by Lisa Logue
“Thank you. I don’t really know what to say. There are so many things I’m afraid of, I don’t know how to live my life without it. Fear has crippled me for so long…”I forced the anxiety and pain away. He didn’t need to witness a mental breakdown.
“Okay, enough with the heavy. I wanted to be better today and I’m going to try my damndest to make that happen. I’m sorry I said…” he put his finger to my lips.
“Don’t apologize. I want to know who you are which includes how you feel. Now wait here and I’ll help you out of the car, okay?” I nodded.
He slowly leaned away from me and exited the car. The shock flittered through me again as he held my hips and eased my feet to touch the ground. Not once did he take his eyes from mine.
I felt the change in the air before he did and slowly slid from his grasp. I couldn’t let him know how he made me feel physically. I wanted him so badly my muscles ached, but I couldn’t ruin everything by losing control.
“Well then, let me show you around. It’s not glamorous, but it’s my home nonetheless. Come on,” he led me through the door, a huge smile plastered on his face.
CHAPTER 8
The front room was incredibly beautiful. A large dark brown leather sectional sat along the far wall, surrounded by tables adorned with pictures of who I assumed was his family. Built in book cases lined the walls, containing hundreds if not thousands of books. A very large stone fireplace stood opposite the sectional with a gigantic flat screen TV above it. I was in awe as he led me to a gourmet kitchen that housed countless windows and stainless steel fixtures.
“These two rooms were additions I built after I returned home. I spend little time here. I actually prefer the areas I’d grown up in, it turns out,” he added leading me through another doorway.
The smaller living room was cozy and peaceful. The vibes exhilarated me and I fell in love with it. There were as many book cases as the front room, but the furniture was more classic and rustic looking. The couches and chaise were a lighter shade of beige with wooden accents on the arms in a dark cherry color. The tables were cherry as well and held not a speck of dust. I moved around Christian and traced my finger along one of the book shelves. Each spine looked like an original, delicate and priceless. There were so many famous writers; Emily Bronte, Jane Austen, Edgar Alan Poe, Emily Dickenson, Charles Dickens, William Shakespeare. I was impressed.
“Have you actually read all of these? They look so old. Are they originals? This is amazing.”
“I’ve read most of them yes, but not these particular copies. This is my mother’s collection. I’m not sure if they’re all originals, but close enough. My collection was in the front room. I didn’t realize you were into books,” he smiled crookedly. It took all of my strength not to take advantage of the gorgeous couch a few feet away.
“I love books. It’s like a new world for me. Since mine is, well, you know. So, what’s next?” I asked excitedly.
He chuckled, “Right this way.”
He led me passed another fireplace, almost identical to the first, and up a small set of stairs. I noticed more pictures on the wall and stopped to look at Christian’s mother. She was beautiful. She had curly red hair she wore halfway up, a few stray curls hung down over her ears. She was young, about my age, and smiled so brightly. Her eyes were green, almost like looking into a jade diamond, a brighter shade than Christian’s but still the same.
“She’s beautiful. I can definitely see the resemblance. You must look more like you’re father, though. Are there pictures of him as well?” I searched the wall. He spun me around slowly, my eyes finally resting on a family portrait. In the middle sat his mother and father flanked by him and his brother. His father looked intimidating at first. He was slightly more muscular than Christian, but had the same kind eyes and crooked smile. The smaller boy in the picture looked exactly like their mother. I smiled. This was the type of family people would die for. What I would have died for.
“There are better things to see,” he said with a wink and I couldn’t help but giggle.
“There are about five bedrooms up here and a huge bathroom my mother insisted my father build. I haven’t changed much except for the plumbing and fixtures. If mother didn’t have her bubble baths she swore she would go insane. My parents were sickeningly in love and kind. My brother’s name was Barrett. He and I weren’t very close and when I left I’d heard he went to school somewhere in Europe. I hadn’t heard from him so I can assume he lived well.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I never had any siblings. Plenty of other less than impressive cousins, but I haven’t spoken to anyone since…” I stopped rambling as the pulses gripped me. I grasped the banister hard as I fought to control my breathing. My vision grew blurry and I sat down heavily putting my head between my knees. I was trying so hard to avoid just this type of outburst and he was witnessing firsthand.
“Lia, what can I do? What do I need to do?” he was panicking but I couldn’t concentrate on him. I felt the sticky aura trembling around me.
“Take me outside, please. Hurry!” was all I managed to say. In one swift motion he picked me up and raced to the dock. I gasped several times as he bent to scoop up water and sprinkle it lightly on my face. The pulsing slowed gradually, leaving a slight nauseous feeling behind. I wasn’t sure what caused the episode, but it was the most intense I’d felt in a while.
“I told you I wasn’t a very good friend,” I said tightly. My throat felt like it was scrubbed with a brillo pad.
“Nonsense. It takes more than that to make me think differently of you. But would you mind explaining what happened?” he sat down and handed me bottled water.
“Thanks. To be honest, I don’t really know why it happens. I get overwhelming feelings and it’s like I can sense the molecules in the air or something. Sometimes it’s a slow vibration, like a purr. Other times it’s a heavy pulsing, like I’m wading through a pool of oil. Most of the time I can push it away if I can calm down, but when it happens like a few minutes ago, I’m suffocating. No matter how many breaths I take or what I do, I always have to move near a window or go outside,” I sighed and played with the bottle cap.
“Maybe we can figure out a way to help you. If you know that controlling your breathing helps with the smaller occurrences than we know that there has to be a way to control the other ones, right? I want to help you, Lia. I’ll do my best to keep that promise to you.”
“I’m flattered that you would offer, but I’ve been through therapy and have fought this for a long time; nothing has helped. What makes you so sure that anything you could do would help?” I said harsher than intended.
“Maybe it wasn’t the right kind of therapy. I know you’re afraid, but no matter what you say, I’m not going anywhere,” he tapped the tip of my nose.
“Alright I get it, you’re not going anywhere. So now since we’re out here, did you want to swim? It could be fun?” I shrugged. I couldn’t help the way my pulse sped up.
“Sure. Let me go get my suit on and I’ll be right back. Did you want anything while I’m inside?”
“Maybe a beer? If you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. I’ll be right back,” he said walking backwards to the house.
Christian
I raced through the house after dressing and grabbed some towels and beer. I was afraid to keep her waiting. Stopping at a window, I watched her. She slid her shorts down, revealing a shiny black bikini bottom with interesting silver stitching. Her skin looked smooth and glowed in the sunlight. When she started unbuttoning her shirt my pulse quickened. She was truly beautiful.
Her hair fell over her shoulder, exposing the side of her neck. My mouth flooded with venom and I turned away. Seeing her like that caused my excitement to get the best of me. Cursing myself, I knew I’d have to be more careful. Being alone with her at all was a challenge. I fought against a different kind of thirst, one I was unfamiliar with. What I wouldn’t have given to be human.
Shaki
ng out of my thoughts, I made my way back outside but stopped short when I saw her up close. The bikini definitely didn’t leave much to the imagination.
“Christian, are you alright?” she hugged herself.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help but notice how incredibly beautiful you are. I suppose you took my breath away for a moment,” I whispered.
“Oh. Well, thank you,” she blushed.
“Yes well I, uh…anyway,” I bent down to put the things on the dock, “shall we swim? I think I have everything we need.” She giggled and splashed into the water. I stood up smiling and dove in after.
She was an exceptional swimmer. I had to remember that she didn’t know my secret. It would be hard to explain how I could stay underwater for so long. And swimming at full speed was definitely out of the question. We splashed around and floated, having wistful conversations. I was terribly intrigued by her, making it harder to gather information. I didn’t want to hurt her.
We swam idly toward the dock and I helped her into a towel. We talked a while longer and watched the sunset. She looked almost sad. I assumed it was because the day was ending. She probably would have stayed if I offered.
“Well then, why don’t we eat something?” I stood and helped her up.
“Sure, are we eating here?”
“We are. I have plenty of food and you can have whatever you like. I don’t mind cooking.”
“I’ll be okay with just a sandwich. You don’t have to cook for me. That feels kind of odd,” she blushed. My throat started to tickle.
“Alright, let’s go inside. If you don’t mind waiting in the kitchen I’m going to change clothes and I’ll be right down for that sandwich,” she nodded.
I took the stairs two at a time to my room and dressed. I had to hunt quickly. I raced to the outskirts of town and back within mere seconds. After splashing some water on my face and cologne on my shirt I walked casually into the kitchen. I laughed when I saw her sitting on the counter reading a book and eating a sandwich.
“I see you helped yourself,” I said and she jumped.
“Oh jeez you scared the crap out of me! I’m going to have to get you a bell or something,” she held her hand to her chest.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you,” I smiled and rested against the doorframe.
“It’s okay. I hope you don’t mind. I just felt sort of weird about you catering to me. No offense. I like to do things on my own. Do you want one?”
“No, I’m fine, thank you. I’m not really that hungry.”
“Are you sure? All you’ve had is beer since I’ve been here. I’m surprised you’re not completely trashed or sick. You must have a high tolerance for alcohol,” she said perplexed.
“Something like that. If you’d like to take this book home you’re welcome to it,” I changed the subject, “I’ve read it many times.”
“Oh, no I couldn’t do that. I would feel horrible if something happened to it. It’s a first edition!” she looked so taken aback I chuckled.
“Here I’ll get my copy. That way if anything happens to it you wouldn’t have to worry,” I retrieved the book quickly.
“Wow, that’s very kind of you. Thanks,” she took it from me hesitantly. I realized that she was shivering.
“I’m so sorry, I should have realized you didn’t have warmer clothes. Would you like to borrow something?” I felt like an putz.
“Sure anything would be fine. I’m not picky as long as it’s warm,” she laughed lightly and shivered again.
“Come on upstairs and I’ll get you something,” she nodded and I led her into my bedroom, nervously I might add.
Lia
I wrapped the plush towel around me tighter and followed him up the stairs. I was apprehensive about being alone with him, but mostly because I didn’t know if I could trust myself. My feelings toward him were strange to say the least.
He handed me one of his tee shirts, which was rather large and incredibly warm. He also gave me a very thick blanket and we settled in the living room. After pouring us both a glass of wine, he sat on the sofa beside me.
“Thank you for inviting me over. You really do have a beautiful home. I hope I didn’t freak you out earlier?”
“Not at all. And you’re always welcome here. Mi casa es su casa. What shall we toast to?”
“I don’t really know. I’ve never toasted anything before. What would you toast to?”
“How about friendship? True friends are hard to come by nowadays,” we tapped our glasses together.
“Can I ask you a somewhat personal question?” I asked, tracing the glass’ rim with my finger.
“Sure.”
“Why don’t you have a girlfriend or something? I’m sure I’m breaking hearts by being here, but I don’t get why you’re so closed off. You’ve been nothing but kind and extremely understanding. Most girls would die to have a guy like you,” he choked on the wine and I patted him lightly on the back.
“Well, uh, I suppose the right girl hasn’t stumbled into my life yet. I’m not picky, really. I’ve dated here and there, but there are some traits women can have that I am not a fan of,” he grimaced.
“Like what?” I laughed.
“Hmm. I suppose I don’t like woman who are vain. Confidence is fine, but there’s a limit,” he chuckled, ”I appreciate a woman who is self sufficient but still has reasons to need me. Most importantly, she must be open-minded. That sort of does make me sound picky, doesn’t it?” he smirked and refilled our glasses.
“No. I think it makes sense. I can understand wanting to be choosy, though. I mean you’re giving your heart to someone so it’s only fair that they are what you want them to be.”
“So what about you? Hasn’t there been anyone who didn’t think badly of your gifts?” he handed me my glass and scooted a little closer.
“The only one who didn’t was Dallas, but he didn’t really care about me. He just wanted sex. We were friends once. I guess people change,” I avoided his gaze and willed myself to lock away the sadness.
“I see. Well I know I’ll be a better friend than he was to you. I will never hurt you. I’ve never met anyone who piqued my interest so quickly,” he nudged my shoulder playfully.
“Well thank you. I guess I’m just so used to staying away from people that I’m not that great at conversation. I guess I’m lucky that you’re so easy to talk to,” I nudged him back.
“You make it sound like you are invisible, Lia. People see you, I just think you intimidate them. Have you tried talking to anyone?”
“No not really. When I’ve tried in the past most people give me a strange look and take off. Why try, you know?” I shrugged my shoulders and gazed at the swirling liquid in my glass.
“Well I will be here for you. Now can I ask you a semi personal question?” he asked in a raspy voice.
“I suppose,” I shifted to put space between us. The vibrations kicked up again, but it wasn’t like before. It felt opposite; almost good. I looked at him questioningly.
“Have you had any other boyfriends except for Dallas? I mean, has there been no one else that you’ve been involved with?” I blushed.
“Um, well that’s an interesting question. I’ve had a few moments of weakness, but not many. I guess that sometimes influencing people’s emotions can be handy,” I looked away from his eyes. My face would have given away my desire.
“You don’t have to be ashamed of anything. It’s not like I was asking if you committed a crime. I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable,” he chuckled.
“I’m not uncomfortable really. Like I said, I’m not very good at talking to people. You sure are touching on every subject at once. You must be committed,” I teased.
“I’m a very committed type of person. When I set my mind on something I want I usually get it,” he paused, “I’m sorry that sounded incredibly bad,” he laughed nervously.
“No it’s okay. I get it. You’re determined, it’s a good thing. Stu
bborn also, but that’s beside the point,” I laughed. I felt a sizzling sensation and knew that the wine wasn’t helping.
Christian
I tried desperately to hold back from kissing her, but it was difficult. Her emotions were so scrambled I wasn’t sure how she felt, but it was nice being with her. She was so vulnerable and scarred, displaying a darker side that pulled at my curiosity. The questions grew increasingly personal, for both of us, yet I wanted to know more.
A part of me was screaming to get away. A tiny part of my brain was aware that what I was doing was incredibly dangerous, but mostly I didn’t care. The wine played a role, increasing the haze with every sip.
“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” she smiled wide and bounded down the hall. When she was gone I realized I wasn’t drunk at all. I’d been feeling her haziness. It was an odd sensation.
I was both confused and excited. She showed little interest on the outside, but her foggy brain couldn’t hide everything. My conscience screamed at me, but I pushed it aside. I wanted to know more. She returned a moment later, blushing. A hum filled the space between us as she sat down. I smiled.
I found myself inching toward her, feeding on her energy. The anxiety, lust, haziness, confusion, excitement-all of it tasted so good. She was much more than she let on, or maybe she just didn’t know? The power was enough to push grown men to their knees and she was completely oblivious.
“I don’t think I ever thanked you for stopping Dallas. I was so confused by what happened I didn’t even think about it. Thank you, for saving me,” it sounded like a loaded response.
“You did thank me, although you may have been trying to get rid of me. You’re welcome, nonetheless. I wouldn’t have just stood by and let it happen. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone,” I responded, brushing her hair back from her face. She winced slightly and I noticed the bruise on her cheek. Anger flashed through me. I suppressed a growl.