by Max Hudson
Andy watched him walk away, his back straight, his long legs eating up the distance to the living room. The slacks he wore fit him perfectly, and the shirt showed his defined pecs and abs. His body was strong and toned, his stride graceful. Andy wanted to gobble him up.
“I brought two six-packs, just in case,” Jude said, with a smile of his own that lit up his face.
Something about him seemed different, but Andy couldn’t figure out what it was. He led the way into the living room, relieving the priest of his gifts.
“Thanks. Make yourself at home. My brother and his wife will be out soon. The other guests aren’t here yet. Would you like something to drink?”
“A beer would be nice,” Jude replied.
“Coming right up.”
Andy scurried away, returning with two cold beers and a bowl of nuts. He handed Jude a bottle and set the bowl on the tidy coffee table.
“I didn’t know you were into basketball,” Jude said, referring to the basketball talk show happening on the television. “Who’s your favorite team?”
“Raptors. You into any sports?” Might as well learn something about him that he didn’t know, make conversation, anything to relieve the tension that had once again settled between his shoulder blades.
“I wouldn’t say I’m into any in particular. I’ll watch the odd basketball game, but I will say I prefer soccer and rugby to American football.”
“You ever play any sport in college?”
Jude laughed. “Did you forget what I looked like when you first met me? Nah…I was the quiet, nerdy guy who cheered on his roommates and classmates at sporting events, who barely managed to get through the required gym classes, whose favorite thing to do for exercise was walk the entire campus twice a week so the Provost’s ancient pet would get some exercise as well.”
Andy hazarded a quick glance at Jude and caught his amused grin. He took a sip of his beer, tearing his eyes away from the sight of the man he wanted relaxing against the seat cushions, his hip canted outward, one leg crossed lazily over the other at the ankle. Another quick glance down at Jude’s lap and Andy’s breath caught in his throat. The priest was packing big guns if the imprint in his slacks was anything to go by. What would it be like to have those guns aimed at him, shooting into him? How would it feel to have those strong thighs grip him as he rode that package?
His body stirred and he shuffled his hips and sat up, trying to relieve the aching tightness that made his jeans suddenly too tight across the hips. He swallowed some more beer and tried to focus on something aside from Jude’s body. His cell phone rang into what was becoming an awkward silence for him.
“Excuse me,” he said, glad to escape to the kitchen where he took the call.
“Hey, Mase!”
“This is Andy. Want me to get him?”
“No. Just pass on our apologies. We missed the exit and got a little turned around, so it'll be at least half an hour before we get there. See you in a bit.”
Thirty minutes of hell awaited Andy unless he could find some way to diffuse his total sexual awareness of the man sitting in the living room. He excused himself to give Mase the message.
“What’s taking you two so long?” he asked, and one look at Mase’s face gave him the answer. “Not fucking helping, bro!” he growled. “How do I explain you not being out there? This is your house!”
“Just tell him we’ll be out soon.”
Andy adjusted himself, reminding himself that the priest had only just discovered the extent of Andy’s interest in him. It wouldn’t do either of them any good to let things get out of hand here, in Mase’s house. Although he preferred to wait for his brother, he would do his best to keep Jude occupied while Andy fought the boner from hell.
Striding back into the room, he stopped in his tracks when he saw Jude standing in front of the fireplace looking intently at the wood carving he had done while he was inside. It was a piece he called “Love Star” because it had been inspired by the movie of the same name. No one knew, because he had deliberately made the two figures vague gender-wise, but they were male lovers, wrapped around each other, their bodies fused from mouth to thighs. It was clear that the carving was sexual in nature, and though many people had praised him for his artistic talent after seeing it, Andy preferred to keep it away from prying eyes.
He was no artist, but that piece had been pulled from him at a time when he had been the loneliest he had ever been in his life, inside or out. Andy had never been in love until he met Jude Carter, and for a long while, that had seemed set to be a non-event. Now he wished he could hug Jude from behind as they admired his carving together. He could see himself wrapping the shorter man in his arms, laying his face against Jude’s spine, listening to his heart beat, sliding his hands over that impressive package and bringing Jude to life.
Andy cleared his throat, bringing Jude’s body whipping round to him. “My brother and his wife will be with us in a few,” he said. “Would you like another beer?”
Chapter Six
Jude wished he could say the words burning in his mind — I’d like another kiss — but instead, he declined. “Not finished with this one as yet.”
He turned back to the carving. “Who did this?”
Andy’s face heated up. Jude found it endearing, but he imagined Andy was embarrassed enough, so he didn’t mention it.
“I did, while I was inside.”
“It’s beautiful. Full of hunger and longing and passion.”
He reached out to touch it, then turned back to take a seat. He wasn’t prepared for Andy in his personal space, for Andy’s mouth crashing into his, or for the kiss he gave him to be as overwhelming as it was. He had only been the recipient of one as hungry or as potent once before, when Andy had kissed him for the first time. He had never kissed anyone with passion before then either, but he took his cue again from the man who was devouring him and opened his mouth, sucking and licking and biting, just as Andy was doing to him. When Andy wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close, Jude hugged him tightly to his chest, loving the feel of Andy’s heartbeat against him, and groaning at the slide of their hard cocks together.
Eventually they had to come up for air, and Andy moved a fraction away to consider Jude’s eyes. Jude saw everything that Andy had been keeping hidden from him before…affection, hope, fear, desire. Why would this gorgeous man be afraid? He had always known that Andy was gay, but no one knew about Jude. He had only learned that about himself a year earlier. A grown man ignorant of my own sexuality, too busy working for the happiness of others to even think about mine. Pitiful! He refocused his attention on the man in his arms.
Andy let him go and stepped away, going back to his seat, and Jude’s heart stuttered. It couldn’t end after just one kiss…could it? Jude was a smart man. He had been in the ministry since his early twenties, and at thirty-eight, he had met with, counseled, and prayed for countless numbers of people, male and female, who had no self-confidence. People like Andy, who measured their worth against a yardstick of others’ achievements instead of on their own merits. How could he get this wonderful guy to see himself as Jude saw him? He struggled with what to say, even as his body burned to feel Andy pressed up against him again.
Giving in to his need, Jude went to sit beside Andy, taking his hand and turning Andy’s face to his so he could look him in the eye.
“You made that beautiful work of art at the lowest point in your life. You’re such a strong man, Andy. So powerful, physically and spiritually. You’ve been through so much, and yet here you are, working hard, helping others find their own best selves, being proud and strong and brave. How can you think that those qualities aren’t as important as how many degrees you have or what you do for a living?”
On an impulse, Jude turned Andy’s hand over, palm up, and raised it to his lips so he could press a kiss into the center of it.
“You’re gorgeous, sexy, and, to quote Junior ‘the hottest piece of ass’ I’ve ever known. I�
��m the one who should let you go to be with someone other than me. I have no experience in relationships that don’t involve others telling me their troubles and me helping them when I can. I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I’d never been kissed until you. I’ve never made love to anyone. I’ve never had a lovers’ quarrel. I’ve never had my heart broken. Why would a man like you, who can have his pick of far more experienced men than I am, choose me?”
Jude stopped speaking, wishing he had the nerve to reach out and kiss Andy again. He wanted to show Andy that everything he had just said was true, but he didn’t know how. But he was conscious of where they were, and didn’t dare risk being caught by Andy’s family.
“Are you kidding me?” Andy’s voice broke into his humiliated musing. “You’re the guy who tells everyone they can do anything they set their minds to. How about you take your own advice? Start by believing that you’re hot enough for any guy you set your sights on. Then do what feels right with him. Let the chips fall where they may.”
Andy was right. Of course. What Jude knew or didn't know about relationships wasn’t as important as what he did about his feelings. The best way to show Andy what he was feeling was to act. He reached over, fear and anticipation making his hands tremble, and pulled Andy’s face to his, resting his lips softly against Andy’s, pressing in slowly, and then licking them. Andy groaned and parted his lips, and Jude slid his tongue in, searching for Andy’s so he could taste him. The kiss grew more heated, but Andy never went faster than Jude was ready for. Their tongues dueled, their breaths mingled, their hearts thudded together. Jude’s dick stiffened impossibly in his slacks.
The sound of footsteps broke them apart, and a moment later a car pulled up in the driveway, the growl of its engine announcing someone’s arrival. Jude assumed that Mase’s other guests had arrived. He stood up and walked away to the window on the far side of the living room, adjusting his straining cock and praying his body would calm by the time the others came into the living room. He didn’t look to see where Andy had gone, and he inhaled deeply to bring his mind out of the sensual haze he had been in only moments before. He didn’t dare think about the kiss he had just initiated with Andy if he wanted to regain control of his body.
A sweet voice sounded a greeting behind him.
“Hey, Andy, where are you?” Then the owner of the voice registered Jude’s presence in the room. “Oh, hi there. You must be Father Carter. I’m Cindy, Andy’s sister-in-law. I’m so sorry we weren’t here to greet you earlier, Father.”
Jude turned to face the woman who walked forward to greet him with an outstretched hand and smiled when he caught sight of the man standing behind her. Mason was the mirror image of Andy, except that where Andy’s features were rough and manly, Mason’s were more refined, almost pretty. And yet no one would describe the man standing behind his wife as anything but masculine, from his neatly groomed dark hair with the beginnings of gray at the temples to the tips of his loafers. His slacks were made to order, the shirt a comfortable cotton that hugged his wide shoulders.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Grant.” Jude smiled at his hostess as he shook her hand gently. “And please, call me Jude. I’m not a priest anymore.”
“So Andy told us,” Mason said, moving ahead of his wife to shake Jude’s hand. “We wish you the very best, Jude. It takes a brave man to make a career change like the one you’re making after so many years.”
Jude nodded quietly, liking the man standing before him. They were similar in height and build, but Jude could see that where he lacked confidence, Mason had it in spades. Andy walked back into the room with two men in tow, who slapped Mason on the shoulders and hugged his wife.
“Let me introduce you to my business associates, Jude. This is Ron Peterson and Allan Johnson. Guys, Jude Carter, former priest.”
Jude shook hands and smiled politely, but he was careful to keep a neutral expression on his face, especially when Andy walked back into the room carrying beers in each hand. His body reacted to the sight of Andy’s lips, which still looked swollen from their kisses. Did his lips also show what they had been doing? Or was it his guilty conscience making him see things that weren’t there?
He refused a second beer. “I’ll wait ‘til we eat,” he said, “so I won’t need a designated driver when it’s time to go home.”
“Never fear, Jude,” Mason said with a chuckle. “I’m always the designated driver, since I appear to have a high tolerance for alcohol. Fortunately for me, I have an equally low tolerance for the taste of most of it, so I never drink enough to even set off the alarm on a breathalyzer. You’re in good hands here.”
“Good to know,” Jude said, chuckling with him.
“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes,” Cindy announced. “You guys know where the bathroom is, if you need to wash up before we sit down to eat.”
“This way, fellas.” Mason walked out, the beer in his fist, and the other two men followed him.
When the two other guests walked back into the room, they immediately began to engage Jude in conversation.
“So Mason tells us you were a priest for quite some time. What did you do before you accepted the call?”
Jude looked at the speaker — Allan Johnson, if he remembered correctly — to see if he was being facetious. A lot of people thought being called to the ministry was a huge joke. But Jude could see no sign of humor in the man’s face.
“Not a lot, really. I got my degrees and volunteered in a prison as an intern chaplain, and stayed after I got my license, but it was never for pay, and it only lasted a year, until I subbed for another chaplain last year.”
The one named Ron studied him, making Jude feel like a lab specimen under a microscope. The man’s gaze was piercing, his attention focused, as though he could see inside Jude’s soul.
“If you don't mind my asking, why did you leave the priesthood? I ask because it’s so rare, in my experience, for men to voluntarily leave what has got to be one of the most powerful positions in the world.”
Temporarily ignoring the question so he could take a little time to formulate a carefully-worded response, Jude asked, “What makes you think priests have that much power?” He was genuinely interested in hearing the man’s response, because so often of late he had felt completely powerless.
Ron smiled. “You’re the guy people come to when they’re at their lowest point. Everyone comes to you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And you never turn anyone away. Most people would trust you with their lives if they needed to. A good priest is gold, man!”
“And a bad priest is poison,” Jude ended. “I did my best for my parishioners, and for anyone else who came looking for help. But I’ve gotten older and the world is changing around me. I’m changing too, and I don’t feel able to provide quality care for people any more. I was never one for half measures. So it’s better this way. I can keep my faith, without having to expose my doubts. No harm, no foul.”
“An honest former priest! Here’s to you, sir! May the road rise to meet you, and all that!”
Everyone raised a toast to Jude, whose cheeks grew hot at the attention.
“Thanks. I appreciate the support.”
“Dinner’s ready, guys. Come and get it.”
After Jude said grace — he laughed when the others looked at him expectantly — everyone sat and dug in. Five grown men eat a lot, and there was nothing left when the meal ended but dirty dishes and empty wine glasses and beer bottles. Jude chose another beer instead of wine, and listened as the others ribbed each other about the basketball playoffs, about women, about men — Allan was in a gay relationship — and about their jobs. Andy seemed very much at ease around these men. He didn’t seem to feel unworthy as he joked and laughed with them. Jude would have to learn the secret of their success. He knew it had everything to do with their confidence in themselves as men and in their abilities, skills, and knowledge as lawyers. He’d need to find a new calling to be confident about, because he sure
didn’t feel like he had a handle on anything in his life now, either professionally or personally.
By the end of dinner, Jude had an appointment to meet with Mason and someone else in his law firm to discuss the possibility of part time employment as a legal psychologist on the firm’s team. In the meantime, he needed work, and as he could no longer work at Samaritan House, he had to find a new place. Ryan had helped him with some suggestions, and he had sent query letters to them over the past week. He would move into his new digs the following weekend, staying in a hotel until then. His life was busy, thankfully, so he didn't have too much time to brood over the sad state of his love life, despite his and Andy’s talk.
Chapter Seven
Jude’s last weeks of service had been more painful for him than he had thought they would be. He had been the parish priest in this diocese for the last eight years, and he had seen the congregation grow from a paltry twenty regular members to over a hundred. He knew he did good work, but he also knew the time had come to move on. He didn’t believe that he was supposed to deny his own happiness in exchange for others’ in perpetuity. There had to be a balance, and if it meant he had to make a sacrifice, then he would.
Still, leaving hurt. The congregants had all been especially sweet to him, bringing him gifts ranging from a lucky penny that one of the little ones had been given by her grandfather — Jude had had to fight back the tears when the little girl had hugged him and whispered in his ear “I love you, Father Carter” — to a $200 gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond so he could purchase whatever supplies he needed for his new apartment. Then there was all the food…the freezer was packed with food. He wouldn’t have to make a meal from scratch for a while if he didn't want to. And over all, there were lots of hugging and tears.
It was Saturday, and he and Andy were scheduled to meet in their new apartment. Jude had signed the lease five days earlier and had begun to move his boxes into the space. The feeling of elation was mind-blowing, and he had more than once checked where he was walking to make sure he was still earth-bound. He grinned as he unlocked the door that opened into the short foyer off which was the living room, another hallway to the bedrooms and bathrooms, and the dining room/kitchen combo at the back.