"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to push past your boundaries. But I need to see you, to make sure you're all right. I'm going to come in, okay? Please, say yes."
Imari's lips trembled. Part of her wanted to, but another equal part fought violently against the thought. Despite the care Kaede had shown for her over the past week, Imari was terrified of finding hatred deep within her eyes.
Still, this couldn't continue. Her guilt and grief accomplished nothing. It certainly wouldn't bring back the dead. It was time to end this. She owed Kaede a goodbye, at least.
"Yes," she whispered, lifting her cheek from the door.
Kaede pulled the screen aside a moment later. She didn't step inside, but instead offered her hand. "Here. Let me help you up?"
Imari swiped at her own face and remained where she was. She didn't look up until Kaede's warm fingers laced with hers, in a touch so tender she nearly cried all over again.
"Why are you here?" Imari asked, blinking rapidly. Kaede peered down at her with such sadness Imari could hardly stand it. “Why are you still here, after I haven’t spoken to you in a week other than to tell you to leave?”
"Isn't it obvious?" Kaede drew her up, placing an arm beneath her elbow to steady her. Imari was grateful, her legs felt weak. "I've told you every day. This wasn't your fault. I want to help."
Imari allowed Kaede to lead her back over to the mat. Kaede didn't sit beside her, moving to shut the screen. Part of Imari ached to lose the contact of Kaede's hand, but another part felt relieved. "The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I hoped the families of the soldiers I murdered might take some comfort in my execution. I don’t deserve to regain my honor that way."
"Please, don't talk like that." Kaede returned to the mat, sitting down beside her. They didn't touch, but Imari could feel her presence, her warmth. "You haven't brought dishonor on yourself, and I'm sure the Empress isn't going to execute you. Kyuubi—"
"Kyuubi didn't wield my sword." Imari glanced over to the table, where her jian rested within its scabbard. Several times, she had been tempted to take matters into her own hands, but she couldn’t bear to draw the blade again.
"Kyuubi wielded your arm, which held your sword. That's enough."
Imari sighed, staring down into her lap. "No, it isn't. It won't bring back the people. There's nothing I can do to fix it."
Warm fingers wrapped around Imari’s shoulders, gently turning her sideways until she and Kaede faced each other. “The real Imari wouldn’t stop trying,” Kaede said, staring straight into her eyes.
Imari faltered. "What?"
"I said, the real Imari wouldn't stop trying to fix it," Kaede repeated, louder and firmer. "She never stopped trying, no matter what. She spent years planning a journey to find Kurogane, even though anyone else would have said she was crazy. She spent two months pestering Wen Ling every single day so she could get a new hand. Every time she lost a sparring match, she studied what went wrong and came back twice as good." Kaede's voice broke, and Imari realized she had started crying, too. "The real Imari survived after a boulder fell on top of her. The real Imari saw through Kyuubi's lies. And the real Imari wouldn't give up now either. She wouldn’t talk about killing herself. She would keep trying. You would keep trying."
There was silence for a long time, with Kaede's hands on her shoulders and Kaede's eyes leaking tears. At last, Imari let out a soft, breathy laugh. "You look ugly when you cry," she rasped.
Kaede laughed as well, pulling one of her hands back to wipe at her face. "Yes, well, so do you."
They both hugged each other tight, and in the warmth of Kaede's arms, Imari finally felt as though she could breathe again. Something broke inside her, and all the pain building up in her chest came pouring out. She buried her face in Kaede's shoulder, but she didn't cry anymore. Instead, she inhaled deeply. "So, what do I do?" she muttered against Kaede's neck. "How do I keep trying?"
"It doesn't matter, as long as you do," Kaede murmured into her hair. "It's the trying that counts. But I would start by telling the Empress what happened. Someone needs to stop Kyuubi. She's going to do this again, you know. Suanni told us. This is all a big game to her."
Once more, Imari felt the weight of responsibility settle over her shoulders, but this time, the sense of purpose gave her a flood of strength. "Not someone. Me. Us. We're going to find her and make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else." She shuddered at the memory of the mist, huddling tighter into Kaede's arms. "It's evil, Kaede. The way she gets in your mind. She uses thoughts that are already there and twists them until the opposite make sense. There were these flashes when I realized I was going against my code, but all I could do was watch myself. I was so certain I was doing the right thing." She lifted her head, gazing into Kaede's eyes once more. "You're right. I won't let that happen to anyone else. I can't."
"I know," Kaede said, tucking a crooked finger beneath the point of her chin. "And that's why I love you."
Imari wasn't certain who kissed who, but the moment her lips met Kaede's, they both melted into it. Kaede's mouth was warm and welcoming on hers, and Kaede's fingers felt soft and comforting against her face. Part of her still didn't think she deserved it, but relief overwhelmed her doubts. Kaede still loved her. Kaede didn't hate her. And most important of all, Kaede believed she still had a purpose. Stop Kyuubi. Protect others. Look to the future.
Maybe I can do that, Imari thought. The kiss broke so they could both breathe, and Imari whispered, "Maybe."
"What?" Kaede asked. "Maybe you love me too?"
"No, not that." Imari caressed Kaede's shoulder, massaging it and running her thumb back and forth along Kaede's collarbone. She tried to explain, but words failed her. Instead, she kissed Kaede again, even deeper than before.
Imari wasn't sure how long the two of them stayed there trading kisses. Sometimes, they were light pecks of reassurance. Sometimes they lingered, with a certain slow sureness. But, gradually, they became more heated. It wasn't at all what Imari was expecting, but she welcomed the fire that kindled deep in her belly as Kaede's palm cupped her hip. It was an emotion other than guilt, and she greeted it with open arms.
She brought her hand to Kaede's obi, untying it hesitantly, waiting to be stopped. But Kaede didn't stop her. Kaede smiled instead, a smile full of encouragement and love, and it was like rays of sunlight peeking through the gray wall of clouds after a storm. "I don't know how you can still look at me like that, but I'm grateful. I'm so grateful."
Kaede picked up where Imari had left off, unfastening her obi the rest of the way and unfolding her kimono layer by layer. "So am I." She opened the front, revealing her juban underneath. "I'm grateful I have my Imari back."
"I can't promise she'll stay," Imari said. "These feelings aren't going to go away."
"No, but neither will your hope. Not while I'm around to remind you."
They tipped onto the mat together with Kaede on top. The weight was comforting and Imari wrapped her arms around Kaede's torso, holding her close. Kaede began undoing Imari’s yukata. "Is this all right? Are you sure?"
Imari kissed her again. "Yes," she said against Kaede's cheek. "I've missed you."
"Me too." At last, Kaede removed her own juban and fundoshi, leaving Imari to stare at her without any barriers. Imari drank in the sight, the light muscles of Kaede's arms, the tight brown caps of her nipples, the smooth plane of her stomach, and the slight flare of her hips. Her hand shook as she brought it to Kaede's face once more, cupping it sweetly before drawing it slowly down along Kaede's neck.
It wound like a serpent down along Kaede's body, pausing in every dip and valley. She cupped Kaede's breast, thumbing the tip until it was stiff and puckered. Kaede sighed, a sweet sound that soothed Imari more than anything else this past week. Kaede didn’t hate her. Kaede didn’t think she was a monster. Kaede was responding to her. Kaede had been telling her these things for a week, but it was only now, while Kaede hovered above her and accepting her touch,
that she believed it.
Imari moved to Kaede's other breast, repeating the same motions, tugging gently at the brown tip until it hardened. Kaede's panting came faster, and she tilted her head back, exposing her neck. The gesture of implicit trust nearly made Imari cry all over again. Instead, she latched on to Kaede's neck and sucked, not hard, but enough to let Kaede feel the warmth of her lips and tongue. Kaede's hips gave a soft pump, and Imari gasped as their bodies pressed closer together.
Kaede hardened for her. The firmness pressed into Imari's thigh, proof that Kaede was all right with this. Imari drank in the feeling of being wanted. She knew she didn't deserve it, but she let it break over her anyway, allowing it to wash away her tears and her guilt. If Kaede still thought she could be a good person, if Kaede saw something in her worth saving, then maybe there was
She brought her hand down Kaede's front, leaving her breast and preparing to cup between her legs. Before she could, Kaede caught her wrist, gently urging her to stop. "In another minute," she murmured, gazing into Imari's eyes. "Please, let me touch you first."
Imari tried to protest. If anyone deserved pleasure, it was Kaede for her unwavering loyalty and patience. But there was something in Kaede's eyes, a pleading Imari couldn't ignore. Her broken heart longed for nothing more than Kaede's touch, Kaede's affection, Kaede's love. She needed it, craved it, even though she still questioned whether she was worthy of it.
"Yes." She relaxed, lying on her back and lowering both arms to her sides. Then she waited, trembling and hopeful all at once.
"Thank you." Kaede bent down, pressing one last soft kiss to Imari's lips. "No matter what you think right now, you deserve this."
Imari nodded. She didn't agree, not yet, but she gave her permission anyway. Selfishly, she wanted the tenderness and release Kaede offered.
Kaede's mouth worshiped her body, starting at the crook of her neck and sucking for long minutes as her hands roamed across Imari's chest. They circled around and around her nipples, never quite touching, only to spread out like wings and caress her arms and sides instead. Kaede's warm tongue dragged lower. It followed Imari's collarbone, kissed out to the corner of her shoulder before going back the opposite way.
The kisses finally reached her breasts and Imari's hips rocked instinctively against Kaede's stomach. She couldn't help it, a wordless plea for more. Kaede's hands circled her hips, pinning them ever so carefully to the bed as her mouth wrapped around a stiff peak and sucked. Imari whimpered as the heat finally closed around her. Kaede's mouth was the most beautiful kind of torture, and the silky rasp of her tongue was maddening. She closed her eyes, unable to watch, but she knew Kaede was looking up at her. The gaze burned straight through her.
She lifted her hand from the bed and ran it through Kaede's hair, not pushing, but tangling through the strands and clinging to them in desperation. She felt as though she were on the edge of a cliff, balancing for dear life, afraid and exhilarated at the thought of falling.
At last, Kaede released her nipple, only to kiss her way across to the other. "I love you," she murmured, her warm breath skimming over it before she sealed her lips around the second bud as well. She shifted further down and ran her hands along Imari’s thighs, gently coaxing them open.
Imari stiffened. The anticipation had her throbbing, but there was still a lingering shadow over her heart as Kaede's fingers sought out her wetness. When she looked down, Kaede’s face was so full of love and forgiveness it almost hurt to look, like staring directly into the sun.
"Imari." She opened her eyes to see Kaede staring down at her. "Stay with me, Imari. Please? I want you here with me, not in your head."
With another slow breath, Imari forced herself to relax. She spread her legs even further, giving Kaede's hand more room to move between them. Kaede's mouth returned to her breast at the same moment Kaede's fingers found her clit. The two sensations set Imari shivering, and she cried out, clutching harder at Kaede's hair. She felt the vibration of a moan against her chest, and she loosened the grip only for Kaede to pull away and whisper, "No. It's okay. I like it."
Imari settled for something in between, not as hard as before, but not soft either. Kaede groaned in approval, and her mouth began a steady trail downward. Not until Kaede's mouth started circling kisses around her navel did the pieces come together. She gasped, torn once more between guilt and longing, but Kaede hushed her worried little noises with a scattering of soft kisses across her stomach. "I want to taste you, Imari. Is that okay?"
Imari shivered. During their one night together, she and Kaede had been so overwhelmed with what their hands could do that they hadn't moved on to the next step. Kaede had never done this for her before—had never done it at all—and the fact that she was offering made Imari feel wonderful. But the feeling that she didn't deserve it rose within her, too.
She shoved that feeling back down with all her remaining strength. "Yes," she murmured, caressing Kaede's cheek. "Yes, it's okay."
But when Kaede's lips trailed down, it was better than okay. Imari put her pain aside, trying to focus on pleasure. She gave a slight jolt as Kaede ducked beneath her knees, then gasped as warmth crept up along her inner thigh, following one of the slick trails there. She dripped with anticipation, inner walls fluttering and heart hammering at full speed.
Imari waited, but nothing happened. Kaede simply stared, a look of awe on her face. "Imari, you're so beautiful."
Kaede had said those words before, but never so close that Imari could feel them whispered against her skin. She had never been ashamed of her body, but she flushed hot as Kaede's wide eyes took her in. With her legs parted and Kaede settled between them, she was completely exposed and vulnerable.
"You just say these things," she laughed, blinking away a fresh round of tears.
"I mean them. Let me show you."
Kaede didn't linger. Moments later, Imari felt the soft, curious tip of a tongue gliding against her. It was tentative at first, but smooth and warm enough to make her shiver. Kaede looked up at her, waiting for guidance or encouragement or both, and Imari gave a soft tug of approval on her hair. "It feels good. Keep going."
A look of determination crossed Kaede's face. "I'll do better than good." She lowered her head again, and this time, Kaede's lips had wrapped around her clit, sucking the sensitive bud free of its thin hood. Imari's hips gave a short jerk.
The stimulation was almost too direct, but her body adjusted. She raked at Kaede's scalp to indicate that she should keep going, drawing in shaking breaths as Kaede's tongue circled her tip. The motions were soft and slow at first, experimental, but Imari managed to show Kaede the right pressure and speed by rocking her hips and moaning when she got it right.
They settled into a rhythm together. The patterns Kaede painted grew more complex as she started to experiment. Occasionally she broke away from the throbbing point of Imari's clit to cover the rest of her in flat, broad strokes—usually when Imari's whimpers grew a little too loud. When Kaede dipped down to taste her entrance, Imari nearly bucked off the mat. The swirl of Kaede's tongue set her aflame, and she wanted to burn.
As Kaede alternated between sucking her and pushing gently at her opening, Imari's vision began to blur. Her muscles clenched with want, and an aching emptiness grew inside her. Kaede's mouth felt wonderful sealed so tight around her, pulling and then relaxing, coaxing the pressure inside of her to build and build. But it wasn't enough. She needed to be stretched, to be filled, to feel the slight edge of pain that came with penetration. Kaede's tongue wasn't firm enough to give the pressure she needed.
"Kaede," she groaned, letting go of Kaede's head and grasping blindly below. "Your hand." Kaede's hand reached up to clutch hers, and at first, Imari could do nothing but squeeze it. Finally, she managed to show what she wanted. She brought Kaede's fingers between their bodies, forcing Kaede to pull her head back.
Kaede looked up in surprise, her chin glistening with wetness, but then a haze came over her eyes as Imar
i finally guided her fingers to the right place. "Ancestors, Imari, you're so warm." Her fingers started moving, and Imari cried out as they pushed deeper. Kaede had hooked against the sensitive spot along her front wall.
Imari tried to speak, to beg Kaede to keep going, but words failed her. She could only continue rocking her hips into Kaede's palm and make pleading little noises. Luckily, Kaede understood. She brought her mouth back to Imari's clit, trapping the stiff point and lashing it with firm strokes of her tongue.
As Kaede's fingers started to pump, Imari melted. It was all too much—the deep thrusts, the silky glide of Kaede's tongue, the heavy rippling in her belly. She felt herself rushing toward a peak she wasn't prepared for. Tears welled in her eyes, but she let them slide down the sides of her cheeks without wiping them away. She couldn't bear to let go of Kaede's head. She clutched it even tighter to her, barely able to breathe.
Despite the harsh grip, Kaede released her for a moment to the cool air, scattering a few more kisses around the shaft of her clit. "It's okay, Imari. You deserve this."
Imari still didn't believe it, but the conviction in Kaede's voice was enough. The tight knot in her chest loosened at last and a scream tore from her throat. She arched, sobbing with each shudder that rolled through her. Kaede's tongue was liquid fire and her fingers drew an ocean out. She pulsed sticky and hot against Kaede's cupped hand until her thighs and the lower half of Kaede's face were covered in shining ribbons of slickness.
She let out a trembling sigh, dropping her hand from Kaede's head and releasing her tangle of hair, but the steady sucking didn't stop. Kaede lightened up the pressure a little but kept teasing her with feather-light licks. Before Imari's inner walls could even stop twitching, Kaede's fingers started moving within her again, driving back into the same full, pounding spot as before.
Imari had expected Kaede to pull away, grinning and dripping with the proof of her success, but she hadn't been prepared for this. She was even more sensitized the second time around, and her next release swelled within her even faster than the first, crashing right on its heels. She shivered and trembled and came in another spill of slippery heat, choking out Kaede's name with the last of her air.
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