~~~
Ray and Amanda had been talking on the phone for hours. Ray had gone through the ugly scenario he had just been through with his wife, Amanda listening and assuring Ray that divorce makes every woman ugly.
“There’s nothing worse than a woman scorned is more than just a cliché, Ray, it’s the damned truth. Carrie is pissed, and what she wants more than anything is to get back at you, any way she can think of. It’s pretty normal.”
Ray found it hard to believe that Amanda could ever be so malicious and told her so.
Amanda laughed, a little too loudly. “Ray, I was never as angry as when Randy left. The reason I know what Carrie is thinking is that I’ve been there, done that. My best friend, Kara, she’s been there done that; I witnessed it. In fact, I learned from her. I wanted nothing more than to hit Randy where it hurt the most, and it took me a while to find out where that was. It was guilt. He had a lot of it.” She laughed aloud, “I was a woman transformed. I went from doormat to bitch in zero to sixty seconds flat! Being a bitch wasn’t an insult, it was a statement.” She laughed at the memory. Kara used to ask her all the time what had happened to the ‘old’ Mandy. She was always telling her how proud she was of the new side to Amanda.
Ray silently mulled this statement over. “Mandy, are you telling me that you’re a bitch?” Ray was only kidding when he asked this…kind of.
She could hear the fear in Ray’s voice. She wasn’t really a bitch, but she never wanted to revert to being a doormat either. “If being an independent, outspoken woman is a synonym for being a bitch, then yes, I guess I am.”
Ray raised his eyebrows. Was she trying to freak him out? He sighed audibly. He’d been out of the dating scene for so long; it was going to take some getting used to. He had no idea what to say to this so he opted to try to change the subject. “How is Elisa doing in her new apartment?”
It was Amanda’s turn to raise her eyebrows. “Not to change the subject or anything, but, she’s doing great.”
Ray laughed. “Sorry, it’s how I get myself out of potentially dangerous conversations.” Ray was embarrassed that he had been so obvious. He had a lot to learn.
Amanda laughed with him. She enjoyed the easy banter they had with each other. He was easy to talk to and always had something to say. More important, he made her laugh.
She glanced at the clock. “Oh wow, Ray, it’s midnight over there. We’ve been on the phone for three hours!” She was amazed. It hardly seemed like three hours, and she could have easily gone for more, but since they were both on a budget, they were going to have to watch this, and she mentioned this to him.
“It’s worth every penny, Mandy. I would pay ten times the amount. I love talking to you. Of course, I have to get some sleep so I’m not useless at work tomorrow. I hate the three-hour difference, but it’s just one more thing we have to deal with; that, and the distance.”
She could hear the tone of his voice change. It always got quieter when he got sad. “Sleep well, Ray. Take care.”
“You too, Mandy...I love you. ‘Night.”
She was still not used to Ray telling her he loved her. It always stunned her. “Goodnight, Ray.”
After hanging up, Amanda thought long into the night about Ray and his supposed love for her. Why would he feel love for her when he didn’t even know her? What exactly did she feel for him? She knew it was something, but would feel ridiculous admitting it was love. But, if not love, then what? She supposed that one day she would figure it out.
Chapter 21
The holidays were just around the corner, starting with Thanksgiving. The girls were over for the weekend and were discussing the who what and where’s of it.
“Dad, I want to make a big ass ham. I think I can do it. It seems simple enough. We can invite Grandma and have it here.”
“Really Norma? You think you can pull it off?”
“Sure, why not? Nikki can make some sides, and so can Glenda, and Grandma can bring something. It’ll be a little crowded here, but I think it would make your first Thanksgiving in your new place a nice one.”
Ray fought back the lump forming in his throat. “Ok…one big ass ham it is!”
The doorbell rang; the pizza they’d ordered had arrived.
Nikki opened the door and paid the delivery boy. “Pizza is here! Let’s pop in the movie and eat!”
As Ray set the table with the fine china, paper plates, he gave a prayer of thanks for his girls. They seemed to be handling the entire mess pretty well, and were more concerned about how he was handling things. They were amazing; he and Carrie must have done something right.
After the pizza was gone, and the movies were over; Ray pulled out the sleeper bed from the couch so the girls could go to bed.
“Good night girls. I’m glad you are here this weekend. It’s been fun. Maybe tomorrow we can go mini-golfing.”
“That sound like fun. ‘Night, Dad!”
Ray stood over them for a second, just looking. They were so grown up now, where had the time gone?
He went into his bedroom and got ready for bed. He wanted to call Amanda, but didn’t want to take the chance of them overhearing. He lay there and wondered what she was up to this Saturday night. He knew she wasn’t into dating yet, and this brought a frown to his brow. When would she be? He tossed in his bed trying to erase this thought from his mind. He was a couple of thousand miles away and knew he wouldn’t he be able to stop it. He knew in his heart that he could never ask it of her, not now anyway.
~~~
Amanda and Hilary were out shopping. They had forgiven each other the Ray fiasco, and Hilary had promised not to be so judgmental. They could resume their sister relationship and both were ecstatic about it.
They stopped at the food court to share some curly fries and Hilary decided to break the ice a bit. “Now that Ray is on his own, do you think about a relationship with him?”
Amanda, still a little wary, said no.
“Well, this has been going on for quite a while, and now he’s on his own. What would it hurt to go meet him?”
Amanda gasped at this. “It would hurt because he’s been on his own for, oh, two weeks? He’s not ready for that Hil, and frankly neither am I. What kind of relationship could we have with him so far away? His kids are there, mine are here, it’s just not plausible. I like talking to him. He’s funny, he’s smart, and we have great conversations. Something I’ve never really had in the past. It’s different, that’s all.”
The two sisters chatted amicably and were having a good time when the subject went back to Ray. This time Amanda brought him up.
“Ray’s birthday is this month. I was thinking of buying him a present. Do you think that’s too forward?”
“Well not if it’s in friendship, Mandy.” She smiled slyly at her sister.
Amanda blushed. “Ok, I stuck my foot in that, but I thought it would be a nice gesture because he’s away from home for the first time.”
Hilary laughed. “He’s not away at camp! I think it would be great. Let’s go look for something. Do you know his size?”
Amanda decided with the information he had given her, she’d be able to guess. “Six feet tall and about one eighty, sounds like a Large to me!”
Off went the sisters in search of the perfect ‘friend’ gift.
“What about a nice sweatshirt? After all, it’s cold up there in Maine.”
Amanda loved this idea. Unfortunately, she had no idea what he’d like. She finally found the perfect one! It said, ‘Don’t mess with Texas’ with a Texas star on it. “What do you think about this one? Then it would remind him of me. You know, his friend.” She blushed.
Hilary had to admit this side of Amanda’s little Internet relationship was cute. She was taking it so slow, how could it be harmful? “I think he’d love it. Would anyone wonder why he had a Texas sweatshirt?”
Amanda hadn’t thought about this. “Well, if Ray thinks so, he won’t wear it. It would be great just to wear arou
nd the house on those cold Maine nights, don’t you think?”
“I think it’s perfect, Mandy. Buy it!”
Amanda was thrilled with this purchase. She went and got a birthday card-a funny one-and some cute wrapping paper. She was not immune to the fact that this might make their ‘relationship’ more real. After all, right now, it was all voice and words; this was something he could touch. She shared her hesitations with Hilary.
Hilary didn’t agree at all. “There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s a cute little gift showing him that someone he likes is thinking of him on his birthday. You want to be his friend, and this will be a nice pick me up for him. What do you have to lose?”
“You’re right. It’s just a sweatshirt. This will be great!”
In the car, reality struck. “Oh no! I don’t have his address!”
Hilary laughed. “You talk to him almost every day. Ask him for it.”
Embarrassed, she knew she was making too big of a deal of this. “I’m like a nervous teenager, huh?”
“Yes, you are! It’s cute though, Mandy. I haven’t seen you act like this in a while.”
For about the hundredth time in so many days, Amanda wondered why she was.
~~~
Ray dropped the girl’s off at home without incident. Carrie had not talked to him at all since the day the he had served her. He knew it was better this way, more peaceful.
He hated to admit it, but he couldn’t wait to get home and call Amanda. He had taken the girls out to play mini-golf as promised, but the whole time he had thought about her. He was so distracted!
When he got home, he put on some music and picked up the phone.
A male’s voice answered the phone. “Hello?”
Ray hesitated for a second. Who could this be? “Is Amanda there?”
“Who’s this?”
Ray was getting uncomfortable. This voice sounded possessive.
“Ray.”
“I’ll get her. MOM!”
Ray laughed at himself. It was Alex. Of course, he sounded possessive; he was a strange man calling his mother. He heard him telling his mom it was ‘some guy named Ray’.
“Hi Ray.”
“Hi there. Wow, your son sounds old!”
Amanda laughed. “Oh, were you worried he was my boyfriend?”
Ray laughed with her. “I think I’ll plead the fifth on that. How are you? I’ve been thinking about you all weekend.”
Amanda smiled. Why did she react like that? “Really? You’ve popped into my mind a time or two, too.”
Ray beamed. “Good stuff, I hope.”
“Actually I was wondering what your address is. You know mine; it seems only fair I should know yours.”
Without even a second’s hesitation, Ray rattled it off.
“Thanks.”
“Any particular reason why?” Ray’s curiosity got the best of him.
“No.” She replied coyly.
“Fair enough. Now tell me every minute of your weekend.” The two talked about everything that had happened, enjoying every minute of each other’s company. They were getting to know each other more and more every day.
Two hours later, Ray settled himself in bed, exhausted, but happy. Amanda made him feel so good. She made him feel like no one ever had; as if he could just be himself. He loved the way she laughed, the way she let him finish his stories, always interjecting in just the right places. She always asked so many questions, it exhausted him because he wasn’t used to it. He always answered as honestly as he could. She never judged. She never condemned. She just let him talk. No one had ever let him do that. It was intoxicating, addicting; he couldn’t get enough. He drifted off to sleep, knowing she would join him in his dreams.
~~~
Amanda flicked the channels of her television, not really watching anything. She was thinking about Ray. Not about Ray per se, but about how she felt about him. He seemed to be always on her mind. What she liked most about him was how he could make her laugh. He had such a quick wit about him. He could always make her feel happy. After talking to him, she felt as if she were glowing. She laughed at this analogy. Why would she be glowing? She shook her head. She knew the answer to this question. She was falling in love. As much as she had tried to avoid this, it seemed to be happening to her again. Only this time, it felt different. It felt right. Just like she always imagined it should be, but never had for her.
Amanda flicked off the TV. That was ridiculous! Why was she thinking that? This is how she always got herself into these bizarre relationships. This was her typical M-O. She alluded herself into believing the person she was falling for; that wrong man, was the right man. This man, the one who lived in Maine, the one who was only days separated after a twenty year marriage, the one she met on the Internet, was not the right man. Hilary, Blossom and every other person she had told this twisted story to was right. She needed to get a life.
Chapter 22
Amanda had been feeling melancholy tonight and had cut her phone call to Ray short. She didn’t really feel like chitchat, and was still feeling unsettled about him. She had felt if he had asked her just one more time what was wrong she would implode.
After finding nothing on the tube, and lacking a good trashy novel to read, she turned on the web. She had been pleasantly surprised to find Hawaiianlover surfing the web as well.
“Hey Lady, long time no see. Where’ve you been?”
“Here, and nowhere, Lover…just hanging around; what’s new with you?”
“Well, I’ve been dating up a storm! I’ve been living it up with some very nice gentlemen; Dinners and dancing, mostly. It’s given me a chance to get out of the house and off this thing.” Hawaiianlover was referring to the computer. Sometimes, they both felt that the Internet was habit forming, and had discussed it in the past.
“Where are you finding all these dates? I want to know where a woman our age goes.” Amanda wasn’t interested in dating, but she had been wondering about this for a while.
“I have a personal ad in the classifieds.”
Amanda was horrified. “Lover, that can’t be safe. Aren’t you afraid?”
“No, I’m very careful. I read the emails that these men send me, and then I pick the ones that interest me. We email back and forth and through this, I kind of get a feel for them, whether they are legit or just looking for a quick lay, or if they are kinky or slimy. It’s pretty easy. Then we talk on the phone a few times, and when I feel comfortable, I meet them for a drink. I never get in their car, and it’s always in very public places; at least the first few times.”
Amanda was dubious. “Have you met some nice men, or are they skuzzy?”
“LOL. I don’t meet the skuzzy ones. Just the ones I think are on the up and up. Mandy, you should try it. You would be amazed at the response and it would give you some options.”
“I don’t know Lover, Ray might object.” Amanda knew the absurdity of that statement as soon as she hit ‘send’.
“Well if he does then he has a problem. You guys aren’t married, or even a couple per se. He lives a long way away. You don’t have a true commitment yet I assume, since you’ve never met.”
“You’re right, of course. Maybe I will place an ad, just to see what happens.” Even as she wrote it, she wondered if she really would.
“Give it a try. It’s very much the new thing. I promise you that you will be safe as long as you are selective. I’m out of here, lady, and next time we meet, I want to hear all about your adventures. Aloha!”
“Bye Lover; and thanks.”
Amanda hated to admit it, but the conversation with Hawaiianlover had intrigued her. She was an executive, elegant and smart, yet she placed an ad. Maybe there was something to it. After all, she had a pager and wouldn’t even have to give out her phone number. It could be as innocent as she wanted it to. If she found some dates out of it, what would it hurt? She decided it would be fun just to check it out and went to the website.
She could not b
elieve all the different ads! Men for Men…Women for Women. The other categories included Long-term, Flirtatious, and Just for Fun. Amanda decided to go to the Just for Fun category. She read some of the ads that were there. Nothing too personal and they didn’t ask for any private information, except for the email address. She decided to go for it.
She deliberated on what to say. She decided going for the truth was her safest bet. She kept it brief.
HI! TexasRose here! I am a 5’1” brunette, 40, looking for companionship. I like movies and dancing, going out to dinner, or anything that sounds like fun. I’m not looking for anything serious, just a night out with someone who is looking for the same thing. I’m looking for a fun-loving, respectful and cute man in his early forties. If you fit the bill, write me and we’ll go from there. Hope to hear from you soon!
Amanda reread her ad about ten times before deciding to submit it. Her true fear was that Ray wouldn’t like it, but her Internet friend was right, they had no hold on each other, they were just friends. She held her breath and hit ‘submit’. She’d done it! She laughed out loud…she must be having a mid-life crisis! She turned off the computer and went to the fridge. She popped open a soda and wondered what she would do with any responses that she might get. As she sipped on her soda, she made a pact with herself to keep an open mind and look for a new adventure. If Lover could do it, then so could she.
~~~
Ray was lying in bed unable to sleep. His conversation with Amanda tonight had left him feeling uneasy. She had seemed very uninterested and bored. Was she losing interest? Ray turned on his stomach. Just because she was not her usual self did not mean it had anything to do with him. They seemed to be getting along great—weren’t they?
When You Least Expect It Page 19