Always with You (WIth You Trilogy)

by Sable, R. J.

  “I’m not lanky, asshole,” Jake growled, elbowing Craig in the ribs.

  “What did you call me?” Craig scowled, not so playful anymore.

  Not this again. Why can’t Jake learn to take a joke? Craig wasn’t making it any easier by overreacting either.

  I decided a pre-emptive attack was the best defence and jumped onto the sofa so that I was half sat between them and half sat on them.

  “No fighting,” I warned. “He called you lanky and you called him an asshole. Neither is true so let’s call it even.”

  They both scowled grumpily but I kissed each of them on the cheek and reminded them that there was birthday cake to be eaten and they relaxed a bit. The twins usually acted as peacekeepers between the two of them but somebody had to pick up the slack when they weren’t about.

  Jake obviously hadn’t talked to any of the others about the concerns he’d voiced when I’d been in Newcastle. I wished he would. He didn’t need to be so hostile and standoffish with them, it just made things worse.

  When the day progressed and things didn’t seem to be getting any better between the two of them, I decided to interfere. I either had to knock their heads together or force them to actually talk or they’d ruin Jason’s birthday. I dragged them up to my room to confront them.

  “What’s wrong with you two?” I demanded once I’d shut the door. “You’ve been at each other’s throats since the others left.”

  “He’s been a grumpy pain in the ass all afternoon,” Craig shrugged lounging back onto my bed.

  “Maybe if you were a bit nicer to him?” I offered.

  “Jelly, I don’t need you sticking your nose in,” Jake scowled.

  I frowned. I wasn’t trying to be mean or nosey. I just wanted Jake to be happier.

  “Fine,” I shrugged. “But it’s Jason’s birthday and you two are being total downers. Would you please talk it out before you come down. I love you both and want you to be happy.” I turned and left them in my room, praying to God that they’d actually take my advice.

  Hannah helped me clear up all the empty drinks cans and pizza boxes whilst I waited for them to reappear. Jason and Ben were laughing away with the boys. Xander was pretending to keep me company in the kitchen whilst he checked the street outside through the kitchen window.

  “Was good to see your brother get his ass handed to him,” Xander grinned.

  “Karl?” I frowned.

  He nodded. “Been on a few training courses with him. Ball buster doesn’t cut it.”

  I laughed, my heart swelling with pride for my big brother. I thought he’d be pretty proud of having that reputation at work.

  “Jason did good,” I grinned.

  “I can see why Ian trusts him with you,” Xander nodded and I smiled again, delighted to hear those words.

  I trusted Jason without a doubt but trust didn’t come quite as easily for my brothers. I could hear footsteps coming down the stairs and turned to see whether they’d sorted it out by beating on each other. I wouldn’t have been surprised.

  I was delighted to see they both looked fine. Jake came into the kitchen and kissed my forehead and hugged me before retreating back into the lounge with the guys. I took that as a silent thank you and beamed happily.

  I let Jason pick my outfit for my night out. I figured it would be okay seeing as neither Ian nor Karl were around and they were usually the ones who got upset about my clothing choices. He spent more time picking out my underwear than my dress and I giggled at him whilst I lay naked on the bed waiting for him to dress me.

  “This is almost as much as fun as undressing you,” he grinned. “Almost,” he stressed.

  “How come?” I chuckled.

  “Because I can’t stop imagining peeling these off you,” he whispered, coming over to press a kiss to my bare back.

  “I’m naked now,” I pointed out, my own voice mimicking the lustful whisper of his.

  “You are,” he grinned.

  “But everyone’s waiting for us,” I teased.

  “They can wait a bit longer,” he smiled a naughty smile. “I am the birthday boy after all.”

  I grinned back and let him sweep me up in his arms, already not caring that Jake and Craig were downstairs waiting. After all, who was I to say no to the birthday boy?

  Chapter 20

  Thursday 22nd August, 2013

  Dammit, not again. I thought I’d moved past this. I woke up sweating and crying in Jason’s arms once more. I hadn’t had a nightmare in a couple of weeks. I’d decided to go without the sleeping tablet for one night because I thought I’d moved past it. My therapist, Dr Flemming, had been so good. She’d helped me come to terms with what had happened and I was learning to live with it. Clearly, I hadn’t made as much progress as I’d thought.

  “I thought I was past this,” I sobbed into Jason’s shoulder.

  “It’s okay, little squirrel,” Jason soothed. “It’s okay.”

  “I feel so pathetic. I’m not a kid any more, I shouldn’t be scared of sleeping,” I blubbered, holding on to him tightly.

  “Jamie, nightmares aren’t just for kids. What you went though was scary, it’s bound to affect you.”

  I continued to sniffle whilst he rocked me back and forth, feeling thoroughly pathetic.

  “I used to have really bad nightmares too,” Jason admitted.

  I stilled in his arms. I wasn’t so disturbed from my bad dreams that I was going to miss a rare insight into Jason.

  “You did?” I asked tentatively.

  “Yeah,” he whispered, his warm breath tickling my scalp. “Used to have these weird nightmares. Still don’t know where they came from. Started when I was a kid and I still get them every now and then. Not so much since I met you though.”

  I smiled at the idea that I somehow made his nightmares disappear.

  “Will you tell me about them?” I asked cautiously. I was aware that I shouldn’t have been pushing him but I just wanted to forget about my own nightmares for a while.

  “You sure? They were pretty gruesome,” he wrinkled his nose.

  I nodded and he pressed a kiss to my forehead and rolled us back onto the bed so I could lie on his chest. I could feel his chest vibrating as he talked, along with the steady beat of the heart represented in ink on his peck.

  “They were always slightly different but usually about the same thing. I’d always be in a white tiled room. There’d be this angel in front of me, all dressed in white, wings and everything. She didn’t have a face, it kinda looked like she was made out of light,” he took a deep breath and I squeezed him gently because I knew he probably didn’t want to talk about it but he was doing it for me. “Then out of nowhere this… I don’t know what… a demon I guess. It would just appear. Black cloak, red eyes, all that nightmare shit. It’d start attacking her with an axe or a sword or something. I don’t really know what it was. I’d just be stood there, helpless. I didn’t do anything. Couldn’t do anything. Just watched it hack her apart over and over again.” He paused and rubbed his hand over his face. “I’d wake up once she was chopped into pieces.”

  I cringed at the mental image and the idea that Jason had been seeing that same thing over and over again since he was a kid. I was only now realising how much of himself Jason had kept back from me and each new scrap of information was like a piece of the puzzle being filled in.

  “That’s awful, I’m so sorry,” I whispered against his neck.

  “Not your fault, little squirrel,” he shrugged. “Just thought you should know you’re not the only one with messed up nightmares.”

  “Did you ever talk to anyone about them?” I asked, immediately regretting it because I doubted he could have turned to his dad and asked for help.

  “No,” he scoffed. “But Ben did used to wake me up whenever I started making noises in my sleep. The dickhead got pissed if we made any noise after lights out.”

  I frowned at the reminder of how horrible Jason’s father was and the bitterness
in his voice. I hated that he’d had to live through that.

  “How did you get the nightmares to stop?” I asked, trying to save Jason from thinking about his dad.

  “I didn’t,” he shrugged. “I just got really good at operating on very little sleep. Like I said, I stopped getting them so much when I met you. There’s too much goodness in you for any darkness to seep in.”

  I smiled at his gushy romanticism and resisted the urge to call him cheesy. Instead, I pressed kisses to his tattoo and held him tighter. “There’s a lot of good in you too, Jason. My life is better in everyway since you became a part of it.”

  ***

  Saturday, 31st August 2013

  Now that Bradley and Eric were back in Leeds, poor Xander had been reprimanded to the sofa. He didn’t complain though, not once. We’d been getting on a lot better since the weekend in Newcastle. I trusted that he would be there if I needed him and, as a result, I tried my hardest not to cause him problems.

  He wasn’t as bad as I’d first thought. In all fairness, I hadn’t given the best first impression and he probably thought I was a brat who was going to make his life difficult. The guy had given up almost two months of his life without a single word about what sort of an inconvenience it could be for him.

  He’d taken me and Jason down to Derby a couple of times and my brothers paid for him to have a hotel whilst he was there. It was his R&R, a chance for him to get away from being on his guard all the time, although I got the impression that Xander was always on guard. It was part of who he was. He was a lot like Ian in that way.

  This weekend, Karl and Matt were coming to stay with me instead and they’d be arriving in a few hours. I’d had a good night’s sleep, which was becoming less and less uncommon, and was looking forward to seeing them.

  We’d been down to Derby the weekend before to celebrate Karl’s thirtieth birthday. It went down much the same as Matt’s and, knowing what was coming, I’d gone home early to avoid the climax of the night. Karl had been gracious enough not to mention it the morning after so I was happy to remain oblivious to which piercings my big brother may or may not now have.

  I woke alone for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. Jason was still a little clingy. I loved being around him. I wasn’t really complaining, I was just worried that his clinginess was because he was scared. After much badgering, I’d finally convinced him to join the rest of the MMA guys for a boys’ night out.

  I’d initially been worried that I’d have a nightmare without the comfort of Jason’s warmth encapsulating me but I’d thankfully slept okay. Not brilliantly but still much better than I had expected.

  Having changed out of my pyjamas, I wandered downstairs to see if Xander was up and about. He usually was. I swear he doesn’t sleep.

  “Morning, Xander,” I greeted happily, finding him in the kitchen with his usual toxically strong coffee.

  “Morning,” he nodded. “Want to run?” He asked once he’d seen that I was kitted up.

  “If we can,” I affirmed.

  He didn’t always say yes. He made sure we didn’t run at the same time every day and we never took the same route twice. If there was anything positive about it, it was that I was learning my way around a bit better. We hadn’t had an early morning run for a few days so I’d taken a risk and gotten dressed into my running gear rather optimistically.

  “Sure,” he nodded again, his eyes smiling kindly in perfect contrast to his stern expression.

  I’d learnt that there was almost no point looking at the expression on his face because it was almost always the same. His eyes, on the other hand, were very forthcoming.

  I waited, as usual, for him to beckon me out of the door and let him lead the way. We’d fallen into a comfortable routine on our runs. He’d ask me how far I wanted to run and then we’d run in relative silence. Every now and then one of us would point out an amusing car registration or nod our heads at a fellow runner. He was good company. It was like running with Karl.

  After my watch vibrated to tell me we’d run five kilometres, Xander seemed to sour somewhat. He was concentrated and less inclined to let me set the pace. He made me sprint for a bit, then he slowed the tempo right down again. I was in the process of worrying whether I was running too slowly for him when he reached into his pocket and took out his phone, tapping a few times on the screen.

  “There’s an alley up ahead,” he said suddenly, eyes on the road ahead. His voice was calm yet authoritative and I knew not to question him. “Between two rows of terraces. Want you to duck in and wait for me.”

  I nodded nervously. Something had him spooked and I didn’t like it. I saw the alley in question and turned abruptly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my pulse skyrocket on the screen of my watch and it wasn’t because I’d just sprinted a few hundred meters and ducked in behind a dustbin.

  I stared blindly at the red brick wall in front of me and waited anxiously for Xander to find me. What did he see? What if something has happened to him? The seconds ticked by and I curled further into my little ball, huddled behind the bin. I could feel myself shaking as I tried really hard not to go into a panic thinking about being tied up in that filthy warehouse.

  “Jelly?” Xander called out.

  I breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of his voice, but didn’t quite trust my quivering body to support my weight.

  “Here,” I called as loudly as I could, which wasn’t loud at all because my voice seemed to be following my body’s lead and shaking pitifully.

  “You okay?” He frowned, finding me in my hiding place.

  I nodded timidly, still not quite ready to get up.

  “Freaked you out, huh?” He smiled ever so slightly.

  I nodded again.

  “Sorry. Just wanted to be sure.” He squatted down in front of me and handed me his phone. “Recognise this car?”

  I looked at the picture on the screen. It was a bog-standard, silver, four-door saloon. The registration plate didn’t ring any bells either so I shook my head.

  “How about the guy driving it?” He asked, sliding his thumb to reveal the previous picture.

  It was an impressively good shot considering it’d been taken on a phone. The guy looked around fifty with a light beard and greying hair. I’d never seen him before in my life so I shook my head again.

  “Okay, good,” Xander nodded. “I’ll send you the picture. You see him again, let me know.”

  I nodded. “Why?”

  “I saw the same car a few times this morning,” he shrugged. “Better safe than sorry.”

  “Okay,” I nodded slowly. So it might have been just nothing? I relaxed slightly and let him pull me to my feet, feeling a little more stable.

  I didn’t feel quite right for the rest of the run. I wanted to ask Xander if we could just take a shortcut back but that felt like admitting defeat. Whoever it was that I was at risk from was already inconveniencing my life. I wasn’t going to let them take away my running through inciting fear.

  When we arrived back at the front door, I breathed a discrete sigh of relief. I was glad I had stuck it out but it definitely didn’t rank amongst my all-time favourite runs. Xander seemed to recognise that I was shaken up by it and his eyes were a little kinder than usual.

  “Stretch out,” he nodded in his usual curt fashion.

  I shook my head and felt myself smiling despite myself. He knew I would stretch out without being told to do so. I think he just liked telling me what to do, or perhaps he knew it would annoy me and distract me from worrying about the silver saloon.

  I did as I was told and plonked myself down onto the kitchen floor. I’d almost done when there was a knock on the door. I tensed but then realised I was being ridiculous. A bad guy wasn’t going to walk up and knock on the door. Xander relinquished his second cup of coffee and answered the door in his usual cautious fashion.

  “Morning, little squirrel,” Jason graced me with his million-dollar smile as his large frame filled t
he doorway to the kitchen.

  “Jason!” I beamed. I hadn’t expected to see him for a few hours. I figured he’d have had a late night.

  Seeing his tousled locks and eyes gleaming happily grounded me and I realised just how much I’d missed him. I wasn’t used to spending time away from him. I liked that he’d spent the night out with the boys though. I didn’t want either of us to absorb the other’s world, even though he’d always be the most important thing in mine.

  “I bought you a soy latte,” he smiled, presenting me with a takeaway cup.

  “I knew there was a reason I loved you,” I teased, jumping up to kiss him appreciatively.

  He’d had a late night, then gotten up relatively early to trek all the way to my favourite coffee shop to get me a latte before coming here. He really is adorable.

  Jason smiled against my lips as we withdrew from the kiss. “Keep giving me those and I’ll make sure you have an unlimited caffeine supply.”

  “You’ve got yourself a deal,” I laughed, the last of the silver-saloon tension disappearing from my shoulders thanks to Jason’s natural ability to put me at ease.

  I showered quickly and bounded down the stairs, hoping to enjoy a little time on the sofa with Jason before Karl and Matt arrived. Unfortunately, they had other ideas and knocked on the door just as I arrived in front of it after descending the stairs.

  “Jelly,” Xander growled in warning as I went to open the door.

  “I can see it’s Karl through the door,” I pouted, stepping back a few paces.

  Xander shook his head at me in exasperation, opening the door for himself and sheltering me behind him.

  “Alright, Xander,” Karl grinned, clapping him on the back as he pushed his way into the small entranceway.

  “Sarg,” Xander nodded, closing the door once Matt was inside.

  “Jellybean,” Karl scooped me up in his arms and squeezed me tight and Matt followed suit.

  “Where’s my coffee, Jelly?” Matt demanded, only half-joking.