Touch Me Not

by Apryl Baker

  “I hate you, Lily.”

  Lily grinned at Luther and flipped him off as she carried in the table lamp.

  “Man up, Luther,” Janet said. “You’re the only one complaining.”

  “Easy for you to say,” he grumbled. “We’re doing all the heavy lifting.”

  Mike shot him a warning look. Lily only laughed. She’d love to see Janet go all Terminator on his ass. Luther needed a good kick in the rear anyway. He really had been complaining all day.

  “I wouldn’t,” Adam whispered. Lily was close enough to hear him. “If you get her started, she’ll never shut up.”

  Luther gave him a horrified look and ran back out the door to see what else needed to come up the three flights of stairs.

  Lily had been surprised Adam volunteered to come help them move furniture. When he’d shown up with Mike and Janet, she’d almost told him to leave. Except they needed the help. Nikoli meant it when he said he was getting new furniture.

  Goodwill had come by this morning and picked up every piece of furniture they owned, except for what was in Luther’s bedroom. Nikoli had dragged them both to several furniture stores after renting a U-Haul. He’d made Luther follow them in his car so she wouldn’t have to freak out over having to sit between them. She couldn’t handle that, and she knew it. Apparently, so did Nikoli.

  Adam and Mike sat down the sectional in front of the TV. The fabric was a soft, dark beige and went well with the pale walls. Lily had picked it out not based on the color, but on sleep worthiness. She’d stretched out on several in the store and rolled around, testing comfort. This one was the softest, but had just a little resistance so you could nap with ease.

  Nikoli tossed the red throw pillows at her and shouted, “Drinks in the fridge, guys. Grab a cold one before we go after the next load.”

  Janet took a long swig of water and then whispered to Lily, “Why did he buy new furniture?”

  “I refused to set foot in the place until his disease-covered filth was gone,” she said, not bothering to lower her voice.

  Nikoli just smiled wanly and chugged his beer.

  “Why do you think I don’t sit when I go over to Mike and Adam’s frat house?” Lily said, her expression scrunching up in disgust. “Just think about all the bodily fluids in that place.”

  “Ewwww.” Janet looked disgusted. “I never thought about that.”

  “We clean,” Mike defended.

  “With bleach?” Lily asked. “And on every surface?”

  “Well, no…”

  “Not clean!” Janet did her grossed out dance. “I’m not going back there ever again.”

  Mike shot Lily a what-have-you-done look, and she smiled. “Deal with it, Michealangelo.”

  Luther let out a groan, and they all turned to see him sitting on the couch, a look of utter joy on his face. “Oh. My. God. I could live here.”

  “Off the couch!” Lily demanded.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because it’s brand new and you’re dirty, sweaty, and you stink,” Lily told him.

  “It’s my damn couch,” he grouched, but moved when he saw the look of promised pain Lily aimed at him. Instead, he rambled over to the fridge, which Nikoli had replaced the day before. The fact he’d replaced it made Lily shudder at the thought of what might have happened there.

  Nikoli grabbed the drink out of Luther’s hand. “Nope, man, not yours. These are Lily’s.” He walked over and handed her the can of cherry Dr. Pepper.

  “I like those too!” Luther protested.

  “Don’t touch ’em,” Nikoli warned, his voice hard.

  “How did you know these are my favorites?” Lily asked, perplexed. She’d never told him.

  “Every time we go out to eat, it’s the first thing you ask for.” Nikoli shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “Not hard to figure out.”

  “Thank you, Nikoli,” she said softly.

  He nodded and went back to the fridge to get a beer. He’d started to regret the arrangement he’d made with her. Not because he didn’t want to help her, but because he could feel himself changing, and it bothered him. He found himself doing little things for her, like making sure his fridge was stocked with her favorite drink, or walking her to every class even when it made him late for his own.

  Lily appreciated the smaller gestures as opposed to the grand ones. It was something he’d figured out about her over the last two weeks. The smile she’d given him over the can of pop was enough to make his stomach do a little flip of its own. It disturbed him that she had this kind of effect on him, but at the same time, it was a new feeling, and one he liked. He snorted at his own indecision. The girl was really starting to get to him.

  Adam pulled out a chair for Lily at the table, and Nikoli’s eyes narrowed. His first instinct had been to beat the shit out of Boy Wonder and send him packing, but Lily hadn’t told him to get lost, so Nikoli held his tongue. Adam had been useful at least, lugging more than his fair share up the stairs.

  Janet wandered over and turned on the radio. Maroon 5’s “Sugar” blared out of the speakers. “Ohhh, I love this song!”

  “Make the karaoke champ sing,” Mike said, his eyes vengeful.

  “No.” Lily shook her head.

  “Karaoke champ?” Nikoli asked, brow arched questioningly.

  “Girl can sing,” Adam confirmed. “She sings good too.”

  “This I have to hear.”

  “Uh, no,” Lily refused. “Not gonna happen.”

  “Aww, come on, Lils,” Adam cajoled. “Sing for us.”

  “You first,” she said, a wicked smile spreading across her face. “Only fair the runner up goes first.”

  Adam opened his mouth and started to sing along to the lyrics. Nikoli stared, open-mouthed. Boy Wonder had a decent voice. Lily laughed at Adam’s antics as he danced around the living room. He tossed her the remote control, and she started to sing with him, belting out the song. Their voices blended well, and it was obvious to anyone they’d sung together a lot.

  His mouth went a little dry when Lily stood up and started to dance with him. The next song that came on was “Worth It” by Fifth Harmony. Her dance turned from fun and flirty to sensual and just a little dirty. Oh damn. His eyes followed her hips as they swayed and grinded.

  Fuck. She said she loved to dance, but…fuck. His mouth watered when she went down and her hips did a little circle on the way back up. He barely suppressed a groan when she did some kind of wicked shimmy. Where did the woman learn to dance? If she kept this up, he was throwing them all out, and Lily was going to get her next lesson in controlling her fear. Fuck, he was hard. Glancing up, he caught Luther staring and punched him in the arm. “Eyes up,” he growled.

  Nikoli swung his own eyes back to Lily and noticed Adam had gotten closer to her, dancing, his hips insinuating, grinding against hers, and a stab of jealousy struck him. What the hell? As much as he tried to deny it, the closer Adam got to her ass, the more he wanted to beat the little shit. Lily hadn’t noticed how close Adam was to her. She was having fun, and Nikoli moved closer, ready to intervene if necessary.

  Lily laughed to herself when she caught Nikoli almost drooling. He’d tortured her for two weeks, and now it was her turn for a little payback. His eyes followed her hips, watched her ass bounce to the rhythm of the song, and she smiled, turning and moving with the grace of a cat.

  Someone moved against her and she stilled, the song dying. Adam. She knew it because Nikoli looked furious. Her muscles tensed and she worked to control the tremors that started in her hands. Panic started in the pit of her stomach, and when Adam shifted his body, coming fully against her, his arms encircling her waist, she couldn’t stop her reaction. She jumped away from him and backed up until she hit the kitchen island. Eyes wide, she stared at him and fought to gain control.

  He looked hurt, but dammit, he knew not to touch her. Her breathing sped up and she sank down to the floor as the panic attack took hold. She tucked her head between her legs and t
ried to breathe, tried to remember no one could hurt her.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Nikoli roared, and she winced. She couldn’t breathe. Oh, God, she couldn’t breathe. She felt more than saw Janet hovering. Janet saw her have one of her attacks last year when Brian tried to hug her after she’d helped him pass his English class. He’d been so sorry, when he’d done nothing wrong.

  “I thought she was getting better,” Adam said quietly.

  “She was.” The anger in Nikoli’s voice was deafening. “If you’ve set that back, I swear…”

  “Nikoli,” she whispered and hoped he could hear her.

  He was there in an instant, kneeling. “Milaya, be easy. You’re safe.”

  His voice sounded calm and soothing, but when his fingers grazed over the top of her head, she couldn’t stop the whimper. “Don’t, please.” She couldn’t. His touch right now only set off panic. “Don’t touch me…I can’t…I…”

  “Shh, katonyac, I’m not going to touch you.”

  Lily saw him stand and stalk over to Adam. He grabbed him by the front of his shirt and hauled him close, his fist rearing back to strike.

  “Don’t,” she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes. “Please don’t, Nikoli.”

  She lifted her head enough to see his arm pulled back, the muscles so tight, they looked ready to snap. Instead, he threw Adam like he was a rag that you tossed in the kitchen sink.

  “Get out, all of you.”

  She heard Janet protesting, but it was useless. He emptied the room and walked over to the radio to turn it down. He didn’t cut it off, just lowered the volume. Then he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down in front of her, a good foot between them. He set the bottle of water down where she could reach it.

  “Easy, dushka,” he murmured. “You’re safe.”

  Her lungs felt like they were closing in on her, and her vision got blurry. “I…I can’t breathe,” she gasped.

  “Close your eyes,” he told her, his voice calm. “Listen to the sound of the music and don’t think about anything but the words to the song. Sing them in your head, dushka. Just listen to the music and relax.”

  Lily closed her eyes and listened to the song that was playing on the radio. John Legend’s “All of Me” drifted through the room. She let the soft melody invade her mind and began to hum along. Her breathing slowed down as she hummed along to the lyrics. The song itself was soothing, and she started to relax.

  Her eyes popped open and she looked at Nikoli in surprise. The panic was still there, but she could breathe. How had he known to do that?

  “Do you remember I told you my dad was in the army?” he asked and continued when she nodded. “He has PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. He used to have panic attacks all the time after he came home from his last assignment. It was right before he sent me and Callum to live with our uncle. My mom used to calm him down with music. I thought it might help you too. Is it helping?”

  She nodded. It was helping. Her body was still stiff as a board, but her breathing was almost normal. She felt embarrassed too. She’d thought she was getting better, but all it took to send her scurrying away like a coward was a simple touch from Adam. He’d tried to wrap his arms around her, and that was it. Full blown panic mode kicked in, and she’d run.

  “Hey, hey, no crying now, Milaya,” Nikoli soothed when he saw the tears falling from her eyes. She wiped them away, but couldn’t stop the tide.

  “I’m sorry.” She hiccupped.

  “Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?”

  “You’ve been working so hard to help me, and it’s not working. I’m sorry you’re wasting your time.”

  “Hey, now, dushka, getting you better isn’t something that is going to be accomplished in a week or two, or even in a month. We can take this as slow as you need to. I’m not upset that you had a bad moment. Boy Wonder shouldn’t have just up and grabbed at you. You weren’t expecting it, and that’s why you got scared. That’s going to happen, Lily, but you are getting better. Don’t doubt that.”

  “What does dushka mean?” she asked. She always forgot to look it up.

  “Nope, Lily Bells, I’m not telling.”

  She shook her head and sat up, reaching for the water bottle. She took a cautious sip. Last time this happened, she’d thrown up. She had no desire to puke all over Nikoli’s new furniture, especially after scolding Luther.

  “You are not what I expected,” she murmured after a minute.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you are, but you’re different too.” She thought about how to word what she wanted to say. “You’re brash and you have this fuck off attitude, but you’re also kind and patient. I didn’t expect that from you.”

  Nikoli watched the confusion consume Lily’s expression and had to admit he was just as confused as she was. Normally, he did have a fuck off attitude and would go on, but not with Lily. Sure, he wanted her in a bad way, but he also had this inane urge to help her, to give her back everything she’d lost. He couldn’t explain it, but Lily mattered to him. In just two weeks, she’d gone from a fuck bet to someone he cared about.

  “Don’t say that out loud.” He laughed to cover his own emotions. “I have a reputation to uphold. Now, what do you want for dinner? I’m starving. I’m going to feed you and then take you home.”

  “What about the furniture?”

  “Don’t worry about it. Luther and I will get the rest of it up later tonight. Now, what do you want to eat?”

  “Cuban?” she asked, her voice hesitant.

  “Sure. Joe’s always happy to see you come in. You go on and get cleaned up. I’ll deal with everyone outside, okay?”

  She nodded and stood up. He watched her until she closed the bathroom door and then headed out to talk to everyone. Damn Adam. Boy Wonder had to always go and fuck everything up. No more.

  They all waited outside, grouped around the U-Haul. He went straight for Adam, but Mike blocked his access.

  “Take it easy, man. You do him any damage and Lily might not forgive you. She loves the idiot.”

  “I’m not going to hit him,” Nikoli promised. Mike didn’t budge. Smart man.

  Adam glared at him from angry and belligerent eyes. The man was so jealous he couldn’t see straight. It was a feeling Nikoli himself was becoming accustomed to. “You fucking go near her again, and you won’t walk away from it.”

  “She’s my best friend.” The anger rolled off Adam in waves.

  “Then why the fuck would you do that?” Nikoli exploded. “You know how she is.”

  “I’ve seen you touch her,” Adam said through clenched teeth. “I thought she was okay, that she was better…”

  “She’s not better!” Nikoli interrupted. “She only lets me touch her because she trusts me.”

  “And she doesn’t trust me?” Adam shouted.

  “Obviously not,” Nikoli yelled over Mike’s shoulder.

  “Calm the fuck down!” Luther intervened before Adam could say anything. “It was a mistake. Let’s all just calm down and move on.”

  Nikoli snapped his mouth shut, his fist needing to hit something, Boy Wonder’s face his first choice. Luther was right, though. As angry as Lily was with Adam, she did love him. He’d been her best friend since she was a little girl. For that reason, he wouldn’t screw his face up.

  “Stay the fuck away from her,” he warned, his voice hard. “She needs to heal, and she can’t do that with you acting like a jealous fool.”

  “I’m not jealous of you,” Adam denied hotly.

  “You’re acting like a jealous ass, Adam,” Mike piped in.

  Adam shot him a glare, but kept his mouth shut.

  “I’m taking Lily to eat to try and calm her down,” he said and turned to go back inside. “Mike, keep him the hell away from me and from Lily, or I won’t be held responsible for what happens to him.”

  He left them with that and went to check on Lily.

  ***


  Joe’s was packed as always, but he managed to squeeze them into a booth near the back. It was a little more private than some of the tables where they’d been seated when they came here, and Lily was grateful. She wasn’t up to having everyone stare at her. The lighting back here was dimmer, so it was a little harder for people to see her splotched face.

  She looked around and settled into the booth. The warmth of the place always relaxed her. The warm tones of the wood and the subtle touches of the Cuban culture gave the place a relaxed, fun feel. Joe’s booming voice as he greeted people made her smile. He’d taken one look at her and leveled a baleful expression at Nikoli, who just shook his head and demanded a table.

  “Tell me about Joe,” she said softly, watching him move around the restaurant.

  “What about him?”

  “How do you know him?”

  “I eat here,” he said, his eyes not meeting hers.

  She gave him a “duh” look. “Yes, but how do you know him?”

  He didn’t want to get into this, at least not tonight. It might scare her. Not that he was hardcore into the lifestyle or anything, but she’d had enough of a scare already. “Does it matter?”

  “Yes,” she told him. “I remember the first time we were here, the two of you seemed so…territorial almost. It made me curious.”

  “Joe took me under his wing when I first came to Boston,” he said after a minute. Lily was going to keep asking, might as well tell her. “He and I share the same kind of needs in the bedroom.”

  “Oh my God, you’re bisexual!” She clapped a hand over her mouth, her expression so shocked it would have been funny if she hadn’t been staring at him, a little horrified.

  “No. I. Am. Not!” Nikoli spewed the words.

  She just stared at him, eyes wide. “It’s fine if you are, Nikoli.”

  “Of course it would be fine,” he said, his voice low. “There’s nothing wrong with it, but I’m not into guys.”

  “Hmmm…”

  “Look, I’m serious, Lily. If anyone wants to make that life choice, that’s their call. My brother Connor is bisexual, so trust me, I’m fine with anyone who makes that choice. It’s just not one I’d make.”