick and spend the evening making up for the past twelve empty years.

  Lane swallowed the cotton stuck in his throat and released her. He leaned forward on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees, putting Rae a safe two feet away.

  He needed to tell her. It was only fair she knew what she was getting into in the unlikely event she decided to stay with him this time. But he didn’t want to break the spell, this delusion he never wanted to leave. Above all, he didn’t want her marrying him out of pity. If she chose to be his wife, he wanted it to be because she loved him, not out of obligation. Even though for him that might only mean about twenty more years. Maybe fewer—if he followed in his mother’s footsteps, anyway. True, MS wasn’t a death sentence, but what it did to his body, his immune system was a reality he wasn’t ready to face, let alone share.

  The oven beeped.

  Rae put a hand on his arm. “I’ll get it.”

  Lane rubbed a finger along his chin. Maybe he shouldn’t tell her. They had a right now together, but not a future. She’d go back to Nashville after Christmas. Come home for Easter. The weekend tops. That alone cracked his chest wide open. He’d moved on with his life the last time she’d left. He guessed he could do it again. Live off the memories they made together now, while she thought he was normal.

  She returned with a plate piled high with pizza, two drinks, and a bag of potato chips tucked in her elbow. He stood to help her and fought off the weariness dogging his heart. Her full lips tipped in a smile, and he surveyed every curve of her from the neck down. Move on—yeah, right. About as fast a rowboat that had dropped anchor.

  They spread the feast on the coffee table, and he wondered if she’d eat more than two bites. The thought of Rae starving herself killed him, and he fought to suppress thoughts of choking any person who told her she wasn’t good enough. Lane grabbed her hand and guided her into his arms.

  Rae curled her fingers around his neck. “I’ve been such a fool.”

  “Yes, you have.”

  He rubbed his hand on her back, enjoying the feel of her silky shirt on his calloused palm. Her lids grew heavy as she came closer.

  “I love you, Lane.” Her kiss started out gentle then spiraled into urgency.

  His resolve went fuzzy. Her pulse quickened against his lips as he kissed the skin beneath her ear, roamed her neck. He pushed away. “Woman, you’re evil.”

  She licked her lips and took a deep breath.

  “Come on. Let’s eat.” ’Cause he was so worried about his stomach right now. He ached to continue what they’d started.

  “I brought Monopoly. I thought I could let you win the way I used to.”

  He swallowed his bite of pizza and nodded. A barefoot jog through the snow seemed more appropriate.

  ~*~

  Raelynn walked through Mama and Daddy’s door the next Friday night, stifling a yawn. She smiled, recalling Lane’s controlled goodnight kiss, the way he put six feet of distance between them when his temperature started to rise. Of all the thousands of fans she’d encountered over the years and hundreds of male invitations she’d received, there hadn’t been one person who’d thought twice about asking for—sometimes demanding—what they wanted from her. Everyone always needed something.

  Not Lane. He had her best interests at heart—her needs before his own.

  “What’s got you grinnin’ like a hyena?”

  Raelynn jumped and put a hand to her chest.

  Daddy stepped from the shadows of the living room, holding a plate with a half-eaten piece of pumpkin pie.

  “You scared me.”

  “Sorry.” He forked a chunk and brought it to his mouth.

  She unbuttoned her coat. “Why are you skulking in the dark?”

  Daddy swallowed. “Hiding from your mama.”

  “I thought the doctor wanted you to stay away from sweets?”

  “He may’ve graduated from medical school, but the guy’s an idiot.”

  Raelynn laughed, slipping out of her coat and looping it over her arm.

  “You’re not gonna tell on me, are you?”

  She kissed Daddy’s whiskered cheek. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  Raelynn started for her room.

  Daddy’s hand gently gripped her arm. He nodded toward the kitchen.

  She followed him.

  Daddy put his empty plate on the counter and poured a glass of milk. “You and Lane have been seein’ a lot of each other this week.”

  “Yes.”

  “What’s a daddy supposed to make of that?”

  Good grief, she was thirty not thirteen. “I love him.”

  Daddy swirled the milk in his glass. “Have you told him?”

  “Yes. He loves me, too.”

  Daddy nodded, staring into the white liquid. “I don’t doubt that. What are your intentions?”

  She raised a brow. “Shouldn’t you be having this talk with Lane?”

  “I had that talk with him years ago. He’s become ten times the man since then, so I don’t doubt his character. You’re my daughter and I love you. But that boy’s like a son to me, and I don’t want to see him hurt again. I’m asking what your intentions are.”

  His stern tone made her feel like a child. “I don’t want to live without him.”

  “Then don’t.” Daddy rinsed his glass and placed it in the sink. “If that boy wants to put a ring on your finger, let him. And go through with it this time.”

  Heat flooded her cheeks. “Has he…”

  “No. He hasn’t said a word to me. Just sayin’.”

  She pressed a palm against her stomach. “We’re taking things one day at a time. Getting to know each other again.”

  Daddy ran his tongue over his teeth, removing evidence. “Time is a funny thing, baby girl. It can be your ally or your enemy. None of us know if we’ll have tomorrow.” Daddy looked at her with a ferocious intensity that chilled her bones.

  Raelynn crossed her arms around her middle. “Does this have anything to do with the cave-in?”

  “Lane…” He turned his back and placed the plate into the sink as well. “I’ll
let you two work things out. This old man’s going to bed.” He started to leave the room.

  “You better wash those and return them to the cabinet if you don’t want Mama knowing about your midnight raid.”

  Daddy paused mid-stride. “Good idea.” He winked as he passed.

  “’Night, Daddy.”

  Sleep was slow in quieting her thoughts. When Raelynn finally succumbed, she dreamed of Lane, a wedding, babies. Then voices cut through the fantasy, and she stirred beneath the warm blankets, teetering on awake. She wanted to stay asleep, see how the dream ended.

  The deep rumble of male laughter sent her lids wide open. She bolted upright and clutched the blankets at her throat.

  Jay’s voice carried from the living room through her open door.

  11

  Standing room only. Everyone in Pocahontas County had squeezed into The Meeting Place, breaking every fire code in the book. Good thing Rae had reserved the first row, or Lane might not make it through the concert. He was off kilter. Tripped over his own feet all day.

  “Lane, you made it.” Carissa Couric’s sweet smile made his chest swirl with guilt. He’d avoided her since the mine accident, after she’d brought him food when he returned home from the hospital, and two days later, he’d returned her clean dishes. He respected Carissa, enjoyed their friendship, her company the few times they’d hung out. But she wasn’t Rae.

  “Yeah. Good to see you,” he said.

  She eyed his boots and took her time meeting his gaze again. Her green eyes lit with approval. “You, too. It’s been awhile.”

  He nodded and scanned the crowd over her blonde head, feeling as slimy as pond scum.

  She caressed his arm, forcing his attention on her. “I know it’s crowded, but a friend of mine is saving us a great spot in the corner.”

  Carissa stood on tiptoe and pointed to a red-head, who waved back.

  Sweat pooled at the base of his neck, and he unzipped his coat. “Oh, um, thanks. Wish I could, but Rae saved me a seat in the front row. We’re old friends and…”