Amanda plopped herself in the big chair across from Mariah’s desk. She spent a lot of time here, either venting or listening to Mariah vent. Their workplace was a stressful environment, and it helped to get it all out sometimes. She was grateful that she had the kind of boss that allowed it.
“So I need to tell you something, Mariah. It’s kind of weird, so try to listen with both ears open.”
Mariah laughed, “Well it would be tough to hear if I didn’t!”
Amanda rolled her eyes, took a deep breath and began. “I’ve been talking to this guy on the Internet for a couple of months. We’ve recently started talking on the phone. Mariah, he claims to have feelings for me. Believe me, I know this seems strange, and even I think I have gone off the deep end, but it just seems so real.” She noticed that almost with each word, Mariah’s eyes were getting wider and wider. “What do you think?”
This was all the invitation Mariah needed. “ARE YOU NUTS? You can’t have a relationship with someone on the Internet. You don’t know him! He could be an axe murderer for all you know. What are you thinking? You’re a cute, wonderful woman; you don’t need to find men on there. Find them here in real life, where you can get to know them. The real them! Mandy, you’ve lost your mind, girl!”
She wondered if she should even try to defend herself after Mariah’s tirade. She decided to just stay quiet for now. She just said, “I’ve had my fill of real men. You know that. That doesn’t seem to be working for me either.” She looked pensively at her. “So what do you propose I do, take up knitting?”
Mariah laughed uncontrollably knowing full well Amanda had no idea how to knit. “Go to work!” She didn’t know what to say to her. She wanted her to be happy, but she also wanted her to be safe.
She laughed and said, “Yes, Master!” She slowly made her way back to her desk, feeling no better than she had before.
~~~
Ray was staring out his window. He hadn’t done one thing since hanging up with Amanda except run the conversation over and over in his mind. He felt like a fool. In one conversation he’d practically asked her to marry him, professed his feelings, announced his intent to separate, and asked her to wait for him. She must think him crazy. The funny thing is he meant all that. Who was he? Who was she? Why was he so drawn to her? What were these feelings that he so easily professed? Is it just Infatuation? Or Love? It couldn’t be. Could his loneliness just be getting the best of him? The only thing he was sure of was that he’d never felt this way about anyone, ever. He would meet her as planned on Friday night, but maybe the time away from her would help him figure out his head a bit. He shook his head; then why did he dread it so much? He was hopeless.
He turned on his computer to try to do some work. Hopefully on Friday when they talked, they could sort through some of this stuff, and they could both feel better. But what will he say? He decided he would just leave the ball in Amanda’s court for now and hope she could figure it out for both of them.
~~~
“Everything is packed and ready to go,” typed Amanda. “I’m so excited, and so are the children. We haven’t been around the family in a long time and I’m really looking forward to it. Then there’s roller coasters, beaches, Woohoo, I just can’t wait!”
Ray laughed to himself. “She is so cute” he said out loud. He wondered if there was ever going to be a way to meet her. He doubted it. She was asking him if he was looking forward to his vacation. “Not really, Mandy. I am, because I get to get away, and spend some quality time with the girls. Diego has agreed to meet us there for a few days and that should be fun. Diego and girls in bikinis, now that’s entertainment!”
Mandy laughed. How was it that he could be so funny and sweet and almost everything she wanted except for the little thing of being twenty-five hundred miles away? Life was so unfair. She then asked, “So, Ray, are you going to tell Diego about ‘us’?
“Well, Mandy40,” he replied, “I would except you told me yesterday, there was no ‘us’. Remember?”
Amanda typed in
Ray laughed, “Yeah, ok. But while we’re on the subject, how am I going to go two whole weeks without talking to you!!”
She felt the same way. She wondered that herself. “While at my cousins, I’ll e-mail you and let you know how we are doing. How would that be?”
“Mandy that would be great! I’d love that. Then while I’m at the beach, I’ll try and call you sometime. Would that be ok?”
“Sure, why not, Ray,” she typed, “that would be fun, and maybe I could talk to your wife too.”
“Very funny. I won’t call you if you don’t want me too, Mandy” Ray frustrated, decided to go for it. “I know we have feelings that neither one of us can explain. Maybe we should just admit it, out loud, right now.” She suddenly had this unexplainable feeling that she was going to be sick. “Ray, I think you should stop while you’re ahead. Let’s not get in over our heads here. Let’s think about this before we say anymore.”
Ray ignored her, “No Mandy, I’m tired of thinking. Tired of not telling you how I feel about you. I always wonder who’s going to be the first one to say it. I know the feelings are there. Let me say it, Mandy. As far fetched as this is, as outrageous as this all seems, the one thing I’ve come to realize, have come to accept as the truth is…I love you. You don’t have to say anything. Just know in your heart it’s real.”
Amanda didn’t know how to feel. For the moment, she was stunned into silence. She wanted to say something, anything, that might make some sense. “Ray…”
But Ray wasn’t there. Ironically enough, he had been booted off.
Chapter 6
Amanda and the kids were having a great time. California was beautiful, the weather was great and they were all having a terrific time. She and her cousin, Leeza, were having a blast. They did everything as a group and she had to admit, it was wonderful. One night they decided to go to the beach at dusk and build a bonfire. Leeza’s husband Jerry was keeper of the fire, and the kids were the s’mores makers. The sunset was beautiful. It was postcard perfect. The ocean sounds soothed her mind. She stared out onto the horizon and marveled at its beauty. This had been exactly what she needed. No stress or pressures.
Leeza brought her back to reality. “We had plans for dinner tomorrow with one of Jerry’s coworkers. It’s just him, so I thought it would be perfect if you join us! Then he wouldn’t feel so much like a third wheel…what do you think?”
“I think…no”, said Amanda, without hesitation.
“I knew you would say that, but I already told him, so you have to be there! Dinner out will be fun, no strings attached, and besides…he’s cute and you might just enjoy yourself!”
Amanda rolled her eyes. Why are you playing matchmaker? I’m not ready to date.”
“It’s not a date”, she protested. “I’m asking you for a favor. Don’t be a spoilsport!”
“I guess I have no choice, so I?” Amanda was seething inside. “You’re paying”.
Leeza jumped up and down, clapping with glee. “This is going to be so much fun!” She looked at her husband who shoved a s’more in his mouth to keep from having to say anything about it.
~~~
The next night was eventful. First, she hid in the computer room and sent an email to Ray. She kept it simple and showed none of the emotion they’d shared before she left.
Hey Ray, California is great. The kids and I are having so much fun. Bonfires, marshmallows, cousins, it’s everything we were hoping for. She pushed away the image of her and Ray on a moonlit stroll on the beach, hand in hand. That was what she had yearned for as she had sat on the beach yesterday. Only there was one problem, she didn’t know what he looked like! It was hard to have a fantasy moment with no face. She continued, I think it’s time we exchanged pictures, what do you think? I have the voice to go with the words, how about the face? I know I said I looked like Betty Boop, but I
could have meant Broomhilda! Don’t you want to find out? There’s always picture taking during vacations, just make sure you’re in some, and I’ll do the same. Can’t wait!
Miss you…Mandy
She’d have the kids take a picture of her during their stay and send it to him. She looked pretty good for forty. Most people thought she was about twenty-nine and were always surprised to learn her real age. Long dark brown hair with plenty of caramel highlights, big brown eyes, and she still looked good in her swimsuit. She had turned a head or two while eating her s’mores yesterday.
She sighed. It was time to get ready for her dinner. She chose a pretty baby blue sundress to wear with high-heeled white sandals. At 5’1” she needed all the height she could get. She put on the finishing touches of make-up, and went out to join Leeza and Jerry.
They enjoyed a glass of wine while waiting. When the doorbell rang Amanda jumped out of her skin. Jerry went to get the door. He brought back with him an attractive man whom he introduced to her as her date.
“Hi Cullen,” she laughed nervously. “I’m so embarrassed that Leeza has saddled you with this evening. I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience.”
Jerry looked at Cullen waiting for him to respond. He was just staring at Amanda with a stricken look on his face. He elbowed him out of his trance.
“Oh, of course it’s not an inconvenience. It’s going to be a pleasure.” He shook Amanda’s hand and looked deeply into her brown eyes. He was mesmerized. He was speechless as he looked at her.
She finally broke the ice, “Umm Cullen, I might need that hand over dinner.” She laughed as she looked at him. Maybe this date won’t be so bad after all. He was tall, broad shouldered, with a smile that brightened the room.
Leeza came in the room. She looked gorgeous in her black silk pantsuit. It was quite a contrast to her honey blond hair and hazel eyes. Her silver shadow and glittery lip gloss gave her a striking appearance.
She glanced at her match. She thought they looked great together. Maybe Amanda would fall in love with Cullen and move to California. She’d always wished she would. “Hi, Cullen, glad you could join us. Shall we go?” Leeza had a good feeling about this as she winked at her cousin, grinning from ear to ear, as they walked out to the car. She had her fingers crossed!
~~~
They went to a very nice restaurant that had great food and a good atmosphere. It was quiet, so they could have a conversation without yelling over music, or other customers. They’d ordered a nice bottle of wine, and were having a good time. Leeza looked smug as she looked at them, feeling that they were connecting. Unfortunately, Amanda wasn’t feeling the same way.
Yes, she thought Cullen was cute. He had quite the body, and his smile was catching. But when she looked at him, listened to his conversation, she kept comparing him to Ray. Ray always had something to say that was interesting, up-to-date, and made her think. Plus, could he make her laugh! She wondered if he’d be the same in person. After all, on the phone, he had to keep up the banter. When they chatted, he had to type, albeit a little slowly. In person, he could fill the silent moments with touches, or gazes, but not on the phone. She came back into the present by someone calling her name.
“Mandy,” it was Leeza. “Don’t you think that would be fun?”
She was too embarrassed to admit she’d been daydreaming and just answered, “Sure.”
“Then it’s settled. Tomorrow we hit the amusement park. What time would be good for you, Cullen?”
“What?” she cried, a little louder than she’d intended. There was no way she wanted Cullen to come tomorrow. What would her kids think? “I’m sorry; my mind had wandered a little.” She glared at Leeza before continuing, “This has been fun, but I don’t want my kids to be confused by a strange man coming with us. They wouldn’t understand. I’m not even divorced yet.”
It was Cullen’s turn to glare at Leeza. “I didn’t know that. Leeza conveniently left that part out. Of course I understand. I’d feel the same way.”
Amanda noticed he looked perturbed, hurt and embarrassed. “Thanks, Cullen.”
Leeza, always the pushy one, said, “I don’t see why…”
Amanda rose, “Excuse me…the ladies room calls.”
She quickly left. In the ladies room, shenstared at herself in the mirror and wondered what on earth was wrong with her. Let’s see…Real man vs. Internet man. Why would she rather have the latter? She missed Ray. She dried her face and wondered how much a therapist charged these days.
Needless to say, the ride home was a little tense. No one said a word the whole way.
“Thank you Cullen for a nice evening.” Amanda was shaking his hand. They had barely gotten out of the car.
“It was nice meeting you, Mandy. I hope we can get together again sometime.”
“Well, since I’m leaving in a few days, that’ll be hard, but if you’re ever in El Paso….” She looked at Jerry and Leeza and said, “I think I’ll go straight to bed. Thanks guys. Goodnight.”
They all watched her walk to the door. Leeza felt she had to apologize for her cousin. “She liked you Cullen. She just hasn’t had too many dates since she separated from her last husband. In fact, you may be the first.”
Cullen groaned. “I would never have agreed to this if I had known that. Thanks for that very uncomfortable scene.“
Jerry laughed, “I tried to warn you two. Mrs. Matchmaker here always leaves out the little details; although usually, they aren’t that little.”
Cullen headed for his car, feeling totally rejected. “Thanks guys…I think.”
“Better luck next time, Cullen,” said Leeza.
Jerry and Cullen both rolled their eyes. ‘There won’t be a next time!” they said in unison. Cullen waved through the car window and drove off. Jerry put his arm around his wife. “I don’t want to be the one to tell you I told you so, but...”
Leeza shrugged off his arm, “Shut up, Jerry.”
The next day they got up and went to the amusement park, last night forgotten. It was a fun day, and Amanda had a great time with her kids. She thought of what Hilary had said about it probably being the last time they would want to go on vacation with her, so she tried to make the most of it. They rode on everything together. Even if she was afraid, she bit the bullet and went anyway. They were having a blast.
She would have to thank Hilary again for this idea, as it had been just what she needed. She bought Susie a big stuffed mouse and a sweatshirt for her sister.
They were still there at midnight and as they watched the closing fireworks, Amanda’s thoughts wandered to Ray. She wondered what he was doing and if he missed her. She thought about telling him telling her he loved her. Could it be true? She thought maybe he had his feelings confused. She wondered if he was regretting telling her. She had looked for him after he was booted off, but they had never reconnected. He had said meeting her on the net was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He wanted to take care of his situation at home, and assured her that in no way was he leaving because of her. She felt better to hear that but was not sure. She wanted to believe that because if it were true, that made her no better than Randy. For now, she’d just be his friend. After all, he wouldn’t be leaving his wife solely on the fact that he had feelings for someone he never met. That would be insane. She’d have to just trust Ray right now and progress slowly, if at all.
The next day the group headed home. They were going to stop in Tucson and visit another cousin, Blossom. Leeza and Jerry were sad to see them go. Leeza was crying as she hugged her cousin goodbye. “When are you going to stop being so stubborn and move here?”
Amanda laughed. “Maybe some day; after all, I’d love to live here and have you running my life for me!” They both laughed.
“At least you’d stop living that spinster life. I know plenty of single men.” Leeza looked at her cousin pleadingly. All she really wished for her was to be happy. With someone, alone, it didn’t matter. She’d b
een through so much in her lifetime; she deserved to find happiness somewhere.
“My heart couldn’t take it, Leeza. But I’ll sure to keep it in mind. I promise.”
They piled into the car after some more tearful hugs and headed for the highway. Elisa and Alex were unusually quiet. It was hard for them to leave, too.
“We’ll have fun visiting Blossom for the day in Tucson. You guys looking forward to it?” She was trying to snap the kids out of the doldrums. Otherwise it would make for a long trip. Tucson was a good eight-hour drive.
The drive through the Mohave Desert was a long one. There wasn’t much to look at. There was cactus, a few rolling tumbleweeds; and sand, lots of sand. The road was so hot that steam rose from it, making the optical illusion of water on the asphalt. The highway was long and seemed endless, and as usual, Amanda hoped the car wouldn’t overheat. That happened a lot in the desert.
They stopped for lunch in Indio. They had hamburgers and French fries at the infamous In-n-out. It was a regular stop for them. Amanda had needed the rest, and the food didn’t hurt either.
“So Elisa…ready to drive?”
“Yay! Yes!” Elisa got behind the wheel. Unfortunately she looked as nervous as she felt. Amanda owned a Mustang, which she loved, and got nervous when anybody else drove it. Elisa adjusted the seat to her 5’ height and strapped in. “Let’s roll!”
She was relieved at how well Elisa was doing. She got to relax a little as she listened to music and talked to Alex. When they hit Phoenix, the traffic got a little much, so Elisa pulled over and Amanda got behind the wheel. “Thanks Elisa, you did great!”
Alex, of course had to add his two cents by sticking out his window, raising his hands to the sky and screaming, “Thank you!”
She was looking forward to seeing her cousin Blossom. She and Julio, her husband from Spain, had five boys ranging in ages from three to eleven. Blossom had her hands full, but relished in being a stay at home mom. Blossom was a vivacious, lover-of-life kind of woman. She could find the good in everybody. Of course, she had her moments when her short fuse would blow, then watch out! She loved her cousin, and always enjoyed her time with her.
When You Least Expect It Page 4