by Cyn Bermudez
Ugh! Now my stomach is growling. I gotta get going. I need to eat.
One last thing I want you to know. Stop being afraid. I don’t want you fighting, but I don’t want you hiding either. It’s okay to stand up for yourself. The worker won’t move you for that. At least I don’t think. Only if you do something real bad. Or if you keep on fighting. I don’t know for sure what the worker will do.
What I do know is this. The teasing gets worse if you don’t stand up. Try not to fight. But don’t let anyone bully you either. If you have to,
if you’re pushed, then fight. If you fight, punch whoever real good. Might as well, if you’re going to get in trouble anyway.
And stop crying so much! I miss Momma, too. I miss you and our sisters and our apartment.
I miss our car. I miss my room and all my old stuff. I miss the smell of our apartment and Momma’s perfume. I miss my old school. I miss my old friends. I even miss my old teachers!
Be strong, Isaac. Be strong for Momma.
TTYS
Victor
3 Attachments
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From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: I made a friend!
Victor, I said foster “brother” because what do I call him? Susan and John called him my brother. When I said, “He’s not my brother,” John said they didn’t mean it like that.
Anyway, his name is Eric. I just call him that—Eric. He is back and forth. Sometimes he is back with his mom. Sometimes he is with Susan and John. He’s 11, too. We go to the same school. He made friends already. Can you believe it? He even made friends with the guy I punched!
Eric’s hair is orange, like a carrot. He’s got a lot of freckles, too. I’m not sure what I think of him just yet. He seems nice, but he doesn’t talk to me at school.
I stopped hiding at lunch, like you said. I eat by myself most of the time. Stephanie sits with me when she’s there. We’re in the same homeroom. She’s real smart, knows a lot of stuff. You’d like her. She’s a girl, but she’s cool. We talk about basketball. She knows about Momma.
I didn’t say anything though! The whole school seems to know. Stephanie showed me a news article online. It was all about Momma. How she was a housekeeper who stole lots of money and things from rich people who hired her. She looked tired and sad in her mug shot.
But the article didn’t say how Momma needed the money for our rent. It didn’t say she did it for our family. She’s not a bad person. Right, Victor?
I don’t know how Jake knew that she was my mom. He told everybody else. He’s the one I punched. Stephanie doesn’t like him. Jake’s always teasing her about her curly hair.
I showed Stephanie the picture of that dead guy. The one you sent of Mr. Burns. Yeah, his face is creepy. His skin folds and folds. He’s got beady eyes and wrinkles on his neck. Stay away!
Stephanie says there’s no such thing as “supernatural.” She says I have an “overactive imagination.” Momma used to love supernatural stories. We all did. She told the best stories. She’d believe you about Mr. Burns.
But Stephanie says Mr. Burns is just grumpy and old. She says we’re supposed to respect old people. She says God is watching. I told her, “How come you believe in God. Ain’t He supernatural?”
Stephanie said no. She said, “God just is.” Victor.. .do we believe in God? Stephanie kept asking me that. I told her I don’t know. She asked, “How come you don’t know?” I told her Momma would take us to church twice a year. We went every Christmas and Easter Sunday. We never studied the Bible. Not like her family. They have Bible study. They study it, like school study. She invited me to go. I told her no since I wasn’t sure if we believe in God. Stephanie said it was good to believe in something. That believing in something will help Momma.
I asked her, “So if I believe in.Spiderman, will that help my mom?” She got mad. She said God doesn’t work like that.
Susan and John believe in God. They have crosses hanging in every room. I asked Susan about God. She invited me to go with her to church. I said no to Susan, too. John said God was a personal choice. He said going to church didn’t mean Momma would be free. He said church helped people cope. I told him I didn’t know what that meant. He said it was doing something that helped us feel less sad. I told him I’d rather play basketball. He said that was okay, too.
Besides, maybe you’re right and Stephanie is wrong. Maybe Mr. Burns is a werewolf. He’d eat more than rabbits! Don’t bother him either way.
I know you miss Momma, too. Sometimes I miss her so much, my chest hurts. Remember when we went bowling with Dad on his birthday? It was right before he died. Remember how hard it was to throw that ball? Because it was so heavy. When I think of Momma, I feel that heaviness. It’s like that bowling ball is sitting on my chest. No matter how hard I try, I can’t move it. I can’t swallow it. I can’t spit it out. That’s when the tears come out.
I try to stop them. I really do. I gulp at the air. I push my tears down as far as they can go. Sometimes it’s too hard, and I can’t stop them. They just well up in my eyes. I wipe the tears as fast as I can. My eyes turn red. Susan always notices the redness of my eyes.
I know Susan is not my mom. And John is not Dad. They are my keepers, like you said. It’s just.. .when the tears come...
D on’t be mad at me. I let Susan see me cry. The kid I punched, Jake, has a lot of friends. They won’t leave me alone. They say awful things about Momma and me. I don’t hide in the bathroom anymore, like I said. For you, and because they follow me. It doesn’t matter where I go. The last time, Susan was there. She picked me up from school. One of Jake’s friends was saying stuff. Susan overheard. She didn’t say anything when I got in the car. She didn’t say anything on the ride home either. I thought maybe she hadn’t heard anything. When we went inside the house, she asked me, “Is everything okay?”
I wanted to say yes. I stood silent. It seemed like forever. My chest felt heavy again. Like a bowling ball. I swallowed my spit. I gasped for air, but it kept me from crying. Then she hugged me. It reminded me of the way Momma would hug.
She was warm and soft. The tears gushed out of my eyes. My eyes were water hoses. Susan is not a mom, but she felt like one.
Once I started crying, I couldn’t stop. I cried and cried. For two whole hours. Susan held me until I stopped. My eyes stung. My face was hot. D on’t be mad.
1 Attachment
Stephanie_(look-at-her-crazy-hair!).jpg
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: It’s time to investigate!
Isaac, stop crying. Think of the good. Momma would say that. Whenever things went bad, she’d remind us of the good.
Remember when Momma finally took us to that carnival? The one we’d been on about? We begged and begged. She was always working. Never had any time. Then out of nowhere she called in sick. We drove 45 minutes. To the edge of town. We were so excited. Talking about which rides we were going to go on first. No one thought to check to see if it was open!
Remember how we cried ‘cause it was closed? What did Momma say? She said, “Think of the good.” She talked and talked. For 30 minutes! We found that run-down pizza place. Man, that place was ugly. It only had three tables and mismatched chairs. The woman that worked there looked like Aunt Dolores. She had big chubby cheeks. Momma gave us quarters to play the pinball machine. You beat me! The pizza was the best we’d ever had.
We ended up having a lot of fun that day. When you’re at school, say it to yourself. Think of the good. You made a friend. That is good. She’s got crazy hair! I like her already.
I try and focus on the good too. I hang out with Lucky every chance I get. Lucky and I are
going to Mr. Burns’ tomorrow! We have our bag of werewolf junk ready. Here is our checklist:
• really old mirror
(It belonged to Lucky’s great-grandma!)
• a silver necklace (We think it’s silver. Lucky says the color will do.)
• some tobacco (We took Cutter’s cigarettes, ha!)
• weird dog whistle (I can’t tell if it works????)
• long rope (I hope it’s long enough!
I know what you’re thinking. Mirrors are for vampires. Lucky said we could still use it. Because if Mr. Burns is dead, he might not have a reflection. I figure it doesn’t hurt to try. Our official plan is this:
• We’ll draw him out with the whistle.
• Then make him weak with the silver. (I don’t know how this works. Maybe throw the necklace at him?)
• Last, we’ll tie him up.
I don’t what the tobacco is for. Lucky just said to put it on the list. Maybe it will cover our human scent? Lucky made a map of Mr. Burns’ house and yard. He’s got a big, creepy house. Anyway, Lucky and I go at dawn. Wish us luck. :)
I better get to bed. Remember what Dad would say when we were excited about something? The faster you go to sleep, the faster tomorrow will come.
Love,
Victor
P.S. Don’t cry anymore. You hear me? Momma wouldn’t like it. And we promised each other—no keepers in our heads! Now she’s in your head. You’ll start acting like she’s your momma. You won’t remember our real momma anymore. We need to keep Momma in our heads.
6 Attachments
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From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: My final hours
That pizza was so good! I forgot the name of that place. I remember the pizza, though. Extra sauce. Double pepperoni. Great, now my stomach is growling.
Bothering Mr. Burns is a bad idea. Aren’t you worried you’ll get in trouble? Don’t answer that. Knowing you, probably not.
I wish I could be more like you. You’re not afraid of anything. Maybe I’ll be that way when I’m 12, too.
I mean, I’m not scared like a little kid. But I’m kind of scared (just a tiny amount) all the time! Having Stephanie helps. But she’s just a girl. She can’t stop Jake. Or his friends. You’re lucky to have Lucky. Maybe if I had someone like Lucky. Or better, if you were here.. .things would be better for me.
There is nothing I can do! Jake and his friends won’t stop. Now Eric says stuff too. He says things when Susan and John aren’t around. They go on and on about Momma. About me, and you too. Eric said I’ll never see you or Momma ever again. He said Vanessa and Sara won’t even remember me. You told me not to hide. You told me to stand up for myself. Well, I punched Jake, and he didn’t stop. He’s worse.
Lunchtime is the hardest. Stephanie and I were hanging out behind the gym during lunch. We were out in the open. Stephanie said technically we weren’t hiding. We just stay out of sight. It worked for a while. I finally had some peace at school. But now Jake and his friends found that place, too!
I want to stay out of trouble. It’s hard. They won’t leave me alone. Now everyone is saying stuff. There are rumors about Jake and his friends. They are going to jump me. Stephanie said it’s because the first punch was a sucker punch. So it didn’t count. That’s why Jake won’t leave me alone. His friends back him up. Stephanie said fight him face-to-face. Then they will leave me alone. But I already punched him face-to-face! She said no. Jake wasn’t expecting it. So, it was a sucker punch.
If I’m going to stick up for myself, it’s now or never. I’m going to fight Jake. Before he has a chance to jump me. I asked Stephanie if jumping was like sucker punching. She said no. I don’t see why not. Since they’ll do it when I’m not expecting it. Stephanie said but I am expecting it. She said, “We’re talking about it. Right now! Duh.”
The fight is on. Tomorrow at the mall. While you’re investigating Mr. Burns, I’ll be fighting for my life. Okay, maybe I am scared just like a little kid. Just as scared as the day they took Momma. :(
I wish you were here. Love you, Victor.
~Isaac
P.S. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want tomorrow to come.
P.P.S. What time are you investigating? There’s a full moon.
P.P.P.S. I’m still hungry for pizza!!!
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: TROUBLE
Ugh! Mr. Burns is NOT a werewolf. Me and Lucky made him real mad. Now I’m in big trouble.
This is what happened. Lucky and I watched and waited in a field. The field across the street from his house. We hid in the bushes. Lucky blew on the whistle. I fanned the smoke from the tobacco. I had put the tobacco in aluminum foil. I used Ms. Cutter’s matches to burn the tobacco.
Since it was Saturday, we got there late morning. We waited all day, until dark. Lucky and I thought he was hiding or something.
Lucky said, “Maybe he’s preparing.'’" Like Mr. Burns was planning his meal for the full moon. Then I started to worry. What if he ate us?
We started getting hungry and thirsty. We ate the cereal bars Lucky packed. I brought two water bottles. We drank them both. Then the sun started to set. My stomach growled. I was still hungry. I was glad Lucky had some cash. We walked to the Circle K quick. We both ate hot dogs. We drank Coke. Then we went back.
We hid in the bushes again. It got dark. We were about to give up. Finally, Mr. Burns came outside. He opened the door slowly. I saw his hand first and then his face. I thought he turned into a werewolf already. I swear I saw a furry hand. Lucky said, “He’ll turn when he sees the moon.” Either way, we both panicked. Lucky and I came running out of the bushes. We both screamed. I threw the silver necklace at him. Lucky threw the rope at him.
Mr. Burns almost fell! We surprised him. He stumbled over his feet. He yelled! He grabbed me and Lucky by our shoulders. He brought us into his house. His house smelled like cookies. He was baking. Mr. Burns bakes???!!!
He called Ms. Cutter. Now she is real mad too. She lectured me for three hours.
She’s talking about “returning” me. And she gave me more chores. Didn’t think it was possible. I already do almost everything! She kept saying that we could have hurt Mr. Burns.
I said, “But we didn’t.” That only made her madder. Now I’m grounded.
I also hope you DON’T have to fight Jake. If you do, don’t let him catch you off guard. Be smart. Be brave.
TTYS
Victor
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: TROUBLE
Hello? Everything okay?
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: TROUBLE
Where are you? Did something happen??
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: TROUBLE
ISAAC?!
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: TROUBLE
I’m scared. Why haven’t you written back? I love you, Isaac. I hope you’re okay.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: TROUBLE
Don’t worry! I’m alive! I was grounded, too. Jake and I fought. It’s not what you think, though.
I was on my way to meet him at the mall. The mall is only three blocks from where I live. I decided to walk there. I shouldn’t have done that. I stopped at Stephanie’s apartment first. She said she wanted to go with me. Stephanie said we should take a shortcut. We’d get there faster. I wanted to get to the mall first. So I said yes.
Jake and his friends followed me! I didn’t see them until we got to the alley. They started calling me names. Then Jake pushed me. Then they all
started pushing me. Jake had three friends with him. Stephanie tried to help me. There were too many of them. Stephanie ran to get help.
It felt like forever. They hit me hard. I thought a tooth fell out. My nose crunched. I felt wetness on my face. I didn’t cry. I fought back even though I was on the ground. I heard Stephanie calling my name. She sounded far away. She came with Susan and John. Jake and his friends ran when they saw Susan and John.