Indwell (Chasing Natalie's Ghosts)

by Nicole Smith

  “No, he did it a lot,” I said angrily.

  “Unfortunately this time he took it too far. I’m afraid he killed her.” I crumbled to the floor. Carlos was holding me again. I grasped his arm for support. The investigator lowered to the floor as well and continued.

  “Luke walked in and saw her on the floor. He must have lost control. Apparently he was keeping a gun in his room. The fighting may have increased since you left and we believe he wanted to be able to protect her. He shot your father in the head and I’m so sorry Natalie, he then turned the gun on himself.” I couldn’t breathe. The room was spinning. John was on the other side of me. He was crying on my shoulder. I couldn’t speak. I looked around the room.

  It happened downstairs. I could sense it. I stood up, shaking John to the floor. Carlos helped him up. I gripped the angel hanging around my neck with one hand as I walked over to the staircase. I could sense someone was down there. I have never felt so afraid in all my life. My father was down there. He was lost. He was confused. He didn’t know he was dead. That explains why all the other phantoms were outside. They could feel the torment in him. He was dangerous in his ignorance. Do I go down there and tell the bastard he is dead? Do I remind him how it happened? Carlos quickly grabbed my hand.

  “Natalie, please don’t go down there. Clive is sending a crew to take care of him. Do not put yourself in danger, he isn't worth it,” Carlos was whispering so quietly, he didn’t want the investigator to hear. I walked to the edge of the stairs and looked down.

  “I hope you rot forever for what you have done. I will not give you any more of my time. May you suffer for all eternity?” I whispered my vengeance. I saw him standing at the bottom of the stairs. He was unable to climb up.

  “Natalie? Is that you? Natalie what have I done?” he was panic-stricken. I reached back for Carlos’ hand and he led me away from the stairs. John and I left. He was staying in the same hotel as me for a few days, until everything was settled, then he would go back home.

  We shared some old family photos and Luke’s writing. He had journals full. I cried for three days straight. Then one morning I woke up and my eyes were so dry they hurt. Carlos refused to leave me. He slept on the couch the whole time. He was such a good friend. He brought me food even when I wouldn’t eat. I dressed in black that morning. I stood in front of the mirror and gasped at my pale skin and sunken eyes. My long hair fell straight down my back. I didn’t have the energy or ambition to try any harder. John and I drove with Carlos to the church.

  This service was just for Annie and Luke. Yesterday there was a small service at the funeral home for my father. I didn’t stay for it. I said good bye and I did pray his torment would end but that was all I could do. John and I left together. The service for my mother and Luke was much larger. Strangers were crying and hugging us. There was such a beautiful outpouring of support, I felt like it was all too late though. I should have done something, anything.

  She was so calm and beautiful in her red dress. All the lines and bruises were gone from her face. I knew she was at rest. Luke I wasn’t so sure about. I may see him again soon, I thought as I looked upon his pained face. When it was over John gave me a hug and said to keep in touch. He was going back home now. He thanked Carlos for being there with me. He felt better knowing I wasn’t going to be alone. I held Carlos’ hand as I left the church. I was having them cremated so I would return to the funeral home in a few days to collect their ashes. The sun was bright and warm as I stepped outside. I stopped and took a deep breath.

  “Now what do I do Carlos? I don’t even know where my home is anymore,” I was shaking as Carlos held on to me.

  “Your home is with Hayden. He has just returned from escorting your father to the Inn. He thought it would be best, for you to have closure, if he did it,” I was shocked. I thought Hayden was gone, unaware of my tragedy. I looked up and saw him walking towards me. He was hurting because I was, I could feel it. I knew he was afraid of what I would I say to him. I was unsure myself what I wanted to say. Carlos hugged me again and kissed my forehead.

  “I will be in touch soon to check on you and if you ever need me remember to just call. Good bye Natalie,” he said as he started to walk away from me.

  “Carlos!” I shouted. “Thank you for being here. I couldn’t have survived without you,” I told him. He smiled and walked away. I saw him greet Hayden and drive away.

  I started to walk towards Hayden. He was beside me in a flash. I quickly glanced back to make sure there was no one watching. Hayden reached for my hand.

  “I am so sorry Natalie,” he said so full of anguish. He moved his hand and now he held my face gently.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t at the house to greet you. I can explain all of it if you will let me?” he said nervously. I could feel him tremble. His face was composed but I knew just one word from me would reduce him to tears. I reached my hands up and placed them around his neck.

  “Oh Hayden, I have missed you. Please bring me home. I’m exhausted,” I smiled at him and he looked at me with such relief. He kissed me sweetly and led me to the car. As we drove to the beach house, I rested my head on his shoulder and fell asleep.

  I awoke and felt his hand on my knee. It felt so right. I rested my hand on his and sighed.

  “We are just about there, my darling. How are you feeling?” he asked kindly.

  “I still feel tired and my throat feels like someone is choking me. I haven’t eaten in days but I think I am hungry now,” I tried to reassure myself that I was okay.

  “That, I can help you with. I filled the fridge and pantry so we wouldn’t have to leave for days. I have some sweet and sour soup and some fresh rolls. How does that sound for starters?” He seemed proud of his foraging.

  “That sounds perfect, oh and salad too?” I asked teasing.

  “Of course,” he smiled.

  We pulled into the drive. Hayden carried me in and gently placed me on the couch. He went into the kitchen to prepare some food. I walked out onto the deck and rested on the lounger. I watched the waves. The psychiatrist that met John and I before the funeral gave us medication to calm our torment and relieve some of the pain. I realized watching the ocean that this was what I really needed. My mind was unable to wonder from the waves. I just stared at the ocean, completely unaware of anything around me. Hayden was unsure if he should disturb me or not. He quietly placed the tray beside me and rubbed my shoulders briefly. I knew he was worried. I decided to eat while not taking my eyes from the ocean.

  “If you want to talk Natalie, remember I am here for you. If you just want to sit in silence I can do that too.” I smiled and nodded but I still didn’t look away from the waves.

  Hours later I sat up and walked to the edge of the water. The moon was full and its light sent sparkles all over the ocean. It was magical to see. I couldn’t resist. I had to touch it. I walked into the water. I sensed Hayden was close behind me. I felt a wave of release go through my body. I fell down on my knees and cried. I felt the pain in my throat leave. I felt my lungs clear and demand me to take deep breaths. I felt light headed and was happy when Hayden knelt down beside me, ready to help me up. Once I stood I hugged him and kissed him repeatedly. He was my life again. I needed him like I needed the ocean. I started to shiver. As we walked back to the house I felt a familiar breeze surround me. It was him. It was new. He was in the woods. He was lost, frightened and alone. I looked in his direction.

  “Luke!” I whispered. He ran as soon as he realized I saw him. He will have to come back soon or else I’ll have to go look for him.

  21. IT BEGINS

  “I know your there. I just want you to know that I am here for you. I can listen to you. I can see you. Luke, please reconsider the path you’re on. I know it hurts. You’re disillusioned and you want some kind of revenge. You deserved better. We all did. Please do not take it out on the innocent,” I talked, alone in the dark, looking into the woods. I knew he was there but he was hiding from me. Hayden wa
s watching out for me from the back deck.

  I have been recovering for weeks. Hayden has stayed with me, rarely leaving my side. I’ve been waiting until the moment arrived when I would feel prepared to scatter my mother’s ashes. I was also trying to decide where to scatter Luke’s. He was taken too soon. I realized I didn’t know enough about him. I couldn’t make this decision yet. I had to wait, especially with him out there, it didn’t seem right. I was so grateful for Hayden’s patience. Clive has been calling him. He wants him back. As much as Clive loves me he is focused on the light. His mission in life is to gather it. He wanted me as one of their Seekers and he understands I am in mourning but he wants at least Hayden back in the search. Of course Hayden is hesitant to leave me alone.

  I can take care of myself now, but I don’t really want him to know it yet. I like having his full attention. It is so different for me. My parents were not very good at keeping me stable and safe. I love the way Hayden watches over me. He takes care of all the little things. He even makes sure I eat. I love the way he looks me in the eyes when I tell him I’m fine. It almost brings me to tears when he wraps his arms around me and tells me he loves me. This selfish phase will inevitably come to an end. I have no choice but to step back into life again.

  “I was thinking of going back to high school in September, for my last term. I really want to finish. I hope you don’t mind if we go back to the apartment for five months. We can come back here on weekends and holidays,” I mentioned this one night as we finished dinner, and he was handing me a bowl of black cherry ice cream.

  “I guess we can do that. Are you sure you want to? I can probably find you a tutor and home school you?” He suggested this because he knew he wouldn’t be able to watch me all day if I went to a public school. I had to admit to myself that the escape from his constant watch might eventually be a good thing. He was worried that there would be retaliation against me for Adams’ disappearance. He didn’t trust Luke either. What he didn’t realize was that I was not afraid of them, any of them anymore. I was stronger now.

  As much as I loved Hayden I needed to stretch my wings. I needed to take risks. I have always felt like a wanderer. I felt like I had to finish high school and move on. I wanted to travel and I began to think that it might be good for me to meet other Seekers. I still wanted my beach house too though. It would be nice to know that it would be here waiting for me when I returned for a rest in between my destinations. Unfortunately leaving on any trip right now would not be a good idea, because Luke was here and he would need me eventually. I had to help him as soon as he was ready for it. So it seemed like the perfect time to go back to school. Secretly, I wanted to race with the track team now that I had speed. Hayden had warned me not to expose myself to the public, but Carlos told me he raced after he was given the light. He had to restrain himself though, he had said while laughing. “I made sure I wasn’t too far in the lead.”

  I had called Carlos a few times from the beach house, when I was feeling low. I loved to listen to his stories. He was a Seeker and an excellent trainer. He loved his work. He would tell me about his latest captures. I began to feel jealous. I wanted to be out there, scaling buildings, jumping from cliffs and stabbing my Kris. The need to seek was starting to take over. Hayden must be feeling the same thing but he was sacrificing it for me. I had to let him know that it was okay for him to go ahead without me. I wanted to go out alone. I needed too. I didn’t want anyone critiquing me or cautioning me. I needed to run free.

  Sometimes I can hear little Natalie shouting at me, `Snap out of it!’ I knew she was right. It was time for me to carry on. When I would sit out on my deck and watch the waves, I sometimes thought about what would have happened if I was there that night. There is a reason I wasn’t in that house the night my parents died. I really don’t know if I would have been able to stop Luke. Maybe I would have been holding the gun. Would I have turned the trigger on myself, like Luke did? If I had still been searching for Adam I know I would have. Maybe Adam knew this. Maybe he really did know he had to leave me or else I would die too early. He loved me but he was right to leave me. We were not meant to be together. I was lucky for the time we did have. I am so amazed that Hayden took me in after Adam abandoned me. He saved me. He can be overwhelming at times but he does it because he loves me. He respects my gift and he appreciates me. We are meant to be together.

  I walked out onto the cool sand at dawn the morning we left. I watched the waves roll onto the shore. It was going to be a cloudy day. I had tears in my eyes as Hayden walked up behind me and slid his arms around my waist.

  “We don’t have to go,” he whispered as he kissed my neck.

  “No, I have to do this now,” I said more to myself than to him.

  “I understand.”

  “It’s only for one term. I think I can do it?”

  “I know you can do it Natalie.”

  “Thanks Hayden.”

  As we drove back to the apartment I dozed off. My dreams have been fairly tame for weeks now. I wasn’t waking up screaming or sweating but I awoke in the car shaking. I knew we were close to the apartment now. I quietly caught my breath and slowed my beating heart. Hayden had sensed something was wrong but he didn’t push me for answers. I was grateful for his patience. I felt a sense of relief as Hayden unlocked the door and we entered the familiar space. I remembered walking in here for the first time. I was so lost and weak then. He took me in and healed my broken heart. He gave me hope for the future. He gave me meaning for my existence. I wasn’t a freak of nature anymore. I wasn’t alone with my visions anymore. I grabbed his hand as he put our suitcases down.

  “Are you okay Natalie?”

  “I’m good now. Thank you for letting me do this.”

  “I will help you with anything you want to pursue Natalie.”

  I slept soundly the night before my first day of school. In the morning Hayden had coffee ready and my lunch packed.

  “I’ll drive you,” he offered.

  “Thanks but I think it’s only like two blocks away,” I told him.

  “Regardless, it’s your first day and I want to see you off, okay?” he insisted.

  “Okay.”

  He made me breakfast and waited patiently as I dressed and straightened my hair. I changed again than applied a little bit of makeup. I was surprised by how nervous I was. I have been to so many schools you would think I was used to this. I was always terrified on the first day. Even with my extreme senses and amazing strength now, I still felt like a tiny little poor kid, afraid of everything. I had to hide the fear in me. I had to do this. I was ready.

  I kissed Hayden and walked to the steps that led up to the large double doors. I looked back and waved. He was still there watching me. He smiled and drove off. I turned back to the school and glanced up at the windows on the top floor. A girl in a white dress with braids in her hair looked down at me. I quickly looked around. No one else was close to me. I looked back up at the window, but she was gone.

  “It begins,” I said as I walked up the steps to the front doors.

  Connect with Me Online:

  Twitter: www.twitter.com/TristaMSmith

  Smashwords: www.smashwords.com/profile/view/TristaMarieSmith

  My blog: www.tristamariesmith.blogspot.com

  Tumblr: www.nicoletsmith.tumblr.com

  Thank You Chaoss for your beautiful photo.