Embracing Love (Tainted Love Book 3)

by Lily Zante

  It was so totally unprofessional. She’d botched the entire thing.

  They clapped, and smiled at her, and a couple of people had some more questions for her. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

  Wasn’t it?

  She answered all the questions then thanked them for their time and hoped they would enjoy the rest of the presentations.

  “That was excellent,” said Russell, beaming at her appreciatively. “Now I have a better handle of what you guys have been up to.”

  “Great job, Tanya.” Michael nodded.

  “Extremely enlightening.” Gabriel’s brown eyes lingered on hers.

  She uttered ‘thank you’ and waited patiently for them all to file out as Melissa rushed around the now empty room tidying it up.

  When it was just the three of them, Tanya collapsed into her chair and buried her face in her hands. “That was awful.”

  “No, it wasn’t. You started off shaky, but you pulled it together.” Nadine would give her honest feedback but it didn’t make her feel any better.

  Tanya shook her head. “I fell to pieces.”

  Melissa walked over. “You didn’t. You did seem nervous at the start, but that’s because we know you well. I doubt the others even noticed.”

  “Michael did. That’s why he had you jump in.”

  “That was a bit unnecessary,” agreed Nadine, as Melissa hurried away to speak to the catering staff. “But apart from the people who know, like Melissa said, the rest of it was seamless.”

  “And that social media page.” Tanya gasped, holding her face in her hands. “I could have died.”

  “It was unexpected,” agreed Nadine, “but you clicked away from it so fast that it was forgotten as suddenly as it came up. Now, tell me what’s really going on with you?”

  They walked out together because suddenly staying in that room a moment longer had her feeling claustrophobic.

  “Damn,” said Nadine looking at her watch. “Do you mind if we catch up later? I have two presentations back to back before lunch. And then another one after lunch.”

  Tanya didn’t envy Nadine her load. She knew the woman would ace it.

  “Let’s meet for lunch, okay?” Nadine suggested. “You did well and you should stop beating yourself up about it.”

  Chapter 23

  Tanya stood alone by one of the tables, a distance away from where everyone else was gathered together in the main area outside the conference rooms.

  She wasn’t in the mood to mingle with anyone in the fifteen minute break before Nadine’s presentation. Placing her laptop down carefully, she poured herself a glass of water.

  She’d come completely undone this morning in a way that she never had before. She was losing her grip, losing her sharpness, getting older and turning into a failure.

  “Hey,” her heart soared at the French accent, and she spun around only to have her spirits nosedive.

  Luc approached her with a look of concern on his face and placed his hand on her arm. “What happened to you in there?”

  She shook her head and clutched the ice cold glass to her chest. “Nerves, I think.” He stood too close for her liking and she instinctively took a step back.

  “It’s not like you, Tanya.”

  “It’s over now. There’s nothing I can do to fix it.” She tried to nudge his hand away. “What did I tell you?” She hissed.

  “Your kiss said something else.” He moved his hand up, gently brushed his fingers against her jaw. “We’re here all weekend…”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. The audacity of the man. “Stop it.” She placed her hand over his fingers in order to pull his hand away.

  “You’re upset. That was Vincent, wasn’t it?” She’d made the mistake of telling him her woes one lonely, drunken night. She yanked his hand away but he gripped hers in return as their hands dropped lower.

  “Will you stop this?” She snarled again.

  He leaned in. “I’m trying to be here for you.”

  Hurrrrump. Michael Zimmerman chose that particular moment to stroll past, with both Russell and Gabriel in tow.

  Oh great. Just great.

  She saw disapproval written all over Michael’s face and disappointment all over Gabriel’s. Thankfully, Russell was busy on his cell but that didn’t matter.

  She felt the heat rise along the back of her neck and ears, before it crept to her face. She was mortified. They passed by quickly and her attempts to seek out Gabriel’s eyes went unheeded as he closed off, barely acknowledging her as they quickly slipped past.

  Tanya closed her eyes and struggled to understand what had just happened. “Don’t you ever do that again. There is nothing, NOTHING, that I want to happen between us and I am so sorry if I ever gave you signs there might have been.” She pushed Luc’s hand away in disgust, slammed down her glass and grabbed her laptop.

  She needed a few moments alone, and she rushed back to her room. She didn’t have the heart to show her face at Nadine’s presentation.

  But back in her room, she no longer felt the urge to cry, as she had done this morning when the shock of Vincent’s announcement had hit her.

  Now, her feelings were of disappointment. Of letting herself down, of letting Gabriel down.

  They had kissed last night, no matter how lightly their lips had touched or for how fleeting a second—they had kissed.

  He had wanted her, as much as she wanted him.

  It wasn’t a figment of her imagination. This was real. And she wanted to see where it would lead.

  If she walked away now, if she let Gabriel walk away, she’d never know the answer.

  It wasn’t Michael she was concerned about. Her thoughts were with Gabriel. She’d ruined any chances of anything happening between them. She’d caught a glimmer of what something with him might be like. Hope, as nebulous as a wisp of summer, had begun to bloom for her. And just like that, it had vanished.

  She could walk away now, or she could fix it. And in that instant she knew exactly what it was that she would do.

  She had to try and make him see that he’d been mistaken. And with that thought, she closed her eyes and gave herself a while to recharge her spirit.

  There was no way she was going to miss Nadine’s second presentation, so she left her room so that she’d arrive just in time for Nadine’s presentation.

  Walking in right at the very end, she slipped into the seat right at the back against the wall, next to Melissa who gave her a friendly nod.

  Tanya looked around discreetly trying to locate Gabriel, and found him sitting in the front row again, with Russell and Michael. His dark head of hair, so glossy and thick, stood out like a homing beacon.

  How would she face him?

  Simple. She would explain that there was nothing between her and Luc.

  Nothing. Just a kiss. Once. Twice.

  She gulped. And the thing with Michael. What a corporate whore she was.

  The man to whom she had felt so irresistibly drawn toward was almost about to slip through her fingers.

  She would not let that happen.

  She watched Nadine slide and glide effortlessly with the grace and ease of a gazelle as she walked and turned, and maneuvered the mouse, speaking with confidence to every person in the room.

  The woman was a smooth and polished presenter. In fact, thought Tanya, if the roof suddenly caved in a corner of the room, Nadine would carry on and the audience would be so spell bound that they wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

  Nadine had that effect on people.

  She too, used to have that effect on people once.

  Though she looked on with interest at Nadine and watched the slideshow, Tanya wasn’t paying the slightest attention. All she could see was the back of Gabriel’s head and all she wanted was to see his face.

  She needed to know that he was okay with her. While Nadine drew her presentation to a powerful close, and fielded questions from everyone, Tanya was immersed in her thoughts, and busy scribbling in her notebo
ok.

  By the time the presentation ended Tanya had created a work of doodle art in her notebook. Now she craved lunch, having forgone her breakfast.

  Melissa got up to leave. “I need to make sure lunch is ready,” she told Tanya in a hushed voice.

  “Thank you. This marks the end of the morning session. We have lunch laid out in the banqueting hall and the afternoon sessions begin at one o’clock.”

  The attendees got up slowly, talking animatedly as new relationships and alliances were formed and they took their time to file out. Tanya remained seated, waiting patiently, her eyes riveted on Gabriel’s broad back.

  Anytime now he would turn and catch her eye. She got up in anticipation, waiting for him to get up and come to her. As if he could feel her stare, he turned around at that moment and glanced her way. Her lips were already formed into a smile in anticipation of their meeting.

  But he looked through her and turned back to Russell, continuing his conversation. Her smile vanished.

  Thierry, Stephan and Luc greeted her on their way out. “Coming for lunch?” Thierry asked her.

  “I’ll see you there.” She told them, her gaze never wavering from the group Gabriel was a part of. But they headed out of the other exit, leaving her hurt and disappointed.

  He hadn’t wanted to know her at all; he hadn’t even looked her way. She walked slowly to the front of the room where Nadine cleared away her belongings. “You did very well,” said Tanya, even though she’d barely listened.

  “Thanks.” Nadine rolled up her laptop cable and slipped it into her bag. “I didn’t see you at my first presentation.” Nadine’s brows knitted together as she zipped up her bag.

  “Sorry. I had some emails to attend to.”

  Nadine believed her lie. Why wouldn’t she? “Come on, let’s have lunch.”

  Tanya couldn’t wait. She needed a girl friend’s good listening ear. They made their way to the banqueting hall and Tanya looked around to see how and where people were seated. Today the groups were more mixed, as friendships were formed. The Europeans, Mitchell, Melissa and her friends had snagged a table together and there was only one seat available.

  At the back, Michael, Russell and Gabriel sat with Ethan. “Is that Ethan?” Tanya asked. Nadine looked and shrugged. “He’s playing golf with them all afternoon.”

  All afternoon?

  “All of them?”

  Nadine nodded, and slipped a yogurt pot onto her tray. “All of them. He can’t play, so I think it’ll make for an interesting game.”

  Tanya’s spirits floated slowly to the ground. She wouldn’t get any chance to speak to Gabriel.

  “Come on,” nudged Nadine. “We’ll take one of those smaller tables over here.” Reluctantly Tanya followed.

  “I haven’t seen Sandra.” Tanya commented. The odious woman hadn’t been at yesterday’s Cocktail reception either which was strange because Sandra always made a point to get to the convention much earlier than was necessary and she spent the days having spa treatments.

  “She’s not coming. She’s got some personal stuff to deal with.”

  Tanya got ready to dive into her salad and picked up her fork, then stopped. “Such as?”

  Nadine shook her head. “I don’t think I should say. It’s personal.”

  “You know what it is?”

  Nadine nodded, getting started on her salad.

  Tanya angled her head. “You’re not going to tell me?”

  As if it was a difficult decision to make, Nadine snagged a carrot on the end of her fork, appeared to be thinking about whether to spill the news or not. She sighed, as though the decision was a heavy one. “I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s something she confided in me and I’m not sure she’s ready to tell anyone.”

  “But she told you?” They’d been bonding alright. Too many lunches together.

  Nadine nodded. “I wish I could tell you. It’s …the last thing you’d ever expect.”

  Tanya jerked her head back. “She’s having an affair?”

  Nadine simply stared back at her.

  “She’s a lesbian?”

  Nadine kept her cool, giving nothing away.

  “She’s a man in disguise.”

  Nadine laughed. “Please, don’t. It’s hard enough but this one…this is important. I’m sure it’ll come out in time. If she chooses to.”

  They ate in silence and no matter how much it needled her, Tanya had to admit the woman could keep things to herself. It was good to know because she’d trusted Nadine with secrets that she would rather forget. “You’re a good friend.”

  “Where did that come from?” Nadine asked.

  Tanya shrugged and continued to play with her food, she wanted to talk about Gabriel, but knew she’d stopped Nadine each time her friend had brought up the topic. Nadine wasn’t one to keep digging. But she wanted her to this time.

  “I’m looking forward to tonight’s party,” said Nadine. “I can’t wait to get my presentations over with.”

  “I bet.”

  “So…what was that? The screen you accidentally switched to in your presentation?”

  Tanya squared her shoulders. She’d not really discussed much of her past with Nadine, and now she’d rather they talked about Gabriel but…“Vincent. My ex. He’s getting married. He proposed. She said yes.”

  “And you’re still cut up about it?”

  If Nadine had asked her yesterday, she would have been. A little. But today things were different—it was as if she’d needed something else, someone she felt a connection with, to make her push all lingering thoughts of Vincent out of her system for good.

  “I thought I was.” She really had thought so. But Gabriel had somehow worked his way into her heart. And she’d gone and messed that up as well.

  “You thought you were?” Nadine looked confused.

  Tanya stole a glance over Nadine’s shoulder. “Oh,” Nadine turned and saw the table with Gabriel, “I get it. I totally get it.”

  “I didn’t even know I felt that way about him—until yesterday. Is that crazy?”

  In answer, she saw the excitement build up in Nadine’s eyes. “It’s not crazy at all. Sometimes you don’t know what you have right under your nose.” She gave Tanya another one of those I-told-you-so looks.

  “He has baggage too.”

  “Who doesn’t?” replied Nadine. “Only babies have no baggage. The rest of us…”

  “His baggage is as crappy as mine.”

  “Two big crappy bags of baggage. You’ll have so much in common.” Nadine scooped a spoon of yogurt into her mouth. Tanya had barely touched her plate, and yet she’d been so hungry until Gabriel had ignored her.

  “He gave me the cold shoulder.”

  “Why?”

  And when Tanya said nothing, her friend persisted. “What did I miss?”

  Knowing Nadine kept her secrets, she made her confession. “I never told you about Luc, did I?”

  Nadine’s eyes widened in an oh-my-god-expression.

  “No, nothing happened,” said Tanya leaning in, whispering quickly. “Nothing, I swear to you. I swear.”

  “Okay, I believe you.”

  “Nothing happened.” Tanya repeated, needing badly for her friend to get this message. “We kissed a couple of times—the second time it might have led to something…thank goodness it didn’t. The night of Thierry’s birthday meal.”

  “You said nothing happened!”

  “It didn’t. Just a kiss. And then I came home.”

  It had been a lucky escape. If he’d let her go to his place, she’d have ended up in his bed.

  “And Gabriel is avoiding you because?”

  “Because ever since those two incidents, Luc seems to think he has a thing for me. He seems to think I’m interested in him and that if he just worked on me enough times, I might just give in.”

  “Doesn’t it bother him that you’re higher up than him and that you’re from head office?”

  Tanya shook her head. �
��I think he can only see the hasn’t-had-sex-in-a-year tag I’ve got branded on my forehead.”

  Nadine almost choked on her yogurt. She coughed and thumped her chest, then took a sip of water. Tanya waited for her friend to recompose herself.

  “Poor you. I had no idea.” Nadine sympathized. “Do you think maybe you were giving him the come on?”

  Only Nadine would say that to her. “Maybe. I think…yes. I’ve not exactly pushed him away. He gave me attention. I took it. I needed to know I was attractive.”

  “Oh, honey,” said Nadine. “You are attractive. You just need to get your groove back.”

  Tanya smiled, already feeling a little better.

  “But, gosh. No sex in over a year? Really? You poor thing.” Nadine spoke as thought she’d just caught the Ebola virus.

  “Don’t pity me.”

  “Not pitying you.” Nadine dove her spoon into her yogurt again. “So, go on, you shared a kiss…”

  “So this morning, after my presentation, Luc came up to me, tried to console me, did that whole putting his hands on my face thing. Maybe he thought it was his chance to sneak in. I brushed him off, and that’s when Michael, Russell and Gabriel walked past. They saw it.”

  Nadine shook her head. “No way.”

  “Yes way.”

  “Shit. Talk about bad timing.”

  Tanya nodded her head. “It’s the last thing you needed,” said Nadine, giving her an apologetic look. “That’s the reason you weren’t at my presentation.”

  “My ex getting remarried threw me this morning. I guess it was a weird morning anyway. I’ve been feeling out of sorts. I don’t know why. And last night…didn’t quite happen either. I think I wanted it to happen. I have all these feelings, old and new floating around my head. Everything is so unbalanced.”

  “There’s a lot of emotional stuff going on for you,” Nadine agreed.

  “And now he’s avoiding me completely and I don’t know how to fix it.”

  “But fix it you must. So, how are we going to do this?”

  Tanya shook her head. “There’s no we in this. I have to do this myself.”

  “Sure you do, but if I can help in —”

  “You’ve done enough.” Tanya smiled. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I just don’t see that we have much time. Not if they’re going to be on the golf range for most of the afternoon.”