The Pike_Evermore

by Erik Schubach

  The redhead turned back to Porter. “She's intense. Umm... the look works well for her.”

  I grinned innocently back at the chastising glare my new producer was giving me.

  Then Nadine asked me, “Is it alright if I get rid of some of the shine? The lights are pretty unforgiving.”

  I nodded, and she switched to a pad that had a fine powder that she dabbed on my face.

  Then I snorted when I glanced over to see one of the sisters who ran the Pike with her hands and face pressed up against the glass of the door, her head almost upside down as she stuck her tongue out at me. Then she waved and almost skipped off.

  I got control of my smile and gave an apologetic look to Nadine, who was diligently trying to keep up with all my movement. She finished and considered her handiwork, then nodded. “That'll do it. Good luck.” She moved behind the producer.

  Good luck? Oh, just great, that made all my insecurity and anxiety come rushing up to the forefront. This wasn't just one of my podcasts, this was a professional news broadcast. I snapped out of it as a sound man started slipping a small microphone to my lapel and then he looked nervously at my butt as he held the battery pack in indecision.

  That's what I needed to pull up that armor of confidence again. I swiveled toward him and cocked my hip, moving my ass toward him invitingly.

  As the poor boy swallowed, I caught Karmin covering a smile with her hand. I winked at her. I was sort of happy I was amusing her. The kid was fumbling around trying to attach the clip to my waistband. I gave him a bored look, “Are you done groping my ass yet?” He straightened up and finished his job, almost tripping over himself to get away from us as he prompted, “Soundcheck?”

  I said primly as he pulled some headphones over his ears and looked at a sound monitor hanging at his hip, “Check, check, fuckin' A.”

  He hesitated again, trying not to look at me as he nodded and slipped through the door.

  Porter snorted. “That was just evil, I don't know if you scared the poor boy to death or made him fall in love with you.”

  I shrugged. “In my experience, they're one and the same.”

  I gave her a toothy grin, but she shook her head at me, “Deon't even, woman. It doesn't work on me.”

  I had to snicker.

  Then my short personal assistant whispered to me, “Two minutes.”

  I nodded down at her, and she hugged her paperwork again and led me into the bakery. She pointed at a tape mark on the floor, and I stood on it. As the crew started taking light levels, Karmin stepped back behind the camera man, not meeting my eyes.

  I started chuckling as I was tackled by the twins. Zoey's kids were adorable in that tween age where everything was awkward. I'm not so sure I've outgrown that awkwardness myself. I smiled at them, then hugged them to me for a second and released them. “Good to see you too Teddy and Max.”

  Max, I can tell you right now, was going to be a heartbreaker like her mother when she grew up. That hair and the same cute face and freckles were going to be many a girl or boy's downfall. And Teddy was already almost as tall as me, he was going to be a well built handsome guy like his dad. It's all written in their good genes.

  I had to smile at the blushes on their faces, I remember the days of teenage crushes. Eve snapped her towel at them, making Teddy squeak and dodge as she said, “Come on Teddy, Maximum Ride, Na Na has a job to do, and so do you. The customers won't feed themselves.”

  Max chirped out as she waved to me and followed her aunt, “You already used that one today, auntie Eve.”

  Eve was nodding and corrected herself, “Maxaroony then,” as Porter brought me back to the task at hand by prompting, “Ten seconds.”

  I looked at the camera and Karmin gave me an energetic thumbs up and said, “Do your best!”

  I blinked at her in shock when I realized why her outfit looked so familiar. No way. She was dressed up like Haruhi Suzumiya! One of the anime characters I watched back in junior high and high school. I used to...

  I was snapped out of my shock when I realized Porter was counting down. “Five, four...” Then she held up three, two, one finger.

  And I was sputtering as I was glancing past the camera for the cue cards the sound man was holding. “Umm... good morning Seattle, welcome to the premier of the Seattle Evermore segment of Emerald City News, KVRL. I'm Na Na Evermore, and I'll cut through all the BS and hype for you and give you the real Seattle like only a city native can.”

  I had regained my composure by then and put on my signature smirk. I raised an eyebrow to the camera and looked away from the cards to cock my head and grin as I said, “Today I want to show you all one of Seattle's hidden culinary gems. The Pike Bakery, nestled in the Post Street Alley, here at Pike Place Market. This place is the cat's balls.” The customers snickered at that. Porter was counting down from five on her fingers, and I scrunched up my nose and said, “We'll be right back with a quick look at what makes the Pike worthy of my notice.”

  Then the camera man stood making a cutting motion across his throat, “And we're out.”

  Porter said, “Two minutes everyone.”

  I looked over at Karmin who was grinning cutely. My attention was pulled from her when Porter asked as the sisters headed my way, “The cat's balls? Really?”

  I shrugged an apology and kept my persona going, “What? It isn't like I could say the Pike is the shit, on air could I?”

  I hugged the sisters to me once they got within arms reach. I noticed Maddie out the window by her cart giving two super energetically sarcastic two thumbs up. I grinned at her and flipped her off after I released the sexy redheads.

  I turned an imperious nose away from her to say hi to the ladies. “How are my two favorite redheads today?”

  I heard Max harrumph from the counter where she was helping a customer. I corrected, “Older redheads.”

  This got a harrumph from Eve. I cocked an eyebrow between them and prompted, “Don't make me take you two out back to kick your asses. You know I love ya all.”

  Zoey said in an announcer's voice, “Na Na is in the house!”

  I rolled my eyes at her.

  Then she mused out loud, “Now, I suppose after this I'll have to rename our cream puffs to cat's balls?”

  This got a snicker from Teddy, and I shot him a wink as she pointed at him and warned, “Don't encourage her.” She turned her finger toward me and said, “You're a corrupting influence, lady.”

  I nodded with pride. “I aim to please.”

  Porter took control of our jovial chaos as the sound guy clipped mics on the sisters aprons. “Ladies, we're on in sixty seconds. Miss Dupree will introduce you and then discuss the bakery with you. Pretend the camera isn’t here and just have a normal conversation.” She corrected, tongue in cheek, “Well as normal a conversation as you can with Na Na that is.”

  “Hey, I resembled that remark.”

  I was glad that Porter was not the stick up the ass I thought she'd be, and that put me at ease. She started to engage the sisters as I glanced back at the woman dressed as a living breathing anime character. She looked away when I tried to make eye contact.

  There was something else so familiar about Karmin. I thought it was the outfit, but my punk sense was tingling. It was one of my superpowers. Had she been at one of the raves I frequented? I just couldn't picture her in the punk scene, they'd eat her alive.

  “Five, four...” Oh shit. Not again. I glanced around. Porter was off camera again, and the sisters were standing on either side of me, an odd smile on Eve's face.

  Just as the camera's red, on-air light went on, I caught Zoey saying under her breath, “No meddling, Eve.”

  Glurk!

  I recovered with a smile saying, “Welcome back to Seattle Evermore. I'm Na Na Evermore for KVRL. I have with me the two, maladjusted troublemaking sisters who run the Pike Bakery. Zoey Torville and Eve Rand” I wiggled my eyebrows at the camera and nudged my eyes one way then the other at the sister sandwich I was i
n with a toothy grin. “This is a recipe I can get used to.”

  Then I started a discussion with the ladies as they showed us around the bakery. Some of the abbreviated history Zoey gave I knew, but some of it I didn't know. Like that war heroine, McKenzie Meyers was their silent partner. The bakery was originally Meyers' grandmother's.

  I got into the swing of the interview and was able to let my Na Na persona take us away, while reining in her proclivity to use colorful profanity-laden expletives as a comma, or a period, in every other sentence.

  I was having a great time until Porter's arms waving frantically caught my attention. She tapped an imaginary watch then nudged her chin toward the cue cards. Cutting our conversation short as I pulled one sister to me on each side, I nodded and said, “Right.” Then I gave a cheesy grin to the camera as I hugged them to me.

  I went through the sign-off prompts then let go of the girls who were being just as cheesy as me with their expressive faces, and I pointed at the Ethereal on the back of my hand and nodded suggestively. Then I said, “Thanks for watching, and remember, it ain't Seattle unless it's Seattle Evermore.”

  I turned and snagged the redheads again and started walking away from the camera as I said, “Now if you'll all excuse me, I can think of better ways to spend some time with these lovely ladies.”

  I heard the cameraman say, “And we're out.” And I deflated, letting the overly amused sisters take my weight.

  I said weakly, “Sorry girls.”

  Eve shrugged and pulled my arm tighter around her shoulder and said, “No worries, some of us aren't old married ladies like Zoo there and appreciate the attention.”

  Zoey rolled her eyes, snapped her towel at her sis and countered, “Hey Raggedy Ann, in my prime, I could have landed me a Na Na.”

  I looked around and whispered as Porter and Karmin approached while the techs started tearing down the equipment, and the customers started moving in on us. “How bad did I fuck things up?”

  This had to have been the worst I have ever been in front of a camera. I came across awkward, hadn't I? I just wanted to hide in a hole. I didn't have a hole handy, so I pulled the girls in front of me like a shield as a bubbly Maxine joined us.

  Zoey said, “Actually, I thought you were brilliant. Engaging and right on the edge of acceptability on air.”

  While Max pried her mother out of my grasp to insert herself under my arm, Porter stopped in front of me. Karmin was rocking on her heels with a smile on her face as she hugged her mountain of papers to her chest, refusing to make eye contact.

  My newfound producer nodded slowly as she regarded me and said with a smirk of her own, “You'll do.”

  I can't tell you just how hard it was to not exhale loudly in relief. I was feeling so insecure. Zoey read me like a book and started spinning her towel around and calling out to everyone, “Nothing to see here folks, croissants are up there, two for one special until noon!” They all did as instructed. I bet she'd excel in herding cats too.

  She reached over and gave my arm a reassuring squeeze and said quietly, “Nala is in the house,” before following the herd of customers to the pastry cases up front. I glanced out the window and Madelyn inclined her head then turned back to her cart. Good, her opinion really mattered to me.

  The cameraman stepped over and said, “You're a natural. They're going to have a conniption fit back at the station over how closely you toed the line.”

  I gave him a sheepish look, not sure if I should apologize for my character being herself or not. Porter made the introduction, “Nala, Kyle, our cameraman for this segment.”

  I nodded and said to him, inclining my head, “Nice to meet you Kyle, and thanks.”

  He returned the gesture then went back to packing up his gear.

  I took a deep breath and stood taller, pulling my mask around me. “That... was something new.”

  Porter nodded then looked at Karmin. “Cass, could you...”

  The girl brightened and finished as she nodded. “Get her the schedule for next week's segment at Spinners?”

  I said, “I'd appreciate...”

  She kept nodding. “If I emailed it as well as supplying you the hardcopy. Already done.” She handed me a paper.

  “Thanks.”

  Then she slid to my side, and Porter said, “I'd like to meet and discuss other venues with you for future segments. We need to get a feel for each other.”

  I smiled internally. So today was more of an audition than anything, for the studio to see if this was going to work. We could have discussed more than just two venues ahead of time, I wondered why she stopped me at the Pike and Spinners. Now it seems she is decided and I passed whatever test this all was. The contract called for a total of nine pieces for the segment if the premier went satisfactorily.

  I nodded, and she turned to the young woman with the yellow ribbon in her hair. “Cassandra is at your disposal day or night for anything in reference to Seattle Evermore. Just...”

  Karmin, grinned, “Call anytime, 24-7. I emailed my contact information. Is there anything I can do for you now?”

  I had to smile at her enthusiasm as I shook my head. She beamed at me cutely and for the first time, met my eyes. Is it weird that I found this unorthodox woman's hazel eyes... entrancing? Is that the right word? The moment she met my gaze before looking away, I saw someone stronger and deeper than I could ever hope to be. How could all that I saw be contained in such a small package?

  Why was someone obviously so capable, only a personal assistant for a news studio?

  I said to them, “Thanks, this was... surreal. I'll hop online to review the segment, and we can discuss any changes or modifications to the format later?”

  Porter looked at the techs as they filed out of the bakery and nodded as my crew stopped their own recording. I'd get some great behind the scenes cuts from them. “Sounds like a winner to me. We can discuss it when we meet next. Cass can set something up.”

  The girl was nodding agreement, and the producer turned to Eve and Max, who was looking at the Ethereal Armor on my hand. I absently detached it as Porter shook Eve's hand. “It was nice meeting you, and I'll have to drop on in here when I'm not on the job. Goodbye ladies.”

  I inclined my head, taking on my persona's air. Then they headed for the door as I pressed the Ethereal Armor into Max's hand and said to the imp, “Keep it.”

  Karmin turned and waved cutely at the door saying, “Jaa ne.”

  I caught myself waving back. “Jaa ne.” Wait, she spoke Japanese? I had taken Japanese in high school as my foreign language requirement, everyone was taking Spanish or French, and since we had a Japanese instructor I opted for the path less traveled, and besides I lived and breathed Anime back then when my mother wasn't lurking.

  Don't look at me like that, I was such a geek when I was younger. Still am a bit under all this Na Na nonsense that I wear.

  Max was staring at the gift in her hand like it was made of the stars themselves. She glanced at me and asked, “Really? Then she looked over at Eve for permission with pleading eyes.

  Eve shrugged. “I say go for it, Max Headroom, I'm the corrupting aunt. Tell that to yer mom when she scolds you.”

  I told them, “Really, it's nothing. Vendors are always giving me stuff if I show them off. Job is done, it's hers now.”

  Eve said, “Then let me get you a coffee. Fair trade and all.”

  Max ran off squeeing. No really, she was actually saying, “Squee!” As she ran off to show her brother. God, I love their family. They would make any straitlaced family cringe.

  That offer, I wouldn't turn down. So I sat at one of the little patio style cafe tables that a man vacated with just a look from me, and I relaxed and decompressed, surrounded by people I enjoyed. For me, Nala, this had been a terrifying experience, I was just thankful that Na Na could lend me her strength.

  And for now... there's coffee.

  Chapter 2 – Distractions

  After I decompressed a bit an
d made my crew all buy something from the Pike, I headed out to bug Madelyn for a bit, then headed to The Crib. My little production office I had backstage in the abandoned Empire Theater building, which I had purchased two years back with my advertising earnings from my podcasts.

  What, did you expect a strip mall or something? Everything was about the image I was trying to project. This entire empire was just a house of cards, all smoke and mirrors, predicated on an imaginary character. The person I wished I could be, strong, confident, glamorous. It was the culmination of everything I learned in my marketing studies, and I did it well.

  Brandon drove, and Spike followed with the girls. Some of my posse had to go to their day jobs, so we were a light brigade at the time. I spent the ride absently looking out the window. I couldn't get the image of Karmin exclaiming, “Do your best.” Out of my mind. She was like a real-life anime character, and I know most would find that odd, but I found it endlessly endearing.

  She knew that people looked at her funny for the way she dressed, but she didn't care about what others thought, she was just being herself. I envied that. And I was kicking myself for not being able to place her. There was that nagging voice telling me I should know her from somewhere.

  Brandon was considering me as we were pulling up to my dilapidated playhouse. Then he asked as he parked in the spot in the empty lot which had a sign that read, Boss Lady, “You've been lost in thought the whole trip. Anything you want to talk about? Or are you nervous about how the public is going to react to Seattle Evermore?”

  I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Fuck that. You were there, I was brilliant. What kind of shit is this nervous talk? I'm Na Na Evermore.”

  He grinned at that and nodded once like it was settled and a done deal as he said, “That you are.”

  I threw him a bone by asking, “What did you think of that little PA they're giving me? She look familiar to you?”