by SE Jakes
Paulo nodded and wished he could just stay like this, half suspended in sleep from the meds. “Fucking hate these pills. Like truth serum.”
Styx chuckled. “This time, the truth will set you free.”
Paulo raised his eyes. “Thanks. For listening. Jesus, when I first met you—first heard about you… Let’s just say you’re the last person I’d ever thought I’d be admitting shit like this to.”
“But you are.”
Paulo’s next words came out in a rush. “Law loves you. I could never take you from him, couldn’t let that happen. I would walk away first. I’m ready to. When it’s time, you’ve got to help me make him let me go.”
“To me.”
“Yeah. If you leave him again, for any reason, I’ll hunt your ass down. But you guys belong together.”
“He’s fallen for you,” Styx told him quietly.
“He’d already fallen for you. It’s one thing to compete with a ghost. Another with you, flesh and blood.”
Paulo felt the blood seeping down his side, looked down. “Shit, I busted a stitch.” He was busy grabbing for another piece of gauze and Styx helped him, pressing it tight to make sure the bleeding stopped.
“Lie back—you’re doing too much.”
“Talking?” Paulo asked, but he didn’t fight when Styx pushed him to the pillows gently. The conversation—the confessions—had all worn him out and he let himself drift off, secure in the knowledge that Styx and Law would watch over him.
Chapter Fifteen
Styx watched Paulo sleep for a little while, and he must’ve fallen asleep himself, because when he woke, it was with a start.
Confused, he looked down at the man lying next to him, saw tattoos and blood and reached out tentatively to touch him…and this was all so familiar…and all too real.
“Styx, what is it?” Law asked.
Law? What the hell was he doing here?
Styx looked at him and then back at the man in bed…the tattoos, the blood…
“Styx, you’re so pale, man—look like you’re seeing a ghost.”
But Styx didn’t answer, reached out to touch the young man’s face…jerked back and then slowly let his fingers settle along his temple. “He’s still warm,” he murmured. “I have to save him…thought he was dead.”
“He’s alive, Styx.”
“I thought Kyle died.”
“This is Paulo, not Kyle,” Law said calmly, his voice strong and soothing. Slowly, Styx came back to reality as he blinked, stared down at the younger man’s temple. The gunshot wound was gone and in its place, unmarred skin.
The tattoos…the blood…
His body shuddered under the weight of the memory—it was tremendous, and he wasn’t sure if he could bear the truth, let alone say it out loud.
Paulo stirred under Styx’s touch, looked confused and no doubt felt the distress. But all he did was reach out to touch Styx’s hand, and Law took the other in his.
“I remember something,” Styx said hoarsely.
God, the memories were flooding back from that night, like watching a slow-motion video of the events.
“Right in front of me,” he whispered. “Because I refused to get involved. He killed him.”
Neither man pushed him, and he spent the next few moments trying to breathe through what felt like a straw.
“My father…that night…the blood on my shirt when I woke up was my…” His lover. His first. Kyle. “Kyle. He was older than me. Twenty. He was…I was in love with him. He was going to take me away.”
“Your father killed him in front of you?” Law breathed out the question.
Styx nodded. “He killed him because of me.”
Paulo struggled to sit up and winced, and Styx put his hand out to the man’s shoulder. “Please, stay down. Bad enough seeing you hurt the first time.”
“Then come down here—both of you.”
“Bossy,” Styx muttered, but both he and Law complied. This time, it was Styx in the middle with both men holding him, letting him tell the story at his own pace.
He lay there a long time before he spoke again. “It was the night I first met Greg…before I ended up on the bench in Central Park. I was home—in a room with a white rug and black leather furniture and I should recognize it as my house, but I still don’t. And I was standing there, telling my father no and my father was telling me, ‘You’re dead to me.’”
“What wouldn’t you do?”
“Work with him. For him. I was horrified when he told me what he expected of me—and why. I didn’t understand the consequences of the refusal…never suspected he would…” Styx shook his head. “It happened so fast. He said, ‘You have one chance to decide.’ He dragged Kyle in front of me and Kyle—he looked so fierce, told my father to get the fuck off him. That he had no power over him, but I knew better. And I just said, ‘You wouldn’t…’”
You wouldn’t.
He’d said it in a tone of horror, blurted it out in shock.
His father had smiled and then he’d just done it.
The blood, Kyle’s face…the sound of the shot echoing in his ears. His father letting go of Kyle…his lover crumpling to the ground.
Styx moved forward, catching him halfway down, cradled his head against his chest and stomach and cried.
“Pussy,” his father spat. “Shouldn’t have expected anything from a faggot. Both of you.”
“I should’ve saved him.”
“You weren’t—you reacted—you didn’t think he’d do it.”
Styx was still staring at Paulo. “The blood.”
“Styx, I’m okay—I’m fine,” Paulo was telling him.
Styx buried his face into Paulo’s shoulder. “It was the tattoos that reminded me. Kyle had a sleeve.”
Law burrowed against his back. There were more memories there, waiting like soldiers to fall, but Styx was weary, too much to pull back the curtain.
“We’ll get him, Styx,” Paulo promised, his voice fiercer than Law or Styx had ever heard it. “I swear, I will not let him haunt you any longer—you’ve given up too much already.”
Styx nodded, too tired to say anything more about it. “I have to talk to Tomcat—give him Kyle’s name. The more ammo against him, the better. Besides, it might give some closure to Kyle’s family.”
The men didn’t argue when he got off the bed and went to make the call.
If Law hadn’t been sure about the three of them before this, Paulo’s words to Styx sealed it for him. And despite the hell Styx was going through, they would work together and finish this.
“He goes nowhere alone.” Law glanced out the bedroom door Styx had just exited.
“None of us goes anywhere alone,” Paulo added softly. “The three of us need to stick together.”
“Says the man who went rogue.”
“Yeah, well.” Paulo rubbed the back of his neck and winced. “Fucker’s got to be taken down—he’s the one running the show.”
Law would cut off the man’s head. “I’ll do this for him, the way he did for me.”
Paulo’s eyes met his, the soft look of surprise more for the fact that Law knew it than anything.
“I never knew for sure until now,” Law said. “Based on your reaction, I’m guessing I was right. He saved me from having to do the job and getting sucked back into that pit of hell.”
“So what’s the plan?”
“I’m the best bait there is.”
Paulo didn’t argue, just nodded. “We’ll lure him, and then we’ll make sure he can’t hurt Styx again, ever, and then, back to reality.”
“Because this isn’t?”
“No.”
“This is as real as it gets,” Law argued. “If we can get through this, don’t you think we can deal with anything?”
“I do,” Paulo said.
“You’re scared,” Law told him. “I am too. But fuck, the three of us need to stop that. We can’t let fear rule our lives or we’ll miss out on the important shit,
like each other.”
“I can’t believe what his father did. Actually, no, I think it’s sadder that I believe it.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Maybe this will be the start of him really letting the ghosts go.”
“You can help him with that.”
“So can you.” Law stared at Paulo pointedly. The younger man still had bruises that were turning lighter shades of purple and blue and yellow, all signs of how close he’d come to losing him.
Signs of just how good at his job he was. He couldn’t lose someone else to the goddamned CIA, but if that’s what Paulo wanted…
What about what you want?
Yeah, it was time to do some convincing. “We were looking for you because we were worried. But it’s more than that. We wanted you with us.”
“You’ve got me, at least until I’m up and around on my own.”
“You don’t understand. When I say with us, I mean…well, beyond this clusterfuck.”
“What—all three of us live…together? Be together?” Paulo paused. “You look so goddamned serious, but you’ve got to be fucking with me.”
Law leaned over, began stroking a hand through his hair. “I’m not. I would never do that to you.”
“Keep doing that.”
“Touching you?”
“Yeah. Missed that. Like that you’re not pushing me away the way you were in the beginning.”
“I missed it too,” Law whispered. “Don’t run anymore.”
“It’s too crowded…too many people in your bed.”
Law touched the bruise under Paulo’s eye. “Normally I’d agree, but now I’d have to say with you and Styx, there’s no such thing. I like that kind of crowded, Paulo. I want it.”
“I’ve never committed either,” Paulo said. “I didn’t think I would ever be able to. I was always looking for a way to bolt.”
“I won’t keep you anywhere you don’t want to be…but fuck, I want you to stay,” Law implored.
Law hadn’t been with Styx for ten years—making Paulo a part of it hadn’t been in the plan—hell, there hadn’t been one, but now that it was unfolding, he realized nothing had ever felt this right.
“Where can this go?” Paulo asked.
“Forward,” Law said quietly. “We move forward together.”
“All three of us?”
“It’s been happening already,” Law reminded him, and while that was truth Paulo would obviously concede to, the circumstances surrounding it had been extraordinary. Dangerous.
What would happen when things went back to normal?
“I don’t think normal’s anything the three of us need to worry about.” Law smiled a little. “Are you willing to try?”
“What’s my choice? To give up two men I…” He paused and then stared at Law. “To give up two men I love. I don’t want to do that.”
“I love you, Paulo. Now we just have to convince that stubborn one that he’s better off with us than without.”
“How is this supposed to work?” Paulo asked. “Are we supposed to share you—one night in my bed, one night in his?”
Law didn’t know what to say, because to him, that didn’t sound bad at all. These two men both tugged at him—hard—and he didn’t know what direction to turn.
“You told me you were a switch,” Paulo said. “Is that only for him?”
Law stared at Paulo with those intense blue eyes, a storm of emotion coming over them. “No.”
“So you’d let me top you, then?”
Law hesitated. “It’s not about not wanting you to fuck me. That’s not what my switching’s all about.”
“It’s about letting yourself be dominated…trusting someone enough to lose total control,” Paulo said, and Law blinked. “What? You think I don’t fantasize about that? You know I do—I told you in the diner one of the first times I met you that I wanted to tie you down so you couldn’t get away.”
Law swallowed hard. “I don’t like to lose control.”
“Yeah, no shit.” Law moved away at Paulo’s words but Paulo caught him. “S’okay, Law. It really is.”
“If you want to fuck me, you could’ve just asked.”
“I just want you—doesn’t matter how. Christ, am I not allowed to ask questions?”
Law swallowed and Paulo saw the walls that had started to go up again fall a bit. “You can ask.”
“I guess we all have to do a better job of letting our guards down,” Paulo said.
“I’ve held back,” Law admitted. “I was scared you’d find out who I really am. A scared, abused boy who’s still fucked up, all these years later.”
“You don’t seem all that fucked up to me,” Paulo told him. “You’ve made a good life for yourself.”
“I’ve backed away from any chance of real love…”
“Until now,” Paulo said.
“Yeah, until now,” Law echoed. “Ironic that Styx came back into the picture right now.”
“I don’t think there’s anything about coincidences that are coincidence.”
“God, you sound just like Greg,” Law muttered.
“Is that good?”
“Greg would’ve approved of Paulo…of all of this that’s happening between us.” Styx’s voice took them by surprise and they turned to find him watching both of them carefully.
“I thought you were on the phone,” Law said.
“I made my call. But I don’t like missing things. I’ve spent too long doing that—I won’t let him take away anything more, including time with both of you.”
“You really think this will work—the three of us?” Paulo asked.
“I think it already is,” Styx said, and Law added, “How can it not? I won’t let either of you go. I spent too long without anyone. Let’s just call this fate’s way of making up for lost time.”
At Law’s words, Styx came forward slowly, moving like the predator he was, stripping his shirt off and sinking into the mattress between Paulo’s legs.
“Oh, fuck.” Paulo reached down to thread his hands through Styx’s hair, which was a shade darker than his but not as dark as Law’s. Styx’s hair color was right in between his and Law’s…and that’s not where Styx himself was any longer, not between them, but with them. And what a difference that made. “I don’t know what you both want from me.”
“You. That’s all. It’s that simple.”
“I’m used to running.”
“I’m used to pushing people away. But I think we can change,” Law told him. “I never thought I’d find one love of my life, never mind two.”
Styx slid Paulo’s cock in his mouth and hummed with satisfaction.
Law was kissing him and Styx was sucking him, urging him on with his tongue and a slight scrape of teeth, and Paulo’s cock throbbed in his mouth.
But instead of finishing the blowjob, Styx rose, told Law, “I want to watch Paulo fuck you,” and no, the man didn’t miss a trick, had no doubt been listening to them for longer than they’d thought.
Law shook his head, his cheeks flushed, and he looked ready to bolt. Paulo understood the strong reaction and he put his hand out on Law’s shoulder to reassure him.
“I can’t,” Law whispered finally, his voice raw.
“You should do this,” Styx said but Paulo jumped in quickly with, “He doesn’t have to.”
“No, he doesn’t,” Styx agreed. “But I think he wants to try it with you.”
Both men looked at Law, whose expression was still dark. And even as Styx moved behind Law and started to strip him, he told Paulo, “You’ll have to lead him. You’ll have to be in charge.”
Paulo watched Law’s clothes come off, and the man sank against Styx’s chest, closed his eyes as Styx’s hand went to his cock and stroked a few times.
Paulo’s throat went dry as Styx flipped Law and gave Paulo a wickedly hot look before he began tonguing the man’s ass. Law bucked, maybe would’ve moved, but Styx held him fast by the hips as he worked.
“Je
sus, Styx,” Law breathed, and then he uttered a cross between a whimper and a moan as Styx continued to work him over. Law could come just from that, Paulo decided, wondered if it was Styx’s plan. “Please, touch my dick.”
But Styx wouldn’t and Law couldn’t lift an arm off the bed.
Paulo couldn’t keep his hand off his own cock while he watched Law squirming and begging and Styx hadn’t stopped his assault.
Law cried out when he came hard, his body practically vibrating, and God, the man looked so beautiful fighting and ultimately giving in to his lust.
Styx didn’t waste time, had lubed his cock already, and he rose and drove into Law hard, while the man was still recovering from his orgasm. Law’s head rose and he stared into Paulo’s eyes as Styx took him.
“Put your cock in his mouth, Paulo,” Styx directed, told him again when he hesitated.
Paulo approached, knelt on the bed—no small feat the way it was rocking—and Law licked his bottom lip as Paulo’s cock bobbed in front of his face. He guided it into Law’s mouth and Styx slowed his movements, allowing Law to deep throat him, hum around his cock with Styx’s languid movements. Paulo gripped Law’s hair, more turned on by the fact that Law was trapped between them…that Law allowed it, felt safe enough with both of them to let go like this.
“Come in his mouth,” Styx told him. “Then you’re going to take his ass.”
At his words, Law groaned around Paulo’s cock and Paulo came, hard enough to see stars, calling out Law’s name.
Law had forgotten how quickly Paulo’s cock rebounded—the man always seemed to stay hard even after several orgasms, and he knew Styx was right, that he needed to let this happen, needed to let Paulo take him.
He sat up, still on his knees, as Styx went to the bathroom. He heard water running as Paulo massaged his back and when Styx came back after cleaning himself, Paulo and Styx switched places. As Styx lay down in front of him, Law felt Paulo’s hands on his shoulders, pressing him down toward Styx’s cock.
Being used by these men was more than a fantasy and it didn’t take much for Law to take Styx’s cock in his mouth. Paulo’s hands remained on his back, half massage, half to keep him in place. And when Paulo’s fingers skimmed the seam of his ass, Law jumped a little, but the hand held him firm.