“You never stay this late.”
“But I didn’t have Samantha tonight.” Tori met her mother’s eyes and added gently, “I’m not a little girl anymore, Mama. I can take care of myself.”
“I know.” Mama breathed out a sigh. “But you’ve got to realize you’ll always be my little girl no matter how old you get. The way you feel about Samantha, that’s how I feel about you.” She put her hand on Tori’s cheek. “Age doesn’t matter.”
“But you have to let your children grow up.”
“You don’t let them. They just do.” Mama smiled. “And that’s what you want, but that doesn’t mean you stop worrying.”
“You don’t have to worry about me when I’m at Graham’s pond.”
“Was he there today?” She turned to stir the soup bubbling on the stove.
“Not today. Wasn’t he at the store?” Tori went to the sink to wash her hands with soap.
“He came in for a soft drink right after you left, but then he headed over to Buddy’s. More man talk over there, I suppose.”
“With all that banging and clanging I don’t know how they hear any talk.”
“Mechanic work is noisy. Then so was shoeing horses when your father used to do that. But I always loved the ring of his hammer on iron.” Mama looked toward the sitting room.
“Me too.” The pinging rhythm of her father’s strikes on the glowing metal played through Tori’s memory. “I used to beg to go to his shop to watch him shape horseshoes. Or even better, those pokers with the fancy handles. Did he keep any of them?”
“No, he gave them all to the scrap metal drives during the war. Your aunt Gertie kept hers even though your father told her it was unpatriotic, but Gertie didn’t pay any attention to him. She said the president wouldn’t expect them to poke their fires with sticks.” Mama smiled. “Not that she ever poked a fire with that poker. It’s been hanging next to the door in her kitchen for years.”
“Daddy misses blacksmithing, doesn’t he?”
Her mother sighed and stirred the soup again. “Some, but he can’t swing the hammer anymore. His shoulder gets stiff. And there’s his cough.” Right on cue from the front room, they heard him cough. Mama raised her head up and stayed frozen until all was quiet again.
“I hope he gets better soon.”
“He will,” Mama said. “Of course, he will. But there’s not much call for blacksmithing now. He doesn’t like repairing shoes as much as shaping iron, but as he’d be the first to tell you, everything changes. A wise person faces those changes straight on. With the Lord’s help.”
Tori sneaked a look at her mother to see if she was pointing her words at her, but Mama had turned away from her to take up the cornbread. Whether she meant her words for Tori or not, they burrowed down in Tori’s head. Everything changes. As much as Tori wanted to hold on to the past, it was gone. Clay’s words echoed in her thoughts. Sammy’s gone.
As if her mother heard her thinking about Clay, she said, “Clay was asking after you at the store today. He brought a little nightgown his mother made for Samantha’s doll.”
“Samantha will like that.” Tori kept her voice level as she got plates out of the cabinet. “Do I need to set places for Kate and Jay?”
“I told them we had plenty, but Kate was tired. I shouldn’t have let her go after you.” Mama looked worried again. “She’s not having an easy start with this baby.”
“I know, and I figured she would. Kate always handles everything all right.”
“Babies are different.”
“Did you have easy times with us?” Tori got an ice tray out of the refrigerator.
“You came hard, but Aunt Hattie and I got you here with lots of prayer. We didn’t lose you.” Mama smiled over at Tori as she dished up the soup.
“You did lose one baby, didn’t you?” Tori lifted the handle to break loose the ice in the tray and began filling the glasses.
Mama’s smile disappeared. “The first one. My only boy. Your grandfather Merritt was disappointed I never had another boy.”
“Were you? Or Daddy?”
“Not at all. You girls were each a blessing and then Lorena on top of that. What more could we have wanted?”
“Where is Lorena?” Tori looked around.
“Feeding the cats. If I know our little songbird, she’s out there singing to them.”
“Kate says she’s going to be on the radio.”
“She’s so excited she’s about to jump out of her skin.” Mama laughed. “I’m pretty excited too. Our little girl on the radio.”
“She’s not so little anymore.”
Mama made a face at Tori. “Don’t try to make my last baby grow up too fast. She needs a mother watching after her awhile longer.”
But which mother, Tori wondered later as she listened to Lorena tell every detail of the audition. Tori watched her talking about being nervous and how Kate calmed her down. Even with her everyday clothes on now and her hair caught back in an untidy ponytail, she was remarkably pretty. The brown of her eyes seemed to go a mile deep. The surface was warm and happy, but underneath there was more.
That was true with everybody. Everything wasn’t on the surface. Tori slid her eyes over to Mama. How would she feel if Lorena’s family did come back for her? She’d be sad. They’d all be sad with Lorena’s chair empty at the family table.
Mama patted Lorena’s hand when Lorena worried about how she would sound on the radio. “You’ll sound great. Your father and I are so very proud of you.”
It was easy to see the love in Mama’s eyes. The same kind of love she had for Tori. The same kind of love Tori had for Samantha. Perhaps the same kind of love that Lorena’s first mother had for her. But if she had that love, then how could she desert her here in Rosey Corner?
Some questions couldn’t be answered by guessing. Perhaps that was why Lorena wanted to find her mother. So she could know the answers. Then again, it could be the answers wouldn’t be good answers.
Tori watched them, missing Samantha more each second. Nothing short of death could keep her away from Samantha for years.
Later, when they got ready for bed, they tiptoed through their nightly routines even though Samantha wasn’t in her little rollaway bed.
“I miss Samantha.” Lorena climbed into her bed and fluffed her pillow. “Do you think she’s all right?”
“She’s probably having a great time.” Tori did believe that. If she didn’t, she’d be walking the two miles to Sammy’s parents’ house, no matter how dark the night.
“But you’re not.”
“She’s all I have.” Tori sat on the edge of her bed and picked her Bible up off the bedside table. For years, she’d read a chapter every night, but lately the Scriptures just lay flat on the page and didn’t speak to her. It wasn’t the Bible. It wasn’t the Lord. It was her. She was the flat, out-of-sorts problem. With Samantha around, she could hide from it, but without her there, everything hurt.
“You have us,” Lorena said very softly.
“I know.” Tori looked at Lorena on the other side of the room. “I didn’t mean to sound like you didn’t matter to me. You do. Very much. I don’t know what I would do without Mama and Daddy and you to help me with Samantha.”
“But sometimes you need more.”
“What makes you so smart?” Tori smiled over at her. “Kids aren’t supposed to be so wise.”
“I listened to you and Kate.” Lorena was smiling now too. “And Mama and Aunt Hattie and Graham and Fern.”
“How about Jay and Mike and Daddy?”
“Them too.”
Tori stood up, picked up the Bible, and went to sit on Lorena’s bed. “Are you needing more too, Lorena? More than us?”
Lorena scooted up to lean against the wooden headboard on her bed. She stared at her hands a moment before she answered. “I don’t know. It’s just that sometimes now when I say my name at night, it sounds so very lonely.” She looked up at Tori and went on quickly. “I mean I’m
not lonely. Gosh, who could be lonely here in Rosey Corner? It’s just my name that feels lonely. I guess that sounds silly.”
“I understand lonely,” Tori said.
“I wish Kate was here.”
“I’m glad she’s not. I’m glad she’s beginning her life with Jay and has a baby on the way.”
“I’m glad for that too, but I miss her stories. You remember how she used to tell me stories at night.”
“Oh yes. The room danced with princes and princesses and all sorts of characters.”
“But you know the story I liked best?”
“The story of you. The ones about finding you. The first time on the church steps and the other time in Fern’s cedar palace.”
“And how she loved me.” Lorena folded her cover back and forth. “But now she’ll be a mommy. You changed when you got to be a mommy.”
“I didn’t stop loving you, Lorena. I just couldn’t be a kid any longer and play paper dolls with you.”
“I know. I’m not a kid anymore either.”
“No, you’re not.” Tori leaned over to kiss Lorena’s cheek. “But love doesn’t stop because you get older, and it doesn’t go away just because you have new people to love. It just expands. Kate could never stop loving you. Never.”
Lorena pointed to the Bible. “Read something out loud tonight. Please.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. Whatever you see first.”
“Okay.” Tori held the Bible up sideways and stuck her thumb into the pages to make it open to the New Testament. Her eyes fell on a verse in the middle of the page. Philippians 4:7. “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus.”
“That’s in one of the first songs I learned here at church. I’ve got the joy down in my heart. I thought I’d never be able to sing that verse about the peace that passeth understanding down in my heart. Do you remember?”
“How could I forget? It started you on your path to radio singer. And now you can teach Samantha.”
“She’s already singing the joy, joy, joy part.”
“Except she can’t say the j sound.” Tori smiled.
“Jesus knows what she’s saying. That’s the thing, isn’t it?” Lorena looked up at Tori. “Jesus always hears us. So my name shouldn’t feel lonely with him listening.”
“Maybe it won’t feel lonely tonight.” Tori closed her Bible but held her place with her finger. She wanted to read more of the chapter. “It’s late. Better say your name and go to sleep.”
“My name is Lorena Birdsong.” Lorena spoke in a clear voice as she covered her heart with her hands. “Your turn, Tori.”
Tori smiled. It had been awhile since she’d added her name to Lorena’s at night. “My name is Victoria Gale Merritt Harper.”
“That’s a lot longer name than mine, and just think. When you get married again someday, you’ll add another one.” Lorena said the last like it was a given that Tori would get married again someday. “Let’s say Samantha’s name too. Just for fun.”
So they held hands and said in unison, “Samantha Gale Harper.” The name sounded sweet in Tori’s ears.
With her nighttime ritual out of the way, Lorena slid under the covers and was asleep almost before Tori climbed into her own bed. Tori had been that way once. Young enough to bounce between worries without losing sleep.
She read the whole chapter in Philippians. Her eyes dwelt on the thirteenth verse. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. But what all things did she want to do?
Tori turned off the light and listened to Lorena’s even breathing while some of their words slipped back through her mind. Love doesn’t stop . . . It just expands . . . When you get married again . . .
“Oh, Sammy, what should I do?” she whispered. “Should I take back what I said to Clay?”
She stared into the dark air as the questions swirled in her head. She didn’t get any answers. But at the same time, that peace that passed understanding seemed to fall down on her after a while. The answers would come, and when they did she’d have the strength to face them. She could talk to Clay again. “Go away” didn’t have to be the last words between them. Not if she didn’t want them to be. With that thought settling in her mind, she fell asleep.
The next morning, she brushed her hair until it gleamed. She picked her best clothes instead of whatever she grabbed first the way she usually did. Then she hurried on to church ahead of her parents and Lorena. She wanted to be there when Samantha got there. She was tired of having empty arms.
Samantha was happy as could be with Sammy’s mother when they got to church. Tori grabbed her for a hug, but then Samantha pushed her away to go play with the other kids in the churchyard.
Mama Harper gave Tori a quick kiss on the cheek and hurried on in for Sunday school. Tori started across the yard to get Samantha, but one of the older girls had already picked her up. Samantha giggled with delight as the girl carried her inside.
Tori hesitated by the side of the church when she spotted Clay coming up the steps onto the sidewalk. Her heart did a funny flip. What in the world could she say to him? Perhaps it was just as well his eyes were on the church door and he didn’t notice her there in the shadows. Or maybe he did see her and was only doing what she’d asked.
She took a step toward him, searching for the right words to say, but then it didn’t matter. Paulette Browning hurried across the yard to tuck her hand under Clay’s elbow. An ownership touch. They walked into the church together.
23
Grab a chair and sit awhile.” Aunt Hattie was settled in a metal lawn chair in her backyard. “The sun might freckle your face, but it feels good to these old bones. I don’t never recall you worryin’ overmuch about freckles anyhows. Now that Evangeline, we’d be havin’ to move to the shade.”
Kate pulled a chair off the porch over next to Aunt Hattie’s. “You’re right about Evie. Trouble is, she can get freckles in the shade.”
“Freckle spots goes with red hair.”
“I have a few freckles and my hair’s regular old brown.” Kate flipped her hair and made a little face.
“Not one thing wrong with brown. A fine color for hair. But I do have to admit the three of you girls is the most different I ever saw in natural-born sisters.”
“Right. The two beauties on either end of the plain sister.”
“I ain’t never seen much plain about you, Katherine Reece. You’s pretty enough on the outside. You don’t believe me, just ask that boy you married. I’ve seen him lookin’ at you. But even better than them outer looks that fade with time, you got the kind of beauty that matters most in this life. That inside kind that shines right out of your eyes and lands on the folks you is with.”
“Thank you, Aunt Hattie. You know how to make me feel pretty.”
“You is or you ain’t. The good Lord does the making, but he did give me eyes for seeing.” She leaned forward in her chair. “Where is that Jay? It’s Sunday, I’m pretty sure. I forget the day some through the week, but I always remember the Lord’s Day. So how come he didn’t come with you when he knows this old woman likes restin’ her eyes on him? You two aren’t fussing, are you?”
“No, everything’s fine.”
Aunt Hattie settled back in her chair and folded her hands in her lap. She’d always been a little woman, and now age had shrunk her even more until it seemed her wrinkles might swallow her whole. Her hair was a gray cloud of fuzz around her face, but in that face, her dark brown eyes were as sharp as ever.
“That’s good to hear. Married folks spatting ain’t something I want to hear about. He likin’ the idea of being a daddy?”
“He’s glad,” Kate said a little too quickly. “Of course, he’s glad.”
Aunt Hattie bent her head and looked at Kate through her eyebrows. “Ain’t no need you tryin’ to hide your worries from me, child. I done been reading your face too many years. Out with it.”
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sp; Kate sighed. “I don’t know, Aunt Hattie. I think he’s worried he won’t know how to be a good father because he didn’t have a loving father. When he was a kid, his father dumped him on an aunt and uncle who didn’t want him either.”
“You send him on around here to me. I’ll point out Victor to him. Wasn’t never a man who loved his babies more than Victor.”
“Daddy had troubles too after the war.”
“That he did.” Aunt Hattie inclined her head a little. “But weren’t never no trouble about lovin’ his girls.”
“I know Daddy loved us. Even when he was struggling through the hard times.”
“Your boy ain’t havin’ that kind of hard times, is he?”
“No. Well, not the drinking, but he has bad dreams like Daddy did. Things from the war. He won’t talk about it.”
“War’s a terrible thing. Stole my Bo from me.” A tear trickled out of the corner of her eye down through her wrinkles. She didn’t brush it away. “I still miss that boy. But it won’t be long till I see him in paradise.”
Kate put her hand on Aunt Hattie’s arm. “I’m not ready for you to move up to heaven yet.”
“It’s not you that has to get ready, child.” Aunt Hattie’s smile set her wrinkles to dancing. Then her smile faded. “I’m thinkin’ you won’t never be ready to tell me goodbye. I ain’t wantin’ to say goodbye to you neither. But goodbyes, they come. For young and old. And I’m feeling the goodbye coming on.”
“But we still need you. Evie’s baby will be here soon, and if ever anybody needed some sensible advice, it’s her.”
“That’s God’s own truth.” Aunt Hattie chuckled, a hoarse sound that ended in a cough. “But you know that girl hasn’t never listened to me. Nadine will bring her along. Your mama knows a heap about mothering. More than this old woman.”
“But you’ve delivered hundreds of babies here in Rosey Corner.”
“The Lord did bless me with good hands for catching babies back when doctors were scarcer than hen’s teeth around here. Rejoiced and praised the Lord ever’ time one of those sweet babies pulled in that first breath. A miracle each and ever’ time.” Aunt Hattie shook her head again. “But birthing and mothering ain’t the same.”
Love Comes Home Page 17