by Hamel, B. B.
“Mommy?”
Cara’s voice yanks me from the moment. I look over at her and she’s watching me.
“Yeah, sweetie?”
“Juice.”
I get up and walk away from Will. I glance at him as he leans back, a smile on his face. I get Cara’s little sippy cup and hand it to her.
“Just this,” I say.
She takes it without a word and starts to sip at it as she plays. Of course she misses her mouth as much as she drinks any, so she adds sticky orange juice to the list of things making her totally filthy, but that’s okay.
The moment’s gone when I sit back down. It’s totally inappropriate, thinking about Will this way with Cara right here. I seriously need to get a hold of myself.
The rest of the day is pretty normal. We spend another hour or so lounging around, talking about basically nothing, while Cara plays. Eventually she gets tired, so we pack everything up and head back to my place.
Cara’s in my arms as I stand outside of Will’s truck, the car seat back in my own car at this point.
“Thanks for that,” I say to him. “It was really nice.”
“Any time,” he says. “I like spending time with you guys.”
“Yeah, even this one?” I grin and nod at the sleepy Cara in my arms.
“Especially this one,” he says, and Cara giggles heavily as he pokes at her side.
“See you later, Will,” I say.
“Yeah. See you.”
I watch as he gets back into his truck and drives off. It’s so strange. That was the first time Cara played with her father, but neither of them knows it. I’m the only one that fully understands what that little picnic meant, and I’m afraid how both of them will react when they figure it out.
Well, I’m less concerned about Cara than I am about Will. He has to find out the truth sooner or later if he’s going to stay in my life, I just don’t know how to go about doing it. I’ve been pushing him away for so long now that I haven’t even considered this.
As I walk back up into the house, I can’t stop thinking about how good it felt to be on that blanket with Will and Cara, like a normal family, and how much it hurts knowing that’ll never, ever happen for me.
12
Will
“Did you see our latest product?” I ask the middle-aged guy with the thick bushy mustache. He’s looking at my father’s patented weight loss supplement like it’s about to jump out of the bottle and bite him.
“Erm, no, I did not,” he drawls.
“It’s a great blend of amino acids, vitamins, minerals, and our secret selection of supplements that’s guaranteed to help you lose ten pounds in ten days.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Really? Ten pounds in ten days, guaranteed?”
“That’s right,” I say, forcing a smile and pushing the vomit back down my throat. “Come right this way…”
The guy doesn’t buy anything in the end, which is no shock. He didn’t seem like a moron, and only morons buy my dad’s products. It’s all so clearly snake oil marketing bullshit, especially with the little caveat on the back basically stating that none of their claims are backed by the FDA and buyer beware.
I hate peddling this shit. It makes me sick but I need the money, and it does pay pretty well. Trying to get people to part with their hard-earned money for this crap kills me, though. It’s not going to help them, except maybe through the placebo effect. Everyone thinks there’s some magic pill out there that can just fix all their problems, but the fact is, there’s no pill.
I’ve learned this the hard way. The only solution is hard work. That’s what I did in my hockey playing days. That’s how I got onto Notre Dame’s team and how I made it into a decent spot in the KHL. Although I didn’t make it with the NHL, I still got pretty damn far in professional hockey. Now I’m working hard again, doing my physical therapy and coming to this shithole of a job, trying to get back on my feet.
Although being on my feet’s the problem. My shifts are eight hours and I’m on my feet the whole time, which means by the end, my knee’s aching.
“William.”
I turn my head to spot my manager, this horribly conceited guy named Tim, watching me.
I sigh. I was leaning up against a display, trying to take some weight off my throbbing knee. I stand up straight.
“How many more times am I going to have to ask?” He glares at me. “I know you’re the boss’s son, but come on. Follow the rules.”
“Got it,” I say to him, when really I want to knock his fucking lights out. “I’ll do my best.”
“Just don’t lean. And smile more. You look pissed all the time.” He turns and walk away without another word.
“That’s because I am pissed all the time,” I mutter under my breath.
My coworker Lamar grins at me. I smile back. He’s a decent enough dude, and he hates Tim as much as I do, which makes him a solid ally as far as I’m concerned.
But this whole fucking thing is humiliating. I used to be a professional hockey player. Yeah, it was overseas, but still. I was playing the sport I loved the most and I was getting paid to do it. Now I’m working for my dad in a dead-end sales position in a store I absolutely loathe.
But Addie’s right. It’s time to grow up. Just because I move out of my father’s house and support myself doesn’t mean I’m giving up on my dreams. It’s just practical and realistic to start taking care of all this shit.
I haven’t had to be a real adult, not yet at least. When I was in Russia, everything was provided for us. The management of my team found me an apartment with another international guy, they sent us rides to practice and back, and they even cooked us team meals most days, especially when we were on the road. I didn’t even do my own laundry, the team sent a service for that. We really were taken care of, and I didn’t have a single worry in the world.
I know that’s not real life. Most people don’t have a cleaning person come in and do their laundry for them. I was spoiled because I was a professional athlete, but all that’s changed now. My knee aches and my back’s getting there, and I’m as far from the pros as I’ve ever been. But I’m accepting it and I’m starting to grow the fuck up.
I put a smile on my face and help another customer, and another, and soon the day slowly passes by. My shift ends at seven, and by the time six fifty rolls around, I’m practically itching to clock out and go home.
I’m leaning up against another display case, massaging my knee slightly, when the door opens and shuts. I glance up, wondering if I have to convince another poor sucker into buying some magic beans, and instead my heart starts racing.
Addie spots me right away. She walks over with a big smile on her face. She’s still clearly wearing her clothes from work, and she looks so fucking sexy in a simple skirt and blouse. It’s crazy how attractive I find her, even when she’s not particularly dressed up. It’s just the way she moves that makes me so crazy.
“Hey, Will,” she says. “Working hard?”
“Hardly working,” I say.
She grins, and I suddenly feel super aware of my khaki pants and the stupid blue polo shirt with my dad’s company logo on it. I look like such a fucking dork and I hate it, but it’s the uniform and I can’t change anything about it.
“I’ve never actually been in here before,” she admits. “Isn’t that crazy? Your dad’s owned this place as long as I’ve known you and I’ve never come in.”
“No reason to,” I say. “You’re not in the market for boner pills.”
She grins at me. “Do you really sell those?”
“Sure, although we call them male enhancement pills.”
“Do they work?”
“Probably about as well as everything else here.”
She laughs again and I feel a little bit better, just seeing her smile. “Well, it’s cool that you got a job.”
“Thanks,” I say, and check my phone. “I’m off in a few minutes, wanna meet me outside?”
“Trying to hustle me out? I
see how it is.”
“I’m afraid you’re going to end up buying me boner pills, and we both know I don’t need them.”
She blushes slightly. “Asshole. I’ll be right outside.” She turns and flees the store, and I’m standing there, grinning to myself. Lamar gives me a look and I just shrug.
“A friend,” I say.
“I’d make her more than a friend real quick,” he answers. “Seriously, man, that’s a fine piece of—”
“Okay, okay,” I say, laughing. “I get it.”
He laughs with me. “You know her a while?”
“Yeah,” I say, a little distant now. “Feels like forever.”
He’s about to say something else, but Tim comes out from the back and we both have to go pretend to be busy or else deal with him.
My shift ends not long later and I clock out immediately. I gather my stuff up and head out through the door. “Later,” I say to Lamar.
“Later, man.”
Addie’s sitting on a bench in a small open courtyard to the left of the store. I head over to her and she looks up, smiling at my approach.
“So, how is it?” she asks as I sit down next to her.
“Demeaning, demanding, and degrading,” I say, rubbing my knee.
“Ah, yes, the three D’s of retail.”
“I don’t even know why I took this job, if I’m honest. It’s pretty bad.”
“How’s the knee?” she asks, noticing me rubbing it.
“Aches,” I say. “Standing all day isn’t exactly great for healing.”
She nods, looking a little concerned. “Did you have to take this job?”
“Probably not, but I don’t know what else I’d do.” I sigh a little bit. “Besides, it’s time to grow up, right?”
She narrows her eyes at me for a second, and I think she’s trying to read my face. I give her a grin, though, acting like I’m joking, even if I’m not.
“It must’ve been nice, getting a couple more years to be young and play hockey,” she says.
“It was,” I admit. “But this is what everyone else deals with, right?” I gesture around us at the little shopping center.
“Right,” she says. “I just never took you for a responsible guy.”
I laugh and shrug. “Can’t really deny that.”
“But you’re trying. I mean, you have a shitty job. Welcome to life.”
“Thanks,” I say. “Sucks, though. My manager’s a dick.”
“That’s pretty par for the course. I think everyone needs at least one shitty job in their life.”
“Yeah? Why?”
“I don’t think you can appreciate the good stuff if you don’t experience some of the bad.”
“Heh,” I say softly. “Well, we’ve both experienced enough bad already, don’t you think?”
She’s quiet for a minute. I feel bad. I didn’t mean to send her on a trip down memory lane, back into that basement and her abusive parents.
“Anyway, listen,” I say, trying to pull her back. “I need to do something fun.”
“Yeah? We live in Weston. What’s fun?”
“We could go to the beach,” I say.
She hesitates. “The beach.”
“Yeah, over in Westport.”
“That’s for all the rich people,” she says.
“But we’re allowed. Weston people can use the Westport beaches.”
She hesitates a second. “I guess we could,” she says. “I remember people in high school talking about going.”
“It’s nice,” I say. “Quiet and all that.”
“Okay,” she says finally.
“You should bring Cara. Has she ever been to the beach before?”
Addie hesitates, clearly surprised that I suggested she bring her daughter. Truth is, I want to get closer to Addie, and I know the best way to do it is by getting close to her daughter, too.
“She hasn’t, but maybe some other time,” she says finally. “You don’t want a baby tagging along.”
“Please, I don’t mind.”
“Well, I don’t want a baby tagging along,” she says with a laugh. “Julissa can watch her.”
“Okay then. Whatever you want.”
She smiles at me. “But it’s sweet of you to invite her.”
“Hey, I get it. You’re a package deal. If I want to keep seeing you, I better make friends with your daughter.”
She nods a little, grinning more. “That’s right. And speaking of her, I better get going. Bedtime is soon and I don’t want to miss it.”
“All right. Well, thanks for visiting me.” We stand up and I give her a rough little hug. “And never do it again, please.”
She laughs and walks off, waving as she goes.
I hate that she saw me in there, working that stupid retail job, but I think it’s a good thing. I want her to see me as a responsible person. She’s a mom now, and I bet she doesn’t want to risk letting some frat boy hockey player back into her life, let alone her daughter’s life.
It’s so strange. Addie makes me want to be a better person, and we’re not even together. Just being around her again is bringing out the best in me in ways I never envisioned.
I smile to myself as I head back to my truck, already starting to picture Addie in her little bikini.
13
Addie
I shouldn’t be too surprised when it’s a gorgeous day. For some reason, everything seems to work out when I’m with Will, and clearly that hasn’t changed at all over the years.
He grins at me as he pulls his truck into a space and kills the engine. “Hope you brought lots of sunscreen.”
“Enough to fill a baby pool.”
“Gross. But that would be effective. Just go roll around in there until you’re all set.”
I laugh as we climb out of the truck. Will carries most of our stuff, which just leaves a chair and my bag. He’s burdened with his bag, an umbrella, another chair, and a little cooler with drinks. We lug it all the way up the sandy path and nobody even stops us when we get out onto the beach itself.
It’s not too crowded, which is amazing. There’s a slight breeze coming off the ocean, so it’s nice and cool as we set up in a spot that’s a bit separated from everyone else. Although I know he’ll make fun of me, I immediately get out my sunscreen and start to apply. Can’t risk getting burned.
He grins but doesn’t say anything. He shakes out his blanket in the sun and lies down on it, hands behind his head, looking up at me as I cover myself with suntan lotion.
I glance back at him and he doesn’t look away. I know he’s searching my body right now, and although it makes me totally embarrassed, I really like it. I brought out my cutest bikini for this, blue with floral print and black strappy borders. I wasn’t sure it would fit, but apparently I’ve lost most of my baby weight, which is good. I don’t feel like a total whale out here.
“Looking good, Addie girl,” he says. “I could watch you lube up all day.”
I glare at him. “This isn’t for your benefit.”
“Sure, I know, but I’m enjoying it anyway.”
“You really should put some on, too,” I say to him. “You’ve been in Russia too long. You’re not as tan as you used to be.”
He laughs at that. “Can’t deny it,” he says. “But that’s what today’s supposed to cure.”
I roll my eyes. When I’m done applying sunscreen, I set my umbrella up and put my chair direct smack dab in the middle of the shade. I’m not messing around, not at all, and I even put on a big floppy hat. It’s overkill, but whatever.
He pulls his blanket closer as I take a book out of my bag. “What’s that?” he asks.
“The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. Ever heard of it?”
“I think so,” he says. “It was like massively popular a few years ago, right? Big book.”
I heft up the relatively thick paperback. “I know. It’s good, though.”
“I haven’t read a book in forever,” he says, stretching out. I
stare at his sculpted body for a second as he closes his eyes, hands over his face to shade it from the sun. He may be injured and he may not be a pro hockey player anymore, but he definitely has the body still. Will’s always been gorgeous, but he’s at the next level right now, and it’s driving me insane. As much as he says he likes to look at me in my bikini, I definitely like to look at him in his little swim trunks even more.
“Do you still remember how to read?” I ask him.
He glances at me, smirking. “Not books, no.”
“What can you read, then?” I ask, and instantly I regret it.
“Your body.” He winks and I groan.
“That’s awful.”
“No, it’s right. Just deliciously right.”
“Get out of here.” I kick a little sand at him. “Don’t be a perv all day, okay?”
“How am I supposed to do that when you look so good?”
“Control yourself,” I say, although I know I’m smiling.
“I can’t control myself around you, Addie girl,” he says, settling back into his towel. “You drive me nuts.”
“I bet,” I say, grinning even more. I turn to my book and I think I read the same sentence over and over again.
I’ve been debating whether or not I wanted to do this ever since he invited me. I think what really convinced me was what he said about growing up. I’ve never heard him talk that way about anything in his whole life, but I find it oddly attractive.
Will’s always been talented, attractive, and outgoing. He’s the total opposite of me, although we do have one thing in common. Both our parents were abusive fucking pricks, and that’s what bound us together.
The difference is, he grew out of his abusive past, and I feel stuck in mine still. I want to get away from it and move on, but I still feel totally stuck. Every time I get close, I remember that basement, and I freeze up. Ever since college, it’s been one step forward and a dozen back.
Seeing him try to grow up gives me hope, though. It makes me proud of him and even more attracted to him, but it also makes me think that it’s about time I get my shit together, too. I can’t live with Eleanor forever. She doesn’t want me to, and I don’t want to. I wish I could, since having Julissa help me has been so amazing, but I need to give that up sooner or later.