Now what should I do? I don’t know what to use. I don’t know how to cut this stuff. I’d learned in my research that powder cocaine was most often cut with acetone to either stretch its volume or dilute the potency without changing the texture, whereas baking soda was generally used in rocking up cocaine. But due to our collective ignorance, I elected to advise Tasha to cut the powder with just a little baking soda.
“Well, just use a little.”
“We did, Carmen, and we are still high behind it. Terrance will probably be dead by the time I get back home.”
“Please, don’t say that.” I placed my hand to my chest.
“No, he’s okay. He has one of his friends over.”
I am going to silk it. “It’s like this, Tasha, I don’t cut my packages. I don’t deal like that. So I honestly don’t know about cutting. I give it like I get it. I like quality. Ask Terrance about my quality.” I winked at Tasha, and she gave me her dentured grin.
“C, that’s why we like you so much,” she replied after gulping her drink.
“But I’m meeting someone, and I can ask him what he uses, if you want.”
“Yes, please. Terrance will wait. I’ll finish my drink ’cause I want to get my snort on. Let that be the reason I wait.”
That damn China got everyone saying that line. China had seen Tasha and her husband the night before. Tasha and Terrance had a great relationship. They did everything together. I guess that was why they’d been able to make it work for eighteen years. That’s what I’m looking for, an everlasting love. We noticed G-Money walking toward the bar.
“Hi, sweetheart.” G reached to hold my hand and I raised my hand to introduce them to each other.
“Hi, G. G, this is Tasha.”
G reached down and kissed her hand. He was such a flirt.
“Tasha, excuse me,” I said, and G followed me over to the phone area.
“G, I’ve got a lot of running to do. I want to leave you with nine ounces, and you work it during the weekend. This way, you’ll be covered. I promised I’d do all I can to help you. So I’m trusting you.”
G gave me a big hug and said, “C, I won’t let you down.” I could tell he appreciated it. I was not certain on the “let me down” part. I knew men were not reliable. I also knew G had been through some problems in the street. Plus, he’d recently gotten out of jail. He was doing everything he could to make it, and in this way we were very similar. Nevertheless, I just didn’t trust his ass. I didn’t trust anyone anymore. Shit! I didn’t even trust the weatherman; I always kept an umbrella in my car.
“G, my associate Tasha snorted her purchase, and she said it’s too strong. It makes her nose bleed and I don’t cut my packages.”
“C, your package is straight. When I rock it, it comes back even more. My pager is blowing up over this. Don’t start cutting it, please. Tell her she can go to Cloud Nine. They have all sorts of stuff to cut with there. She can try baking soda, but it will mess her nose up. I have some one-hundred-dollar packs of powder of some old, weak bullshit that ole boy gave me. It may be good for snorting.”
“G, check this out, I’ll turn you on to her.” Good. I won’t have to see her for ounces. I’m not about to start selling O-Z’s. “I’ll turn you on, but you gotta treat her right. Tasha is good people.”
“Great! I’ll take care of her. I’m trying to get paid.”
I gave him a wink, then we walked back to the bar.
“Tasha, G can take care of your needs. I’ll let y’all talk. I’ve gotta go.”
“Wait, Carmen, I want to ask you something.” Tasha was whispering in my ear. “Is he with your service?”
“No. He’ll probably do you for free, but probably not your husband.”
“You know we do everything together. Terrance wants what I want.”
I just laughed and whispered, “Good luck.” Then I turned to G and asked, “G, you got my tab?”
“Of course, C. Good-bye.”
I looked over my shoulder and saw they were getting along great.
My Jeep’s clock read 9:30 p.m. Time to go home. I had to get T’s money together by Sunday night. I hoped his booty call lasted for another night, but I was living for today, and today I was all right. After all, it gets greater later. I was at the bottom, but I was also on a come-up. I popped in a Sherry Winston CD, and I knew I would somehow be fine. Nothing on my mind but my son and our new life. Safe in a suburban home, streets lined with mature trees and me greeting his school bus at the corner. Dreams can come true.
Seven
Sunday morning and there was still no sign of T-Love. Different scenarios were racing through my head. Was he hurt, did someone jump him or worse… did his wife make another surprise visit? I shook my head to clear the last thought. Well, while the baby is sleeping, I might as well do my usual Sunday errands. My son fell asleep. I placed him in his car seat and decided to go to the grocery store since I had some money. I was gonna splurge and purchase some red snapper. It seemed like just yesterday I was preparing some for Chino and the fellas.
Yeah, that was the first meal I prepared for him and Joe Bub. Old Joe Bub Baby, standing six feet even, with brown skin, a large nose and a dazzling smile. Clothing was this man’s best friend. If you looked in the dictionary under “dapper,” he would be standing there, suited in Armani with a cane, smiling and smelling like Cool Water cologne. He was Chino’s first partner back in the day, but they fell out over some bullshit. The same old shit we all promised on our lives that we’d never fall out over.
Damn, Chino, why we gotta hate each other? Forget it! I’ll pass on the snapper and take my boo to Chuck E. Cheese. He’d really love that, and so would I. Forget red snapper. Forget Chino. And forget the memories!
My beeping pager brought me back to reality. It was G-Money paging me. I turned down the music before I called him back. Dear God, please let it be good news.
“Wuz up with ya, baby?” I confidently spoke into the phone.
“Hi, sweetheart. How are you?”
“I’m well, and you?”
“I’m sitting on top of the world.”
“Oh, really? Do tell.” I listened closely for a juicy come-up story.
“Well, not yet, but I will be. For real, though, I need to see you.”
“Well, today is Sunday, and you know what that means.”
“Yes. You and your boo will be together.”
“Exactly.”
“But this is really important.”
I paused for a moment and wondered what was so important that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow. “Check this out. I’ll see you at Chuck E. Cheese up north at two p.m.” There was silence on the other end. “Hello?” I called out.
“You’re kidding, right?” This time, there was silence on my end. “Aw, come on, C, why there?”
“G, you the one who wanna see me. You getting real comfortable, especially when you know my time goes to my son first. Don’t press me, G,” I warned. “Not now, not ever.”
For a minute neither one of us said anything. The silence seemed to go on forever. Good. Screw him and anyone else. I’ve got enough stress. I don’t need any more.
“Okay, Carmen, you drive a hard bargain. Two o’clock it is.”
“Oh, G,” I called out, making sure he was still there.
“Yes, Carmen?”
“Don’t page me this early again unless it’s an emergency.” And I hung the phone up. I’ve turned into a real bitch!
I had to come down on him like that because I couldn’t be soft. Only God had my back, and He was kinda up there moving on the slow side these days. It was time to get the baby and me dressed to get some playtime in before the day got away. One o’clock and still no sign of T, and no page. He must have really been getting his freak on, and I wasn’t mad at him, that’s for sure. Not that weekend. I needed all the time I could get. I wondered if I should call him just to make sure everything was cool.
I decided to call him later. He had my pa
ger number if he needed me. Besides, if he wasn’t worried about this kilo I had, why should I be? I had been thinking that I really needed to get out and mix it up a bit and set some goals for this lifestyle, because I wasn’t trying to do this forever. I decided to pray about it, making excuses for myself to the man upstairs.
Dear God,
When I make fifty thousand dollars, I will stop the street life totally. Just nineteen thousand short. Okay, God, I just need some things for my son and me. I mean, after Chino reached in his pocket and gave me two twenty-dollar bills for the baby, I swore I’d never need him or anyone else again in this lifetime. Piece of shit! Driving a brand-new convertible Corvette and this punk gonna give me two twenties. The sad part of it is that I took it. I needed the money. So I’ve got to get myself established and together.
Amen.
“Boo, we’re going to Chuck E. Cheese.” My son started clapping his hands, and so did I. It felt so good to be able to go out somewhere fun with him. I looked at him in his car seat as we bounced the Jeep down the street to see Mr. Chuck E. Cheese.
My son loved to play in the colorful balls there. It didn’t look like too much fun to me, but the kids love it. I was tempted to get in them myself just to see what the big deal was. The children were running and screaming. Although I was sitting all by myself eating pizza and sipping on a beer, I didn’t feel lonely. Actually I was very content. Money makes the stress go away.
It was time for the Chuck E. Cheese’s stage show, and the kids were going nuts. Throughout their excitement, I heard all sorts of sounds coming from a variety of video games and music over the speakers. My son always wanted to run in the other room to see the big-ass rat, but when the rat came over to him, he started crying and wanted me to pick him up. I still couldn’t figure that out, but I could go through it as many times as he wanted to because one day he wouldn’t be afraid of the rat. One day he wouldn’t even want to see the rat, or spend Sunday with his mom, so I knew that we’d better enjoy it together at that moment. In walked G-Money.
“Hey, G, what it be like?” I extended a 1970s handshake to him and he laughed.
“I didn’t know what to expect from you, another cursing out or what.”
“You know we all right. We in it to win it!” I extended my arm for some dap.
“You be acting crazy. Carmen, you won’t let anyone get close to you, will you?”
“You’re as close as close gets to me. What more do you want?”
“You know what I want.” He gave me that supposed-to-be-sexy look, rubbing his silk shirt. He didn’t know that I hated silk shirts.
“Yes, I do. Money. I do, too. So, how’s it going?”
“Well, girlfriend, I have all your money, and I thought you would want it. I promised to be straight with you. I’ve hooked up with someone, and I’ll be able to do more if you can handle it.”
“You know I can, man. What is more?” I replied, feeling like a baller for the first time.
“Maybe a kilo a week.”
“Good. Right, right. Let that be the reason.”
G smiled, proud that he was able to do something for me.
“Check it, G, I’ll need money up front or at the time of purchase.”
The expression on G’s face was priceless. Yeah, nigga, that’s what they told me. “I still may be able to front occasionally, but it will go better for us both if you begin to save your money.”
“The guy I used to work for wants to know if you can get some dog food?”
Swallowing the last of my slice of pizza and washing it down with cold beer, I thought about what he asked. “Maybe. Who have you been discussing me with? Who did you say you work for again, and why didn’t you tell me this up front?” Time to put the baby back in the balls.
“Well, he doesn’t know that you’re female, and I never told you I worked for someone because I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“G, it’s really none of my business. I’m just messin’ with you. We all work together in the streets. Be careful because you never know who’s watching. Just have your own terms and do the best you can for self. That’s what I do.”
“I think things can work out for us,” said G.
“I think things can work out between us, but ultimately, for each other.” He had that hurt look on his face. I wasn’t being a partner with no one.
“I hear ya.”
“Yeah, G-Money. Solo l’uomo is the only way to go.”
“Well, Jay-Jay knows I’m seeing someone, and he wants in on the mix of things. He’s really looking for a good supplier of heroin. That’s his thing.”
“So, tell me about your arrangement with this guy and more about him,” I said.
“He and I did time together. He sold lots of drugs in the joint. He got out before a lot of us and set up things. So when I got out, along with some other guys, he gave us some work and put us on his payroll. The problem is, he won’t sell to me, but he will front me, and this keeps me under his thumb. He’s controlling. I know this sounds weak but, C, that is how it is when you want to be put on.”
“G, baby, I understand because I’ve jumped through some hoops myself and still may have some more to jump through. So don’t even knock yourself. I see a lot of me in you. I heard some stories about the time you did and about you working for someone else.”
“So you already knew?” He looked embarrassed.
“Yes. I just waited to hear it from you. That’s how I am. I’ve never been one for rumors.”
G nodded in agreement. “I can respect that.”
“Good, just save your own money because that’s what makes you your own man. When you’re able to pay up front and not be fronted, it becomes your shit and not the next man’s.
“So, G, I really need you to be able to purchase your items. This will keep it all good between us and not place me in a position over you. I don’t want you to owe me anything. We simply workin’ together, trying to make our money. Besides, no man wants to answer to a woman. Money will make you fall out real fast. I’ll be ballin’ until I reach some personal goals, and then I’m out of this business and out of this city. Let me check on some things, and I’ll decide if I want to deal with Jay-Jay. If I do, the first round will be on you. This is the only way I’ll do this, and possibly your boy Jay-Jay will appreciate the favor. It may put your relationship on another level. You got the plug. He could be coming to see you. Imagine that.
“But listen, please don’t bring me any more people or inquiries because we’re not partners in this game. If you see some moves, please use some courage and faith in yourself to do some things for yourself and not for me, or through me. You know a lot of people and have a lot of opportunities for yourself. This is your city. It astonishes me how guys will let out-of-town people come into their city and take over. New York boys come in and have shit on lock.”
“They got all the connects,” he responded defensively.
“So what? This is still your city, and can’t nobody do it better than you. Use your opportunities. You plugged in now, so get the ball and run with it. You big baller, baller.” With that I punched him in the right arm to end my pep talk. I could tell that I had encouraged him. Either that or sold him a dream.
In the streets it’s either one or the other. Nothing in between. I was just trying to keep off ties and keep people up off me. No time for the clingy hold-me, grab-me type bullshit.
“G, this your last free conversation. My game is sold, not told. I’ll talk to you later in the week. Take care.”
“Bye, C. Later.”
I knew I was taking a big chance in my demands, but I refused to be looked at as just another female in the game. Even though I had been doing this for only a week, dealing with men, I had to have everything on point and had to stand firm on what I said. I realized I was doing something right when those who had been in the game longer than me followed my direction.
I said good-bye and turned my thoughts back to my son. Where was he? He was go
ing to be worn out in those darn balls. God, I thank you. It seems like some things are working out for me. If I can only reach my goals.
Once I got back home and put the baby down for a nap, I noticed that there was still no sign of T-Love, but there were quite a few messages for him on the answering machine.
Beep… beep. China was paging me for some calls. I hadn’t answered the phones since this new gig opened up. I needed to get settled and get her some calls. I needed to get all the girls some calls before I pissed them off. I knew they had been using other services since I had not been working the phones like I used to, and they needed money just like I did. They were very faithful to me, and I tried in every way to show that I appreciated them also.
Last week, Toy had gotten a little anxious because I didn’t send her any calls in two days. I stopped by the hotel and gave her $300 as an incentive to hang in there with me. I didn’t want her to bail, and I knew the girls liked my clients because I mixed it up, and we had fun. I’d been plugging in the ballers with the service, and it was refreshing for the girls to date some young, money-getting niggas instead of all those older white-collar workers. The other services didn’t have the flavor I had. The ballers went to the titty bars ’cause they wanted to see the girl next door, but I was giving them Carmen’s “girls next door”—for a small fee.
I thought I’d give Gabrielle a birthday party at the hotel the next weekend. She would be nineteen, and after all she had gone through, she really deserved to have something special. If it were not for her 44 DDs, I would have starved, and she really helped me when I needed it. I decided to work on that and call all the girls with my plans and catch up on some chitchat. I would send the driver and have him pick up the money from the previous night’s calls.
The vibration of my pager interrupted my thoughts. It was T-Love, finally. I was relieved that he was okay. I began to think of the proper way to approach him before cursing him out for not calling sooner. Immediately, I called his number.
Let That Be the Reason Page 8