The Covent Garden Ladies: The Extraordinary Story of Harris's List

by Rubenhold, Hallie

  Many of the pranks she has played with her own sex in bed (where she is as lascivious as a goat) have come to our knowledge; but, from our regard to the delicacy of the sex, are suppressed, but in no sort as a favour to her; our plan indeed is too confined to admit of it: but we can assure her, unless she gives over that scandalous itch of hers to sow disentions where harmony and peace should ever reign, and which she envies because she can not attain to—we shall not forget her next year, but be more explicit—and moreover acquaint her old drone of a keeper, in King’s-bench Walks in the Temple, of her lewd pranks and amorous feats. (1773)

  DENOUNCED!

  Polly Kennedy, Manchester Buildings

  A good likely girl of Irish birth; and they never transplant flowers of her kind in this soil, till they are rotten there. In a word, this girl has been salivated14, till from the constant use of mercury, it has almost lost its effects upon her; and after having been dragged thro’ every kennel in Dublin, she is come over to London to set up as a first rate courtesan. There is some blockhead or other, who has now got her in keeping, is as well satisfied with her, as Ixion was with the cloud when he embraced it for Juno. (1761)

  Miss Young, No. 6, Cumberland Court or Turk’s Head Bagnio, Bridge’s Street

  Miss Young is an adopted child to the bawd, who keeps, or more properly speaking, is kept by the above mentioned houses, and is so very fond of cutting a figure, that in a hired tawdry silk gown, she will fancy herself a woman of the first quality.

  We mentioned her in the last list as tolerably handsome, but of a disposition mercenary, almost beyond example, her beauty is now vanished, but her avarice remains, and what is worse, she has very lately had the folly and wickedness to leave a certain hospital, before the cure of a certain distemper which she had was completed, and has thrown her contaminated carcase on the town again, for which we hold her inexcusable, and which was our only reason for repeating her name, that her company might be avoided, and that she might be held in the infamous light she so justly deserves for her wilful villainy. (1779)

  Mrs. Berry, King’s Place, Pall Mall

  ‘Mercury upon most women has some effect’

  An arrant Brimstone of Irish birth, who pretends to set up as one of the first rank courtezans, and would impose upon us her stale and battered commodity for fresh fruit, but we think our judgment cannot be imposed upon at this time of day, and are of opinion she has undergone too many salivations, that the power of Mercury has lost its effect upon her: in a word she is almost rotten, and her breath is cadaverous. (1773 supplement)

  FOREIGNERS

  Madam Dafloz, No.46, Frith Street, Soho

  ‘Si javois pour heritage,

  Le trésor le plus charmant

  Je vous en donnerois en gage,

  Á mon coeur pour un present’

  It is only six months since this lady has left her native country, and at present speaks very little English. She is young and lively, (but still does not seem to possess so much vivacity as the majority of her countrywomen); She loves to avenge her countryman’s cause on the English, by doing what the most valorous Frenchman would never effect, that is, to bring Britons on their knees; she is now twenty-two, rather short and fat, with a plump face and such a roguish lear in her eye, that can not be resisted. Several of our brave officers have spent some of their best blood in her service, and regretted they had no more to shed. Her lovely dark hair seems like a net to catch lovers, and her lower tendrils which sport on her alabaster mount of Venus, are formed to give delight. She has one qualification which many English girls want, which is a certain cleanliness in the Netherlands. They are contented to wash their faces, necks and hands; but Mademoiselle, like many of her countrywomen, thinks that not enough; she performs constant ablutions on the gulph of pleasure, and keeps it constantly fresh, cool, and clean, never putting a morsel into that mouth, till she has fully absterged every possible remnant of the last meal. She constantly mounts her bidet, and with a large sponge laves the whole extent of the parish of the mother of all saints. Some may, perhaps, think her a female spy, or a smuggler; but surely a girl, who so freely discloses her own secrets, can have no improper aim at those of government.

  She dresses quite in the French stile and taste, lays on a profusion of rouge and pearl powder, and is not particularly partial to money, but will condescend to take a couple of guineas, not as payment, but solely as une gage d’amour. (1788)

  Mrs. Charlotte Ferne, No.41, King Street, Soho

  ‘To tell the beautie’s of the place,

  How weak is human tongue,

  The noble fringes which it grace,

  In golden ringlets hung’

  Charlotte received a good education and was once far above the perambulating class of nymphs, and might, perhaps have remained so had not her violent attachment to the curs’d buckle and belt society, rendered her disgusting in the eyes of all her friends; Mr. Goblett, brother to a tallow chandler, of Carnaby Market, took particular notice of her, and removed her once from her hated crew, allowed her a tolerable provision, and would have continued her friend, had not her rage for the old society made him forfeit his esteem. She is now rather in the wane, having seen at least twenty-eight summers, tall and very well proportioned; her complexion is but indifferent, but being a native of Germany, is not to be wondered at; she speaks French also, but we cannot get her to confess she has been ten years on the town, unless you pay her a guinea fee for confessing. (1788)

  Madamoiselle, at Mrs. W—lp—les, No.1 Poland Street

  ‘Here I would die each blissful night,

  Here chase the fleeting time away,

  And Whelm’d in love’s serene delight

  Rise full of life at happy day’

  Every girl with a beautiful face and a good form, must in some measure, please; but very few among this list of trading nymphs afford that pleasure in enjoyment you meet with, in this delectable piece. She is now on the verge of twenty four, with fine dark hair, love sparkling eyes, and such a set of teeth as would defy the power of a Spence to imitate, or the brush of Ruspini to improve. You may toy and kiss with this charming girl, if you please, but she does not suffer that kind of amorous dalliance long; she eagerly thirsts for more substantial pleasure, and has either by experience or instinct, a most pleasing knack of prolonging the dying moment, first as nature, by inarticulate sounds, and short fetched sighs, proclaim the coming shower, her eager grasp suddenly suspends the liquid treasure and drains, by slow degrees, the soft injection, making it almost, with Dr Graham ‘the critical hour’. This enchanting game she has played for two years, and if you are her partner, she expects at least double the number of yellow boys15. If report speaks truth, this lady has been a singer at the Opera House in Paris, and we have no doubt that she is a native of Italy. (1789)

  Charlotte Benevent, Princes Street, the Corner of Lisle Street, Leicester Fields

  ‘Novelty has its charms to please’

  This lady was born in Holland, but speaks French and English tolerably well; she is of the middle stature, fine black eyes, and eye brows, dresses in an elegant taste and seldom goes out, having a set of particular acquaintance who enable her to live somewhat above the common rate. Above, on the second floor, lodges Miss Boothby, mentioned in our last year’s, with whom she has no connection, thinking herself much superior to any on a second floor, and who is continually padding16 of it, to seek for customers; her price is one pound one, from a person she likes, but otherwise she must be paid like a foreigner and a woman of uncommon discernment. (1773)

  WORKING THE NIGHT SHIFT

  Miss C—l, No.3, Princes Street, Leicester Fields

  ‘The pretty sparkler never fails to please

  As all she does, is done with so much ease’

  This lady possess a very good shape, dark hair, fine eyes, regular engaging features, and good teeth. She is about nineteen, and tho’ she has not been long upon the town, she is perfectly initiated in all the meretricious powers of
pleasing. Bred to the glove making business, she still carries it on to prevent the voice of scandal, if possible from ranking her as a fille de joye; but facts are stubborn things, and it must be acknowledged she has no objections to the compliment for half an hour’s amorous dalliance. Her panting orbs are very attracting, and she considers them so angelic that she never lets them be pressed to afford delight without an angel at least being presented. A certain pharmaceutic gentleman within the sound of Bow-bell, generally visits her once a week: He at once superintends her health and takes care of his own, as he never enters deeper into enjoyment than the pressure and titulation of the felons, for which he constantly gives a guinea. She has some other friends of the same disposition, which she highly approves, reserving her general gratification for Captain O’Keaffe, an Irish officer who mounts guard upon her covered way almost every night, when she is unengaged, and he is supposed to be an excellent staff officer, and to do duty like a martinet. Indeed if we may judge from the breadth of his shoulders, and the stoutness of his legs, he is well qualified for the post which he fills entirely to the satisfaction of Miss C—l. (1789)

  Lucy Bradley, Silver Street, Cheapside

  A low, square built lass, with a good complexion, void of art; her face is round, and her features regular; her hair is dark, and her eyes hazel. She lived as a nursery maid with a foreign practitioner of physic, near Soho, who took first possession of her, not without some force. She gets up small linen and works well with her needle; has some good sense, and honest principles. Necessity first compelled her to see company, and she seems conscious of its not being right. (1761)

  Mrs. Quiller

  ‘The Specious matron, or the wanton wife!’

  This lady resides in Little Titchfield Street, Cavendish Square. She is a shewy figure, though not handsome; is a very convenient good-natured woman, and has officiated in the double capacity of mistress and procuress. If you do not like her, she has generally a tolerable good piece in the first floor, whom she recommends upon honour. At present her lodgings are empty, but she soon expects an agreeable lodger, as she has entered upon a new profession—a MIDWIFE. By this means she has given sanction to a retreat to a woman of a tender character, and either a male or female may lie in there very privately. (1773)

  Mrs. Horton, No.3, Beauclerc’s Buildings

  ‘Ah! La jolie de petite Bourgeoise’

  Keeps a shop and sells gloves, garters, &c. and drives on a very capital trade, considering she has no shop-woman to assist her; her customers are but few, yet they are good ones, and always pay ready money; she is short and plump, has a good dark eye, and is full-breasted; her legs are remarkably well made, and she is reputed a most excellent bed-fellow. In trying on a glove she will create desire; and in selling her garters, she will commend that pattern which she wears herself, and will make no scruple of showing her legs; she has great good nature, and we do not recollect any woman who is better qualified as a shop-keeper; her age is twenty-six. (1779)

  SOMETHING FOR THE FETISHISTS

  The Scent of Love

  Miss Clarkson, No.5, Holland Street, Soho

  ‘In this limpid stream you may bathe with ease

  Price two guineas only – if you please’

  Miss C— is of a middling stature, with dark eyes and hair but of a fair complexion. She has not been upon the town above six months, and therefore may be pronounced in fine preservation. A certain foreign prince took a particular fancy to her when she was here, and is said to have presented her with his miniature picture, which by the bye, we do not find she is now in possession of. Those awkward relations, worse than cater cousins, vulgarly called uncles,17 are very apt to engros the good things of this world, and they have a very attentive eye to those baubles, known by the name of diamonds, which sparkle to their fancy, and give them infinite pleasure, whenever they can obtain them for a trifling sum. Thus far we attempt to account for the disappearance of the portrait in Miss C—‘s apartments, probably it may be exhibited again in a few months; but we allow this is only conjecture.

  An anecdote, which is related upon the first interview between the prince and this lady, may not probably be distasteful to our readers, who perhaps may be fond of a relish in the game of gusto.

  Miss C— expecting a very handsome compliment in which opinion she was not deceived from the Prince, resolved to set herself off to the greatest advantage. Not satisfied with having her head dressed by one of the best Parisian hands in town, she also consulted him upon the decoration of the other extreme of bliss; when Monsieur le friseur18 advised her to have it dressed en aile de pigeon, and powdered a la marechalle. She accordingly underwent the operation, and was now, in her opinion, frissee au dernier gout, from top to bottom. The idea of marechalle powder struck her forcibly that a little musk would add to the odoriferous scent of the seat of bliss, and accordingly it was applied. When his highness came to action, he was so much of an Englishman to despise all fictitious aids in that quarter and turning up his nose at the poudre a la marechalle, and more so at the musk, which was quite offensive to him, he rang the bell, and sent the servant for a red herring. Miss C— was astonished at the order, but being willing to oblige in every respect, yielded to what she thought an extraordinary caprice.

  No sooner was the red herring brought, than he immediately applied it to her covered way, telling her that would restore it to its natural and primitive smell. Now, Madam, said he, you have the true effluvia, before I thought you a mere doll for sale at Warren’s or Bailey’s. He then engaged, and expressed his satisfaction at Miss C—‘s rivulet, being narrow, limpid and pleasant.

  Upon the prince’s second visit she appeared puris naturabilis, in the completest sense of the expression, which greatly pleased him, and the next time he favoured her with his company, he presented her with his portrait, as we have already mentioned, and a handsome sum in cash.

  These were Halcyon days indeed! Would Miss C— could see them again, however she is not badly off, as her friend the East India Captain allows her a genteel support in his absence. (1790)

  Ladies’ Laundry

  Miss Grant, No.46, Newman Street, Oxford Road

  ‘Strange are the passions of mankind;

  To reason deaf, to common sense quite blind’

  No female votary of venus understands the minutiae of her profession better than Miss G—t. She twines her culls19 as it were, round her finger, studies their foibles and caprices, and gratifies them to their full extent. She has, perhaps, a set of the most extraordinary customers of any professional devotee of the Cyprian Queen, in town. As an instance, we shall relate the following account, remarkable as it may appear. A certain merchant, near Leadenhall Street visits her constantly every Saturday afternoon, as there is little to do upon that day. No sooner does Miss see Mr. B— enter than she orders the necessary implements for the washing of foul linen, such as a kettle of hot water, soap dish, wash tub and the like. These being produced, with the maid’s dirty bedgown, which he puts on, having first stript off his coat, and tuck’d up his shirt sleeves, he sets to work, and in a few seconds, gets up to the elbows in suds. After this amusing himself till he is nearly out of breath, he wipes his hands, changes his cloaths, presents her with two guineas, makes his obeisance and retires. Half the ladies of pleasure, indeed if they could meet with such handy culls, who not only pay them well for doing nothing, but save them the expence of a washwoman. We could mention some other visitors, equally eccentric in the gratification of their passions, but we shall reserve them, for some other occasions, as Miss G—is not the only lucky female in this respect.

  In her person she is rather lusty, but well made, with blue eyes and fair hair, about twenty, very engaging in her manner, possessing what Lord Chesterfield calls the Graces. (1789)

  Hair-combing

  Miss Hudson, No.4, Meards Court, Soho

  This lady is about nineteen years old, of the middle size, pretty, with remarkable fine dark hair, and eyes, that are very attractiv
e, as well as her teeth. She has been upon the town about fifteen months, and has played her cards very well, having a good deal of custom in the merchantile way, and never accepting of less than two guineas for her present. She has some good customers in the eccentric class, who pay her handsomely, and give her very little trouble. One of the faculty of the College in Warwick Lane often visits her, and seems to be the immediate successor if the celebrated Dr Runastrokius of hair combing memory. Whenever this son of Esculapius20 makes his appearance, she is prepared to receive him, her flowing tresses wantoning upon her shoulders; he immediately begins his operation, and combs them most devoutly with a tortoise shell comb, which he always carries about him for that purpose; after which he presents her with five guineas wrapt up in a paper, and takes his leave. The circumstance of his carrying the comb constantly about him, created an uncommon laugh against him a short time since at Batson’s, when accidentally pulling it out of his pocket with his handkerchief, it fell upon the floor. The waiter picking it up, addressed all the gentlemen in the room, to know if it was their property, none owned it till it come to this gentleman, who acknowledged it belonged to him, took it from the waiter, and put it in his pocket, a wag present (who by the bye was not unacquainted with his extraordinary concupiscence) said, ‘Doctor, I never knew before that you was a barber surgeon, I always took you for a regular physician’. (1790)

  Eye-licking