"Is that all this was?" Kaede shouted at the pearl. "A stupid game?" She began to rise, but Imari clutched her tighter. She couldn't bear to let go of Kaede again. If she did, she was sure she would slip into madness.
"I wouldn't call it stupid," the pearl said. "Just a little diversion to keep me occupied while I wait for bigger pieces to fall in place. By the way, you should ask Imari about all the bodies in the cave. I'm sure she'll love to explain what happened."
Imari's heart cracked right down the middle. The bodies, the blood. Oh, Ancestors, when Kaede finds out. When she sees what I've done.
She tried to pull away, but this time, Kaede tightened their embrace. "Their blood is on your hands, Kyuubi, not hers."
"What? Me?” The voice chuckled. “I didn't wield the sword. Besides, I only encourage people to do what's already in their minds. Coming here was all her idea. And Imari, she would go to the ends of the Roaring Oceans to defend you, Kaede. I suppose that makes this your fault, too.”
"Be quiet!" Takeshi yelled. With a look of pure, twisted rage, he charged at the pearl, katana raised above him. It swept down, but as soon as the sharpened tip touched the pearl, it began to glow even brighter. For a moment, it was a brilliant little star, shining so bright it burned Imari's eyes. Then it exploded into a shower of white dust, dust that drifted back to the ground almost like tiny flakes of snow.
Suddenly, Imari felt exhausted. It felt as if a piece of her had been ripped out, leaving a sucking, empty pit behind. She collapsed onto Kaede's lap, shadows creeping in around her eyes. The last thing she remembered before everything went black was Kaede staring down at her, stroking her hair.
***
Kaede sat slumped over beside Imari's bed, shoulders sagging, eyes bleary. Imari was still unconscious and had been since leaving the cave. Kaede had carried her back to Kousetsu herself, rejecting Takeshi and Kenta's offers of help. She was Imari's yojimbo. It was her task.
Hayate had walked beside her the whole time. He carried Setsuna in his arms, although his task was easier. Setsuna was barely a slip of what she had once been a pale, ghostly shadow. They had found her tied up in her bedroom, bound with the silken cord of her own yukata.
Kaede had only needed to take one look at the sloppy knot to realize what had happened. Imari had taken her prisoner. An order from Kyuubi, no doubt. Just thinking about the fox filled Kaede with sickening rage. She had spent months afraid of her aunt, feeling betrayed and hurt, when it hadn't been Setsuna's fault at all.
She blinked, clearing her eyes and staring down at Imari's face. Pained lines creased her brow and sweat had gathered at her temples. Kaede stood and went to lower the fire in the hearth. The least she could do was keep Imari comfortable while they were guests in Hayate’s castle.
A soft knock on the door made her pause just as she finished raking away some of the extra coal. She stood and moved to the screen. Takeshi stood there waiting for her, his face as tired and worried as she was sure her own must look. Without saying anything, she bowed and stood aside to let him in.
"How is she?" he asked, carefully approaching the bed. Imari didn't twitch. Her breathing remained steady and rhythmic.
"Normal," Kaede murmured, although she wasn't convinced.
"That's what the healers said when they looked at her." He sighed and took the mat Kaede had abandoned. He stroked back a lock of Imari's hair, but Kaede didn't mind. It seemed like the action of a close friend rather than a lover.
Not that it matters. She might not want to be with me at all after this. I was the one who left her alone with Kyuubi.
"I owe you an apology," Takeshi said, as if she had spoken her thoughts aloud. "I know I was harsh to you back at Hongshan."
"No, I deserved it." Kaede came to join him, sitting at the foot of Imari's futon. Instinctively, she rested a hand on Imari's knee. She hadn't let Imari out of her sight since the cave, and rarely let Imari leave her touch either. "I’m her yojimbo. I shouldn't have left her, even though I was angry."
"You didn't know Kyuubi was a threat," Takeshi said. "We'd been staying at the mountain for two months. Not once in that time did we see any kind of danger. You couldn't have followed her around every minute of every day."
"She would’ve killed me," Kaede said with a bitter laugh.
"I know I don't always like to admit it, but Imari isn't helpless. She's a good fighter, even better now with Wen Ling's training. It wasn't an unreasonable risk for you to leave her alone so close to the cave, with someone we thought was a friend."
"But Kyuubi wasn't a friend," Kaede said, anger flashing to the surface. "She orchestrated all this, like some kind of puppetmaster. That's all we are to her."
A look of determination settled onto Takeshi's face, hardening his jaw. "And we'll deal with her, but our priority has to be Imari. Things aren't going to be the same when she wakes up, even if she isn't physically hurt."
"What do you mean?" Kaede asked.
Takeshi didn't seem to want to answer her, but eventually, he spoke, keeping his voice even lower than before. "The group of guards Hayate sent to clear out the cave reported back. I was there when he spoke to them. There were fourteen bodies in total scattered throughout the cavern. Some were dismembered."
"Fourteen," Kaede repeated in disbelief. "You think Imari did that?"
"You saw her clothes, Kaede. She was covered in blood. There was no one else alive in those tunnels except for Setsuna, and she was tied up. And why would she kill her own guards? I know it's horrible to think about the other option, but…"
Kaede's first instinct was to protest, to claim that Imari could never do such a thing. But the angry, vengeful warrior who had held her sword to Hayate's throat and the broken, weeping woman who had fallen into her arms hadn't been like the Imari she knew at all. Because that wasn't the Imari I knew. She was Kyuubi's slave.
"Should we tell her when she wakes up?"
"I think she already knows. That's why she was weeping when we found her."
"Well, what about the Empress?" Kaede asked. "Surely she won't convict Imari of these deaths when her agents arrive to sort this out. Suanni will tell her about Kyuubi and everything will be fine."
"I'm not worried about Imari being dishonored," Takeshi said. "We all know it wasn't her fault. I'm worried she won't believe it herself."
Kaede closed her eyes. He had a point. They wouldn't hold her responsible, but Imari would have to live with fourteen deaths on her conscience either way. That had been Kyuubi's plan all along. "What about the bodies?"
"The bad-looking ones were cremated at the cave and their ashes collected," Takeshi said. "The guards brought the rest back to the city so their families could see them first."
Tears welled in Kaede's eyes. "She was only trying to protect me," she said in a cracked voice, her chin trembling. "That's what she said. She was trying to protect me."
"Kyuubi used her," Takeshi said. To Kaede's surprise, he put a hand on her shoulder, an unusual gesture of comfort. "But the pearl is gone. It can't hurt Imari anymore. We're going to make sure of that. And when she wakes up, you can't fall apart like this and blame yourself, Kaede. Whatever fight the two of you had, whatever lies you told her and whatever awful things she said to you, it must end. She's going to need you now more than ever. And if you can't be there for her, I really will have a reason to hate you."
Kaede swallowed, regaining control of herself. "You're right. I'll be there for her. I love her. And there won't be any more lies. The truth is already bad enough."
"Aozora, huh?” He gave her shoulder a slight shake. “And here I was, worried you weren't of high enough status for her. Turns out you outrank us all."
Kaede sniffed, wiping away her tears before they could really start, but she gave Takeshi a faint smile. "You know she never cared about ranks and titles. She would’ve liked all of us even if we'd been peasants. Even Kenta."
Takeshi snorted. "Yes. Even Kenta." He removed his hand and stood up from the mat, brushing
the wrinkles out of his kimono. "I'm going to get her some water. You too. Maybe we can get her to drink it."
"All right," Kaede said. "I'll stay with her. In case she wakes up."
"She will," Takeshi said. "The healers said she would. I think she's just exhausted." With one last bow, he left the room, and Kaede turned back to Imari.
To her surprise, Imari's thin eyelids began twitching, as if she were about to awaken. Kaede waited, barely breathing, and at last they opened, revealing Imari's familiar brown eyes. She seemed confused at first, blinking a few times, but then, she smiled softly. "Kaede. You're here."
"Of course, I'm here," Kaede said through a shaking smile. She searched for Imari's hand beneath the thin covers, lacing their fingers together and gripping tight.
Imari gave her palm a weak squeeze. "Don't leave. Please, don't leave again."
"I won't," Kaede promised. "I won’t leave you again. I'm so glad you're all right." Imari's lashes began drooping, and Kaede used her free hand to stroke the side of Imari's cheek. "Close your eyes again. It's okay if you need more sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."
"You'll be here." With a sigh, Imari closed her eyes again. Her breathing slowed down as she drifted off, but this time, her face didn't look so pained.
Kaede watched her until she lapsed back into unconsciousness. She was glad to bring Imari comfort, even if it was only for a little while. She knew all too well that the worst of the pain would come later, when she remembered what had happened back in the cave.
***
Blood runs everywhere. At first, it's just the smell—a sickly, coppery scent that clings to the inside of Imari's nose no matter which way she looks. Then it's creeping toward her across the ground, a crimson stain spreading rapidly through the white snow. It's like a vein that’s been pierced.
She turns to run, but there's blood coming from that direction too—an entire ocean of blood rushing in waves toward her. Red and thin in some places, black and congealed in others, it eats away the ground beneath her feet.
There is an island of snow to stand on but it shrinks, growing smaller and smaller. The white turns pink, then red, as the blood rises around her feet. It touches her sandals first, seeping through her tabi. She tries sloshing through it, but there's nowhere to run. The sea of blood is endless.
It rises to her calves, then her knees, hot and scalding. She wails, but there's no one around to hear. She's alone. The blood crawls up her thighs, pooling at her hips, forcing her to wade through it. The waves break against her stomach, then her chest, rocking her back and forth, battering her over and over. It reaches her shoulders, her neck.
She tries to scream again, but blood washes into her mouth. It's sweet and salty and disgusting, and she tries to spit it out, but more comes in to take its place. She closes her eyes, but she can still feel it all around her, choking her, drowning her. She flails her arms, trying to swim for the surface, but there is no surface. She's suspended, unable to move as the blood consumes her.
Imari woke with a scream, sucking in great gasps of air. She opened her eyes, expecting to see red, but instead, there was only a small, cozy room. A fire burned in the hearth and there was a mat beside her—a mat with a person on it, pushing themself up from a huddled position.
"Imari, what happened?" Kaede, tired and with messy hair, but clearly recognizable. She looked as though she hadn't slept in weeks. "Are you all right? I heard you scream."
Imari breathed heavily, unsure what to say. Dimly, she remembered Kaede sitting by her bedside, but then earlier memories came rushing back. They broke over her like the waves of the horrible red ocean, and she recoiled to the other side of the bed, trying to put as much space between herself and Kaede as possible.
"Don't touch me," she said as Kaede reached out a hand, trying to caress her shoulder. "Don't look at me. I don't want you to."
Kaede withdrew her hand, although she looked hurt. "Imari, it's okay," she murmured in a soothing voice. "I think you had a nightmare."
Tears welled in Imari's eyes. The soldiers she had killed were all too real. She remembered now. She could recall in vivid detail everything that had happened. What she didn't understand was how Kaede could bear to look upon her with anything but disgust.
"Why are you here?" she asked, clutching the covers up to her chin. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Kaede's eyes were full of tender concern, and it made Imari want to claw out of her own treacherous skin.
"Because I love you. Because you asked me to stay. Imari, I'm so sorry I left you at Hongshan. I never should have—"
"No." Imari held up her hand, dropping the covers and turning away. "Don't. Don't tell me how this is your fault to make me feel better. I don't deserve it."
"But—"
"I murdered people, Kaede!" Tears leaked from her eyes without warning, and she shuddered through several shaking sobs before she could speak again. "How many?" she asked past the stone in her throat. "How many samurai did I kill?"
Kaede didn't answer.
Imari whirled to face her again, glaring at her. "How many? Tell me."
Kaede still hesitated.
"Tell me!"
Kaede's lower lip trembled. "Fourteen."
Fourteen. Fourteen lives snuffed out. Fourteen soldiers who had fallen beneath her sword. Imari's stomach churned with disgust. She leapt up from the bed, hauling Kaede up and shoving her backwards.
"Get out," she said, pushing frantically at Kaede's shoulders.
Kaede tried to get her footing, but desperation and surprise lent Imari strength. She managed to force Kaede back toward the screen door, shoving her the whole way.
"Imari, wait—"
"Out," Imari said. "I don't want you to look at me. I need…"
She needed to be alone. Nothing else made sense, but she knew that for certain. She needed to be alone.
"Imari—"
With a final surge of strength, Imari shoved Kaede out through the door and yanked it shut. Kaede continued protesting from beyond the screen, but her voice was awash in Imari's ears. She collapsed to her knees on the cold stone floor, burying her face in her arms and weeping. She was broken, and she couldn't bear Kaede's useless attempts at fixing her. At pretending she would be all right. There would be no fixing this. Fourteen samurai were dead because of her. That couldn't be undone.
Chapter Twenty-Three
ONE WEEK PASSED. SEVEN days of grief. Seven days of solitude. Imari spent them alone, refusing to see anyone. Always, her heart longed for Kaede, but always, her memories prevented her from calling out. With Kyuubi's fog lifted, she could recall every moment of what she had done in vivid detail.
She remembered the faces of the men she had killed. She remembered the way fresh blood looked on ancient stone and new snow. She remembered how it felt to pull her sword out through someone's stomach, how it felt to draw someone else's blood-soaked kote over her own forearm. She couldn't look at her remaining hand. When she closed her eyes, the sounds were horrible. Screaming, pleading, the last rattling exhale of a soldier breathing his last. Fourteen men, they whispered outside her door. She had killed fourteen men.
She refused to remove Wujian from its scabbard and kept it hidden as far across the room as possible. Just one week before, she had been excited and thrilled to use it. Now, she couldn't bear to touch it, even to strike herself down and end her shame.
Every day at dawn, Kaede came to her door. Always, she stayed and talked, spending hours speaking to the blank screen even when Imari refused to respond.
"It isn't your fault," she said. "Kyuubi was controlling you."
She didn't understand. She hadn't taken fourteen lives.
Imari always waited for Kaede to leave without answering, but later, when she opened the door, she would find a bowl of food and the pink and white blossoms of freshly picked magnolia flowers. They were one of the only buds to bloom in snow. Imari kept them on the table and stared at them when Kaede wasn't there. How can she bear to be aroun
d me? Why does she visit? Why does she still speak to me?
The last thing a murderer deserved was sympathy. Sometimes, others came. Takeshi and Kenta had tried to gain entrance as well, but she hadn't responded to them either. Even Hayate had come by once, to deliver a soft apology and tell her the Empress was coming to Kousetsu herself—leaving the Imperial City for the first time in ten years. Imari was grateful. Hopefully, her sentencing and execution would be swift.
Then there were the nights. She barely slept, and when she did, the dreams frightened her. Always, the ocean of blood threatened to consume her. Sometimes the bodies of the dead swam toward her, flailing severed limbs, reaching out to her for help. But she couldn’t help them. She couldn’t even help herself. Sometimes, she woke to see Kaede’s head peeking through the door. She never broached the unspoken boundary and entered the room, but Imari knew Kaede checked on her briefly every night, just to make sure she was still breathing.
On the eighth day things changed. That was the day when, while she rested on her mat and stared listlessly up at the ceiling, Kaede came once more to her door.
"Imari, you need to let me in."
As usual, Imari remained silent. She didn't move from her place on the mat.
"Please. It's important."
At the sound of Kaede's voice, she finally stirred. Guilty as she felt, she hungered for it. She padded over to the screen door and dropped to her knees, closing her eyes and resting her cheek against it to listen.
"Imari, this self-imprisonment isn't doing anyone any good. The Empress will arrive soon, and you need to be ready to talk to her. I know you're listening. I hear you breathing."
Neither of them spoke, but Imari could picture Kaede's face clearly. Even under the threat of the Empress's arrival, Kaede's voice wasn't harsh, rather full of concern, and somehow, that was much worse. Tears of shame welled in Imari's eyes, dripping down her cheeks.
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