The Lord didn’t promise easy coasting. He promised to stay with those who loved him, whatever the ride. Or walk.
Kate pushed away from the oak. She didn’t have time for woolgathering. Light was fading fast under the trees.
When she finally reached the pond, she found Tori on the bank, staring out at the water. Her fishing pole on the ground next to her had the line reeled in.
She looked around when Kate came out of the trees and then turned her face back toward the pond that reflected the pinkish orange of the sky. She made no attempt to get up. She didn’t even say hello. Scout, who had been leaning against her shoulder, jumped up at the sight of Kate. His tail flapped slowly back and forth, as though he knew the mood was too somber for his usual jubilant greeting.
“Hey, Scout, how’s things?” Kate gave his ears a tousle and sat down by Tori. As if relieved Kate had taken over for him, Scout waded into the pond to lap up a drink. Tori had been crying, even though no tears were sliding down her cheeks now. She still didn’t say anything.
After a couple of minutes, Kate broke the silence. “The pond looks pretty.”
“I suppose.” Tori kept her eyes on the water.
“Did you catch anything?”
“One, but it got away. Wasn’t very big anyway.”
“Maybe it’s too early. Graham says the fish have to warm up enough to get hungry for worms. Or could be Scout scared them away.”
“He just found me a little while ago. Must have been out in the woods hunting.” Tori sighed. “Didn’t matter. I didn’t care if I caught anything or not.”
“I guess not, since you don’t have your line in the water.” Kate let her eyes go to the fishing pole.
“Or my hook baited.” Tori looked around at Kate then. “Do you think I should bait my hook?”
Kate had the feeling they weren’t talking about fishing anymore, but she wasn’t sure exactly what they were talking about. “Maybe. If you want to, but not tonight. We need to head home. Mama’s worried about you.”
“Mama worries too much.” Tori turned her eyes back to the pond. The pink had faded from the sky and the water was going dark. “If I want to sit out here all night, what difference does it make? Samantha’s with Sammy’s mother. Nobody needs me.”
“Mama and Daddy need you. I need you. Lorena needs you.”
“You love me. You don’t need me.”
“I need you to be happier.” Kate wished she had grabbed her sweater out of the car. With the sun gone, the air was cool.
“Happy. Are you happy, Kate?” Tori shivered, and Kate scooted closer to put her arm around her.
“You know I am. I so want to be a mother like you.”
“Like me.” Tori let out a long sigh. “Have you always been happy, Kate?”
“Not always,” Kate admitted. “Once when I was about Lorena’s age now, I was so unhappy that I sat on this very pond bank and told Daddy I didn’t believe in God.”
Tori whipped her head around to stare at Kate. “But you didn’t mean it.”
“I thought I did when I said it. I was that unhappy with what was happening, and I was sure if God really loved me the way everybody always said he did, then he would have stopped the bad things from happening. I was very young.”
“But you figured things out.”
“Not everything by any means, but I did figure out the Lord was right there hurting with me even while I was saying I didn’t believe in him. He never once turned his back on me even when I turned my back on him.”
“Mama thinks I’m mad at God. She told me she was going to pray that I would let go of my anger. But I’m not mad at anybody. Certainly not God.” Tori stared back toward the pond. “Even if he did take Sammy.”
“Is that why you’ve been crying?” Kate gently brushed a strand of Tori’s black hair out of her face. “Were you and the Lord talking about Sammy?”
“No.” The word came out so harsh that Scout forgot about the frogs at the pond’s edge and slunk back to Tori. She ignored him and stood up. “We better head home. It’ll be dark under the trees.”
“Right.” Questions circled in Kate’s head, but she bit her lip and kept quiet. She got to her feet and then had to grab hold of Tori as the world spun around.
“Are you all right?” Tori put her arm around Kate’s waist.
Kate forced out a little laugh. “I’m fine. I just stood up too fast. This being in the family way takes some getting used to.”
“You shouldn’t have walked over here after me.”
“I’m fine, Tori. Really.”
“Really?” Tori frowned at Kate, probing her words and her face. “You look like you’re not so sure about that. What’s wrong?”
“You mean besides my sister forgetting to come home?”
“Don’t try to change the subject. What’s wrong?”
Kate blew out her breath. “Nothing’s wrong except the thought of worms and fish is making me queasy and my back hurts some. Didn’t your back hurt while you were carrying Samantha?”
“Not until the last couple of months. What does the doctor say?”
“That things hurt when you’re going to have a baby. And sometimes you throw up.”
Tori smiled. “No doubt about that one. And sometimes you feel like crying like Evie.”
“Evie has always cried about everything.”
“Well, now she has reason.” Tori picked up her fishing pole and bait bucket. “But who am I to talk about somebody crying?”
“You have reason too.” Kate eyed the bait bucket. “I can carry the fishing pole, but no worms.”
“Worms won’t hurt you.” Tori laughed. It was a good sound. “But I carried them over here. I can carry them back.”
“Just keep them away from my nose.”
“You do look a little pale.” Tori peered over at her. “I can leave the bait bucket and help you.”
“Help me how? Carry me?” Kate smiled. She did wish she could sit back down and rest awhile, but they needed to go home before Daddy came searching for them both.
“You could lean on me, Kate. You don’t always have to be the strong one.”
“I’m all right, Tori. Really.” Kate pushed assurance into her voice. She was all right. She was. “It’s just been a long day, but Lorena did great. She’s going to be on the radio.”
“I knew she would be. I guess she’s excited.”
“Very.” Kate hesitated, but Tori was Lorena’s sister too. Sisters needed to share worries. “She hopes her mother will hear her and come see her.”
“Oh.” Tori rested her fishing pole on her shoulder and began walking without saying any more.
Kate dodged the end of it and followed her. That was Tori’s way. She had to think about things. She didn’t just blurt out whatever she was thinking the way Kate sometimes did.
“Did you know she’d been wondering more about her family?” Kate asked.
“I knew something was bothering her. I guess now that she’s older, it’s natural for her to wonder about her family.” Tori looked back at Kate. “That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love us.”
“That sounds like something Mama would say.”
“You mean instead of something your little sister would say?” Tori shook her head a little. “I grew up, Kate. And Lorena is growing up too. You have to let her make her own decisions.”
“But what if they do hear her on the radio and come back for her? She might go away.” Just saying the words squeezed Kate’s heart. She couldn’t imagine Lorena not part of their family. “I don’t want that to happen.”
“Neither do I, but we do want her to be happy.”
“I want all my sisters to be happy.”
Tori’s shoulders sagged a little. “You can’t make happy endings for everybody, Kate.”
“Maybe not,” Kate admitted. “But how about happy beginnings?” When Tori just kept walking without saying anything, Kate went on. “Happy moments? You have those, don’t you? Times when you ha
ve to smile in spite of everything? When Samantha hugs your neck?”
“Or a certain sister chases me down at the pond,” Tori said. “I smile. A lot.”
“But you cry too.”
“So? You should be used to that by now.” Tori’s words sounded stiff.
“I don’t think that’s something I can get used to.” Kate wasn’t sure she should push her for more, but at the same time, she had the feeling Tori wanted her to ask. “You want to talk about it?”
“If I do, yours will be the first ear I bend.”
Kate gave up then. She couldn’t force Tori to talk. She couldn’t force Lorena to not be curious about her family. She couldn’t make her back stop hurting. She couldn’t cure her father’s cough. But she could pray. Even if she didn’t know what was making Tori feel so sad today, the Lord did. He knew about Lorena and Daddy too. He could fix things a lot better than Kate could. She looked up and sent her prayer winging upward, then tacked on an extra thought. But if you do need me to do anything, I’m right here.
With the light rapidly fading, Kate had to concentrate on not tripping on the roots and rocks. It wouldn’t be good to fall. Women in the family way had to be careful about things like that, didn’t they?
By the time they came to the edge of the woods, twilight was giving way to night. Scout pushed past Kate to run on ahead. “Scout’s ready to be home for his supper.” She tried to hide that she was out of breath. She had no idea expecting a baby could make somebody get so winded. Maybe she should have been more understanding of Evie’s complaints.
“Home.” Tori stopped in the path. “That’s where I said I had to be.”
“Had to be?” Kate moved up beside her, but Tori didn’t look at her.
“I could be at the movies.” Her voice carried a mixture of defiance and disappointment.
“Oh?”
“Graham told Clay I was fishing.”
“So, is Graham in trouble?”
“I think I’m the one in trouble.” Tori stared down at the ground.
Kate touched Tori’s arm. “Why? You’re not at the movies.”
Tori was quiet as the night sounds wrapped around them. The tree frogs. A cow bawling for her calf. A screech owl. Scout barking. When Tori finally spoke, her voice was so soft Kate had to hold her breath to hear her. “But I think I might want to be.”
“And so?” Kate said.
“And so that scares me to death.”
Kate dodged the bait bucket to put her arm around Tori. She was too slim. “It will get easier. Next time.”
“There won’t be a next time.”
“Of course there will. Clay’s been asking you somewhere twice a week for months.”
Tori let out a sigh and moistened her lips. “But I told him to go away. He said he would do anything to make me happy and I told him to go away.”
“And he did.” Kate was beginning to understand.
“He did.” Tori drew in a ragged breath.
Kate hugged Tori closer. “I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have told you this. You’re already worried about Lorena and now I’m heaping this on you too when you need to just think about yourself right now.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m your sister. Sisters are for leaning on. And for telling you that tomorrow is another day.” She looked up then to see Jay coming across the field toward them. “I told Jay to go away once.”
“I remember. You were afraid of loving him.”
“I don’t know that I’d say afraid exactly,” Kate said.
“Then what would you say? Terrified?”
Kate smiled. “That might be more like it. I was terrified that I’d never see him again.”
“So you went after him.”
“I did.”
“I don’t think I can do that. I don’t even know if I want to do that.” Tori sighed. “Loving Sammy was so easy. I’ll never stop loving Sammy.”
“Nobody wants you to forget Sammy. He was such a great kid, always wanting everybody to be happy. You remember how he used to drive Evie crazy by doing handstands whenever she started griping about something.”
“He thought that would make her smile. He never could understand why it didn’t, so he just kept trying.” Tori laughed. “You’re right. That was Sammy. Do you remember how he’d bring me fistfuls of dandelions if I was in a bad mood?”
“And now Samantha picks you dandelions.”
Tori blinked a few times. “I miss her.”
“She’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow. Everybody is always telling me things will be better tomorrow.” Tori looked over at Kate. In the fading light her features were soft, but it was easy to see the sad yearning there. “But will tomorrow ever come?”
“I think so. Don’t you think we have to think so? And tomorrow when it does come, you can look at the first dandelion you see and think about Sammy. He would want you to be happy. You know he would.”
“Clay won’t be back.”
Kate searched for the right words. “Then, he might not be the right one. But on some tomorrow, there will be a right one. You’re nineteen, Tori. Love will come visit you again and your heart will expand and make room without shoving out any of the loves already there.”
Jay was almost near enough to hear when Tori asked, “Is that what you’d do if you lost Jay?”
“I don’t know, Tori. Nobody can know for sure what she’d do until she walks that path. It’s a path I don’t want to walk any more than you did, but it was a fear I did live with all through the war. Now I’m thankful he’s here and that we can start a family. But if he hadn’t come home—” Kate’s voice caught a little and she started over. “If he hadn’t come home, I hope, in time, I would have been able to welcome love again if the Lord gave me that chance.”
“In time,” Tori echoed.
Kate thought she might have said more, but Jay called to them. “Hey, girls, what’s going on?” He looked around. “You planning to pitch a tent here and spend the night? I’ve got to tell you it’s no fair to go play in the woods without me.”
“We were just coming to get you,” Tori said.
“Forget that. I had enough sleeping on the ground to last a lifetime.” Jay laughed.
Kate tried to say something, but talking about what she might do if he was lost to her had put a lump in her throat. Instead she rushed to hug him as though she hadn’t seen him for weeks instead of just hours. He smelled of cow feed and dust from the feed store, but she didn’t care. She would have hugged him right then if he’d been covered with mud. It felt so good to belong there against him.
Tori set down her fishing gear and was right behind her, trying to wrap her arms around them both.
“What’s the matter, girls? Something scare you?” Jay pulled Tori into their embrace. “Never fear, I’ll protect you from those creepy Lindell Woods shadows.”
“We’re not afraid of the dark. We’re just glad to see you.” Kate found her voice. “Very glad.”
“We are,” Tori said.
“Well, I’m glad to see you too, because if you aren’t afraid of those creepy shadows, I am. I thought I might have to wander around in there, getting lost looking for the two of you.”
“We wouldn’t get lost in Lindell Woods,” Tori said.
“Even in the dark?” Jay said.
“Even in the dark,” Kate said. “But if we did, Fern would find us.”
“Now you’re trying to scare me,” Tori said.
“And me,” Jay added.
“Fern’s not scary,” Kate said.
“In the dark?” Jay raised his eyebrows at her.
Kate laughed. “Okay, maybe a little, in the dark.”
Jay turned them toward the house. “So were you out there playing hide and seek with Fern?”
“I went fishing.” Tori pulled away from him to pick up her pole and bait bucket. “I don’t know why everybody got all excited about that. I go fishing all the time.”
�
��In the dark?” Jay kept his arm around Kate as they waited for Tori to catch up.
Kate leaned against him, glad for his strength. She was so very tired.
“Twilight’s the best time to catch fish,” Tori said.
“Then where are they? All these fish. I don’t see supper on your stringer.” Jay looked around.
“Some twilights are better than other twilights. All fishermen know that.”
“Some twilights are better for sister talk,” Kate added.
“Sister talk. This guy knows better than to mess with that. But if we don’t get on back to the house, we’re all going to get some mother talk.”
22
Tori pretended all was fine through supper. No, not pretended. All was fine. Other than missing Samantha so much that her insides ached. The little girl always settled down in Tori’s lap after supper and the sweet warmth of the child’s body had a way of soaking through Tori to make the day’s worries slide into the background. Tonight instead, the worries gathered on the edge of her thoughts like dark thunderclouds.
Worry clouds were bothering her mother too. Tori hadn’t wanted to worry her mother, but after she sent Clay away, time hadn’t seemed to matter. She cried until she had no tears left and then stared at the pond. At every rustle of brush, she held her breath and wondered what she would do if he came back out of the trees. But he didn’t. She should have baited her hook and started fishing again. That would have made more sense than sitting there like a turtle afraid to stick its head out of its shell to move on.
Back at the house, after she stashed her fishing pole and bait bucket in the barn, Tori had dipped water out of the rain barrel to wash away every last trace of tears. She didn’t want her mother to know she’d been crying. She’d already told Kate too much.
When Tori went in the back door, her mother turned from the stove to give her a hard look.
Tori rushed out her apology. “I’m sorry, Mama, but I didn’t think you’d be worried about me. You knew I was fishing.”
Love Comes Home Page 16