His mother cried when Clay told her he was quitting school, but that was the only way they could keep the farm going. The only way the other kids could stay in school. A man did what a man had to do. Even if he was only sixteen.
Sometimes choices were made for a man. Like the war. He’d wanted to join up when Sammy did. All the men in Rosey Corner were enlisting. It was the thing to do. But Uncle Sam said he had to keep milking cows and planting corn. The nation had to be fed.
After Sammy and Victoria got married, Clay blocked thoughts of her from his mind. He even stopped going to church, making the excuse that he had more cows so he couldn’t get the milking done in time. But the truth was, he didn’t want to see Victoria and be reminded of what could never be. After a while, he started driving down the road to see Paulette Browning, who was more than happy to climb in his truck and go to the movies on Saturday nights. Victoria might still visit his dreams, but in the daylight, he moved on with his life.
Then news came that Sammy had died in a Japanese prison camp. Clay didn’t feel the first bit of happiness about that. His heart was broken for Sammy and for Victoria. At the same time, he quit going to Paulette’s house and bided his time. For nearly a year, he watched Victoria from afar, letting her grieve, but she was too young to live her whole life as a widow. She needed a husband. Her little girl needed a father. Clay saw no reason he couldn’t fill both of those needs. When Victoria was ready.
The trouble was, when he did start letting her know he was interested, she showed no sign of being ready to do anything with him. While he was ready enough for both of them, it took two to make a couple. Right now, standing in Victoria’s sitting room, he was feeling very much alone in spite of the girls plastered against him. Mary had always been a little shy, but he had no idea why Lillie was acting so backward.
“Come on in, girls. Ain’t none of these menfolk gonna bite.” Aunt Hattie waved them into the room. “Step on over here and show me what you’ve brung little Samantha.”
Clay nudged Lillie, and she took Mary’s hand to lead her across the room to Aunt Hattie. Clay had wanted them to move, but now he wished them back. His excuse for being there.
“Pull that chair out and sit down, Clay.” Mr. Merritt pointed to a straight chair over in the corner.
Clay stayed where he was. “No, we don’t want to break in on your family time. The girls just brought Samantha a gift.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. He didn’t want to break in on their family time. He wanted to be part of their family time. His heart was galloping along like he’d just split a load of hard oak wood. Where was Victoria?
“Samantha’s taking a nap,” Lorena spoke up.
“Oh.” Clay should have thought of nap time. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been around kids all his life. They took naps even on a Sunday. “I guess we can come back later.” They couldn’t. Not today. He had to milk in a couple of hours.
“No need in that.” Mr. Merritt smiled over at the girls, who were looking disappointed. “That baby never sleeps long. I know she’ll be tickled to see you and even happier to see whatever you’ve got in that package.”
Lillie cradled the box wrapped in red tissue paper. They’d been more excited about this present than the presents his mother had wrapped for them. Mother too. He had never told her how much he loved Victoria, but she knew. Mothers didn’t have to be told things like that in words.
“You’re wearing my neck out looking up at you, boy,” Graham Lindell said. “Take your coat off and sit down.”
Lorena jumped up from beside the man who’d just come home from overseas to take his and the girls’ coats. Tanner. Jay Tanner. That was his name. A rush of relief went through him that he remembered the name. He had black hair like Victoria’s and Lorena’s. More like Lorena’s since it was curly. But he wasn’t their brother, so that wasn’t why they all had black hair, and Lorena was adopted into the family too.
Why was he thinking about the man’s hair? Maybe because the guy was so good-looking. He’d probably never had one problem getting girls to like him.
A few girls had liked Clay too, even if he wasn’t the best-looking guy in Rosey Corner. He wasn’t exactly hard to look at. At least that was what Paulette told him. Clay never worried much about how he looked. At least not until lately when he started hoping Victoria would see something in him worth liking.
He was relieved when Pastor Mike asked him how his mother was getting along. Then Clay asked Pastor Mike how he liked Louisville. Over on the other side of the room the girls were telling Aunt Hattie about the doll they’d brought Samantha. Small talk. He could handle small talk as long as they stuck to things like the farm and the Christmas tree in front of the window.
The girls stared at the lights sparkling on the tree. They had decorated a tree at home, but the electric lines hadn’t made it out to the farm yet.
When Mary reached toward one of the blue glass balls, Clay stopped her. “Don’t touch it, Mary. It might break.” She jerked her hand back and ducked her head.
“Wouldn’t be the first thing that ever got broken around here,” Mr. Merritt said. “That dog of Lorena’s can wag his tail and knock off more in a second than you could in an hour, Mary.”
“That’s why he’s outside,” Lorena said. “We were running out of decorations.”
“You let your dog in the house?” Lillie sounded even more awestruck by that than by the lights on the tree. “Mama would never let us bring our dog inside.”
Jay Tanner spoke up. “But your dog is a farm dog. He wouldn’t even want to be in the house. Scout, he’s a town dog.”
“That’s right,” Graham agreed. “Lot of difference between town dogs and country dogs.”
Clay looked toward the back of the house. He could hear women talking. They must be in the kitchen. The way things were going he might have to head home without even a glimpse of Victoria. It was already going on three o’clock, and they had a half-hour ride home. If he didn’t have any trouble on the road. One of the truck’s tires had been going flat a lot lately.
Mr. Merritt must have seen him check the clock on the mantel behind the stove. “I guess it won’t be long till milking time.”
“Well, it’s easier to get them up before dark.”
“Night comes early on a winter day,” Aunt Hattie said. “Wherever are those girls? I sent Nadine back there to tell them I needed to go on home. I’m like those old cows. Better in the barn before dark.”
“You live in a barn?” Mary stared at Aunt Hattie with big eyes. Clay could almost see her thinking that if dogs lived in houses, then people might live in barns.
When everybody laughed, Mary raced across the room to hide her face against Clay’s chest. He pulled her up in his lap and whispered in her ear, “They aren’t laughing at you.” But he was wondering if they weren’t all laughing at him. Lillie came over to rub Mary’s back. She took care of her little sister.
“Now, don’t you mind them, sweet child. My words were confusin’ to you, but I was just meaning I wanted to get to my house ’fore darkness fell.” Aunt Hattie rocked forward to get out of her chair. “Lorena, get those girls out of the kitchen and tell them more company’s come calling.”
Mr. Merritt started up to help the old lady, but the Tanner man beat him to it. He looked comfortable there in the Merritt sitting room like he’d only been gone a few days instead of a few years. He belonged. Clay mashed down on the envy rising up inside him. He didn’t want that man’s spot. He wanted his own spot. But that spot could only be given by Victoria.
Then the sisters and Mrs. Merritt were coming in the room. The sister with the pretty red hair, Evangeline, the one married to Pastor Mike, was in front with her mother. Clay hadn’t gone to their wedding. That wasn’t long after his father died and his mother hadn’t felt up to a wedding. But he’d heard it was some affair.
Mrs. Merritt smiled at him and her eyes softened on Mary who had gotten nerve enough to raise her head up off
his chest. But Evangeline stared at him like he was a frog just coming up out of the pond mud for air in the springtime. His tie felt too tight again.
Then Victoria was there, looking none too happy to see him in spite of her polite smile. The other sister, Kate, was beside her. Something about the way they stood close together made him think of how Lillie had rushed across the room to Mary. Protecting her. But Victoria didn’t need protection from him.
For the hundredth time he thought he shouldn’t have come. But he was getting to see Victoria’s beautiful face. She told him he could come. He was in her house whether he felt like the odd man out or not.
“They brung little Samantha something fine,” Aunt Hattie said.
Right on cue, the little girl cried out from somewhere in the house. Victoria turned toward the sound, but Lorena rushed in front of her. “I’ll get her.”
Lillie picked up their present, and Mary climbed down out of Clay’s lap. Clay stood up, all too aware of everyone studying him and wondering about his intentions. Maybe he should just say right out loud that he wanted to court Victoria. He smiled a little at himself. He didn’t need to say anything. They all already knew. Even Victoria.
When Lorena brought Samantha into the room, the child wasn’t bothered at all by the people looking at her. A big smile spread across her face that looked just like Sammy’s. Everybody liked Sammy. He was that kind of guy. He didn’t stew in his own juices and worry until his heart was ready to jump out of his chest. But then he knew Victoria loved him. He didn’t have to work to find ways to win her favor.
Clay wanted to believe Sammy would be glad to have Clay so ready to step into his shoes and take care of his family. Clay knew how to take care of little girls. He knew how to work. He wanted to know how to love.
Lillie dropped to her knees and held the present out. “We’ve got something for you, Samantha,” she said in a singsong voice.
“Lil Lil.” Samantha ran toward Lillie.
“It’s from me too,” Mary said.
Everybody had their eyes on the little girls. Everybody but Clay. He looked straight at Victoria, drinking in the sight of her. She was so beautiful his insides ached. He loved the way her dark hair rested lightly on her shoulders. He rubbed the tips of his fingers against his thumbs and wondered if it felt as silky as it looked.
“Merry Christmas,” Lillie and Mary said when Samantha pulled the doll out of the box. They’d practiced saying that together on the drive over.
The doll had red yarn for hair and eyes stitched with green thread to match Samantha’s. They’d even dyed a few freckles on the doll’s face. Then they’d dressed it in a yellow checked dress and black cloth shoes. His mother was a wizard with her needle.
“Mine!” Samantha hugged the doll against her chest.
Everybody laughed, even Victoria. She looked over at Clay with a smile that looked real. “Thank you. It’s so sweet of Lillie and Mary to give Samantha such a nice present. And please thank your mother too.”
“I will.” Clay evermore would. That smile would be the best Christmas gift he could get except another one to go on top of it.
When Samantha ran around the room to show everyone the doll, Lillie and Mary laughed out loud.
Aunt Hattie broke up the fun. “Snow’s a-coming. I feel it in my bones, so’s I better get on home.”
“It’s been awhile since I’ve wanted to see snow clouds, but a white Christmas sounds fine.” Jay Tanner smiled across the room at his wife. “Kate and I like to dance in the snow.”
“We do.” Kate left Victoria’s side and went across the room to Tanner like filings drawn to a magnet. “And I think it’s time for a new dance.”
Clay wouldn’t have been a bit surprised if they had started dancing right then and there. He looked back at Victoria and wished he was handsome and slick like Tanner, but he was just a clumsy old farm boy.
“Dance alls yo’ want.” Aunt Hattie nudged Kate’s leg with her cane. “After you take me home.”
“We’ve got to go too,” Clay said. The clouds would make nightfall come even earlier and he had to get the cows. The girls looked at him with pouty frowns, but they knew better than to argue.
After a rush of goodbyes and another smile from Victoria, more polite than warm this time, they were out the door and back in the truck.
At least he did have the one good smile to carry home with him. Christmas didn’t come every day. He’d have to think up something new to get her to step closer to him in the New Year. He might not be able to dance. He might not be the handsomest guy in the room. But he knew how to stick to something and get it done if it was worth doing.
Working a farm taught a man that. Every year that a man plowed a field, more rocks rose up out of the dirt to be hauled away. Weeds kept sprouting no matter how many calluses a man got plying his hoe. Horses went lame. Machinery broke down. Cows went dry and hawks swooped out of the sky to steal the chickens. The ground didn’t give up its yield without a man watering it with plenty of sweat. But just because something was hard didn’t mean it wasn’t worth doing.
Clay wasn’t about to give up. He gripped the steering wheel and drove through the snow falling so thick now he had to turn on the windshield wipers. He pulled up the memory of Victoria’s smile and wondered how it would be to dance with her in the snow. That would probably never happen. He wasn’t the dancing type, but he could make Samantha a sled.
Maybe he could talk Victoria into riding out to the farm with him to sled down some hills. They had plenty of hills on the farm. He thought about sitting on a sled with Victoria in front of him, sharing something fun. It could happen, he thought. As long as he didn’t give up.
Lillie interrupted his thoughts. “Clay, what did that woman mean when she said that?”
“Which one?” Clay frowned trying to figure out what Lillie was talking about.
“The one that has red hair like Samantha.”
“I don’t know. Did she say something to you?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to Samantha’s mama.”
“Well, if she wasn’t talking to you, then maybe you shouldn’t have been listening.” Clay mashed down on his curiosity. “It’s not nice to eavesdrop. You know that.”
“I didn’t aim to, but I couldn’t keep from hearing her when we were leaving.”
“Okay. What did she say?” Clay wasn’t sure he should ask, but whatever she’d heard was worrying Lillie. It was his job as big brother to listen.
“That you wouldn’t be so hard to look at across the breakfast table,” Lillie said. “Are you going to have breakfast with them?”
Clay was glad the light was dim in the truck as he kept his eyes on the road. It wouldn’t do for Lillie to notice the color rising in his face. “What makes you think she was talking about me? She didn’t say my name, did she?”
“No, but she was talking about you, wasn’t she?”
Clay blew out a breath. “Well, I’m not going to be eating breakfast there anytime soon, so maybe she was, but more likely she wasn’t.”
“I wish I could eat breakfast there,” Mary spoke up. “I bet they have pancakes every morning.”
Clay reached over and rubbed Mary’s head. “Tell you what. I’ll ask Mama to cook pancakes Christmas morning.”
“And we don’t have to worry about our dog stealing them off our plates or knocking stuff off our Christmas tree,” Lillie said.
The girls giggled and started talking about other things a dog might do to make a mess in a house.
That left Clay to wonder about what Lillie had heard Evangeline say, because Lillie was right. She had surely been talking about him.
14
On Christmas morning Kate woke before dawn, not wanting to miss a minute of her first Christmas with Jay. They had never celebrated Christmas together. That first Christmas after they met in 1941 was not only a dark time for the country, but a dark time for Kate too. Jay had enlisted in the Army the week after Pearl Harbor
and was gone from Rosey Corner, but more than miles had separated them then.
They were married before the next Christmas, but an ocean apart. Letters had flown back and forth. Love written in words, but her arms felt extra empty at Christmastime. Each year she prayed that by the next Christmas the war would be over and the boys would be home. She prayed for the war to be over every day, but somehow praying it at Christmas made it special.
After all, Christmas was when the greatest gift was sent down to mankind. The angels even announced it by saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” So what better time to pray for peace? Now at last, that prayer had been answered, and after three Christmases apart, Mr. and Mrs. Jay Tanner were going to have the best Christmas ever.
She planned to be awake before Jay, to have his present under the tree and the coffee perking. She should have known better. Jay was the one who woke at the slightest noise. So when she opened her eyes, the lights were already shining on their little tree and Jay’s smile was waiting for her.
“Merry Christmas, Mrs. Tanner.” He brushed the hair back from her face.
She’d gotten used to the name while he was in the Army, but it was different coming from his lips. Lips that he touched to hers.
She sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “And Merry Christmas to you too, Mr. Tanner.” She reached for his hand. “Do you remember when we first met and I called you that?”
“And ordered Birdie to call me Mr. Tanner too. I do indeed. So what do you want to call me now?”
“My love.” Kate scooted over to lean her head against his chest. She loved hearing his heart beating steadily under her ear. She had prayed for that heart to make it through the war still beating. “Ever my love. I’m so glad you’re home.”
“Not as glad as I am to be here.” His arms tightened around her. “Do you think Santa Claus visited us last night?”
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