“Maybe I should go get Mama,” Tori said as they guided Evie back into the kitchen.
Evie clutched Tori’s arm and kept her voice low. “No. I don’t want anybody to know.”
“Why not?” Kate eased her down into a chair. “Mama will be excited.”
Tori dipped the edge of a dish towel in the dishwater to wash Evie’s face. “And it’s not something you can keep secret for long. Especially when the morning sickness hits.”
“It’s not morning,” Evie wailed.
“Morning can sometimes last all day with this,” Tori said.
“Don’t tell me that. I can’t stand thinking that.”
“You’ll forget all about it when the baby comes.” Tori knelt down beside Evie’s chair, took her hands, and looked directly in her face. “It will all be worth it then.”
“I’m not like you, Tori.” Evie stared at her, anything but convinced. “I’m not ready.”
“I am,” Kate said. “I so want this to be me in a few months.”
“I wish it was you now.”
Kate smiled. “It can’t happen quite that quickly.”
“That’s what you think. A person forgets to take precautions one time and the next thing you know you’re heaving out your insides.” Evie rubbed the towel across her face and smeared her makeup. “I’ll bet you’re not even taking precautions.”
“Why should I? I can’t wait to be a mother.”
“But what about Jay? Does he want to be a father?”
“Why wouldn’t he?” Kate frowned. “Isn’t Mike happy about the baby?”
When Evie didn’t say anything, Kate said, “You haven’t told him, have you?”
“Don’t look at me like that.” Evie glared at Kate and then slid her eyes over to Tori. “You don’t understand. Nobody understands.”
12
Tori fought the urge to give Evie a good shake. What was the matter with her? Her husband had come home from the war. She was being blessed with a baby. Tori knew what a blessing that was. She had Samantha. And here Evie was acting as if it was the end of the world instead of the beginning of life.
Tori stood up and went to the sink. Somebody had to wash the dishes. Evie wouldn’t listen to her anyway. Kate could handle it. Not that Evie would listen to Kate either. She obviously wanted to feel sorry for herself. Tori poured a capful of soap into the dishpan and stirred her hand around in the water to make suds.
“You’re right there. I don’t understand,” Kate said. “Mike loves you and you’re making him miserable.”
“I’m making him miserable? What about me?” If a person could shout in a whisper, that was what Evie was doing.
Kate didn’t answer right away. Tori kept her eyes on the glasses in the dishpan, but she didn’t have any trouble imagining Kate with her hands on her hips glaring at Evie, ready to explode. How many arguments had Tori sat on the sidelines and watched between the two of them? Tori didn’t like arguing. When they were all home and shared a bedroom, she had often covered her ears and hummed a tune to block out their fussing.
They had argued about everything from when to blow out the lamp to who had the softest pillow. She thought about humming now, but instead she set the last glass in the drainer and dumped the silverware in the water. She could rattle that if things got too heated behind her.
She was surprised to hear Kate’s soft voice. “I’m sorry, Evie. Tell me what’s wrong. Let us help you.”
“You already know what’s wrong.” Evie sounded near tears again. “I’m going to have a baby and we don’t have a house yet. We were supposed to have a house before I got in the family way. Worse, the firm won’t let me keep working after I start to show. They have a policy against it. But you know that Mike’s job doesn’t pay all that much. I thought he’d start preaching again. A lot of churches have parsonages. The bigger churches.”
Tori looked over her shoulder at them. Kate had pulled one of the kitchen chairs over in front of Evie to hold her hands. In spite of herself, Tori felt a little sorry for Evie too. And for Mike who wasn’t the Mike who’d once led their church with such confident belief.
“Do you think he wants a church?” Kate asked.
“How would I know? He won’t talk about it at all. Not since he came back. But you remember how he always said the Lord called him to be a preacher. That he knew from the time he was a kid the Lord wanted him to preach. The Lord wouldn’t change his mind about that.” Evie leaned toward Kate. “Would he?”
“I don’t know,” Kate said. “That’s something Mike will have to figure out, but either way it might work out all right for you. You never really wanted to be a preacher’s wife.”
“But don’t you see?” Evie sounded distraught. “Maybe that’s what’s wrong. Maybe I’ve messed everything up for him.”
Tori dried her hands on the tea towel and came over to put her hands on Evie’s shoulders. There were times to be irritated with her sister and other times to show her love.
“No, Evie. That’s not what happened. The war happened. Things we can’t even imagine happened.” Kate shook Evie’s hands a little. “It’s not you. It’s the war.”
“But Jay seems the same. He was over there too.”
“He’s only been home a few days, and he’s so happy to be here right now that the shadows are pushed back.” Kate hesitated before she went on. “But they’re there. Every night he’s been up in the wee hours of the morning. Not able to sleep. Fighting demons like Daddy did.”
“Does he tell you about it?”
“No, but I know. None of us are the same as we were four years ago. The war robbed us of those years together. Robbed Tori of Sammy.” Kate looked up at Tori. “Things can’t be the way they were before.”
“But I want them to be.”
Those words echoed in Tori’s head. Her wants were just as futile as Evie’s.
Kate’s voice took on a harder edge. “We don’t always get our wants.”
“But we were so happy before.”
“You still love him, don’t you?” When Evie nodded, Kate went on. “Then you’ll be happy again. You just have to give him some time and pray about it.”
“What about the house?”
Tori tightened her hands on Evie’s shoulders. She wouldn’t shake her. Instead she would try to remember how it felt to be newly expectant. Ready to cry at the drop of a hat. She leaned down and brushed the top of Evie’s head with her lips. “Babies don’t need a new house. They just need love.”
“I’m sorry, Tori.” Evie gave her a tearful look. “I must sound awful to you. Here you are still living with Mama and Daddy.”
“Where Samantha is surrounded with love. Too much sometimes. It’ll be good for her to have a cousin to get some of the spoiling. Maybe more than one cousin.” Tori smiled at Kate.
“Oh, I’m hoping,” Kate said. “And you’ll have your own place someday, Tori. You will.”
“Of course you will. Mama said this boy at church is sweet on you. A Weber boy. I can’t remember which one he is. Is he good-looking?” Evie pushed at the waves in her hair and touched her cheeks. “Did I ruin my makeup?”
Tori bit her lip. Sometimes it took more patience to deal with Evie than with Samantha. Way more.
Kate shot Tori a sympathetic look. “Looks aren’t everything, Evie. You know that. But your makeup could use a little repair.”
“I need a mirror.” Evie dabbed her cheeks with the dish towel. “And looks might not be everything, but they certainly matter. You don’t want to sit at the breakfast table every morning the rest of your life staring across it at a face that makes you cringe.”
“You’re impossible.” Kate stood up and got another dish towel out of the drawer to dry the glasses.
“I just want a mirror. I don’t know why that’s impossible.” Evie stayed in her chair. “And to know if Tori thinks this guy is somebody she wouldn’t mind looking at across the breakfast table.”
Tori drew in a breath and turned back t
o the sink to wash the knives and forks. She hoped Kate would speak up for her, but she didn’t. Tori rattled the utensils in the rinse water before she lifted them out to the drainer. She didn’t have to answer. Some things were better ignored. She washed one plate and then another.
“Well?” Evie said.
“Kate’s right. You are impossible.” She set the plate in the drainer and turned to get another stack of plates to put in the water. The soapsuds were dying out. “Clay’s a nice guy, but nobody I plan to look at across the breakfast table unless he talks Mama into making him pancakes. I don’t think he’s tried that yet.”
“But I hear he’s tried nearly everything else.” Kate peered over at her, obviously wondering whether Tori was entertaining ideas about Clay too.
They would all get the wrong idea when Clay showed up at the door with his little sisters. Maybe she would go fishing and leave Samantha with Lorena. She’d be fine and Tori would be fine alone out by the pond even if the wind was cold. She had a coat. That would be better than everybody thinking she was warming up to the idea of Clay Weber across the breakfast table from her.
She was relieved when their mother came in the kitchen to get the attention away from her. “What’s taking you girls so long with the dishes?”
“We had a little delay,” Kate said. “Evie’s not feeling so good. But we’re almost finished now. Just the pans left.”
Tori set the last of the dessert plates in the drainer and attacked the mashed potato pan. She listened to see what Evie would say, but as usual, Mama was way ahead of them.
“So did you tell your sisters you’re going to be a mother?”
They all three stared at her. “I haven’t told anybody. Not even you.”
Mama touched Evie’s cheek. “You’re my daughter, Evangeline. I know you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”
“It’s your announcement to make. Yours and Mike’s.”
When Evie didn’t say anything, Kate spoke up. “Mike doesn’t know yet.”
“You haven’t told him?” Mama’s smile didn’t disappear, but now it was tinged with sadness. “Why not?”
Whenever Tori had seen that disappointed smile directed toward her, she’d ducked her head and felt ashamed. But Evie stared straight at Mama while fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. That had always been Evie’s answer to trouble. Tears. But then who was Tori to talk about somebody crying when her own tears were plentiful?
Beside her, Kate was chewing on her lip to keep from answering for Evie. That was Kate. Tackling everything headfirst. No tears. Just fight. Tori turned back to the sink to finish scrubbing the potato pan. What was her answer to trouble? Blocking her ears? Going fishing? Wishing it away?
Some things couldn’t be wished away. Not babies on the way. And not people dying.
Behind her, Evie said, “I’m not ready, Mama. We haven’t even got a house and Mike is . . .” She hesitated. “Well, I don’t know what Mike is, but he’s not ready either.”
Tori placed the clean pan in the drainer and turned to get the last skillet off the stove. Her mother was rubbing her fingertips across her forehead as if she had a headache. A headache named Evie.
“Oh, Evangeline, sometimes you purposely put on blinders.” She pulled in a breath and leaned her face down right in front of Evie’s. “You may not be exactly ready right now and that’s fine. The good Lord gives you time while the baby grows inside you to get ready. But you have to let Mike get ready too.”
“But what if he’s not happy?”
“What makes you think he won’t be happy?” When she didn’t answer right away, Mama went on. “Because you’re not happy?”
Evie dashed away her tears with an impatient hand when she saw they weren’t working on Mama. She lifted her chin with a bit of defiance. “He says he’s not happy if I’m not happy.”
Mama gave Evie that little shake Tori had wanted to give her earlier. “Then it could be time you got happy. For him. For your baby. For you.”
Evie looked almost shocked that Mama was speaking to her so firmly. It wasn’t something that happened often. Mama usually guided with a gentle hand and words.
“Were you happy when you found out you were expecting me?” Evie asked.
Mama’s face softened. “Oh, my darling daughter, happy doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I was ecstatic. I loved you long before you were forming inside me. I loved the promise of you. All of you.” Mama looked up at Tori and Kate. “From the first moment I knew I was carrying one of you, I felt blessed. Mightily blessed.”
“And Daddy? Was he happy too?” Evie asked in a little girl voice.
“From the very first, you belonged in his heart. Mike will be the same. He’s wrestling with what the Lord wants from him right now, like Jacob did in the Old Testament, but he’ll find his way. The Lord knows his heart.” Mama kissed Evie’s forehead. “You know his heart. He will make a wonderful father. You will make a wonderful mother.”
“Do you really think so?” Evie asked.
“I really do,” Mama said. “I’ll help. Your sisters will help. Victoria knows how it is.”
“But she says you can be sick like this all day long.” Evie moaned. “I thought it was called morning sickness.”
Mama laughed. “Unfortunately, some mornings are long. But you’ll get through it. With crackers and careful eating.”
“Ugh, I don’t even want to think about food right now. Or getting fat. I just know I’m going to get big as a barn.” Evie looked ready to cry again.
“Maybe you’ll have twins,” Kate said with a wicked grin.
“Or a ten-pound baby. Samantha weighed seven pounds, you know,” Tori added.
“Girls, stop trying to scare your sister,” Mama said, but she was smiling too. “Come on now, the boys are getting worried about what you could be up to. Hiding out in the kitchen so long. And Aunt Hattie’s ready to go home. That’s what I came back here to tell you. Jay’s taking her home in the car since it’s so cold out there. He thought you might want to ride along, Kate.”
Tori dumped the dishwater down the drain. Running water made everything so much easier.
Then Lorena rushed into the kitchen. “Tori, Clay Weber’s here with his little sisters. They’ve brought Samantha a gift, but she’s taking a nap. She’ll be cranky if we wake her up.”
Tori felt their eyes on her, wondering. She was wondering too. Wondering why in the world she’d told Clay Weber it was okay to come by. She draped the dishrag very precisely over the sink edge and looked out the window toward the trees across the field. Graham’s pond was on the other side of those trees. Ice would be forming around the edges of the water against the banks.
She could be like Fern and walk out the back door and wander alone through the trees. Or she could remember that she had a family who loved her. She could remember that her little girl needed friends. She could remember it was almost Christmas and a time of giving. She couldn’t deny that pleasure of giving to Clay’s little sisters, no matter his ulterior motives.
She pushed a smile across her face and turned to Lorena. “We can wake her up in a few minutes, but I guess we’d better go say hello first. Clay said his mother helped Lillie and Mary make a doll for Samantha.”
Mama helped her out. “Samantha will love it. Mrs. Weber makes wonderful dolls.”
Evie jumped up, being sick apparently forgotten. “Great. I can’t wait to see him.” She shot Tori a grin. “I mean the doll.”
Kate put her arm around Tori to follow the others out of the kitchen. “Pay no attention to her. You just do what you want.” she whispered.
“Sometimes that’s not possible.” Sometimes it was just too cold to go fishing.
13
Clay Weber tugged on the starched collar of his Sunday shirt to loosen it a bit as he stood inside Victoria’s door with Mary and Lillie pressed against him on both sides. He made himself smile as he looked around at the people in the room. Victoria’s fathe
r, Graham Lindell, Pastor Mike, and Kate’s husband just home from the war. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember the man’s name and they’d just welcomed him home at church that morning. Victoria’s little sister, Lorena, sat on a stool right beside the man.
Clay slid his eyes over to Aunt Hattie leaning forward in her rocker to give him the eye. They were all giving him the eye. They knew exactly why he was there and were probably thinking it was hopeless. That he was hopeless. Clay swallowed and wished he’d taken off his confounded tie. At least then he might be able to breathe.
Mr. Merritt was friendly, inviting them in. Smiling at the girls. Mr. Merritt was always friendly. But it wasn’t Mr. Merritt Clay wanted to be friendly. Victoria was nowhere in sight. What did he expect? For her to be watching out the window for him? Hardly. He’d been surprised she’d agreed to let them come. Of course, it was because of the girls and their gift for Samantha.
When he thought about it, he couldn’t believe he was shameless enough to use the girls and Victoria’s baby, but sometimes it was better not to think too much. Just do whatever a person wanted to do. And he wanted to find a way to get Victoria to like him. No, more than like him. He wanted her to fall in love with him. That’s what he wanted, but he’d settle for the liking him.
He’d been in love with Victoria for years. He hadn’t ever let it show. Sammy was his friend and Sammy loved Victoria. Clay wouldn’t have tried to butt into that even if Victoria had given any sign she might be looking for a fellow besides Sammy. She never had. All through school, the two of them were together every minute they could be together. Sammy and Victoria. Everybody knew they’d get married. Clay knew it too. He was glad for his buddy. Sad for himself, but glad for his friend.
One thing about Clay, he looked at things straight on. He’d had to do that ever since his father died. At sixteen, Clay was the oldest of the six kids he left behind. Aaron was four years younger than Clay. Then came Joseph, Lillie, and Mary. His mother was only six months along with Willie when Clay’s father grabbed his chest while they were out planting corn. He never heard Clay trying to call him back.
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