“Yes.” The word hung in the air between them, suspended in the ether of promise. It seemed they were both scared to move, to break the spell, and lose the precious connection they had forged. But as scared as she was, Bailey wanted to touch her. To reassure Cassie that she was safe with her and assure herself that this was real, that it wasn’t just some drug-induced hallucination.
She licked her lips and took hold of Cassie’s hand. “There’s more to a relationship than sex, Cass. There are other things that are so much more important. Will you give me a chance? All you have to do is talk to me if I do something wrong. I’ll follow your lead every step of the way.” She didn’t care that she was begging. She’d beg all night if that’s what it took. “Please give us a chance.”
Cassie smoothed her hand down her shirt and picked at a piece of lint on the blanket before she met Bailey’s gaze. “Are you sure?”
“More certain than I have been of anything in my entire life.”
“Then it would seem cruel to say no. I did shoot you, after all.”
Bailey felt as though it was the first time her heart had ever really beat. In an instant, the light in the room looked different, every color was a little brighter, the air smelled a little sweeter, and her soul sang with joy. “I want to hug you. May I?” Cassie looked like she wanted to run, so Bailey just waited until Cassie inched toward her. It was awkward, and far from the intimate embrace they’d shared outside Cassie’s motel door, but this intimacy spun its web around them. It came with knowledge of what this touch, this embrace, meant in a much larger context. It was the start of something new and exciting and terrifying for them both.
“I’ll get help.” She swallowed tightly. “I don’t know if it will work, but I’ll try.”
Cassie’s voice was so small against her chest that Bailey was sure she would feel her heart breaking in her chest, but slowly she was relaxing in Bailey’s hold. Part of her didn’t want to know the answer to the question she had to ask, but another part knew it would sit like the elephant in the room if she didn’t. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Cassie tensed but slowly she told her about William, about the rape, his threats toward Finn, and the way she had never been able to make love since. She told her how Karen had looked at her when she’d stayed frozen for all those years, and how she couldn’t face seeing that look again. Bailey heard the warning and vowed to heed it if it was the last thing she ever did. But it was Cassie’s repeated vow to get help to be normal that truly broke her heart. She fought back her own tears and kissed the top of Cassie’s head. She flinched when Cassie tensed up again, but she carried on.
“It doesn’t matter. If I can spend time with you, be a part of your life, and hold you like this sometimes, I don’t need anything more.”
Cassie laughed against her chest. “Liar.” She lifted her head and gave her a skeptical look.
“Okay, maybe, but I won’t ever push you, and I won’t ever look at you that way.”
“I know.” Cassie laid her head back against her shoulder. “If I didn’t know that already, I don’t think I’d be here.”
“We’ll take it slow, baby. One baby step at a time.” She chuckled. “Probably a good thing you already shot me.”
“I didn’t shoot you.” Cassie sat up. “You shot yourself.”
“You should have let go of my arm.”
“You were pointing a gun at my daughter.”
“I thought she kidnapped you. It was a perfectly reasonable response.”
“You’re right. It is a good thing I already shot you.”
“Oh, that’s just cold.” She wanted to lean forward and kiss her. Cassie’s coral colored lips were just a few short inches from her own, and it took everything in her not to lean forward and claim them.
“Yup, I’m with you, Finn.” They turned to look at the tall grinning man standing in the doorway. “Definitely girlfriends.”
“Shut up.” Cassie waved them in. “Bailey, this is my daughter, Finn, and her partner’s father, Billy. Meet Bailey Davenport.” She smiled at Bailey. “My girlfriend?”
Bailey nodded.
“Should I frisk her for guns now or later? We’re still missing a semi.” Billy whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Funny. I put them all in the closet.” Bailey tightened her arms around Cassie’s back and looked up at Finn. “I’m really sorry.”
“You didn’t actually try to shoot me, so I can let it go.” Finn winked. “You were protecting my mum. She needs that once in a while.”
“But next time remember that my aim is way better than Cassie’s,” Billy added. “And my daughter wouldn’t forgive me if anything happened to Finn while I was on duty.”
“Hey.” Finn slapped his stomach with the back of her hand. “I told you to be nice.”
“I was being nice.” Billy looked offended.
“He was,” Bailey said at the same moment and burst out laughing before covering her belly with her hand. “Not a good idea.” When the pain eased, Finn grabbed the TV remote.
“I wouldn’t normally insist you watch, but, Mum, you have to see this.”
The news reporter was halfway through her report when they joined in so it wasn’t immediately apparent what she was saying, but the camera images of people and streets covered in white dust made Cassie sit up. The bar at the bottom of the screen said Tel Aviv, and she started smiling. The report concluded that a new round of bombings and rocket attacks from Hamas was the last thing they needed in Israel as the university was currently in the grips of a suspected meningitis outbreak, and the largest school in Ashqelon was under quarantine from an outbreak of what was thought to be salmonella.
“What’s all this?” Bailey asked.
“This is what the CIA needed me for. Did the release go to plan? Those reports about the sick—”
“Everything went as we planned. All teams are being extracted now, deployment is complete, and the satellite images are showing even better coverage than we could have anticipated. There are reports of around seven hundred people showing symptoms that we can account for, and every one of them is also showing isotope markers. They have everything they need to make a full recovery without further intervention from us. There is every reason to believe that they will be fine. We did it.”
“We just saved them all?” Cassie looked at Finn. There was no mistaking the look of deep love and understanding that passed between them. “No fatalities?”
“None,” Billy said.
“So far,” Finn added, still cautious. “I can’t believe it. Pretty amazing feeling, right?”
“Yes, it is.” She reached for Finn’s hand. “But not nearly so amazing as having you in my life again.”
Bailey tried to be discreet as she wiped the tear from her eye.
“Oz?” Cassie asked.
“Already on her way back. She, AJ, and Junior should be back on US soil tomorrow morning.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“So is anyone going to tell me what’s been going on?” Bailey finally asked.
“Can’t,” Cassie said.
Finn giggled. “It’s classified.”
Chapter Fifty-five
Six Months Later
Finn looked behind her and saw her mum watching a huge turtle swimming by. Her mum had taken to the water as quickly as Finn had, and it had been so much fun spending time showing her the underwater world she loved so much. Bailey, on the other hand, hadn’t taken to it quite so naturally and she trailed behind. Every time she kicked her fins, all she seemed to do was kick up sand rather than propel herself forward. Even when they increased the buoyancy in her BCD, all she did was float up and each fin kick pushed her toward the top rather than forward. Oz had evidently given up and started towing her.
Finn waited for her mum to catch up with her and tapped two fingers against her palm, dive speak for “How much air do you have?” Her mum quickly checked her gauge, held up a fist and two fingers. One hundred
and twenty bar. She winked at Finn and repeated the question gesture. Finn checked her gauge, relaying her hundred and thirty bar to her mother and giggled when she snapped her fingers to express her displeasure at being beaten. A friendly competition had arisen between them over the past few months as the similarities between the two of them had become more and more apparent. Her mum always pretended she was annoyed when Finn won, but she could see the shine of pride in her mother’s face every time.
It was apparent too that the dive at The Haystacks was just about over as Bailey’s air gauge was down to sixty bar. Finn spotted movement out of the corner of her eye and pointed behind the heads of the rest of the group. They turned just in time to see an eagle ray floating through the blue. Its wing-like body rippled to propel it through the water. She could see her mum clasping her hands in delight as she watched the huge animal swim close to them. But she had to admit, Bailey didn’t seem nearly as keen as her mum was.
She took pity on the poor woman and signaled the end of their first open water dive. She led them up slowly, and again her mum had no problem following her lead, while Oz kept a tight hold of Bailey’s BCD to prevent an uncontrolled ascent. That was the last thing she needed. She’d spent almost three weeks in the hospital and she’d been itching—or was that bitching—to get out from day one. Finn didn’t relish the idea of her having to suffer that again. After their three-minute safety stop, she and her mum broke the surface of the water together and spat their regulators out.
“Did you see that? He was huge.”
“Eagle ray. Magnificent.” She pointed toward the boat that was tied to a mooring buoy just a few yards away. They started swimming as Oz and Bailey sputtered to the surface.
“Are you trying to kill me?” Bailey shouted.
“Not right now, no,” Oz replied.
“Then why were you holding me down?”
Oz shook her head. “I know you passed the exam. I graded that theory paper myself. How do you not remember about the safety stop?”
“Safety stop?”
“Yes. Remember? Three minutes at fifteen feet.”
Bailey blushed under Oz’s glare. “Oh yeah. Right. Sorry.”
Her mum giggled so hard she fell off the ladder trying to get back into the boat. Finn held a hand out to catch her and they both got dunked. It took them almost twenty minutes to get back on board Oz’s boat, between falling off dive ladders and laughing at Bailey’s seeming lack of coordination with her fins on. Jazz greeted them all enthusiastically, covering their faces with doggie kisses and wagging her tail so hard her whole body shook.
As the sun set slowly over the Atlantic and they headed back to shore, Finn looked around and saw the beauty of it all again. For too long, she’d allowed her past to taint her everyday life. She’d mourned for the father she had never had, the loss of the mother she could have had, and the destruction of the work that could have been groundbreaking. She was done with moping and feeling sorry for herself. Oz was right. She had to let it go or it would destroy her. She found Oz in the captain’s chair, knee hiked up against the instrument board and her hand loosely resting on the wheel. She wrapped her arms around Oz’s middle and kissed her shoulder.
“Hey, sexy,” Finn whispered seductively.
“You can’t do this here. My girlfriend might catch us,” Oz mumbled as she shivered in Finn’s arms.
Finn nibbled her way to Oz’s earlobe, sucked on it gently, and let her go. “Guess I should leave you alone then.”
Oz caught her hand and pulled her back. “Not so fast.” The kiss was deep and passionate, and everything Finn longed for. “Have I ever told you how glad I am that your mom and Bailey are staying in a rental?”
“No, I don’t think you have.”
“Shocking. Tell you what, when we get home tonight, I’ll show you. Make it up to you.”
“Sounds like a plan, Ladyfish.” Finn pulled her head down for another kiss and cleaved her body against Oz’s. “How about we start with tonight—”
“And carry on forever?” Oz asked and grinned when Finn nodded.
“Longer.”
*
Cassie cleared away the dishes from dinner and poured them both glasses of wine. Bailey was still sitting in the garden of the small house they had rented, tossing a ball for Jazz and laughing as she chased it. They’d decided to visit for the whole summer so she could spend time with Finn. It was a quirky little two-bedroom house down the street from Finn and Oz, with an open plan living area and a hot tub in the yard, and she loved it. From the second she and Bailey had walked in with Jazz beside them, she had loved it. Life before had been lonely and cold in a way she hadn’t even realized. It had taken finding Finn to give her the confidence to try for something better, and finding Bailey to finally allow some of those old wounds to heal. She’d taken a leave of absence from the university, but she knew she wouldn’t be going back. Bailey had enough in savings to take a fair amount of time too. They were both enjoying relaxing and getting to know one another better every day.
She handed Bailey her glass and trailed her hand down her arm, eliciting a trail of goose bumps beneath her fingertips. “You caught the sun today.”
Bailey brushed her fingertips over Cassie’s nose. “So did you.”
During the past six months, she had grown increasingly accustomed to Bailey’s touch. She didn’t flinch when they hugged or shrink beneath the soft, casual touches Bailey was so ready to give. She often found herself reaching for Bailey and initiating tender kisses. But Bailey was true to her word. She never pushed, never asked for more, never tried to take anything more than Cassie had previously demonstrated she was comfortable with. But Cassie was getting frustrated. Six months of therapy had helped her let go of many of the issues that had plagued her for so long, and her growing trust in Bailey and the depth of feeling only increased her desire for more. So much so she couldn’t remember what was stopping her any longer.
She leaned forward and touched her lips to Bailey’s, tasting the tart deep berry and cinnamon of her wine, mixed with the taste that was uniquely her. The flavor Cassie had come to love. The woman Cassie had come to love.
She eased herself onto Bailey’s lap and felt hesitant arms wrap around her. She shivered in Bailey’s arms and grabbed for them when she started to pull away. “Good shivers.” She kissed her lightly again not opening her eyes. “Your shivers.”
“Then look at me.”
Cassie opened her eyes. Bailey smiled at her, a mixture of love and desire and compassion in her eyes. But nothing else. Cassie gasped as Bailey traced one finger tantalizingly slowly down the length of her neck, over her chest and along the edge of her T-shirt to the top of her breasts. Cassie pushed her fingers into Bailey’s hair, twisting and pulling, scratching her nails gently over her scalp. Bailey’s face flushed and her eyes grew hooded.
“Cass, I need a minute, baby. I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes and tried to give herself a little space without asking Cassie to move. But Cassie didn’t want to stop. She quickly shifted her weight until she was straddling Bailey’s thighs.
“I want to try.” She kissed Bailey’s throat, her ears, cheeks, and back to her lips. She felt like a horny, giddy teenager, desperate to explore the treasures of the body she was allowed to touch.
“Are you sure? You don’t have to.”
“I know. I want to. I want you.” She ran her hands over Bailey’s shoulders and back, and gasped when Bailey’s arms wrapped tightly around her. “I’ve been talking to my doctor about this.”
“About us or about sex?” Bailey’s eyes looked a little glassy as she ran her hands up Cassie’s spine.
“About making love to you.”
Bailey groaned. “You’re not making this easy, baby.” She squeezed Cassie’s ass, and Cassie couldn’t stop herself from pushing back into Bailey’s hands. “What did you talk about?”
“I told her that I want to show you how much I love you.” She kissed Bailey’s neck. “And I
told her how much I want you.” She nipped the skin between her teeth. “And I told her how much it all scared me.” She felt Bailey backing off again. “No, don’t go away.” She pulled back enough for Bailey to see her eyes. “I’m not afraid now, Bailey. Now, I’m sure. I love you. I want to show you.”
“Oh, God.” Bailey groaned and lurched forward, capturing Cassie’s mouth in a fiery kiss. Cassie couldn’t breathe anymore, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to be anywhere but in Bailey’s arms. “I love you too.” The second kiss lasted even longer, and Cassie felt like Bailey had worshipped her soul with her lips. “If you want to stop, if you don’t like anything—”
Cassie silenced her with a deep, lingering kiss. “I know.” She hoped Bailey could see it in her eyes. The trust she had in her. She knew she was safe, knew it to her bones, and she needed Bailey to know it too.
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?”
“Well,” Cassie said. “I was kinda hoping it was along the lines of what you’re doing to me.”
“Give me your hand.” Bailey held her hand out and waited patiently for Cassie to entwine their fingers. “Will you let me show you?” Cassie swallowed, nerves and desire made her hand tremble as Bailey guided their hands down between their bodies and inside the waistband of her shorts. Cassie moaned when her fingers first brushed the coarse hair of Bailey’s sex. She could see the flutter of Bailey’s pulse pounding in her neck as she pressed her hand lower and Bailey pulled her own hand away. She knew Bailey was doing this for her, making herself vulnerable, showing Cassie that she was the one in charge. She could stop or continue as she wished. And Cassie didn’t intend to let anything stop her now.
She found the wetness of Bailey’s desire, and a corresponding release of moisture flooded her panties. She bit her lip and slowly stroked the swollen flesh beneath her fingertips. Bailey groaned and let her head fall back against her chair but her gaze never left Cassie’s.
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