Alec's Dream

by Riley Edwards

  “Up!” she mumbled.

  “You don’t want up, silly. You’re playing with Rory,” I said, trying to get Joss's attention back on my girl, who looked like her favorite toy had been taken away.

  This was not good. Rory got attached and fast. And by all appearances, my daughter looked like she wanted to keep Jocelyn.

  “Mama! Up!”

  “All right, Jossy.”

  I bent down to pick up Jocelyn. Unable to stop myself, I smothered her face and neck with kisses until her sweet giggle filled the room.

  “She calls you mama,” Rory helpfully announced and all hopes I had that the adults in the room hadn’t heard were dashed.

  “She’s saying Macy,” I corrected.

  “No, she’s not. She said mama.” Then Rory turned to Jocelyn and asked, “Jocelyn, can you say Rory?”

  “Roar!” Joss shouted.

  Oh boy, this was not good.

  “Rory baby, let me see if Joss has eaten.” I tried to stop my daughter from continuing.

  “Can you say Macy?”

  “May!”

  Rory smiled up at me and Jocelyn clapped her hands.

  “See? She calls you mama.”

  I couldn’t do this, not right then with Becky and Rob sitting at my table with two of Alec’s friends. I’d never met them but they knew my friends through McKenna and Nixon Swagger. I also didn’t want to see Alec’s reaction to the confirmation his daughter was indeed calling me mama. Especially after I’d told him I hadn’t encouraged the name and had tried to correct it. Now he was going to think I was a liar. Which I wasn’t. I had tried to stop Joss, even if deep down I secretively loved it.

  I knew I shouldn’t, she wasn’t mine, but there was something special about Jocelyn that made me fall in love with her.

  “Why don’t you start cleaning up, little love? It looks like half your bedroom is on the floor.”

  “I’m still playing.”

  My daughter’s big blue eyes looked up at me, pleading to give her more time and really, what did I care if my living room was a disaster? And after the trauma from the day, I couldn’t say no.

  “Okay, but when you’re done everything needs to be put away.”

  With a nod, Rory went back to her toys, and with Joss in my arms, I turned to face the music.

  And just as I’d expected, Becky’s eyes were on me, the look so comical any other time I would’ve laughed. But I was more concerned with Caleb and the two strangers.

  I moved to Caleb’s side and leaned down, kissing the top of his head. When I straightened, I noticed his mostly gone cheesesteak and half-full glass of juice.

  “You need anything, kid?” Thankfully, I caught myself at the last second and swallowed the “baby boy” I’d been so accustomed to using. I didn’t think he’d be pleased to be called baby-anything with company over.

  “I’m fine. You should sit and eat.”

  I gave in to the smile and patted my son’s shoulder. “You’re a good son, you know that?”

  Caleb beamed before he tucked his chin and I was pleased to know compliments weren’t off the table now that he was almost a teenager.

  Now it was time to get the introductions out of the way—something I wasn’t all fired up to do for a variety of reasons, one being my face looked like hell. I should’ve taken the time to put on foundation or even a little powder to try and cover the bruising but I didn’t. Mostly because the endeavor would’ve been in vain. The best it would’ve done was make me look like a clown with caked-on makeup.

  “Hi. I’m Macy.”

  “Mama!” Joss took the opportunity to babble and I knew my face was red. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and the warmth crept down my chest. I wished a hole would open up and swallow me.

  Damn.

  “I’m Kennedy. I feel like I know you because Becky talks about you, Rory, and Caleb all the time.”

  “You shouldn’t believe a word Becky says, she’s prone to exaggeration when she loves someone.”

  “Except when she’s talking about how awesome I am,” Rob interjected. “Then she’s telling it straight.”

  There were chuckles around the table and Becky leaned in closer to her husband.

  “Right. You’re super awesome,” Becky sassed and playfully rolled her eyes. The truth was, she did think her husband was super awesome and bragged about how lucky she was all the time. It would be nauseating if I didn’t agree, Rob was pretty great.

  “I’m Jameson.” The man stood, and holy shit, he was tall—at least two inches taller than Alec, who had at least six inches on me.

  He also had the darkest black hair I’d ever seen and piercing hazel eyes. His stare was so penetrating I wanted to look away. To his credit, he didn’t even flinch at the sight of my face.

  “Hi, Jameson. Nice to meet you. Thank you both for bringing over dinner.”

  “Not a problem.”

  Jameson sat back down and Alec stood, shuffling seats so I could fit at the table with Joss on my lap.

  “Want me to take her?” Alec offered.

  “She’s fine where she is.”

  And she totally was. Jocelyn had fitted her little body to my front, wrapped her arms around my neck, and rested her head on my shoulder.

  Alec’s gaze roamed over his daughter’s position and I started to get uncomfortable.

  “I mean, of course you can take her if you want. I’m not trying to—”

  “Babe, she’s fine. I just wanted you to eat.”

  “Oh.” I waved away his concern. “Loads of practice eating while holding babies.”

  “That’s right, you run Little Lights. Do you like it?” Kennedy asked.

  “I do. My job is awesome. I get to play with babies all day long. Well, toddlers too. We have all ages there, from three months to five years.”

  Conversation flowed easy back and forth, Becky chiming in here and there. If my head hadn’t been throbbing I could almost pretend it was just a normal dinner and these people weren’t there because Alec had to babysit me.

  “You know that honey I gave you this summer? And the jam?” Becky asked.

  “Oh yeah. I was so bummed when I ran out of the jam.” I nodded.

  “That was Kennedy’s.”

  “Oh my God. I totally forgot, yes, now I remember. The jam was so good, best I ever had as a matter of fact. And the honey is so sweet.”

  Kennedy beamed and a sweet blush hit her cheeks. Man, the woman was so pretty—long golden hair that was enough to give a girl a complex. She was the perfect light to Jameson’s dark. And not just their coloring. Jameson was broody, watchful, but Kennedy was bright and cheerful.

  “You can come over anytime. I’ll show you my hives and of course I always have extra jars of jam around. We live right behind Alec. As a matter of fact, our properties meet. We talked Alec into getting a four-wheeler and he and Jameson cleared a path between the two houses. Next time you’re over at his place, give me a call.” My eyes must’ve given away how uncomfortable I was feeling because she rushed to continue. “I mean, if you want to.”

  Yes, I wanted to go to Kennedy’s and see her beehives and I really wanted to get another jar of jam, but I didn’t think there’d be a next time. I had no intention of going to Alec’s house ever again.

  “I bet Rory and Caleb would like to check out your set-up and meet Tank, too,” Alec cut in.

  “Yes! We have a German Shepherd puppy,” Kennedy explained, then turned to Caleb. “Do you like dogs?”

  That was an understatement. My son loved animals and had been begging me to get a dog for years. But things were tight enough already without another mouth to feed, not to mention all the added responsibility.

  “Yeah, German Shepherds are my favorite,” Caleb shared. “My friend’s Doberman had puppies a while ago but mom said we couldn’t get a dog.”

  Shit, that stung and it was a little embarrassing he’d tell strangers I’d denied him something he wanted.

  “Dogs are a lot of wor
k,” Alec put in smoothly. “Especially puppies.”

  “Alec’s right. I work from home so I can keep an eye on him all the time and Tank still finds time to chew all of our shoes.” Kennedy smiled at Caleb. “If it’s all right with your mom, you can come over and run around with Tank all you like. You’d be doing me a favor if you could wear him out.”

  Caleb’s eyes swung to me and I knew what he was going to ask. Part of me was happy to see my son’s face light up, especially after such a shit day, but I didn’t want to get entangled with Alec’s friends.

  “Can we go over, Mom?”

  “Sure. We’ll work out a time.” I feigned happiness even though I dreaded the visit. Not because Kennedy wasn’t perfectly lovely and friendly, because she was.

  But a visit to Kennedy’s would draw us into Alec’s crew. I reminded myself Kennedy was Becky’s friend, too, and it made me feel a little better.

  “Awesome. Rory!” Caleb shouted and Jocelyn who’d fallen asleep on my shoulder startled. “Oops, sorry,” Caleb whispered and pushed himself away from the table, no doubt to go tell his sister we were going to Kennedy’s where they’d get to play with a puppy called Tank. The dog would be adorable of course, which would lead to Caleb begging me to buy one.

  Which would mean I’d have to break my kid’s heart—again—when I told him no.

  Fucking Doug!

  I was blaming that on him, too. Me not being able to afford to get my son something he really wanted because his father couldn’t be bothered to help out financially. Not that the jerk had the money. Not with him gambling away his paychecks and going twenty-thousand dollars in debt. Which further reminded me, the first payment had been taken out on my face.

  “I’m sorry,” Kennedy whispered.

  “For what?”

  “I have a big mouth. I didn’t think to talk to you in private before inviting you over. I didn’t—”

  “You don’t need to apologize.” I waved away her concern. “Caleb loves dogs. Like he said, he’s been asking for a long time but I can’t afford it.”

  “You could get one from the shelter,” Alec suggested.

  “Really? I can? Doesn’t solve the problem of having to buy food for an animal when I can barely afford to feed my kids,” I snapped.

  I heard Becky gasp and I closed my eyes. Damn. Not only was that incredibly rude but I was humiliated to admit that. Forget I did it in front of two strangers. Becky knew I was struggling to stay afloat and I was sure she didn’t keep that from Rob, but it wasn’t something we talked about.

  “Macy—”

  “No.” I opened my eyes to find Alec staring at me. Not with pity, not even with concern. He looked pissed, and of course he would be after I bit his head off. “That was… I don’t even know what that was. I’m sorry Alec, I was out of line. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  I glanced over at Becky, then to Rob, and he had the same look as Alec. I was absolutely horrified at my behavior.

  “You wouldn’t be struggling if that motherfucker took care of—”

  “Please don’t start, Rob. I know you care about us. I know you think he should pay child support, but really, you can’t draw blood out of a turnip. It’s not like he’s rolling in it.” I motioned to my face and went on. “Evidence suggests, he’s in more debt than he was when I divorced him.”

  “He wouldn’t be in debt if he stayed away from the tables.”

  “Yes, well, we both know that’s never going to happen.”

  “He needs—”

  “Can we please drop it? I’ve had a crap day and we’re going over old territory.”

  My day had been more than crap, it was positively shitty. But I didn’t need to emphasize that. One look at me told the tale of what kind of day I had.

  “By the way, Jonny checked in,” Jameson announced and my eyes swung to his. “Malone is still at-large. Jonny said he’d be around in a while and he was sleeping on your couch tonight.”

  “That’s not necessary,” I sighed.

  “It’s him or me, babe,” Alec told me.

  Why, why, why couldn’t Alec catch the hint I didn’t want him any more involved?

  Maybe because you keep kissing him, dipshit.

  “Fine. Jonny can stay.” I gave in. “It’s not my back that’s gonna be protesting in the morning.”

  It wasn’t long after that Jameson and Kennedy said their goodbyes. Phone numbers were exchanged and hugs were given, which was strange but I went with it. If Kennedy’s sudden embrace didn’t freak me out enough, Jameson stepping into my space—capturing all of my attention because he was so big it couldn’t be avoided seriously freaked me. But then he gentled his features and spoke softly to me, telling me to call him if I needed anything. His words were quiet but there was no mistaking it as an offer made lightly. No, it wasn’t actually an offer at all—it was an order. After Jameson made his demand, he gave me a tight smile and stepped away.

  Becky and Rob also said their goodbyes. There was lots of hugging with them too but I was used to my best friend’s easy affection. Rob’s too. But this time when Rob pulled me into his arms, he bent down and whispered for me to stop pushing people who cared about me away.

  I didn’t think I was pushing people who cared about me away, I was just pushing Alec away. And I was doing it for his own good.

  That, and I needed to keep my heart safe.

  Jonny showed up and after he’d said his hellos to his niece and nephew, he and Alec disappeared into my garage. I was slightly annoyed they were talking about what was going on without my presence, but then again I didn’t want to take my eyes off my kids. So really, I wouldn’t have gone into the garage and Rory and Caleb didn’t need to hear.

  “Is Alec, like, your boyfriend?” Rory asked and I choked.

  “Um, no, honey. He’s just a friend.”

  “But Jocelyn thinks you’re her mommy.”

  “I see Joss almost every day, remember? And sweetie, she doesn’t think I’m her mommy.”

  But I was beginning to think she did and I was lying to myself every day instead of putting distance between me and Jocelyn. The thought broke my heart, but maybe it was time for me to start having Veronica spend more time with Jocelyn. On that realization, I hugged the sleeping Jocelyn closer. I could’ve set her down hours ago but I hadn’t because the weight of her comforted me.

  Tomorrow was a new day. I’d start letting the other women at work tend to Joss. It was the right thing. And I’d stop giving Alec mixed signals by allowing him to kiss me. Then I’d begin helping my kids heal from the latest trauma. After that, we’d go back to just being us.

  20

  The next day, Alec picked up a very cranky Jocelyn from daycare and he was pissed. Not that Joss was whiny and overly tired but because Macy was back to ghosting him.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Hall. She didn’t nap today. I tried everything but she wouldn’t settle.”

  Veronica had tried, not Macy. That rankled—big time.

  “Did Macy try?” he asked even though he knew the answer.

  “Macy was swamped today.”

  Macy wasn’t swamped, she was avoiding Joss. That didn’t rankle—that pissed him right the fuck off. But he’d expected it. He knew she was going to try to pull away from his daughter when Rory pointed out that Joss called Macy mama. The point was hammered home when Rory proved Joss could say Macy.

  Sure, it came out as May in baby babble, but Joss knew how to say Macy. His daughter didn’t call her mama because she couldn’t enunciate. He’d already known that when he, too, had asked Joss to say Macy. But Alec hadn’t planned on ever bringing it up.

  He’d simply processed the information, found he liked his daughter calling Macy mama, and was leaving it at that.

  Now he was super-pissed.

  Alec had made himself clear last night he wasn’t going anywhere. Being as he planned on being in her life—therefore, she was going to be in his daughter’s and her kids in his—pulling away wasn’t going to work.


  “Thanks, Veronica.”

  Alec headed out to the SUV, buckled a crying Joss into her car seat, then drove directly to Macy’s.

  When he pulled in front of her house, he was no less pissed but schooled his temper as he got Jocelyn free from her seat and headed up Macy’s walk. He clocked the cruiser sitting across the street and was glad for it.

  Josh Malone was a slippery fucker and still hadn’t been found. Jonny was working every angle and Gemini Group was helping. Not only with Malone. McKenna was trying to get a lock on Dickweed Doug but he hadn’t turned on his cell, nor had he used any credit cards. So he was in the wind and there were no leads. Chasin was actually already on the road hitting up all of Doug’s known associates. If he couldn’t get anything local, he’d head to New Jersey tonight to look into a hangout that Doug apparently frequented.

  Alec knocked on the front door and was pleased when Macy checked the window before she opened the door.

  “You shouldn’t be here.”

  Alec was momentarily taken aback by the bruising on her face. Just the sight of the greenish coloring on her cheek made him murderous. Coupled with the cuts and deep red staining under her left eye, her injuries had Alec taking a deep breath to push all his anger toward Malone and Spencer aside. He had other, more important things to deal with at the moment.

  “Mama!” Joss struggled to get to Macy and Alec willingly handed her over.

  “This isn’t cool, Alec. It’s confusing Joss. We need to start putting some distance—”

  “Not gonna happen.”

  “Seriously. If you’d listen to me and stop this craziness, you’d know it was the right thing to do. It’s not fair to Jocelyn.”

  “What’s not fair is today the woman my daughter loves rejected her.”

  Alec knew he was being a dick. He didn’t need to see Macy flinch as he delivered the blow.

  “That was low, Alec,” she whispered.

  “Did you not? Veronica couldn’t get her down for a nap today. Did it even bother you that Joss wanted you? That if you would’ve taken Joss, she would’ve gone right down?”