by Hamel, B. B.
Our eyes lock and her words strike me down to my core. I stare at her and she’s not looking away, her chin tipped up toward me. I can feel my heart beating faster and I know that she’s right, but not about what she thinks.
Without another word, I reach up and tilt her chin closer to me as I lean in and kiss her. At first, I think she’s surprised. She doesn’t kiss me back for a few seconds, until I feel her arms pull me closer.
I grab her hair with my right hand and kiss her full and deep. It feels so fucking good and I’ve been wanting this for so goddamn long. I was with other women in Russia, mostly jaded groupies that fucked practically every pro player in Moscow, but none of them made me want to stick around. The only woman to ever make me feel something more is Addie, and I thought I fucked that up a long time ago.
I don’t know what comes over me. It’s like a rush, like the waterfall that’s ten feet away. I move over, straddling her and pressing her back against the rocks, ignoring the pain in my knee. I kiss her deep and full and I can hear as much as feel a little moan escape her lips as my hands reach down to unbutton her jeans. She doesn’t protest or fight me as I tug them down her body, sliding them over her full ass and hips before kissing her again, one hand between her legs.
She groans as I rub her panties and I’m surprised at how wet she is already. I bet she was soaked as soon as she sat down next to me, probably picturing something just like this. I push her panties aside and find her soft clit and I slowly rub it, making her whole body tremble.
“Will,” she whispers as I kiss her neck. “What are we doing?”
“Just what we should’ve been doing for a long time,” I say in her ear as I press two fingers deep inside. She groans as I pull her hair with my other hand. “Just what you’ve been dreaming about these last two years.”
I slide my fingers in deeper and I get a satisfying groan from her. I’m so hard it almost hurts but this moment is all about her body. I need her to know how important she is to me, and I don’t know how else to show her.
My fingers explore her pussy, fucking her deeper and slower before pumping fast again. She kisses me deep, moans escaping her lips, her hands around my neck. I want to make her come so badly, but I also don’t want this moment to end. We’re suspended above the falls, and it feels so fucking good.
I know we have to topple over though. I pull back from her and slide down between her legs. She shuffles a little, spreading her legs wide as I kiss the inside of her thighs. She groans when my tongue finds her clit, and I know what she likes. I’ve been thinking about it for two years.
I tongue her pussy inside and out, licking up every drop. She tastes just like I remembered, like fucking candy on my tongue. I lick her clit and slide two fingers deep inside of her, fucking her in and out as I eat and lick. She’s groaning, hips rolling, and her voice is starting to carry over the falls. I love the way I can make her body work, the way her moans sound in my ear. I press my fingers deeper and slide them back out, tongue still lapping at her pussy.
She presses my face tighter and I know she’s close. I go faster, moving in rhythm to her moans and her hips. I want to taste it as my tongue keeps lapping and my lips suck her dry.
The orgasm rushes through her, making her whole body stiffen in response. I don’t let up, I keep pushing her over the edge, making her moans come out strangled and insane. I keep that up for half a minute before she finally starts to relax.
I look up at her with a grin on my face, and she’s flushed and breathing hard.
“Where’d that come from?” she asks me.
I shrug a little, sitting back. “I don’t know,” I admit.
She gets her jeans back on, still breathing fast. “That was, uh, unexpected.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Do you ever expect to get eaten out next to a waterfall?”
“No,” she admits. “Just, this was even more unexpected than usual. There’s always the chance with you.”
I laugh a little. “Fair enough. I don’t know what came over me. I just… wanted to.”
“I know.” She stands up and tugs her jeans up over her ass and hips. “Look, we should just stick to friends, okay?”
“Sure,” I say, shrugging and pretending like those words don’t hurt a little bit. “What else would we be?”
She stares at me for a second. “Yeah. Right, exactly.” I watch as she hops up the rock step, heading back toward the forest.
“Wait, Addie, hold on.” I stand, walking over to the ledge.
“It’s okay,” she calls back, already climbing up the second one. “I’ll see you later.”
“Addie,” I call after her, but she just waves and disappears into the forest.
“Shit,” I say softly. “I wanted you to help me get out of here.”
I turn back to the waterfall and sigh. I sink back down to the ground and sit there for a while longer, rubbing my aching knee and thinking about Addie’s body, the way she tastes, the way she writhes, and the way she says my name as she comes on my tongue.
11
Addie
“Listen, I thought about what you said, and I got a job.”
I hesitate, a little surprised. I didn’t expect to hear from Will this fast, especially considering what happened the day before. I almost didn’t even take his call.
“Let me take you out,” he says. “I want to celebrate.”
I pause. “I have Cara today.”
“That’s okay, bring her. We’ll make a picnic over by that big, weird oak.”
I know the tree he’s talking about. It’s enormous, gnarled, and looks like it was hit by lightning at least twenty different times. Still, somehow it’s alive, and it sprouts big, gorgeous leaves every spring.
“I don’t know,” I say lamely, trying to come up with an excuse.
“Look, if you’re weird about yesterday, it’s fine. I get it.”
“I’m not weird,” I protest, even though I really, really am.
“Fine. I’ll come get you in like a couple hours?”
“Fine.” I realize that I’m agreeing to this almost out of spite. “I’ll see you soon.”
He hangs up the phone and I sigh. I look over at Cara as she plays on the lawn placidly, and I don’t know what the hell I’m thinking.
I ran away from him yesterday for a reason. I couldn’t face him again, not after going through that. He makes me feel things I never thought were possible, physically and emotionally. I don’t know why I gave myself to him like that, or why he stopped at getting me off the way he did, but it was incredible.
And afterward, I hated myself. At least just a little bit. I’ve been so angry with him for so long, and now he’s suddenly back in my life and I’m just willing to throw myself back into all that. It’s pathetic.
But my god… it felt so good. So, so freaking good. I haven’t been touched like that, well, ever, with the exception of that one night I spent with him already. He has this way about him and he just seems to get what I need. I don’t know how he does it, but he can get me off so easily, like he almost doesn’t mean to.
I know it’s dangerous, seeing him again. I know I’m going to catch feelings pretty fast if I keep this up. But he’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I know he needs me now more than ever. He’s floundering, trying to figure out what direction he wants to go, and I know I should at least be there for him as he figures it all out. Plus, he’s back living with his abusive asshole dad, which doesn’t help one bit.
I remember how he helped me back when I was first acclimating to being back in the real world. We were just kids back then but he was patient and kind and generous with me. We’d talk about his problems with his dad, but mostly we’d talk about mine. I told him all the dreams I had, all the memories I couldn’t stop reliving over and over, and he was always there to hold me as I cried.
Now he needs me, and I want to return that favor. But it’s so much more complicated. Back then we didn’t have this rich and detailed history. He cou
ld listen to my stories about how my parents locked me in the basement and refused to feed me for days at a time, how my dad would hit me with a belt if I asked for water too loudly, how my mom would laugh when I’d beg her to make my dad stop. It was easy to tell a stranger all that, because he couldn’t judge me. He didn’t even know me.
Now we have all this history, and it’s driving me insane.
I need to get over it. I have to be strong for my friend, even if things are weird. I know I shouldn’t bring Cara with me, but I have no other choice, and plus, they’ve already met. Might as well try and make this as normal as possible and hope he just never figures out the truth.
I get changed, freshen up, and get Cara ready. Will’s right on time, showing up exactly two hours after he called. I help him set up Cara’s car seat in the back seat of his truck before we head out together, a weird little family, although he doesn’t realize that part.
“You gonna tell me about this job?” I ask him.
“Yeah, eventually,” he says. “It’s not exactly a dream gig, you know.” He hesitates. “My dad got it for me.”
I stifle a groan. “Really?”
He glances at me. “Really. I know, I know, it’s stupid, but it pays pretty good and the interview was easy.”
“I’m honestly surprised he’d give you something,” I say to him.
“I think he feels bad about being a dick the other day.” He shrugs a little. “Whatever. It’s just a retail gig at his location in town. He’s barely ever there so it’ll be fine.”
“Well, good for you,” I say, although it confuses me. “I’m glad you made a move.”
“Me too.” He grins at me as we pull down a little dirt road. It finishes at a dead end and he parks the truck off to the side. We get our stuff together and head out toward the tree. It sits on top of a hill nearby, branches crawling up toward the sky like eels. I carry Cara and her stuff and Will carries a blanket and a picnic basket.
We set up at the base of the tree in a bit of shade cast by the wide leafy branches. Cara immediately starts playing in the dirt around the big, curving roots, and Will unpacks the food.
“Same as before,” he says, handing me the sandwich. “Hope that’s okay.”
“Very uninspired,” I joke.
He grins at me. “Guess I’m not so creative after all.”
“No, but I can’t complain.” I unwrap the sandwich and take a bite. “Delicious.”
He grins and starts eating too. I give Cara some of her dolls and watch as she makes them roll around in the dirt. Fortunately, I put her in clothes that I don’t really care about, since I knew she’d be getting filthy. Can’t keep kids clean, especially not outdoors.
“She’s cute,” Will says.
I smile. “Yeah, she is.”
“How’s it been, being a mom?” He asks softly, so Cara can’t hear.
“Good and bad,” I say honestly. “I haven’t slept well since I got pregnant. But having her in my life’s been amazing.”
“The sleep thing’s real?”
“Very real,” I say, laughing. “Sleep while you can, because after you have kids, it’s all over.”
He sighs. “I do love my sleep.”
“You’re a total bachelor.”
“You think so?” He cocks his head at me. “I don’t see myself that way.”
“Sure, you were always something of a player back at school.”
“Maybe. I mean, I can’t help it if the ladies threw themselves at me.”
I groan. “Seriously?”
“You’re just jealous.” He grins at me. “Always were.”
I roll my eyes. “And you’re not funny.”
“I am definitely very, very funny.”
He puts his sandwich down, only half eaten, and goes over to Cara. He sits in the dirt next to her and he starts playing with her dolls. She looks a little hesitant at first, but slowly she starts to warm up to him.
I finish eating while I watch Will and Cara play. I have to admit, he’s really good with her. Most men seem totally awkward around little kids, especially around little girls. I don’t know why, maybe because they think they’re going to break or something. Fortunately, Cara is about as resilient as they get, and she’s a really sweet girl.
I didn’t expect to have a good time. I know that’s probably bad to admit, but it’s the truth. I expected things to be awkward as hell, especially after yesterday. Instead, Will’s making it feel like nothing strange happened at all, like he didn’t just randomly eat me out next to a waterfall.
I get a little shiver, just thinking about his touch again. I know it’s bad and I need to stop, but I can’t help it. There’s even something sexy about how at ease he is with Cara. I should probably be worried about that, since he’s not supposed to figure out that he’s the father, but I’m not letting myself freak out. It’s a beautiful day, the food is good, and I haven’t really properly enjoyed myself in a long, long time.
This is what Will brings to my life that I’ve been missing. I’ve always found it hard to make friends, because of what happened to me. I can’t get close to people. It takes me a long, long time to open up, and most people don’t want to put in the effort to get a shy loner like me to talk. I know it’s because I’m damaged or whatever, since that’s what all my psychiatrists told me back in the day, but it’s still hard to get over.
Will’s the only one that ever tried. He brings joy and ease and happiness into my life in a way that nobody else does, except for maybe Eleanor and Cara. I want better for myself, or at least I want what’s good. Will’s good, even if I am still resentful.
He stands up and stretches after playing with Cara for a half hour. He walks over and sits back down next to me, groaning a little.
“Does she ever get tired?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say, laughing. “But it happens all at once. She only has two speeds.”
“I don’t know how you keep up.”
“I have help.”
“How do people with multiple kids do it?”
“I genuinely don’t know,” I say, and laugh again. “I’ll probably never find out.”
He watches me, eyes a little sad. “I meant to ask you about that, but I didn’t know how.”
I shrug a little. “It’s not a big deal. I mean, you know most of it already.”
“Yeah,” he says softly.
“The same issue applies. Because my parents starved me right when I was hitting puberty, my periods are all messed up, and I shouldn’t be able to have kids.” I glance over. At Cara. “Doctors can’t really explain that one.”
“What makes you think you’ll never have another one?”
I purse my lips and just shrug. “They said I probably won’t, and I believe them. I just… have a feeling, I guess. Cara was a miracle, but miracles don’t happen twice.”
“Sometimes they do,” he says softly. “But I get it. Must’ve been a mindfuck, getting pregnant to start with.”
“You’re not kidding,” I say. “I always assumed it would never happen, and then boom, I’m a single mom. Life can be fucked up sometimes.”
“Yeah, it definitely can.” He leans back onto one elbow, watching me. “But you’ve done a good job. I mean, look at her.”
I look over at Cara. She’s so happy, just playing in the dirt, getting totally filthy but having a great time. I can’t help but smile. Eleanor’s going to be annoyed when she does the laundry, but it’s worth it.
“Yeah, she’s pretty great.”
“So uh, how are you, otherwise?”
I raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“Like, after the birth, and with everything…” He trails off.
“I’m fine,” I say. “The birth was hard but the doctor said it went pretty good, all things considered. Now I’m probably the healthiest I’ve ever been.” I glance down at his knee. “How’s that?”
“It’s shit,” he says, laughing. “But you know, I’m working on it.”
/> “Good for you,” I say. “Honestly, that’s probably more than most people can do.”
He sighs and leans all the way back, looking up at the trees. I move closer to him and look up into the trees, sitting cross-legged and leaning back on my palms, head tilted backward. It’s a beautiful day, the sun shining, and Cara humming tunelessly as she plays. I feel so content it’s almost scary.
“I never expected to be back,” he says suddenly, “but I’m happy I am.”
“Really?” I laugh a little. “That’s surprising.”
“Put me back in touch with you.” He rolls his head over and looks at me. “That’s worth it.”
“Will,” I say softly.
He raises an eyebrow, smile on his lips. “What? You know you feel it too. It’s awesome having me home.”
“I like having you home,” I say. “But about yesterday.”
His smile turns into a smirk. “Yeah? You want to talk more about that?” He cocks his head to the side. “I can describe to you what else I wanted to do to you, nice and quiet so Cara can’t hear.”
I glance over at her. She’s too far away to catch any of this conversation. “I just meant, we shouldn’t get tangled up like that, is all.”
“You seemed to really enjoy our tangling,” he says.
“It’s been a while,” I admit, blushing.
“Really? Not a lot of big, strapping lads to fuck around here?”
“I’m a single mom,” I say. “Not exactly a line around the block.”
“There would be, if you put yourself out there.” He watches me and I know he’s being totally sincere. “Anyway, I hear you. Like you said, just friends.”
“Right. Just friends.” I lean toward him, feeling that intense pull. I want to kiss his gorgeous lips again, taste that intense desire tingling down my spine that only he’s capable of making me feel. I know he’s right here and I know that if I wanted to reach out and take it, he’d give it to me. He’d give me everything I want and more.
My fingers curl in on the blanket. I want him so bad it hurts.