When You Least Expect It

by Sandra Leiper

  ~~~

  As Amanda lay in bed trying to sleep, she thought of Ray. She’d been so hurt during their conversation; she’d been at a loss for words. She now regretted hanging up on him as she had. It sounded as if he was having a very hard time at home, and all she did was make it worse. Some friend she was. All she could do was hope Ray understood her position. She wished him well, and hopefully, when his life was under control, their paths would cross again. All she could do now was continue with her life, one that existed only in El Paso.

  ~~~

  Ray arrived at work the next day, trying to be as normal as possible. It proved to be somewhat difficult since Carrie had not packed him any shoes. Accompanying his dress shirt and slacks, he had on his sneakers. He looked ridiculous. He couldn’t help but notice the raised eyebrow looks he was getting, but he quickly walked to his cubicle and slid safely behind his desk, his sneakers out of sight.

  Chad popped in his head. “Going casual today, Ray?”

  “Funny. Long story Chad, don’t really want to get into it so go away.” Ray hadn’t even turned to look at him. The last thing he wanted was to start having to tell people he had left his wife. He at least wanted to tell his kids first. He wasn’t looking forward to having to go back to the house, but he owed it to the girls. Not to mention he needed shoes.

  “Well, when you want to go get coffee, I’ll be dying to hear about it. Let me know.” Chad went back to his cubicle, chuckling to himself.

  Ray’s phone rang. Reluctantly, he picked it up. It was Carrie.

  “How did you sleep, Ray?” At least she hadn’t started it off by screaming, for once.

  “Fine, and you?” Ray didn’t want to have this conversation. “How are the girls?”

  “Wondering where you are, of course. I didn’t tell them anything. How is your mother with all of this?” Carrie didn’t like Ray’s mother and could only hope this was an inconvenience for her.

  “She’s fine.”

  “So shall I make dinner for you tonight?”

  Ray was stunned. This woman was insane “No. I’ll come by and speak to the girls, pick up some more of my clothes and be on my way. This is hard enough as it is Carrie, let’s not make it harder.”

  Carrie’s voice raised a notch. “I’m not trying to make it harder, Ray. I’m trying to make it easier. This is a big adjustment for all of us, can’t you think of the girls? Why do you have to be so selfish?”

  “I’ll pick up the girls and take them to dinner.” Ray wanted this to end. “I have to get back to work. Can we talk about it later?”

  “No. We can’t. You’re not picking up the girls. You’ll tell them your intentions in front of me. I have to be there for them. They’re going to be devastated.”

  Ray groaned. She was really milking this. “We will help them through this, Carrie. The kids are stronger than you think. They know we have a bad marriage. They aren’t stupid. They’ll probably be relieved.”

  Carrie started to scream. “Relieved? Their parents are separating! No kid wants that. Are you insane? I’m sure they’d rather have two parents no matter what. You’re just saying that to make yourself feel better. You make me sick!” With that, she hung up on him.

  Relieved, Ray sank into his chair. He had a feeling this was only the beginning of a string of screeching phone calls that he’d get today. He wondered if he could get away with not answering his phone. He laughed at this thought. Nope, it’s life as usual as far as anybody was concerned. He logged on his computer and dove into his work.

  The phone rang again. Ray hesitated, but picked up. It was Glenda.

  “Dad, what’s going on? Why were you at Grandmas? We were worried.”

  “I’m sorry. Things are bad between your mom and me. She found out I’ve been planning on leaving. She found my den all packed up. She wanted me to leave last night without seeing you guys, but I’ll be by tonight.” Although Glenda knew of the plan, telling her was not easy.

  “I see. So the plan is in action?” Glenda’s voice suddenly got very small.

  Ray’s heart sank. “Yes, it is. It has to be now. It will all work out, Glenda. Things will be fine. How are your sisters?”

  “Norma’s okay, but Nikki is a mess. Of course, she didn’t know about this in advance. We’ve tried to warn her a little, that this might be what’s happening, and tried to tell her it’s going to be better this way, but she doesn’t see it. Maybe after you talk to her, she’ll be better.”

  “I’ll see you all tonight. Hang in there, okay?”

  “Okay. See you later?” Glenda’s voice was shaky.

  So was his. “Yep, right after work. Tell the girls I’m coming, okay?”

  “Okay. Bye Daddy.”

  Ray hung up feeling numb. He stared at the computer in front of him for a very long time.

  ~~~

  After work, he headed over to the house. There was a knot in the pit of his stomach, but that had always been the case. Going home had never been his favorite part of any day.

  The girls were waiting for him outside in the driveway. As soon as Nikki saw him, she started to cry. Ray’s heart sank. He quickly got out of the car and enveloped her in his arms.

  “Nikki, don’t cry. Everything is going to be fine. Your mom and I just can’t keep up this farce of a marriage. You know how hard it is.” Ray stopped. He was at a loss for words. He didn’t know what to say to make this better.

  “But why do you have to leave? When will I see you?” Nikki was barely coherent through her tears.

  “You’ll see me all the time. On weekends, you’ll come to my place and have sleepovers. I’ll meet you for dinner during the week. Plus, I’m only a phone call away, Nick so we can talk all the time, everyday.” Ray still hadn’t let her out of his arms. Her crying was subsiding just a bit. Ray could see Carrie watching him from the doorway, so he let her go. “Let’s go inside so I can talk to your mom about it.” With an arm around her, they walked to the house. Glenda and Norma followed them.

  The minute Ray opened the door Carrie took over.

  “Girls, your father has something to tell you.”

  They all stared at her, incredulously. Had she not seen the scene in the driveway? Instead of arguing and making this harder than it already was, they all sat down.

  Ray was at a loss for words. What exactly does one say in this situation? He dug deep for something reassuring.

  “As you probably already figured out, I’m not going to be living here any more.” With that, Nikki started crying again. He looked at the two oldest and continued. “Nothing between us is going to change. I’m your dad, will always be your dad, and will be a constant in your life. Just like now. I might not see you everyday, but we can talk on the phone and see each other as much as possible.” Now, Glenda started to cry. This might not be news, but that didn’t make it any easier.

  Nikki went and sat by her dad. Glenda and Norma followed. Wordlessly, they sat on the couch embracing…one big giant hug. Glenda and Norma felt their father was doing the right thing, but they were going to miss him so much.

  Carrie said, “See what you are doing to your children.”

  Norma glared at her. “He’s doing what’s right for him. I admire him.”

  Ray got up. He went wordlessly upstairs to get the remainder of his clothes. Oddly enough, they were already packed. He made sure everything he’d need for awhile was in the suitcases, and then headed back down. The girls walked him to the door. He had nothing to say to Carrie, not even goodbye.

  “I don’t think I can do this. I can’t leave you.”

  Nikki put her arms around him and started to cry. Ray couldn’t take it anymore; he started to cry too. He cried as he’d never cried before.

  Norma was behind him, rubbing his back. “Dad, don’t back down now. You’re doing the right thing for you. You’re miserable here. We love you and we want you to be happy. We’ll be fine.”

  Ray had his arms around both girls. “Please don’t ever hate me for t
his, no matter how hard your mom tries to get you to blame me. I love you all.” Glenda came in and hugged her dad, too.

  “We love you too, Dad.”

  Ray walked out the front door and he didn’t look back. It seemed it was miles until he reached his car. He started the engine, realizing he was leaving for good. This was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He hoped it was the right thing. Right this minute, it didn’t feel right, far from it. He backed the car out of the driveway and drove to the nearest bar.

  Chapter 18

  Ray’s first order of business was to get into his apartment. First thing this morning, he had placed a call to the Portland House Apartments, hoping to get his move-in date moved up. His mother had said he could stay with her as long as he needed, but it had been over twenty years since he lived with mom, he really didn’t want to begin his new life in his childhood home.

  Ray’s phone rang. He hadn’t even had a chance to catch his breath that morning. He’d planned to call Amanda and let her know what was going on. He picked up the phone, hoping it was she.

  “Ray Knight.”

  “Did you spend the night at your mother’s?”

  Ray groaned silently. It wasn’t Amanda; it was Carrie. She didn’t sound too happy either.

  “You know I did. What’s up?”

  “What’s up? Let see, oh, my husband left me and abandoned his children. They’re devastated. Are you happy about that, Ray?”

  Ray was in no mood for this discussion. “I’ll call the girls later, Carrie. I think we have to do our best to get them through this with as little drama as possible. Can you do that Carrie? Or do you plan to make it all about you?” Ray couldn’t hide the disdain in his voice.

  “How dare you imply that I don’t care about my children? I’m not the one who tossed them aside because I was unhappy with my life. Maybe our life wasn’t perfect Ray, but don’t fool yourself; this nightmare is all on you. You are leaving our home. You are making me go back to work, leaving the girls at home unattended. You are making us all wonder how we’re going to survive.”

  The dial tone buzzed in Ray’s ear.

  ~~~

  Carrie was shaking after slamming down the phone. She thought she’d hear regret in Ray’s voice, after the big goodbye scene last night. She wanted him to feel as bad as she did. His leaving her was so sudden.

  Carrie fought back the tears that had yet to come. She got up and busied herself in the kitchen. No way was she going to cry over Ray Knight. She wouldn’t cry until she was certain that her marriage was truly over. As it stood now, she knew he’d be back. After twenty years, Ray needed her. She’d just wait him out.

  ~~~

  Amanda was getting ready for work when her phone rang. Since no one else ever called her this early, she knew it had to be Ray. She ran to answer it.

  “Hello?” She found herself holding her breath, hoping it was.

  “Hello. It’s me, Ray. How are you, Mandy?”

  “Ray, hi. I’m good thanks, how are you? I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately.” She continued to hold her breath.

  “I’m okay. The shit finally hit the fan at home. That’s why I’m calling. I’ve left, Mandy.”

  She was speechless.

  “Mandy? Are you still there?”

  “Yes, I’m here. I’m just a bit in shock, I guess. What happened?” She couldn’t believe he had actually left home. Every time she spoke to him about it, it always seemed as if he had planned it down to the last detail. This seemed too sudden for that.

  “I can’t get into it right now, Mandy. I haven’t told anyone here at work yet, and I don’t want to have to start. Let’s just say it had to do with her letter to you, and her finding my packed up den. The rest, as they say, is history. Our marriage definitely is.”

  Amanda noted how sad Ray sounded. He must be having a hard time of it. She suddenly wished she were there to lend him a shoulder. “Where are you staying, Ray?”

  “I’m temporarily at my mom’s house. I’m looking to move into those apartments I had told you about. I probably will be there by the end of the week.”

  “That’s good. It must have been a horrible scene. How are the girls handling it?”

  “Nikki is not handling it well at all. It was so hard to tell her and then say goodbye. To leave her…” Ray’s voice caught on the lump in his throat. He fought back tears, willing himself to keep his composure.

  “It’s ok, Ray. We’ll talk later. I know how hard this is for you. I’m sorry.” She was also on the brink of tears.

  “Thanks, Mandy. The reason I called is, I was wondering where we stood. You seemed very upset the other day, and I had this terrible feeling our relationship was just too much trouble for you. I’m so sorry you became involved. I’m sorry Carrie e-mailed you, and I’m sorry you feel caught in the middle. I want us to stay friends. Right now, I can’t talk to you on the computer, or even email you, but we can talk occasionally on the phone. I just can’t imagine not having you in my life. Not now, not when I need you the most.” Ray was talking a mile a minute. He tried to get everything he wanted to say out before she could cut him off. He listened to the silence on the other end of the line. His heart was racing and he felt as if his head would explode. “Mandy?”

  “I’m here, Ray. I just don’t know what to say. I want to be your friend, but I don’t want to be in a triangle with you and your wife. Our worse fear has come true; she’s going to blame me for you leaving her. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?” She was crying. She was so torn between doing what she felt was the right thing, and continuing to be Ray’s friend.

  Ray’s heart sank. This couldn’t really be happening; how was his life so messed up? Could it really be that he was losing his family and Amanda? He was at a loss for words, afraid to say the wrong thing, struggling to come up with the right ones. “Mandy, you know I’m not leaving Carrie because of you. If Carrie is honest with herself, she knows it too. I won’t deny I have feelings for you, or that I never imagine us together. I have hopes that maybe someday we’ll meet, but I also don’t think it’s likely. I don’t want to give up that hope. For now though, I have a divorce I have to get through, and to try to learn how to be without my kids. I just need someone I can talk to, Mandy, and more than anything, I want that someone to be you.”

  Amanda could barely speak through her tears. She didn’t really understand it, but Ray affected her in ways no one else ever had. Amazingly, enough, this man whom she had never met could touch her soul. She couldn’t abandon him now. “You’re right, Ray. There isn’t any harm in us being friends. We’ve been through a lot together in the short time we’ve known each other.” She laughed, “Hell, we haven’t even met, yet. Imagine when we do?”

  His eyes filled with tears. He had so much pent up emotion and he had no idea how to release it. He wanted to jump up and down for joy, do the hokey pokey and shout to the rooftops all in one big swoop! “If and when we meet, Mandy, it will be the most exciting moment in my life. Thank you for continuing to be my friend.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m here for you if you need me. Right now though, I have got to get to work.”

  “Oh gosh, I’m sorry. I’ll call you soon. Take care.” Ray wanted to go through the phone and hold her so bad he could almost feel her in his arms.

  “Take care and hang in there. It might seem bad now, Ray, but it’ll get better.”

  “Thanks Mandy...for everything.”

  She quickly hung up and called Mariah. She was already late for work, Mariah must be wondering where she was. She had something she wanted to do before leaving. She made up a car trouble scenario, and told Mariah she would be in a bit later.

  She went to her computer and logged on. She wanted to change her email address. She really didn’t want to get any more letters from Ray’s wife. It was too unsettling. What she did want to do was send a response to her letter. She had thought about discussing it with Ray first, but decided against it. This was something she ha
d to do for herself, especially if she was going to stay in Ray’s life. She poised her fingers over the keys and stared at the blank document. She had no idea how to put what she wanted to say. She definitely didn’t want to make it worse for Ray, because he was going to get all the heat from this. She bit her lip, thinking that this might cause him to regret asking her to remain his friend. Too bad, he’d just have to deal with it. This was something she had to do. She typed furiously, just going with the flow. When she was through, she felt drained. It wasn’t long, but it was to the point. She had made her case and felt good about it. She reread it one last time.

  Mrs. Ray Knight,

  I received your email. I do admit, I was a bit surprise to hear from you. I was even more surprised at the threatening tone your letter had. I didn’t appreciate that one bit. It’s true; I’m a friend of Ray’s. I’m well aware of his being married and he talks about his children all the time. He does talk about you too, Carrie. I think the reason that we became friends is because he needed someone to talk to, someone who’d actually listen. From what I can gather, this is because it’s missing at home. We have no romantic involvement, nor do we have any plans to meet. I’m not a home wrecker and resent the implication. My husband cheated on me and I’d never do that to another woman, nor would I stoop to the level that my ex-husband did. I’m sorry that you have problems with Ray, and I’m sorry that your marriage is in trouble, but it has nothing to do with me. I’m just a name on a screen that allows your husband to vent and say whatever he wants without judgment or recrimination. I refuse to feel guilty for that. If anyone should feel guilty, it should be you. After all, shouldn’t you be the one he comes to when he needs to talk? Shouldn’t you be the one he is lying next to in the middle of the night instead of cozying up to his computer? What’s missing? These are the questions you should be asking yourself Carrie, instead of trying to place the blame on an innocent bystander.