They made their way cautiously through the rubble-strewn buildings. The most recent round of Israeli shells had decimated almost every inch of the area, and their progress from Bayt Lahiyeh only two miles from the shore was slow going as they scurried around slabs of concrete, twisted steel, and broken glass. When they finally reached the beach, Oz set the bearing on her wrist compass with one last check of the map and dumped the civilian clothes. They waded out into the water with a small dry bag slung across each of their backs like a duffle bag. Taking only minimal equipment with them made travel by water easier, and they carried only a radio transmitter, weapon, homing device, and GPS. The RIB was waiting for them six klicks off the shore and it would take them the rest of the way back to the aircraft carrier, but it couldn’t risk coming in any closer than that.
“Nice day for a swim, cuz.”
“Not too shabby, AJ.” She took a deep breath and dove beneath the waves. It would be easier going once they got past the breakers. I’m coming home, baby.
Chapter Fifty-four
The hospital was abuzz with activity, and Cassie had long since given her statement to the police while Bailey was still in surgery. The bullet had nicked Bailey’s kidney, a serious complication, and given the fact she only had one left they were being especially cautious with her. Cassie couldn’t make up her mind if she felt guilty for her part in the injury, angry that Bailey had put them all in that situation by jumping to conclusions, or afraid that Bailey wouldn’t make it out of surgery alive. As much as she had wanted to be able to walk away and let Bailey get on with her life, it seemed Bailey was as reluctant to do that as she was.
Cassie watched Finn as she slept on the row of seats opposite her, exhaustion having finally claimed her.
“Is she happy?” She glanced at Billy as he sat beside her.
“Now?” He folded his arms over his broad chest. “I’d say right now she’s worried, pissed, worried, and probably even more pissed with Oz. That’s how my Ellie always was when I had to go on some mission or other.”
Cassie chuckled. “You’re probably right, but I meant in general.”
“Well, I’d say she’s a darn sight happier than she was when I first met her. Even though it seems like everything’s gone to hell in a hand basket ever since.” He laughed. “I remember when Oz first mentioned that little girl of yours. It’s hard to believe they only met in September, isn’t it?”
“Love at first sight?”
“Not quite.” He chuckled and rubbed his hand over the stubble on his jaw. “But that girl of mine was certainly smitten from the get-go. Never seen her in such a tailspin, calling me in the middle of the night trying to get information to help her out. Bit like that friend of yours in there.”
“Bailey was working for me.”
“That why she had a friend intercept a call from the front desk to the apartment to get her access? Is that why she followed you here, because she’s working for you?” He shrugged. “If you say so.”
Cassie closed her eyes. “It wouldn’t work out.”
“Why not? They say actions speak louder than words, and I’d say she was pretty smitten, Cassie.”
“It’s not that simple, Billy. I can’t—I’m not meant for a relationship.”
He rested his head against the wall and stared at the ceiling. She glanced at the clock on the wall and wished time would hurry. “You’ve been alone a long time. I get that. You had to do what you had to do. Survival, safety, and all that good stuff. If that’s why you think you need to stay alone, you’re wrong.”
“It isn’t that.”
He leaned forward and held out a pamphlet. “Didn’t really think it was. I was just hoping it could be an easy thing to sort out rather than the hard option.”
She took the pamphlet from him and turned it over. Rape counseling. “What are you—”
“In October, your husband kidnapped your daughter and mine, tried to have ’em both killed.” He clasped his hands between his knees. “While he had ’em there he did an awful lot of talking. ’Bout you, ’bout Karen, and about what he did to you both the last time he saw you.” He smiled sadly. “She tried to get them to charge him for it, but they refused. Despite his confession to her and Oz, they had no victim, no evidence, and he denied it from that point onward. I saw how you reacted to me when I put my hand on you, Cassie, and I am truly sorry for any upset I caused you then. I meant no offense by it.”
“I know.” Cassie didn’t recognize her own voice. The sound was so small it barely crawled past her lips.
“Have you ever spoken to anyone about it?”
“Billy, I can’t talk to you—”
“Oh God, no.” He looked horrified. “I didn’t mean me.”
“Oh.”
“I meant a professional.”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t. There were too many things I had to keep secret. Too many missing pieces to the puzzle.”
“Doesn’t have to be the case now.”
“I don’t know.”
“I know a lot of people think these head shrinks are all full of mumbo jumbo, and it’s great for people who believe in all that crap. But these people know what they’re doing and they can help. You know we’re a Navy family, right?”
She smiled. “I had noticed.”
He grinned. “Right, well, I always expected Oz would follow me in there, knew from practically the day she was born. I thought I was ready, prepared for anything that that life might mean to her. And damn, was I proud of her.”
“You have every reason to be.”
He nodded. “She got shot.”
“Jesus. When?”
“Almost five years ago now.”
“She looks fine now.”
“She is. But I wasn’t. Not for a very long time.” He offered her a small, lopsided grin. “I think it shook me up more than it did her. I thought I was ready for the danger she’d face, but I just wasn’t. I wasn’t ready to face my little girl getting hurt, fighting for her life. The questions, the waiting, the lack of information, all of it stayed with me for months. Long after she had regained her strength, retired from the Navy, and bought her dive shop I was still reeling from what could have happened. I couldn’t get past it.” He sat back on his chair again. “Doesn’t matter if they’re three or eighty-three, they’re still your baby, ain’t they?”
“Yes.”
“’Bout drove my wife mad with all my bitchin’ and cryin’. She pretty much dragged me to one of those docs, and despite all my bellyachin’, it helped. It took time, and some work, but it got better. But my wife was threatening to divorce me so I had me a reason to make it work.”
She turned the pamphlet in her hand over and looked over the blocks of text. She couldn’t focus, and each white word merged into the next.
“Seems to me,” he said, looking at the doctor coming through the door. “You’ve got a pretty good reason too.”
“Anyone here for Bailey Davenport?” the doctor asked.
Cassie stood and stuffed the paper in her pocket. “Yes. How is she?”
“She’s out of surgery. Are you family?”
Cassie paused.
“She’s her partner, Doc,” Billy said from his chair. Cassie stared at him in shock but realized there was no other way to get information, or more importantly, to see Bailey for herself. And she had to see her. She had to tell her the truth and let her decide for herself whether Cassie was worth the trouble. It was the only fair thing to do.
The doctor nodded. “Of course. Well, we’ve managed to repair the damage to her kidney, and as long as she doesn’t pick up an infection she should be just fine.”
“Can I see her?”
“She’s still unconscious, but there’s no reason why you can’t sit with her. No more than two at a time.”
“I’ll send Finn in when she wakes up,” Billy said and waved her off. “I’ll keep her out of trouble till then.”
“Thanks, Billy.” She followed the doctor out
of the waiting room.
*
The first thing Bailey recognized was the smell—disinfectant and blood, fabric detergent and drugs. The high-pitched mechanical blip and the constant flow of air like having a micro-sized wind tunnel near her ear registered next, followed by the uncomfortable bed, pancake pillow, and scratchy blanket. Fucking hospital. Bailey groaned when she felt the sharp pain in her gut lance through her. She tried to put her hands to it, but one was attached to something. She cracked open one eye and winced against the light.
“Hey, you’re awake.” Cassie rubbed her hand and leaned closer. “Let me buzz the nurse.”
“No, wait. What happened?”
“Oh, right. Sorry. We struggled and the gun went off when we were at the apartment. But I told the police that it was on the table and it got knocked off by accident when Jazz knocked a drink over and we were running around trying to clean it up. Just remember that when the police ask for your statement.”
“Why?”
“Well, technically, you broke into Finn’s apartment, stole one of the guns supplied by the military, and were pointing a gun at someone who basically saved the world. I didn’t think that would be easy for you to explain away, sweetheart.”
“She didn’t kidnap you?”
Cassie smiled. “No. The CIA needed my assistance with something.”
“I saw them forcing you into the car.”
“You said that before, but they didn’t force me.” She frowned.
“He had his hands on you and he practically pushed you into the backseat.”
“I’d just had some shocking news. Hawkins grabbed my elbow to stop me from falling, and you know I don’t like to be touched.”
Bailey cringed and tried to pull her hand away, but Cassie didn’t let go. “So I followed you for no reason.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Ms. Davenport.” She scratched a fingernail over the paper-like gown that was wrapped around her. “This color rather suits you. It’s like seeing a whole new side of you.”
“I’m glad you’re finding my predicament amusing. Is Jazz okay?”
“She’s fine. She’s being looked after at the apartment right now.”
“How long have I been here?”
“Twelve hours.”
“And you’ve been here all this time?” She looked tired, the dark circles under her eyes and the pale skin were dead giveaways, but she still looked beautiful. And she was still off-limits.
Cassie nodded. “You’re going to be fine, by the way. The round nicked your kidney, but they’ve patched you up.”
“Glad to hear it.” She’d made such a fool of herself and still she wanted to reach out and touch Cassie’s face. She needed space. She needed to be alone. “Well, thanks for sticking around and not getting me into trouble. I’m fine now.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Cassie stood, dropped the rail to the bed, and perched on the edge, her hand wrapped around Bailey’s again.
“I seem to be doing a bad job of it, if I am.”
Cassie chuckled, and Bailey decided she loved that sound. “I think we need to talk first, but I’m not sure now’s the right time.”
Bailey swallowed. That’s meant to be a bad thing, right? She closed her eyes and waited for Cassie to tell her that she was some sort of stalker. She wouldn’t deny it. All the evidence pointed in that direction. The wait was killing her. But so was Cassie’s thumb rubbing back and forth over her hand. Would she really be sitting this close if she were going to threaten your ass with jail? She didn’t want to wait anymore. “Now’s good for me.”
“It’s good to see you awake, Bailey. I’m Dr. Reed, I did your surgery this morning. How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine.” She wanted him to go away. Cassie had let go of her hand and stepped away when he entered the room, and already she missed the warmth and the weight of her sitting on the bed. She missed the soft skin of Cassie’s hand holding her own. She needed to hear what Cassie was going to say. It felt like an hour before the doctor left the room with instructions to listen to her nurse and get plenty of rest.
“I thought he was never going to leave.”
“He was only in here two minutes.”
“I know. Forever.” She pointed to the glass on the rolling table and Cassie held it, putting the straw between her lips, and gave her a chance to drink before she put it down again. She watched her and the nervous way she picked at the hem of her sweater and the need to know what upset her grew stronger. “Like I said, now’s good for me.” She patted the empty space beside her. “You had something you wanted to say to me.” Cassie sighed deeply and looked at the ceiling before she sat on the edge of Bailey’s bed. She’d never seen her look so scared. “Whatever it is, Cass, it’s okay.”
“You’ve never called me that before.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I liked it.”
“Then I’ll be sure to call you that again.”
“You might not want to when you know…”
Bailey focused her full attention on Cassie. She recognized the look, the body language, the defeated look in her eyes. Oh, Cassie, no. She groped for the bed controls and tilted the top until she was almost sitting up, despite Cassie’s protests and those of her abused abs. “I’m fine, and there is nothing you can tell me that would make me not want to see you again.” She tugged on Cassie’s hand until she looked up from her lap. “Nothing you could say will change the fact that I want to be your friend.” Something flickered in Cassie’s eyes at the word friend. What was that? Disappointment? Fuck it. Last chance, lay my cards on the table, now or never, Davenport. Now or never.
“That’s not true, actually. If all I can have is being your friend, then I’ll take it. But I want more, Cass. The kiss we shared, that wasn’t one-sided, it wasn’t alcohol talking, and I don’t regret a single second of it.” She pulled Cassie’s hand slowly toward her lips to make her intention obvious, and to give her plenty of time to stop her if that’s what she wanted to do. When she didn’t, Bailey smiled and her heart pounded in her chest, something made clear by the heart monitor as it tattled on her. Her skin smelled of honey, and lavender, and cream, and it was soft beneath her lips. Cassie gasped and trembled, but she didn’t pull away. “You left me wanting more.”
Cassie groaned and pulled away. “That’s the problem. I can’t give you more.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry. This was a mistake.” She made to stand, but Bailey kept hold of her hand.
“Please don’t make me try to keep you here because I will, and I’ll pull out these damn stitches.”
Cassie stopped fighting her and sat still. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For the way I acted. Kissing you.” Her shoulders slumped. “For teasing you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
She looked so vulnerable. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do.” The words that Cassie had said when she first started talking came back to her, “I don’t like to be touched.” “Did I do something you didn’t want, Cass?” Oh, please God, don’t let it be that. Please don’t let me have overstepped the line.
“No.”
Relief swept through Bailey like a bushfire burning away every doubt she had. Cassie’s fear could be overcome. She was sure of it. “Cassie, look at me.” She waited, but Cassie seemed unable to pry her eyes from the floor. “Please.”
Huge tears trembled on Cassie’s eyelids. “I’m sorry.”
“Will you answer me one question?”
“Yes.”
“You know what I want, don’t you?” Cassie nodded, and the tears spilled down her cheeks. “Do you want to be with me too?”
“I can’t.”
“That wasn’t what I asked. Do you want to?”
“Yes.” Cassie’s voice cracked as she spoke. “But it wouldn’t be fair.”
“Let me decide what’s fair and what I can handle, okay? Because right now
I don’t think it would be fair to either of us not to give this a shot.” She reached out slowly, again making it clear she was going to touch Cassie, and gently wiped the tears away from her cheeks.
“You don’t know.”
“I do.” She met Cassie’s gaze with all the compassion she had ever felt, but she didn’t pity her. She admired her strength, her courage, and the spirit that had allowed her to survive something Bailey had long ago realized she wouldn’t have. “I worked sex crimes for a long time, Cass. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“So you know why I can’t be what you want, what you deserve.”
“I happen to think you could be everything I have ever wanted, deserved, or needed, and I still don’t know how I got lucky enough to have you in my life.”
“I can’t give you what you want.”
“I want to spend time with you, I want to be able to talk to you at the end of the day, and tell you all the things that made me laugh, the things that pissed me off, and how much I care about you. Can you give me that?”
“Well, yes. Of course, but I can’t—”
“I want you to tell me all the things that you think I’ll find boring and that I won’t understand just so I can hear your voice. I want to hold your hand while we walk Jazz through the park, and take you for coffee so we can warm up. Can you give me that?”
Cassie smiled, obviously picturing the simple pleasure. “Yes.”
“I want to see you smile, and be able to join in. I want to be there to support you when you cry, and I want you to do the same for me. Could you give me that?”
“I can’t be your lover, Bailey.”
She knew what Cassie was getting at, but she still hated hearing the words from those beautiful lips. “Would you like to be? Before you tell me again that you can’t, that isn’t what I asked. If those memories weren’t there, if it was just you and me. Would you want to be?” She could see the muscles in Cassie’s throat working, trying to vocalize a response that Bailey desperately needed to hear.
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