She opened her mouth and the most amazing sound came out. A half moan half scream that almost had me coming inside of her instantly. I felt dizzy from it. I wanted to record that sound and listen to it over and over again.
Sawyer had woken up feelings inside of me I never thought I'd feel again and it was like once she opened the bottle the lid could never be put back on. Because my desire for Sawyer, my love for her, was the strongest thing I'd ever felt. Each time we came together was better than the last. Each time it fused us together more and more and I knew by now that our future was the kind that only ended in forever.
Our eyes met as I found my rhythm. Each time I pushed in she'd buck against me, pulling me in deeper and deeper until I couldn't help but to pound harder until there was no discernible rhythm. Just pleasure and moans and the slapping of skin against skin. When I felt her clench around my cock, my vision went white. The pleasure shot up my spine and when she cried out and contracted around me over and over again, she milked every last drop of cum from my pulsing cock.
Along with every last every last drop of love from my heart.
I laid there, with my girl sleeping in my arms but I couldn't enjoy the moment. My gut told me that soon we'd both be wishing that our temporary reprieve from reality was a lot more permanent.
Chapter 4
Finn
When I woke up the next morning I reached for Sawyer, but the only thing I met was mattress. I sat up in bed and was met with the smell of bacon. I made my way out of the room to the small kitchen in her little house and was taken aback by the buffet that was waiting for me on the counter. Along with the bacon were scrambled eggs, toast, juice, coffee, and hash browns.
My stomach growled.
What surprised me more was Sawyer who still hadn't noticed my presence. I stood there for a few moments. Watching her. Observing. Not only was she cooking up a storm, flitting from one cabinet to the other to get what she needed, she was also humming along to the song on the radio.
This wasn't the same girl from last night. I was confused and felt on edge watching this new Sawyer prance around the kitchen.
"What's all this?" I asked.
She turned around and almost dropped a plate but recovered quickly before setting it down on the counter. "You startled me," she said with a big beaming smile and I knew right away that something was amiss. "I thought I was supposed to be the one who didn't know things. This is breakfast of course."
"I didn't mean to startle you," I said, coming up behind her and wrapping my arms around her. I planted a kiss on her head before releasing her. "And I can see this is breakfast, but I was talking more about the humming and cooking and your overall demeanor, not the food." I grabbed a piece of crispy bacon and took a bite, my eyes almost rolled back in my head with the salty goodness.
"I like this song. The singer's name is Beyoncé. Have you heard of her?" Sawyer asked. She pronounced Beyoncé (Bee-Yon-Chee) and I couldn't help but smile.
"I think I might have heard of her once or twice," I answered, taking a seat at the counter. "But what I meant was, last night, you were pretty upset, and now?" I gestured to the counter and to the radio.
She smiled but it was a forced smile that barely more than a line on her face. "Nothing. I'm going to work," she said with a shrug. And that's when I saw it. The void in her eyes. The vacant space where so much life used to live. It was like she was running on idle.
"Work?" I asked. I shook my head. "Not today. Today you need to go talk to Critter about your mom. Maybe, go see her."
Sawyer averted her eyes shook her head. She set a pan in the sink and turned off the faucet. "No. Not yet. Not today."
"Say, you can't just go about your day as if last night never happened. It's a lot to take in. I think you can take the day off."
She looked at me as if I were the one acting strangely. "Right now, I'd rather focus on this. Breakfast. Being happy." She looked at me. "With you."
I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I love that you want to be happy with me because fuck all knows that's all I want in the world. But I know how it goes when you push that shit down deep inside instead of letting it out and you know what happens?"
"You wind up living with the crazy girl from a religious sect in the middle of the swamp?" she asked, pressing a kiss to my jaw.
"Cute. But seriously, back up, 'cause that shit don't work. Trust me. Go talk to Critter. To your mother," I said, feeling more than just a little uneasy about her playful attitude when just last night she was about to lose her shit. "You can't just ignore this, Say."
"Sure," she said, planting another kiss on my lips. She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. "Just not yet."
"You're infuriating. Hang on, at least let me drive you," I offered, grabbing my t-shirt from the chair and tossing it on over my head.
"That's okay. Stay. Eat. I can walk. Besides, I told Josh I'd stop by her place before my shift."
"Just as a reminder we still don't know if it's safe," I said, pulling on my shirt and grabbing my keys. "Until then you're not walking anywhere alone."
"It's not a big deal," she said, reaching for the door. "You don't have to walk me. I can take care of myself."
“Yes.” I stood in her path. "But you don’t have to. You’re not going anywhere. Not alone. I meant it when I told you that I can't lose you." The fear raging inside of me was so real it was almost tangible. If only she could feel a fraction of what I was feeling she’d understand the reason for my demands.
It’s only because I’m terrified of losing you.
"You're not my mother, Finn," she said with a vacant expression on her beautiful face that made me want to punch a hole through the wall.
"No. I'm not." I leaned against the wall, crossing my legs at the ankles. I shrugged. "Why don't you go talk to her?"
"Cute," she said, throwing my earlier word back at me.
"I'm serious, Say. There are still things you need to know. Things up until this morning I thought you'd always wanted to know. Like why your mother owned land here. Like why..."
"Like why Critter is married to her?"
"Let me guess, because it's not your story to tell?"
"B-I-N-G-O."
Sawyer scrunched up her face in confusion and I took that to mean she didn't understand my reference. "I mean, you're right. It's not my story to tell. And FYI, emotional robot position? It's not for you. Why don't you bring my girl back?"
She sighed. "What if it's all too much?" she asked, her lower lip quivering. As much as I hated to see her upset I was glad to see some emotion from her. "What if I can't handle what I learn. What if they tell me something I can't unhear? Something that will follow me around for the rest of my life? I don't know if I can handle that."
I kissed the top of her head. "She's your mother. You thought she'd abandoned you and she didn't. She's here now. She's alive. Most people don't get second chances like this. People don't come back from the dead but she did. Don't you think you owe it to her to hear her out? To hear Critter out?"
She nodded against my chest but her shoulders remained stiff. She was scared and she had every right to be, but I needed her to know she wasn't going to go through this alone.
"Say," I said, pulling away so I could look in her eyes. "You have me. Don't you know by now that I'd do anything for you? When the world gets heavy on your shoulders I'll carry the weight for you. I'll be there. I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever."
Sawyer's lips turned upward in a smile. It was small but at least it was real. She sniffled. "Take me to her."
I sighed in relief but it wasn't a full breath. While Richard was still out there and Sawyer and her mom were here I'd never be able to fully relax. I pulled her back against me and rested my chin on top of her head. I wasn't lying when I told her I'd carry the weight of the world on my shoulders for her.
What I didn't mention was the possibility it might crush us both.
Chapter 5
Sawyer<
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Critter's house was a red ranch style home with a beige stucco exterior and black shutters encasing the two small front windows. I didn't know what to expect of his house, but what I didn't expect was for it to be sitting in a field of sunflowers.
I touched the sunflower pendant hanging from my neck. The one my mother had left for me in the box beneath my bed.
I remained in the car as Finn got out and opened my door. "Are you ready?" he asked me, helping me down and squeezing my hand tightly.
"I don't think I'll ever be," I answered. Finn led me up to the front porch where Critter was sitting on one of two wicker rocking chairs. He didn't waste any time. "Sawyer, I understand you're confused, but remember, so is she. Your mother has got some moments of clarity. Sometimes they last minutes and sometimes hours. Most of the time she thinks it's twenty-two years ago."
"I'm not going to upset her," I promised. "At least, I'll try not to."
Critter nodded to me and I turned to Finn. "I think I need to do this alone," I said.
"I'll be right out here waiting," he said, kissing my knuckles before releasing me. Critter opened the screen door for me. "Last door at the end of the hall."
My eyes adjusted to the darkness inside the cozy home with plush carpet and a million picture frames on the wall. It reminded me of a homier version of the bar.
When I got to the room at the end of the hall I half expected my mother to be lying in bed but instead she was sitting on a rocking chair in the corner, knitting. Her nurse, Maddy, was sitting on another chair nearby flipping through a magazine. Maddy lifted her head when she saw me and gave me a warning look.
"Critter said it was okay," I told her.
She looked to my mother and then back to me. "Caroline, you've got a visitor," she said loudly yet sweetly. "Best way not to upset her is don't correct her if she says something that doesn't sound right and don't remind her of who you are because chances are, with how she's doing right now, she's not gonna know." With that Maddy left the room and closed the door behind her.
"Hello, there, dear. What's your name?" My mother asked when she noticed me standing at the end of the bed. She set her knitting down. A tangle of baby pink yarn with no decipherable pattern. Her blonde hair was wet and neatly combed back. She wore a pink fluffy bathrobe over pink and white striped pajamas, complete with fuzzy slippers. It was the most color I'd ever seen her wear besides the yellow tank top in the picture I'd found in the box she'd left for me. She looked healthy. Heavier.
Stronger than I'd seen in years.
Physically anyway.
"Hi," I said, feeling odd not knowing how to introduce myself to my own mother. I searched her face for any signs of recognition.
Nothing.
I ignored the growing pit in my stomach and ache in my heart.
"I'm...Sawyer."
She set her knitting down on her lap. "You must be the neighbor Critter was talking about. The new one with the little boy who keeps stealing all of the sunflowers. It's nice to finally meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed where the nurse had been. "And I'm sorry about him stealing your flowers."
"Oh, that's alright. We will find out how mischievous children can be soon enough. Sorry I can't fetch you something to drink. Critter has been real insistent that I stay put since the morning sickness has really been getting to me."
"Morning sickness?" I asked. "You're pregnant?"
My mother removed the knitting and smoothed her hand over her flat stomach like it was rounded instead of indented. "Yes, six months along now and the sick feeling still hasn't subsided. Sometimes I think my daughter will be out into the world and full grown by the time it goes away."
"I'm sorry you aren't feeling well," I said, "But I'm sure Critter is taking good care of you."
"That man would lasso the moon if I asked him to. That's why I married him."
"Married?" I asked.
"Yep, right before we found out we were having a baby. It was low-key, just us in the sunflower field with a justice of the peace from the county office. I don't have a lot of family and neither does Critter. It was more special that way. Although, it won't be that way for long." My mother was beaming as she rocked and continued to knit.
"So, tell me, how did you two meet?" I asked casually, trying to seem like a curious neighbor.
"Well, it was love at first sight. I was..." she scrunched her face and shook her head like she was shaking off a bad memory. "You don't want to hear all this from me, do you? It's kind of a long story."
"I do. I really do." I urged her on, trying not to show the nervousness wreaking havoc on my heart.
I was finally going to hear the story I’d waited so long for. Part of me wanted to turn and run. Another part of me wouldn’t move if a bulldozer came through the wall.
"From the beginning if you'd like,” I offered. “The very beginning. Your beginning. I've got plenty of time.” I looked at my naked wrist like I was checking the time on a watch when I’d never even owned one. I slid to the floor and brought my knees to my chest with my back against the bed and tried not to tap my toe on the carpet although it was practically tingling to do just that.
My mother looked out the window as she recalled her story. "Well, I was born a rebel, refusing to come out into the world for a full three days." She shook her head. "My poor mother. I grew up in a religious household and when my parents both died I was passed on to the church elders to raise since I was only fifteen when they passed."
"I'm sorry," I offered, my gut twisting at the news of my grandparents that she'd never spoken about.
"No worries. It was a long time ago. But it was only then I realized that my parents were unique members of the church. In our house, we didn't have to lower our eyes and we could speak whenever we felt like we had something to say, but that wasn't the standard. Far from it. It was a severe way to grow up and I never embraced it."
Neither did I.
"Every day when I woke up I saw the light fading from my eyes as more and more rules were pushed down my throat. By the time they informed me that I was to be married to this man of the church. Richard was his name. She cringed. "I'd all but given up. I didn't know life outside the church and didn't think I could make it on my own. I had hoped that maybe Richard would be more like my parents. It only took meeting him a few times for to realize he was perhaps the worst of them all. He treated me like a dog on the leash and always made sure the collar allowed me to breath but always reminded me that just one pull in the wrong direction and I'd be choking."
I was crying inside for my mother but tried to remain impassive on the outside.
It wasn’t easy.
"One weekend, my guardians brought me along to a tent revival service to help. We stayed in a little motel and I'd go for walks around the town whenever I could sneak away for an hour or so. One day I saw a truck and camper for sale in a junkyard and something came over me. An idea I couldn't shake.” My mother took up her knitting and placed it back down again.
She continued. “On the day I married Richard, I stole a gold crucifix that belonged to Richard and I brought it to the junkyard. I traded it and my wedding ring for the camper and the truck. I didn't make it far before the truck broke down on the side of the road. I got out and walked to find help and made sure to walk in the opposite direction of the fairgrounds because although the freedom I'd tasted was only a few miles from the fairgrounds I knew I'd never be going back. And that walk in the middle of the night all by myself? It was glorious. My first taste of actual freedom. The sounds of the swamp at night." She closed her eyes like she could still hear it. Then she inhaled deeply through her nose. "The smell of salty water and the Sulphur." She opened her eyes again. "By the time I realized I was lost I didn't care if anyone ever found me ever again. I fell down an embankment and got stuck on this tiny strip of muddy land but it was too steep to climb my way back up to the top. As the water rose I thought for sure that I was go
ing to die there."
"What did you do?" I asked, leaning forward.
She shrugged and took up her knitting again. "There was nothing I could do. And there was something so...freeing about the experience that I sat down in the mud and I...I just started to laugh. And that's when Critter found me. Sitting in the mud, the water rising all around me, when he zipped by on his little boat and did a double take. He stopped and pulled me out. I was covered in mosquito bites, mud from head to toe, and soaking wet and do you know what that man did?" she asked with a loving smile.
"No. What did he do?" I asked, leaning forward.
She smiled in a way that told me she couldn’t believe it herself. "He started to laugh right along with me. The man had no idea why I was laughing, but joined right on in. He took me back to his bar and while I cleaned me up and changed my clothes he went and towed the truck and camper back to the bar. When I walked out all cleaned and mud free he looked up at me and I'll never forget what he said.”
"What? What did he say?" I asked.
"He looked up and said, it's you. Like he'd been waiting for me his entire life." She looked out the window to where Critter was sitting on the porch, rocking in the chair, fiddling with something on his lap. "And then, before the coffee was ready in the morning, we'd fallen madly and deeply in love."
"That's a beautiful story," I said, and it really was. "What about this Richard guy?” I looked to the walls and to the floor then back again. Anywhere but at my mother. “Was...is he the father of your baby?"
My mother shook her head. "No, gosh no. I left before our wedding night took place. It luckily never got that far. This big baby girl right here," she patted her belly, "or at least I think she's a she, is one hundred percent Critter."
The Outliers: (The Outskirts Duet Book 2) Page 3