Ray had decided to go out and pick up some necessities. He went to the local Wal-Mart and got some dishes, cleaning supplies and a television. He had looked into computers, but that was something he wasn’t going to be able to afford for a while.
He lugged the television up to the sixteenth floor. Wow, he hadn’t thought that through. Bringing up groceries should be fun. He glanced over to the answering machine and noted there were no messages. He sighed, and wondered what Amanda was up to today. Being Saturday, it could be anything. He went back to the elevator to go get the rest of his packages. He thought of all the things Amanda and he could be doing together. You know, if they didn’t leave twenty-five hundred miles apart. Going to a movie, or out to dinner or even just sitting in his living room, cuddling, watching TV and eating popcorn. Oh wait, that image would be better if he actually had a living room. He chuckled to himself; he was going crazy. He imagined there would be a lot of talking to himself in the days to come.
Living alone was not actually something he looked forward to; it had been ages since he had. He knew he’d enjoy the peace and quiet, but not the being alone 24-7 part. That will definitely take some adjustment. He sighed as the elevator doors opened to the garage. It was a decision he had made and had to live with, so he’d better just stop complaining and deal with it. He took his new mop and broom and started his trek back up.
~~~
Carrie sat in the back yard smoking a cigarette. She had quit about six months earlier, but decided to start it up again. Ray was the one who complained about her smoking and he wasn’t here. The girls had come back from their day with him, all excited about his apartment. It led to the smoking frenzy she was having now. It made her so mad! How could he just continue his life as if they didn’t exist? Okay, truth be told, he was being a good father to the girls. He was making sure he spent time with them and called them all the time. Still! He hadn’t invited her to come see his new apartment, why’s that? Didn’t she have a right to see where her husband was now living, the father of her kids?
She knew she was having a hard time with this. Not so much the fact that Ray was gone, but with him being so independent. He’d never really tried to be independent while they were together. Not even in the beginning. Why the sudden change? What was different now? She put out her cigarette and resisted the urge to start another one. She’d considered calling Diego. After all, he was her friend too, and maybe he could talk some sense into Ray. She went upstairs to their bedroom, hoping Ray had left the address book. Fortunately, it was right where they always kept it. Looking up Diego’s phone number, she dialed and waited for him to answer, having no idea at this point, what she was going to say. It would come to her.
“Hello?” Diego had picked up.
Carrie hesitated for a moment, wrestling with the idea of hanging up.
“Anybody there?”
“Diego…h-hi. It’s Carrie.
Diego raised his eyebrows. Uh-oh, he thought, what was this? “Carrie?”
“I just wanted to let you know that Ray has lost his mind. Diego, he’s left. He says he wants a divorce. He moved into an apartment today. I don’t know what’s come over him. I need your help. Diego, you have to make him change his mind.” Carrie waited anxiously for Diego’s response.
Diego had no idea what to say. So the old bastard had really done it. He chuckled to himself. He couldn’t believe it!
“Diego?” Carrie was getting irritated at his lack of response. “Did you know about this? Do you have anything to say?”
Diego was not thrilled at having to listen to the shrill in Carrie’s voice. Did she remember that Ray was his best friend? She was really a piece of work.
“Diego! He’s left me! Do you understand?” Carrie was hysterical. Why wouldn’t he say anything?
He’d had enough. “Okidokey. Thanks for calling.” Diego hung up the phone.
Carrie was beside herself. OKIDOKEY? She could not believe the audacity of that man! She slammed down the phone; not once, not twice…repeatedly, until all the anger was eliminated from her body. She dialed Ray’s phone number.
Ray was lying on the floor watching his new television. The phone startled him, but he picked it up on the first ring. “Hello?” The voice on the other end was unmistakable.
“I just spoke to your best friend and obviously he doesn’t care that you’ve lost your mind. Haven’t you called him yet?”
Ray groaned aloud. “You called Diego? Why? What did he say?”
“Not much. He said ‘okidokey’.”
“That’s it?” Ray thought this was hysterical. Of course, Diego wasn’t shocked at the news, but probably didn’t want to ruffle Carrie’s feathers. But boy did he! He couldn’t help himself, he started laughing uncontrollably.
“I don’t think it’s funny, Ray.”
“Okidokey!” Ray laughed even harder. He laughed until the tears rolled down his cheeks, long after Carrie had hung up in his ear.
~~~
Ray had just gotten off the phone with Diego. He’d called him immediately after hanging up with Carrie, after composing himself, that is. They had quite a laugh at Carrie’s expense; they both thought the whole thing was hysterical. Diego had been supportive of the whole thing, and they’d arranged for Diego to come up to visit the next weekend.
The phone rang, eerily loud in the almost empty apartment, startling him. Who would be calling him so late? “Hello?”
“Congratulations! You have your own place!”
“Hi, Mandy! Yes, I’m on my own. I’ve done it!” Ray was so excited to hear her voice it immediately lifted his spirits.
“So how is your new apartment? Do you like it?”
“It’s great! I have a home, finally, and that’s nice. It’ll take me some time to get used to all the quiet. Right now, I have no furniture, so it’s a bit uncomfortable, but by tomorrow, that’ll also change. I’ve got my TV and my stereo…that helps with the noise level anyway.”
“Well it’ll take some adjustment. Believe me, after Elisa moved out, the noise level dropped considerably. Alex says he likes it, but I think it’s been hard on both of us.”
“At least he’s there. Well, this is good, I have the phone, and I can talk to you, my kids, my friends, without repercussions. That’s great.” Ray wished he felt as positive as that sounded. He knew this was going to be hard, but no need to cry about it. Fortunately, it sounded as if Amanda understood without him having to say it.
“You’ll be fine, Ray. Even though it’s what you want, it’s still hard to leave, especially your kids. Plus, you haven’t lived by yourself in ages! Now, you have to cook and clean for yourself. That must be a total change.”
Ray laughed aloud. “Cook? What’s that? I don’t even know where to begin. I went out to the grocery store; something else I haven’t done in ages, and loaded up on frozen foods. Luckily, the apartment comes with a microwave, so I’m all set.”
“Just frozen food?” She tried not to laugh.
“No, peanut butter and jelly too.”
She couldn’t hold it any longer, she laughed out loud. “Oh well, that’s better.”
Ray blushed at hearing her laugh. It was so cute and sexy. It left him speechless.
“I have to take Alex to work, so I’ll talk to you later. Have fun in your new home!”
“I will try. Goodnight, Mandy.” Ray tried not sounding as pathetic as he felt. He wished she were here with him.
“’Night, Ray.”
She hung up feeling his pain. She’d been in his position before; she knew it was a tough adjustment. It would not be easy for him. She wished there was a way she could make it better for him, but being so far away, she knew the only thing was to be his friend. She planned to do just that.
Chapter 20
Today was the day. The sheriffs department was going to issue Carrie with the divorce papers. Ray paced in front of his living room window. He wondered how she’d react, and how the girls would take it. He decided he should war
n the girls. He called the house, hoping that Carrie wouldn’t answer.
“Hello?” It was Nikki.
“Hey, whatcha doin’?”
“Nothing much, Daddy, I just got home from school. You know what?”
It always made Ray smile to talk to Nikki. She was just so sweet and innocent. “What?”
“There’s a sheriff’s car sitting across the street. It’s been there since I got home. Why do you think that is?”
Ray’s heart skipped a beat. It was really happening! “Well, that’s actually why I’m calling. I wanted to warn you that the sheriff would be issuing the divorce papers to your mom today. You might want to get out of harm’s way.”
“Oh no! I’m home alone!” Nikki looked out the window. “Mom’s here! Dad, I’ve got to go hide in my room.”
Ray fully agreed with his daughter. “Call me and let me know what happened.”
Nikki promised, hung up, and raced to her room. She didn’t want to be the brunt of her mom’s anger.
~~~
Carrie hadn’t had a very good day today. She parked the car and tiredly got out. The last thing she wanted to do was deal with dinner. Maybe Nikki started dinner. Yeah, right, she snorted. Like that would ever happen. She got her things out of the car and noticed the sheriff’s car across the street. Her eyebrows shot up as she looked at it, wondering what had happened. She started towards the front door wanting to make sure everything was all right with the girls.
“Ma’am?”
Carrie turned around to see the officer heading her way. What was this all about? She stopped to wait for him, a knot of fear gathering in her throat. “May I help you?”
“Are you Carrie Knight?” The officer stayed a safe distance away from her.
“Yes.” Carrie’s knot continued to grow.
“These are for you.” He handed her an envelope addressed to her.
“What’s this all about, Officer?”
“You have been served with divorce papers. I’m sorry, ma’am. Have a nice day.” He turned on his heels and hurriedly went and got in his car. He drove away without as much as a glance back in Carrie’s direction.
She opened the envelope and stared at the document. She couldn’t believe Ray had done this so soon. What was his hurry? Carrie slowly walked into the house. She was going to have to get a lawyer. How would she afford it? Why was Ray doing this? Her first reaction was to tear up the document and pretend she never got it. Who would know? With a heavy heart, she realized that the sheriff deputy who gave it to her must have to report to the court that she received it. She had no choice but to proceed. Without warning, Carrie began to cry. Angry with herself for this show of emotion, she shoved the document back into the envelope and went inside.
Nikki walked out of her room bringing Carrie back to the present. “Mom, why were talking to that guy?”
Carrie stared at her daughter, still shell-shocked. “Your father served me with divorce papers without warning.”
“I don’t think he’s supposed to actually warn you, Mom.”
Carrie glared at her daughter. Of course, she’d take his side. “Shut up, Nikki. What the hell do you know about it?” She thought about this for a minute then turned to her daughter, accusingly. “Did you know about it and not bother to tell me?”
“No Mom, Dad didn’t tell me. I had no idea, really.” Nikki knew she had pushed the wrong button. It was so easy these days to set her off.
“Sure you didn’t. You only care about how this affects your father, not how this affects me. It isn’t easy you know.”
“I’m sorry Mom.” Nikki didn’t know what else to say.
She looked at her daughter sadly. Without saying anything else, Carrie carried her papers into the bedroom where she stayed behind closed doors for the remainder of the night.
~~~
Ray had just gotten off the phone with Nikki. She had called to let him know how it had gone with the deputy. Ray was stunned at how emotional Carrie was getting. He was sure it was all an act, but still, it made him feel uneasy. In fact, it made him downright nauseous. Amanda kept telling him that divorce was ugly no matter how you looked at it, and he was beginning to think she was right. No matter how he felt about Carrie, he didn’t want to hurt her like this, but could see no way around it. He was just carrying on with the steps his lawyer advised.
He hoped that she realized she would now have to get a lawyer. There were many steps to go through, this just being the tip of the iceberg. There were classes to attend, counseling; it was insane. But, if the court wanted him to jump through hoops to grant him this divorce, then jump he’d do.
He looked at the clock. Still too early to call Amanda; she would just be getting out of work. He liked to give her time to get supper and relax before calling her. One of his favorite parts of this newfound freedom was being able to call Amanda at night. They were getting to know each other even better this way, and she filled a void that no one else had ever been able to touch. He didn’t quite understand it, but he loved it. She was so easy to talk to, and always brought things into perspective for him, even when he was at his most negative. She was amazing.
~~~
Carrie sat sulking on her bed, not being able to believe Ray had served her divorce papers today. Not even Ray, a deputy! You would think when divorce papers are being handed out; at least the soon to be ex-husband would give them to you. Along with some explanation as to why the marriage was over. Carrie sighed. That was the saddest part of all. With all the drama over the packed up room, telling the kids, and wanting him out as soon as possible, she had never taken a moment to ask Ray exactly why. It’s not as if things had actually changed recently, things hadn’t been all wine and roses for a long time, in fact, for years. She couldn’t even remember when they were last happy. She struggled to remember the last time they had kissed--really kissed. She couldn’t. As for sex...she plopped her head down on the pillows, it had been years! Sex with Ray had not been bad; she had enjoyed it at first. Then as it happens to everyone, life got in the way. The crying babies to contend with, cleaning the house, and what seemed like endless loads of laundry. Ray had worked long hours, and then came home to take a turn with the kids. By the time bedtime rolled around, all either of them wanted to do was sleep. Every so often romance would sneak in and they would rekindle their intimate relationship. Then life took an ugly turn. Money problems, problems with her parents, problems with each other, and they just moved further and further apart as a couple, all intimacy gone. Carrie admitted that she had been the one who stopped wanting Ray, to the point of sleeping on the couch, or making him do so.
She got up and walked to the window. She hugged herself, feeling chilled. She thought of Ray, the Ray she once knew. She missed him. She wanted to know why he left. He owed her that didn’t he. She decided to call him, knowing that he would talk to her. Maybe even meet her for coffee. Even though he was gone and wanted a divorce, Ray Knight would never be hurtful on purpose. She looked up his new number and dialed the phone, feeling slightly foolish.
“Hello.”
“Hi Ray, its Carrie.” Hearing his voice made her go from feeling slightly foolish to downright stupid.
“Carrie? What’s wrong?” Ray’s first thought was that something had happened to one of the girls. Then he remembered the sheriff and inwardly groaned.
“Nothing is wrong. Oh, except for I got the divorce papers today. Thank you.” Carrie heard the sarcasm in her voice and tried to stop herself. She didn’t want to fight.
Ray decided a ‘you’re welcome’ here was not warranted. He silently waited for her to continue.
Carrie softened her tone. “I have to say Ray; I was more than a little shocked. It seems to be happening so fast.”
Ray didn’t know how to respond.
Carrie went on. “Ray, I was so discombobulated when this all started happening that I haven’t allowed myself to feel anything. The reality of the sheriff’s deputy coming here, of him handing me divorce
papers, really hit me hard today. Why, Ray? What made you finally come to the decision to leave? Is there someone else?” Carrie held her breath.
“No, Carrie there is no one else. Our marriage has been over for a long time. You know that. We were two people who lived in the same house, raising kids. We never slept together in either sense of the word; we never did anything together. What we were doing wasn’t living…it was barely even existing. I want more, Carrie, I need more.” Ray took a deep breath. Why was this so painful?
Carrie listened on the other end. She heard the emotion in Ray’s voice. She heard the sincerity of it. Instead of touching her, it infuriated her.
“Your answer then is to throw away almost twenty years of marriage because you want more? More what?” Carrie’s voice had become shrilly.
Ray’s first reaction was to stop this conversation. Why did he even try? But he at least owed her this explanation. “More of everything, Carrie; more intimacy, more love, more companionship. Maybe I can even have more quality time with my daughters. You don’t want me, and you haven’t in a long time. It’s not as if I haven’t tried to repair our marriage. You were never interested. Let’s just admit it and move on, hopefully for something, or someone, that we both can be happy with.”
Carrie was indignant. She suddenly lost all control. “If you think that I’m just going to roll over and play dead you’re a bigger idiot than even I thought you were. You want a new life. Fine, but I will always be there Ray, in the background. We have kids together, and if you think you’ll just get to walk away from your responsibilities here at this house…Ha! Think again, Mister. By the time, my lawyer is through with you; you’ll be living at the Y and taking the fucking bus to work. No one will want you because you won’t have anything to offer, except an ex-wife and three kids. It’s ‘baggage’ Ray, and no woman will want that. Your baggage will be so heavy around your neck; even YOU won’t be able to carry it. Let’s just see how happy THAT makes you. See you in court, honey!” She slammed down the phone. She was livid, but renewed. How dare he treat her like an old pair of shoes? She’d show him! She’d been a good wife; she refused to let him toss her aside. He may have won the first round, but she will win the next one. She’d make sure of it!
When You Least Expect It Page 18