Silver White Winters

by Candice Sue Patterson

  Lane apologized to the plump, elderly woman with the pursed lips, which softened when she recognized Raelynn.

  The woman asked for her autograph and Raelynn happily obliged. Before they reached the end of the aisle, two more people stopped for her signature and photos with their smartphones.

  Lane fidgeted with the cart handle. “And you act like you don’t have any fans.”

  “Everyone wants to be able to say they’ve met a famous person, even if they’re not a fan. I doubt any of them have bought any of my last three albums.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  She stopped him by the arm and gave him a mock scowl. “Do you have any of my albums?”

  He looked away.

  “My point exactly.”

  “We talked about that. It was too hard to hear your voice and not have you in person.”

  Raelynn slid her arms around his waist. “You have me in person now.”

  His Adam’s apple shifted as he swallowed. “That I do.” He kissed her cheek and rolled the cart forward with a white-knuckled grip. Was he afraid she’d abandon him in the middle of the night again? “You ready to go?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “I’m hungry. How about we stop at that Chinese restaurant we passed on the way here?”

  Lane hiked a brow. “Chinese food?”

  “I know it’s not what you normally eat, but you’ll love it. I promise. We can get a little of everything, take it home, and pig out while we decorate.” OK, so she wouldn’t pig out, but she’d eat.

  The serious line of his lips turned up in a smile. Lane nodded and cupped the back of her head with his palm. “Sounds good.”

  ~*~

  “Are you sure about this?” Lane squeezed the trigger on the can of fake snow, spurting the junk on the window and into his face.

  Rae plugged in a fifty-foot strand of colored bulbs, covering her black sweater in multi-colored polka dots. “I know it’s cheesy, but cheesy is a nice change for me.”

  “I take it you don’t do cheesy at your mansion in Tennessee?”

  She picked at her fingernails. “I haven’t really done Christmas the last two years. Once, I was in rehab for the holidays, and the other, I’d just gotten out. Didn’t feel very Christmassy.”

  The thought of her spending the holidays alone tore his gut. He knew, in a way, what that felt like. “So what’s the place like the rest of the year?”

  “Big. Lonely.”

  Guilt slithered around his neck and squeezed like an anaconda. He focused on the window. Another spray of synthetic fluff hit the glass and flew into the air. He coughed. “You’re gonna be around to clean this mess, right?”

  Rae walked to him and linked her arms around his waist. She stared at the strings on his hooded sweatshirt. “I really don’t need such a big house, since I’m the only one who lives in it. Now might be a good time to downsize. Or share it with someone.” Ever so slowly, her gaze trailed up his neck to meet his.

  Lane choked the aerosol can in his grip to keep himself in check. The woman could set his body on fire with a mere bat of her dark, curly eyelashes. “Rae, we need to talk.”

  “A man who wants to talk?”

  He tried to smile back but couldn’t. “Yeah.”

  She arched away. “Uh-oh. You haven’t changed your mind about us, have you?”

  He pressed his palm to her cheek. “Of course not. I love you.”

  She relaxed against him. “I love you, too.”

  Lane drew a breath and released it. “If we’re gonna plan a future together, there are some things we’ve got to work out first.”

  She rested her head against his chest. “Future. I like the sound of that. But can we talk about it later? It’s been a perfect day, one of the best I’ve had in years, and I don’t want to spoil it.”

  “OK.” He exhaled, rubbing circles on her back. “We’ll talk about it later.”

  Coward.

  ~*~

  Raelynn whistled through the kitchen. She was never this chipper in the morning. In fact, she hated people who were this happy before noon. But a woman in love couldn’t contain herself. She remembered the tender words Lane had whispered into her ear yesterday while they’d decorated, and she fought the urge to thrust open a window and sing to the forest animals. Ridiculous, yes, but she was happy.

  Mama snorted, reached for a hot pad, and opened the oven door to retrieve the biscuits. “You’re in a good mood this morning.”

  “Yes, Mama, I am.” Raelynn kissed Mama’s cheek. The heat from the oven rolled over her legs. “I’m not sure if I’ve ever been this happy.”

  Mama slid the tray of golden biscuits on the stovetop and removed the mitt. “I’m glad for you, robin. I’ve prayed many years for this.” She pulled Raelynn into a hug.

  When they moved apart tears filled both of their eyes.

  “What are y’all blubbering about?” Daddy snatched the coffee pot and filled his mug.

  Girlish laughter was interrupted by a knock at the door.

  “I’ll get it,” Raelynn called over her shoulder. It was probably Lane, come to claim a good morning kiss. Her smile died, along with the fairy-tale feelings, when she saw Jay standing on the porch instead. “Perfect timing,” she mumbled.

  He shuffled his loafers on the snow-covered porch. “I tried to call, but, as usual, you weren’t answering your phone.”

  Daddy walked up behind her. “You gonna let the cold air in, or invite the man inside?”

  Jay could stand out there and turn into an ice sculpture for all she cared. This was it. She knew by the seriousness in his gray eyes that her time was up. Raelynn waved him inside.

  After wiping his feet, Jay shook Daddy’s hand and nodded to Mama.

  Raelynn leaned against the couch, crossing her arms around her twisting stomach.

  Unbuttoning his coat, Jay grinned like a kid on Christmas morning. “The song’s a hit. We need you in the studio first thing tomorrow.”

  “Fine, but then I’m coming back home.” She refused to spend Christmas without Lane.

  “No can do. I’ve booked you on a national TV Christmas special that airs December twentieth.”

  Christmas special? She hadn’t been offered a TV appearance in four years. Though she didn’t want to leave, she couldn’t pass the opportunity for national exposure. She did have a contract to fulfill. “All right. But I’m flying back for Christmas.”

  Mama piled the biscuits onto a plate. “Will you stay for breakfast, Jay?”

  Jay smiled. “Thank you, Ma’am.”

  Mama’s gaze slid to Raelynn, a look of pain and grief, the same look Mama had when she thought she might never see her husband and son again.

  Bile rose in Raelynn’s throat. What was she supposed to do?

  “You’re also booked for a Christmas Eve concert with Sugar Creek Risin’ and J. Turner at The Ryman.”

  She gulped. The Ryman? She’d only been asked to perform there early on as an up-and-coming artist. To this day, it ranked as her favorite performance ever—though performing for Lane the other night was a close second.

  Well, she’d just have to convince Lane to go with her. He didn’t go back to work until mid-January. Christmas in Tennessee would be romantic. Maybe he’d propose. “OK. Give me a few days to get things together.”

  Jay shook his head. “The studio is already booked. We leave on flight 159 at five o’clock. Tonight.”

  13

  “Here you go, buddy. Let ’em cool. They’re hot.” Lane set a plate of chicken nuggets and a bowl of applesauce in front of his nephew. His muscles moved like he was swimming upstream against a strong current. He yawned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

  “Rough day?” Alice asked. His sister was the epitome of Irish. Green eyes and a temper to match her flaming red hair.

  He nodded. “Not one of my best.”

  “Have you told Rae?”

  He turned away from her I-already-know-the-answer-to-thi
s look. “No.”

  She threw her arms out. “I can’t believe you.”

  Lane leaned his hip against the counter.

  Alice had the scolding, mothering thing down to an art. She shook her head, ponytail swaying. The hotter her temperature rose, the darker her freckles got. “What are you doing?”

  “Living my life.” Lane headed for the living room, but Alice continued barking at his heels. She might be a mother, but she wasn’t his.

  “Do you like being miserable? This isn’t real, Lane. If you think for a second she’s gonna leave stardom to be a housewife, you’re an idiot.”

  “Don’t hold back, Alice. Tell me how you feel.” He sank onto the permanent butt indentions at the end of the couch, rested his head against the cushion, and closed his eyes, hoping to block her out.

  Alice plopped down beside him. “She wouldn’t give it up before she became famous. She’s not going to give it up now.”

  As if he needed a reminder. “Maybe I’ll go with her this time.”

  “What? You can’t be serious.”

  He didn’t have to look at her to know she’d crossed her arms. Next, steam would pour out her ears. “I am.”

  “The MS is progressing, Lane. You won’t be able to work much longer. You need someone who can take care of you. She’s in and out of rehab all the time. She can’t even take care of herself.”

  His eyelids flew open and he met her glare. “That’s enough. People make mistakes. You of all people should know that.”

  Her lips parted.

  OK, that was a low blow. But it was true. Lane swallowed his anger. “People can also change, Alice. You should know that, too.”

  The end of her nose flamed, and Lane could tell she was fighting tears. “What if she’s gone all the time, doing…whatever it is she does? At least here you have people to look after you.”

  Alice was right, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. He yawned again, releasing all his energy with it.

  She touched his arm, her voice gentle. “Some days it takes you two hours just to get off this couch. I know you love her, but you’ll never be happy anywhere else. You’re in no condition to tour the world. And what about all the media attention?”

  He ground his jaw until his back teeth threatened to crack.

  Alice sighed. “I don’t want to see you get hurt again. It took you years to get over her last time.”

  “I never got over her.”

  She looked away. “I know. That’s what scares me.”

  Their debate was interrupted by the crunch of gravel and a horn. Alice stood. “Jake, your dad’s here.”

  Footsteps pounded through the hallway. Jake hopped into Lane’s lap and squeezed his neck in a hug. “Bye, Uncle Lane. Daddy’s taking me sledding.”

  Lane patted Jake’s back, glad the boy’s pitiful excuse for a father showed up this time. “Have fun, buddy.”

  Alice wrapped Jake in his heavy coat, hat, and gloves, then picked up his suitcase by the front door and led him outside. A few minutes later, she returned, shivering. “I guess I’ll head out, too.”

  Lane nodded. His mind drifted closer to sleep. He shut his eyes and heard the click of the door behind her.

  “Lane?” The sound of Rae’s voice made him smile. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

  A warm set of lips touched his cheek. His eyelids were as heavy as lead weights. He forced them open and blinked to remove the blur. “Hey.”

  He glanced at the clock. 2:00. How long had he been asleep? Thirty minutes?

  Her forehead knotted. Eyes glazed over with tears.

  A two-ton missile dropped in his gut. “What’s wrong?”

  Rae looked down at her fingers tangled together so tightly they were turning purple. “You know I love you, right?”

  The question sobered him faster than ice water in his face. Nothing good came from a conversation that started like that. “But?”

  She hit him with a pained look that froze his blood. “Jay recorded my new song at the benefit concert and sent it to my producer. They love it.” She put a hand on her stomach and swallowed as though she were fighting to hold down her lunch. “I’m scheduled to be in the studio first thing tomorrow morning. I can’t be here for Christmas. Jay’s booked me for a TV special, and then a concert at The Ryman on Christmas Eve.”

  She was leaving tonight? Just like that? Lane rolled forward and braced his palms on his knees. At least she’d come to say goodbye this time. “I’m happy for you, Rae.”

  She scooted to the edge of the cushion. “What…what I’m trying to say is that I want you to come with me.” Rae latched onto his arm, pressing her fingertips into his bicep. “Let’s get married, Lane. Today. Elope. Spend Christmas in Nashville.”

  Get married? His brain couldn’t keep up in the fog. Nothing would please him more, but how would he ever pack and get on a plane in a few hours when he could barely get off this couch? Acid burned his throat. “I can’t.”

  Rae’s face went as pale as his white T-shirt. “Can’t go with me or can’t marry me?”

  Man, he was the world’s biggest idiot. Everything he always wanted—twelve years too late. “Both.”

  Rae jumped from the couch and knelt in front of him. Her chest heaved. Eyes begged with desperation. “We’ll come back. We don’t have to stay in Nashville all the time.” Tears rushed down her cheeks. “I know you don’t want to leave Eve Hollow. I’m OK with that. I have six months left on my contract, and then we can figure out a living situation.”

  “What about my job? Am I just supposed to quit and let my wife pay the bills?” Even if he wasn’t able to work much longer, a man had his pride.

  “That’s what you’re worried about?” She smiled, relief buoying her shoulders. “We can work around that. You don’t go back to work until after the New Year anyway. You can stay here, and I’ll travel back and forth if I have to.” She placed her sweet little hands on each side of his face. “It won’t always be easy, but I’ll make you happy. I promise.”

  Heat rushed to his skin. He never expected her to push the issue this hard. She probably wouldn’t if she knew the truth.

  She crept closer on her knees until his legs settled against the sides of her waist. “Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. Look at the years already wasted. Let’s be together while we’re still young, while there’s time for adventure and babies and—”

  “I can’t!”

  She stumbled back and he rose to his feet. What should’ve been sturdy legs went numb, trembled. He dropped back onto the couch.

  Rae wiped her cheeks with her shirt sleeve. This was shredding his insides. She’d never be happy spending the rest of her days with him. She had a zest for life and adventure he’d never be able to keep up with. And his sister was right. Once the media found out about his condition, they’d plaster his face all over every magazine and gossip column possible. He loved her too much to do that to her.

  “I haven’t been completely honest with you.” He drew in air and released it through his teeth. “I have MS.”

  Her mouth dropped open. She lowered onto the floor, a hand touching her throat. “What?” The word was barely audible.

  Lane’s mouth went dry and he swallowed past the lump in his throat. He might possess the strength of a newborn, but his emotions raged with the force of an Army Green Beret. He didn’t want to let her go, but he didn’t want to hold her back either. He couldn’t guarantee he would be the kind of husband she needed. “My immune system is attacking the protective myelin covering my nerves. My body’s deteriorating. There’s no cure.”

  “I know you’ve been tired, but…” Rae shivered. “How long have you known?”

  “Two years.”

  She pressed her hand to her mouth. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I figured after the rescue, you’d go back to your mansion, and there’d be no point in saying anything.” He inhaled. “I have SPMS, the same type Mama had.”

  “You said your ma
ma died of pneumonia.”

  “She did. The disease wore her down, made her susceptible to all kinds of things.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and took another deep breath.

  Realization dawned in her eyes and her mouth formed an “O.” “Are you going to die?”

  “We’re all gonna die, Rae.”

  “No, I mean soon…young.”

  He didn’t know how to answer. “Only God knows, but it’s possible. Then again, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.”

  Her brown eyes hazed over, and then turned to stone.

  He longed to scoop her up and hold her on his lap, tell her he’d be OK. But he couldn’t.

  “You let me believe we had a future together just to back out now?” She stood. “What is this, revenge?”

  “What? No, I—”

  His front door flew open. Jay walked in. “Raelynn, we need to go.” He stopped, glancing from Rae to Lane. “Everything OK?”

  Rae pressed her hand to her mouth and shook her head. “I’ll be out in a little while.”

  Jay slid his hands into his coat pockets and scowled. “We need to go now. Plane leaves at five, and we’ve still got an hour’s drive to the airport.”

  “I’m not leaving.”

  Jay huffed. “You don’t have a choice. It’s called a contract.”

  They’d finally reached the dead end. Lane pushed to his feet, willing his legs to hold him this time. “I wish you the best, Rae.”

  She put her hands on his chest, knotting his shirt in her fingers. “This isn’t over. We’ll get through this together. I’ll work hard. Take care of you. Get you the best doctors.”

  He brushed his fingers over the side of her neck and into her hair, soaking her in one last time. His arms memorized the feel of her. Their audience kept him from saying things he shouldn’t anyway. If they were meant to be together, circumstances wouldn’t keep dividing them. This time the distance was too great to cross. He’d continue climbing one medical mountain at a time—alone. Lane pressed his lips to her forehead. “Bye, Rae.”

  Her chin quivered. “Lane, no.”

  Jay stepped toward her. “We need to go. You two can work this out later.”