Indwell (Chasing Natalie's Ghosts)

by Nicole Smith

  “Hayden, please answer me truthfully, don’t worry about hurting my feelings or my mental state, please,” I begged. He turned, curious now and nodded.

  “Honesty, I can do that for you,” he replied grinning.

  “You are an amazing man. You are smart, charming and sexy. You’re also older than me and I know with age come needs. I have to know if beautiful women are going to be showing up here in the middle of the day or night to be with you,” I was starting to shake nervously. Looking down I took a deep breath and waited for his reply.

  “Wow, what a question,” he sighed.

  “Well I don’t know if they’ll all be beautiful,” he said laughing. When he realized I was still serious, he stopped laughing and grabbed my hands, holding them he answered me honestly.

  “I don’t know if you have noticed, but I’m different from most men. I am very serious, probably too much so. I have had relationships in the past, I won’t lie, but I am also a very private man. When these relationships ended I insisted on clean breaks. So no, in answer to your question there will be no ex-girlfriends showing up drunk in the middle of the night begging for me back,” he grinned.

  “As for not so serious relationships, I have never brought a woman to my home for a casual affair,” he said seriously looking into my eyes for a reaction. I was amazed by his honesty. I knew he was a passionate man, it poured out of him, and he was intense too. I imagined any girl would have trouble resisting him and I think he was fully aware of this.

  “I guess I’m an exception,” I said nervously.

  “No my darling, you are completely different,” he replied, a little too quickly I thought. Then I realized why I was different.

  “Right, I’m not your girlfriend or a casual affair,” I said, looking down again. He squeezed my hands, than tilted my chin up to look at him.

  “That still remains to be seen,” he said grinning, looking so absolutely charming.

  “What I meant by you being different is that you are my friend and I feel we have a lot to learn from each other. I don’t want to risk losing you over something as foolish as an indiscretion. Don’t get me wrong, I think you are incredibly attractive but I am serious about you Natalie. I want you to be here for as long as possible, I don’t want to scare you away. I want to help you regain your strength and confidence,” he sounded like he meant everything he was telling me. I was having trouble understanding what he could possibly want to learn from me though. Noticing how tense it seemed to be getting between us, he decided to lighten the mood.

  “Would you like a baby glass of wine?” he asked. I nodded. He stood and walked over to the wine rack. He took off his sweater and then selected a glass. He poured me a small amount of red wine. As he turned to walk back to me I caught a glimpse of a tattoo on his arm. I believe it was of a woman but I couldn’t see all of it. I was about to ask to see it as he sat down, but he placed his fingers on my mouth.

  “Shh, now Natalie, can we discuss going out tomorrow?” he asked seriously.

  “Tomorrow,” I asked, still lost in thought.

  “Yes, it is going to be a sunny and warm day. I wanted to take you out for a walk. You are so pale and I’m sure your legs are stiff,” he said stroking them softly.

  “That does sound nice,” I said reaching over to touch his hand. I moved closer to him, trying not to scare him away. I wanted to feel him. My skin tingled as I touched him. I remembered how Adam used to pick me up and hold me cradled in his arms. Adam was comfortable, like I was home and safe. Here, beside Hayden my heart beat faster, my skin tingled like I was being electrically charged. I felt unsure but safe, in an exciting way. He gently wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. I trembled and I knew he felt it. He seemed to stiffen and carefully let go of me. I was shocked that he stood up so quickly.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling hurt by his rejection. I was missing Adam so much. I missed his warmth, his eagerness to keep me safe and comfortable. I missed the way he held me, the way he sang me to sleep. I held back my tears.

  “No, please don’t,” he sighed, squeezed my shoulder, then walked towards his room.

  “Good Night Natalie,” he said without turning back.

  In my room that night, I lay on my bed, tears rolling down my cheeks. Why was I so foolish as to believe he would want me? He was genuinely just trying to help me recuperate so I could manage on my own. I’ll give him his space. I won’t touch him again. My dreams that night were torturous.

  I was walking with Adam in the woods at dusk. The sunset was beautiful, sending a reddish purple glow across the big sky. I looked up to see a tree full of black birds, posing stoically in the light. The moon had risen, full and bright. The night animals were awakening and I could hear and sense them all just like Adam could. I realized in that moment that I was a spirit as well. I was dead and I was with Adam. As the sun completely set, we walked together, the moon lighting are path. I was unbelievably happy. I was nearly skipping as we walked. By instinct, I began to slow my pace. There was something ahead of us. It was coming towards us, at a run I think. No it was flying, fast. I stopped. Adam dropped my hand and stood away from me. This darkness flew at me and carried me away. I awoke screaming. When I opened my eyes Hayden was holding me, rubbing my back, kissing my forehead.

  “You’re okay. You’re safe. Natalie, I’m here. Please breathe, it was only a dream,” I heard him saying. I slowed my frantic breathing. Hayden wiped my face, I had been sweating. I trembled, when I realized Hayden was too close to me. I should move away from him, as much as I didn’t want too, I had to. He was the darkness that took me away.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said apologetically.

  “I told you to never say sorry for how your feeling. I wasn’t sleeping very well myself anyway,” he told me.

  “I’m going to go make some tea. I’d like it if you would join me?” He pulled my hair back from my face and kissed my cheek. As he left, I wiped my eyes and tried to compose myself. He was back a few seconds later holding his robe.

  “I thought this might warm you,” he said smiling as he offered it to me.

  “Thank you,” I said smiling back at him.

  I joined him in the kitchen. I was warm in his robe, wrapped in his strangely familiar scent. I felt light-headed, but I was teaching myself control. I could not just hold him. I couldn’t touch him. I climbed up onto one of his stools, covering my legs with his soft robe. I played with the tie in my hands, hoping it would distract me from his strong frame. He was wearing loose black cotton pants and a snug white tee shirt. I noticed the tattoo on his right arm again. It looked so familiar, I just couldn’t place it. I just wanted to be closer to him. I needed to be closer to see it. I wanted to touch it. I felt like I might lose my composure and give in. `No, remember last night, he doesn’t want you’, I reminded myself. I quickly looked away from him.

  “So, did you still want to go for a walk later?” I asked casually. He sat down on the stool beside me and put my tea in front of me. I breathed in the peppermint scent.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “I’m looking forward to it. Do you want to talk about your dream? Sometimes it helps,” he asked.

  “No,” I simply replied. He didn’t know Adam. I may have mentioned him the night we first met but that was all he knew about him. I didn’t think I could explain to him that Adam was my one true love. How could I tell anyone my first love was a phantom and he left me here, all alone? I had to hold back my tears again. How could I possibly talk about him and the dreams I have been having? Hayden would drive me back to the hospital in a heartbeat.

  “I think we need to talk about a few things,” Hayden said seriously. ‘Oh no, he wants me to leave,’ I thought.

  “What things?” I whispered, shaking again. He quickly grabbed me as though I was about to fall.

  “I want you to understand that I know more than you think Natalie,” he said looking into my eyes.

  “Know about
what?” I asked, feeling relief that he wasn’t asking me to leave.

  “About you and Adam,” he replied. Did I mention his name to him before? I probably shouted it in my sleep.

  “Adam is gone,” I said blankly, trying to hide my despair. I concentrated on keeping my breathing calm. Hayden watched me closely.

  “I know where Adam is and I know what kind of friend he was to you. Do you remember the night we first met? You told me you had to get back to a friend that needed you. You also told me this friend was responsible for saving you from yourself. Do you remember telling me this?” he asked. I was so confused. Why does he want to torture me?

  “Yes, I remember. I don’t remember telling you his name though?” I answered.

  “No, you didn’t. I know Adam. I had been tracking him when you came into the picture. As soon as he met you, I couldn’t follow him anymore. It was like he was under your protection. I couldn’t get near him or his territory, which included your house. I was so confused and intrigued by this. It has never happened before, to anyone, as far as I know. I realized it had something to do with you.” He stopped talking, noticing my face was pale and the look of shock strewn across it. I had trouble listening to him after he had said tracking.

  “What do you mean, `tracking Adam’?” I asked nervously.

  “It is what I do. I track spirits Natalie. I’m quite good at it,” he bragged. So that was why he wanted me here, to help him with his work. I was angry now. I felt deceived. I thought he wanted to be my friend.

  “Why were you tracking Adam?” I repeated, holding back more tears. I needed to know this before I left him.

  “I was trying to bring him home. I was asked to keep him out of trouble, to bring him home before he made any bad decisions but I was too late,” he explained. I gasped. How dare he say that I was a `bad decision’?

  I can’t stay here anymore. I couldn’t listen to him. I couldn’t look at him. I quickly ran to my room slamming the door. I dressed and grabbed the belongings I arrived with and headed for the door. Hayden was standing in front of it.

  “Please Natalie, you can’t go. I need you,” he said.

  “You don’t need me. You’re `quite good’ without me,” I said, anger rising in me.

  “There is nowhere for you to go. Please just calm down and I’ll try and explain myself better,” he begged.

  “I thought you were my friend Hayden, but Adam was right about you. You are evil!” I cried. He seemed shocked and saddened by my reply.

  “Natalie, please. Let me explain myself. We belong together,” he calmly told me. I shook as I reached for the door.

  “You don’t want me. You just think I can help you with your bizarre business. I don’t want to be a part of it!” I told him as I left. I could hear him moments later coming after me. I quickly ran down the stairs. Once I reached the fifth floor I raced for the elevator. I quickly closed the door and pressed the lobby button. I could hear him run back to the stairs. The elevator opened on the second floor, a man walked in and I ran out. I easily slid into the garbage chute and dropped down to the basement. Luckily it was a soft landing. I raced for the exit door and ended up outside, at the back of the building. Hayden wasn’t in sight. I raced down the street and then ducked into the nearest alley. I crawled in between two dumpsters and started to cry.

  “Adam!” I whispered.

  “I need you! Cheveyo, Anton, Elizabeth! Is there anyone out here?” I had never felt so alone before. Where are they? Have they all abandoned me? I remembered the warning Elizabeth had given me when I was in the hospital. Was it Hayden she was warning me about? Is Hayden really the darkness that is pursuing me in my dreams or is there something or someone else out here looking for me?

  11. MILLICENT

  After some time had passed, I stood up and looked around. It was early morning. I decided I would walk downtown and look for a shelter. I stayed close to the alleys just in case Hayden was still looking for me. I didn’t think he would bother for too long. I’m sure he didn’t care if I came back or not, especially after all the drama. I had the feeling he didn’t like being defied, but I had every right to be angry. He was tracking my life. Adam was my life. He was my reason for living and Hayden was using me to get to him. Who were these people that wanted him? Didn’t they know he couldn’t leave? Didn’t they know they wouldn’t be able to see him? Why did they want him? I had so many questions. Questions I knew only Hayden could answer.

  An hour later I reached the main street. I continued walking until I came across a hostel. I reached into my bag to see how much money I had.

  “Shit,” I shrieked, startling a couple walking past me. I didn’t have my wallet. I tried to remember if I even had it at the hospital. I decided to keep walking. I’ll have to look for a homeless shelter and hope they’ll let me in. I realized that I didn’t exactly look pathetic enough anymore. Hayden had kept me well fed and clean. I just kept walking, starting to realize the desperation of my situation. When I awoke this morning I had no idea I would be homeless before noon. I was not aware of my surroundings as I walked. People passed me but I was in my own world. I tried to force myself to focus. There was a shelter up ahead. Just as I began to pick up my pace I realized someone was walking in step with me. It was a girl maybe a year or two younger. I looked at her and smiled. She seemed so surprised and happy about it. She quickly smiled back.

  “Are you hungry?” she asked. Her voice was squeaky but it suited her. She was tiny. Her nose was pointy, her blond hair was straight and jagged and her clothes looked old, she must have bought them at a vintage clothing store. I’ll have to remember to ask her where it was, just in case I ever have money to spend someday.

  “No thank you,” I lied. She seemed pleased that I answered her question, regardless of my answer. We kept walking together until she stopped abruptly.

  “Quick, come with me,” she ordered. I followed her as she dashed into a building and up the stairs. She gripped my wrist and ran up the stairs until we reached an apartment on the top floor. She tapped lightly, barely audible from our side, I didn’t think the person on the other end would have heard that, but to my surprise the door opened quickly and we raced inside. As soon as the door shut, my little friend looked at me with a frightened expression on her little face.

  “He’s looking for you?” she whispered.

  “How do you know that?” I gasped.

  “He is close,” she said looking more at the person we barged in on than me. I looked over at this young man standing in the shadows, peeking through the curtain, to the street below.

  “Hi,” I said nervously. He jerked his head, seeming surprised that I knew he was there. Well it wasn’t a very good hiding spot, I thought to myself. I guessed maybe he was the jumpy type. The apartment was dirty. The carpeting stunk and the couch looked twenty years old. The room was dark and I didn’t think there was any electricity in the apartment either. As I looked around, I noticed there were floor boards missing in the middle of the room and I could see down into the vacant store below.

  “Why are we here?” I asked.

  “This is one of the places we keep watch in,” she said proudly. I had no idea what she kept watch for.

  “What’s your name?” I asked her.

  “I’m Millicent and this is Joshua,” she said pointing at the man in the window.

  “I’m Natalie,” I said.

  “We know,” she replied, smiling.

  “How do you know?” I asked, confused by this assurance.

  “I’ve met you before, when you were little,” she answered casually. That’s when Joshua looked over at me again.

  “It’s okay now, he’s moved on,” he pulled the curtain closed and walked over to me.

  “Who has moved on?” I asked starting to feel a little anxious by these two.

  “You really don’t know what’s going on here do you?” he asked roughly. What did I do to tick this guy off? I’d be happy to go. I backed toward the door.


  “Well it was nice meeting you,” I said as I tried to open the door. It was stuck, so I tried pulling harder.

  “Wait!” Millicent shouted. I let go of the door and turned to look at her.

  “We owe you an explanation. Please, just give us ten minutes. Then I will happily escort you to that shelter if that is where you really want to go.” How did she know that was where I was headed?

  “Okay, fine. I’m all ears,” I said impatiently. Today was full of surprises. Why not see what these two could shock me with? Joshua came closer to me, which surprised me, I shuffled back a little. He smiled at me but it didn’t seem very friendly.

  “Why is Hayden looking for you?” he asked, angrily. Millicent jumped in between us.

  “Joshua, this is not the time. Let’s explain some things to her first. I don’t think she realizes how important it is for her to stay with Hayden,” she explained to him, trying to calm him down.

  “You’re right, let’s fill her in,” he said sternly. He was starting to scare me.

  “How do you know Hayden?” I blurted, suddenly more afraid of these people.

  “Do you know who we are or should I say what we are?” Millicent asked, looking into my eyes. I stared at her, trying to understand what she meant by the question. I looked closely at her, she vaguely reminded me of one of the girls that used to live in my closet when I was little. I wasn’t going to share that with her.

  “I don’t understand. To me you’re two very strange people. I don’t know why I followed you into an abandoned building. What I would like to know though, is how you happen to know my name and the name of my pursuer,” I said, truthfully.

  “I am going to be painfully honest because I think you can handle it,” she said.

  “That’s what you think,” I whispered. I knew she heard me because she smiled.