Clean Slate

by Andrea Bramhall

  Erin’s heart ached at the easy domesticity as they cleaned the mess together. The awareness of each other’s movements—instinctive. The simple touch of Morgan’s hand brushing her own—electric.

  Chapter Eleven

  Erin parked the car outside the sports center and plucked her handbag off the passenger seat. She walked slowly to the main entrance, and dodged a steady stream of children as they bounced balls and exited the building. She smiled when the automatic doors opened and she saw Tristan counting out the change from his pocket before giving it to Maddie.

  “Just a drink though, Mads. Mum’ll be here soon, and she said we were going for pizza.”

  “But I’m hungry.” She turned her big doe eyes on him. “Just a small bar of chocolate, Trist. Please.”

  “You know mum’ll kill me.”

  “I promise not to tell.”

  Erin cleared her throat and placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “You promise not to tell what?” She was sure she could hear the “uh-oh” as Maddie turned her head.

  “Nothing.”

  “Those big eyes don’t work on me, young lady. Now stop pestering your brother for chocolate and get a drink for you both.” She winked at Tristan as he pulled himself off the uncomfortable plastic bench and swung his kit bag over his shoulder. She wanted to hug him, but his friends were too close, and the potential for embarrassment far too high. “How was practice?”

  He shrugged. “Okay.”

  Maddie struggled to lift the heavy trap door on the vending machine to retrieve their drinks. “Tristan, help.”

  He rolled his eyes, but dutifully dropped his bag and did as he was told.

  “Come on, guys. Pizza’s calling.” She held out her hand for Maddie and smiled proudly as Tristan picked up both of their bags and walked beside her. It still shocked her that he was shoulder-to-shoulder with her already.

  “Mum, Tristan’s got a girlfriend!”

  Oh my God, please let this be one of those hold hands in the cafeteria-type girlfriends. Or better yet, the ones they never actually even hang around with. I’m not ready to deal with real girlfriends yet!

  Tristan’s face paled even as his cheeks flushed. “I do n—”

  “She’s really pretty and got blond hair and they were kissing in the corridor outside the changing rooms.”

  Kissing! Oh, shit, this is real girlfriend territory. Breathe, Erin, breathe! “Maddie, we’ve talked about telling tales. It’s not nice.” She put her hand on his shoulder, as she tugged on Maddie’s hand.

  “But they were kissing—”

  “And one day you’ll have a boyfriend or girlfriend of your own, who you’ll want to kiss, and you won’t want your brother telling me about it then, will you?”

  “Boys are yucky.”

  “And Tristan thought girls were yucky at your age. Now what do you say?”

  She looked at Erin, then at Tristan. “Sorry, Trist.”

  He shrugged and dropped his chin to his chest, trying to lengthen his stride and walk away from them. Erin let her hand slide from his shoulder to the strap of the rucksack he was wearing to keep him with them.

  “Please don’t run off. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

  He didn’t say anything, but she felt his resistance lessen.

  “Your little sister’s just got a very big mouth.”

  He grunted his agreement. “Should have let her fill it with chocolate.” They reached the car, and he waited for her to unlock it before dropping the bags into the boot. “Then I’d get more pizza too.”

  Maddie climbed into the back as Tristan opened the passenger side door. Erin checked the backseat through the rearview mirror.

  “Put your seat belt on, young lady. Or you can pay the fine when the police pull us over.”

  Maddie giggled. “I don’t have any money,” she said as she pulled the belt over her shoulder.

  “Then you should definitely wear your seat belt.” She smiled when she heard the reassuring click, and Maddie’s feet swung a few inches from the floor.

  “Listen, I was thinking about getting our pizza takeaway tonight. You both okay with that?”

  Tristan shrugged again, but Maddie frowned.

  “I like going to the restaurant.”

  “I know, sweetie, but tonight there are some things I need to talk to you both about, and I thought it would be better at home.”

  Tristan turned in his seat, his eyes wide. “It was just a little kiss, Mum. And we’d already said no tongues or anything. She’s—”

  Tongues! He’s talking about kissing with tongues.

  “It’s not about that, darling.” Tongues! “We can talk about your girlfriend if you want to, but I need to talk about some other stuff, too. So, takeaway?”

  “What’ve we got to talk about?” Maddie leaned forward as far as her belt would let her.

  “Not while I’m driving. I have to concentrate. I’ve got precious cargo in this car.” Maddie’s smile widened and Tristan’s eyes lost the look of panic. “And how can I think when Tristan’s stinky basketball kit could be sold to medical science for a small fortune? I’m pretty sure he’s breeding a new species in there.” He huffed good-naturedly in his seat and Maddie giggled. Erin smiled at him and pointed to her handbag. “Trist, grab the menu out of my bag and you two decide what you want before we get there.”

  “Can I have garlic bread, too?”

  “To share.”

  “But I’m hungry.”

  “And your eyes are bigger than your belly.”

  Thirty minutes later, Erin carried plates and paper napkins into the sitting room. Maddie and Tristan had already opened the boxes on the coffee table, and Maddie had a slice of garlic bread with melted cheese in her hand, a huge bite missing from it, and her cheeks bulging as she chewed. Tristan was laughing and calling her a hamster. It felt so good to see them laughing and teasing; she didn’t want to spoil the moment. She knelt next to the table and grabbed a slice of pizza.

  “She’s called Isabelle.”

  Erin choked on her pizza slice. “Your girlfriend?”

  He nodded. “She’s in the year above me, but her birthday’s in August so she’s only really a couple of months older.”

  An older woman! Oh, God. “Does Isabelle go to your school?”

  “No. I met her at the basketball center. She’s on one of the girl’s teams.”

  “Where does she live?”

  “Offerton.”

  “Not too far away then.”

  “No. I want to ask her to the pictures one night.”

  Erin couldn’t help but smile, thinking how different her own school days had been. She had known by the time she was Tristan’s age that she wasn’t interested in “going out with the boys” like her friends were. She had a huge crush on her form tutor, Mrs. Cavendish. Taking her girlfriend out wasn’t an option then. She was determined to make the transition from childhood to adulthood as painless as possible for all of them. She knew there would be bumps along the way, tantrums, fights, mood swings, and stressful, restless nights. However, they were good kids, and she knew that they would deal with it. “You do?”

  “Yeah.” His voice was quieter, and his eyes seemed glued to his plate.

  “When do you have in mind?”

  He shrugged again. “Dunno. Can you drive us?” The blush coloring his cheeks was so endearing she wanted to pull him into her arms.

  “I think I can manage that. Text her later and see when. My shifts are on the calendar. Try to pick a day off or an early, please, son. I want to make a good impression on my future daughter-in-law.”

  “Mum!”

  Maddie giggled. “Do you know what her favorite flowers are, ’cos you have to give her flowers.”

  “Good thinking, Maddie. Girls love flowers.” Erin smiled and let Maddie high-five her.

  “Really?” Tristan’s voice squeaked a little, something they all ignored. Erin and Maddie both nodded. “I wish mum was here to ask about this. S
he’d know what girls like.”

  Erin knew it was the best opening she was going to get. She dropped her pizza onto her plate and wiped her hands on a napkin.

  “That’s sort of what I needed to talk to you about.” She grabbed a can of pop, peeled it open, and took a sip. She didn’t want to look at them as they waited for her to speak, but she knew she had to. Tristan’s eyes were wary, and his shoulders had grown tense. Maddie looked scared, her big brown eyes already misting with tears, and a frown marring her little forehead.

  “Your mum came round this afternoon. She wants to know if you’d like to see her.”

  “Has she remembered us?” Maddie crawled around the table and on to Erin’s lap.

  “I don’t think so exactly.”

  Tristan snorted. “What does that mean?”

  Damn good question, Trist. “Well, she hasn’t gotten her memories back, but she’s found out a lot of things in the last day or so. About who she was before she got hurt, and what her life was like. The things—the people—who were important to her. And she said that she loves you both, very much—”

  “She doesn’t know us. She can’t love us!” Tristan glared at her.

  “I said the same thing to her.”

  “Yeah, right.” Tristan tossed his slice of pizza onto the box.

  “I did. And she said something that made a lot of sense to me.”

  Maddie wiped her nose with her sleeve. “What?”

  “Use a napkin, sweetie.” She grabbed a tissue and handed it to her. “She said that neither of us knew you when you were born, but we still loved you then.” She wiped the tears from Maddie’s cheeks and smiled at Tristan. “We didn’t know who you were going to be, what you were going to look like, or if you’d have stinky feet. But it didn’t matter. You were our children, and we loved you. From the very second we knew I was pregnant, we both loved you.”

  She shifted until her back was resting against the sofa and shifted Maddie more comfortably into her arms. “She was the one who held you first. Both of you. She cut the cord, and she kissed you, and she loved you.” She kissed the top of Maddie’s head, not taking her eyes off Tristan.

  “Covered in gunk, screaming blue murder, and looking like Winston Churchill, she loved you.” She smiled at the hiccupping laugh that came from Maddie’s chest. “That hasn’t changed. From the moment she found out about you again, she loved you. Again. Still. I don’t know which it is. But that’s the truth of it.” She stroked Maddie’s hair while she watched Tristan try to understand.

  He picked up his slice of pizza again, picking the toppings off and dropping them onto the box. “So what does she want from us?”

  “The chance to get to know you again.”

  “And if I don’t want to?”

  “Tristan, she doesn’t want to force you to do anything. She just wants the chance to know you both. To be a part of your lives.”

  “But she left us!” Tristan threw his slice of pizza into the half-empty box and grabbed a napkin to wipe his hands. “She didn’t call or anything. Why? She couldn’t have loved us that much. She left us.”

  “Yes, she did. And I know this is really hard, but I want you to think about something for me.” She waited until she had his attention again.

  “What?”

  “If she hadn’t been hurt, if she still remembered you, and she’d come back saying that she was sorry, and wanted to see you again. Would you want to?” I know that’s what I wanted more than anything. I wanted my dad to walk in and make the pain disappear. You have the chance to do that. Please take it.

  “Yes.” Maddie wrapped her arms around Erin’s neck and sobbed, her whole body shaking.

  Tristan wasn’t so easy. It was so much harder for him to let go of the hurt and anger. The napkin he’d wiped his hands with steadily became a pile of confetti as he pulled it apart and tore it into pieces.

  “I’d still be pissed at her.”

  “Don’t swear. You have every right to feel angry about that. And I wish she could talk to you about her reasons to help you deal with that, but she can’t. You didn’t answer the question, Tristan. Would you want to see her?” Come on, kiddo. I know you want this.

  He shrugged. “S’pose so.”

  Hallelujah! “So, will you give her a chance now?” She could feel Maddie nodding against her neck. “Good girl.” She smoothed her hair down and patted her back. “Tristan?”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “If you see her and it doesn’t work out, I’ll talk to her, and make her back off. But right now, I think you should give her a chance.”

  “That’s just mum speak for ‘no, you don’t have a choice.’”

  Erin couldn’t stop the corners of her mouth twitching into a small grin. “I think it’s the right thing for you.”

  He tossed the wadded up confetti napkin on to the table. “What if you’re wrong?”

  “Then I’ll apologize, and I won’t make you see her again.”

  “What if she tries to make you? I mean genetically we’re her kids, right? Her egg and then they put us in you.”

  “True. As for her forcing you to see her, my only concern is you two; how this affects you both. If seeing her is too much for you, too painful, then I’ll fight her in court if I have to. We both adopted you, so that legally we both have equal rights and responsibilities as your parents. I will do everything in my power to protect you. If that means fighting her in court, I will.” She held her arm out and beckoned him over, silently praying that he’d welcome the affection.

  He didn’t hesitate. He crawled to where she sat cradling Maddie. He leaned against the back of the sofa and wrapped his arm around Erin’s back, and stroked Maddie’s leg with his other hand. Erin couldn’t help but smile at the protective gesture.

  She rested her cheek on the top of Maddie’s head looking at Tristan. “I love you both so much, I will do everything I can to make this better for you. You’re my life.”

  “Love you too, Mum.” Maddie’s muffled voice reached them from Erin’s chest.

  “When do we have to see her?” Tristan patted Erin’s back seemingly unaware of the comforting gesture he was doing.

  Erin smiled. “We didn’t discuss that. When would you like to see her?”

  He shrugged again. “Don’t know.”

  “Can we see her now?” Maddie lifted her head.

  “I don’t think that’s the best idea, sweetie.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well, I think I need some time to sort out a time and place, and maybe you both need some time to think about it too.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, you have to remember, sweetie, she doesn’t remember all the things that you do. And that’s going to be hard for you all.”

  “But I forget things all the time. Like I forgot that I was supposed to take my library books back today, but Mr. Hughes said it would be okay, as long as I remember them tomorrow. So it wasn’t too hard.”

  “Maddie, this isn’t like forgetting your library books.” I hate this. “She won’t remember when your birthday is, or what sports you like to play. Or you being the princess in the pantomime at Christmas. She doesn’t remember your middle name, even though she picked it.”

  “She won’t?”

  “No, sweetie. That’s what amnesia is. She doesn’t remember being a teacher either, or my birthday, or Tristan’s. It’s everything. And it makes me upset to think about, so I have to expect that it’s going to make you upset in some ways too.”

  “Does she remember her birthday?” Maddie’s lower lip quivered.

  “I think so, yes.”

  “Will she ever remember it all?” Tristan picked at his jeans.

  “I don’t think anyone really knows.”

  “What did the doctors say?”

  “I don’t know, darling, I was only there at the beginning. I don’t know the final prognosis. You could ask her when you see her. It’ll give you something to talk about.”

 
She held them long after her legs had gone numb under Maddie’s weight. She didn’t want to let them go. Ever.

  Chapter Twelve

  Morgan stared at the picture of Tristan and Maddie as Amy tapped away on her computer and Nikki sat reading in the living room. She studied every inch of their faces, cataloguing every similarity and difference that connected her to them. Maddie’s dark eyes shone in a way her own hadn’t as a child, happiness and mischief prevalent. Tristan’s blue eyes were almost identical to Erin’s. She couldn’t stop the questions bouncing around her head. “How did I meet her?”

  Nikki looked up from her book. “Who?”

  “Erin. How did we meet?”

  “She was in a band we went to see. You said she was the most gorgeous woman you’d ever seen and that you knew you belonged together.” Nikki rolled her eyes.

  “She still is.” Morgan looked at her hands, picturing Erin’s beautiful face. “I can see her as a singer. Does she have a lovely voice?”

  Amy turned away from her computer and shook her head as she laughed. “She wasn’t a singer. She played the drums.”

  “What? No way!”

  Amy nodded, and Nikki grinned.

  “But she…it just…”

  Amy crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair. “Don’t jump to conclusions. Erin hates stereotyping, and you did exactly the same thing then. She totally blew you off the first time you went and spoke to her.”

  “Why?” Morgan frowned, thinking how little things had changed.

  “You offered to carry her heavy gear to the van. She said she could do it herself, and you looked mighty skeptical.” Nikki stretched the word mighty out to three syllables. “So she told you to piss off.”

  “Erin was lugging the stand box outside, and you decided to show her how strong you were. So she had this big oblong kind of box, and you went to take it off her.” Amy grinned. “You got your arms around it, and she told you to let go, or you’d end up dropping it. This wounded your pride, of course. You jerked this damn box out of her arms, and tried to keep hold of it. You couldn’t, the damn thing weighed about a ton, but when you dropped it, it landed on your foot and you ended up breaking your toe.”