Let That Be the Reason

by Vickie M. Stringer

  “Dragos, I can’t really believe that I’ve met you. People in the streets dream of meeting someone like you.” So I’ve heard.

  “Like I said before, I’ve heard a lot about you and wanted to see you for myself. What type of young girl does all that you have done and are trying to do?”

  Trying to hide my defensive side, I put the ball back in his court with the same questions in an attempt to pick his brain. “What type of guy does all that you do and has all that you have? And look at you… you’re young yourself.” Dragos avoided responding to my inquiries but proceeded to ask me another question.

  “How did you get into this”—he paused—“shall I say, line of work?”

  I closed my eyes tightly, took a deep breath and let it out. “I was introduced to the streets by my son’s father. When I met him, he was a small-time hustler of sorts, mostly stealing clothes. Then he went on to sell small quantities of cocaine and then on to the larger quantities. He did the majority of the hustling while I offered the support, but I learned a lot. We were happy, or I thought we were.”

  “What happened next?”

  “The next thing I know, the money was coming in steadily, we started having problems, then he left, leaving me with nothing. I got into some jams out of desperation so I just made every attempt to work my hand at a variety of things. I don’t like spreading myself thin because I have some financial goals I’d like to meet. I want to buy a house for me and my lil’ man and move away from Columbus. Too many memories for me. I just want a new life. You know… start over. You ever wanted a new life?”

  “Sí, una vida nueva, yes,” he said, smiling.

  “I know a life is something you must work at, not work for or wish for.”

  “So why coca?”

  “Because I have some outlets, and I hope, now, a resource. Things happen for a reason, and in life, everyone deserves an opportunity. I think this is my opportunity… my opportunity for a new life.”

  “Do you think of your salon?” he asked.

  “Yes, but that’s over. That’s in the past and I don’t go backward. Dragos,” I said, cutting to the chase, “I’m prepared to move twenty to twenty-five kilos a week. I just need a good ticket and for them to be delivered to Columbus. I think you’re the man who can make that happen for me.”

  “You really think that?”

  “Yes, I do.” I looked right into his eyes. “As a matter of fact, I know you can.”

  “Erik and Timothy have been selling in Columbus for the last three years. Why do you think you can do better?”

  “Because I’m a businesswoman and very good at it. I can make us a lot of money.”

  He looked at me, carefully searching my face for a motive and said, “Carmen, I have more money than I can spend in two lifetimes but you’re offering me the opportunity to make even more with you?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “And I should take a chance on you?”

  “Yes, you should, and I really think you should come to my party, too.” With my perfectly lined strawberry lips, I gave him a confident smile.

  He rubbed his hands, then his head, and looked me in the eyes. He took my hand and said, “Carmen, my family is the most important thing in this world to me. I don’t ever want to leave them.”

  “And you won’t have to.” I gripped his hand harder.

  “I’ll give you a chance. I’ll have fifteen kilos in Columbus for you by Friday afternoon, and you will be responsible for them. Not Erik, not Timothy. We all work together, but please know this weight is on your shoulders.”

  “I’ll need to explain this to T and Erik. I don’t want them to feel crossed, since they have been trying to work out this plan with you for a long time. Now that I’m on the verge of doing what they wanted to do, it’s going to cause some ill feelings.”

  “Well, you must choose, because I deal with only one person at a time. You brought this idea to me, not them. Whatever financial arrangement you work out is between you three, but just know, these are my terms. Be careful what you ask for, Carmen, because you’ve just got it. The question is, do you really want it, and at what cost?”

  Of course I want it. I’ll look after T and Erik. We just want to be plugged. “Yes, I want it,” I told him convincingly.

  “Do you have any people in your corner? Any men with you? The streets can be rough.”

  “No, I’m alone, and I’d prefer it that way, but I’ll consider getting someone in my corner if you suggest.”

  “Bueno. I’ll come to Columbus this weekend as your ‘brother’ to attend your party, meet your son and bring your goods. Where are you staying tonight?”

  “I’m not certain.”

  “You can stay at one of my apartments.”

  “Thanks for the offer. I normally stay with T-Love or Erik and his wife whenever I’m in the city. But I don’t think tonight it would be right to stay with them, considering things have changed.” I looked off into the water and admired the lights. He was still holding my hand. “Dragos, don’t laugh, but I’d like to stay at a very nice hotel in a honeymoon suite. A honeymoon suite all by myself. Chino always promised me this, but his promises never came true. Now I can stay there, and can pay for it. That’s what I want.”

  “No problem. I’ll have my driver arrange it for you.” Dragos let go of my hand, then kissed both of my cheeks. “Leave all of your contact information with Victor, and he will give you mine. He’ll also take you to the airport in the morning.” With that, he began to walk off.

  “Oh, Dragos. What’s my ticket?” I asked, not really caring. I just wanted to be plugged.

  “Carmen, your ticket is twenty.” That ticket would put me in the position to stack thousands.

  “Muchas gracias,” I replied in my best Spanish accent.

  “Buenas noches,” Dragos said, impressed.

  “Buenas noches. Adiós,” I said, laying it on thick.

  Eleven

  “Oooooh-Weeeee! Aaaaaaah!” This place had it going on, and I was all up in the middle of it. I was here. I was in my very own honeymoon suite. All by myself. A complimentary bottle of Dom Pérignon sat on the black baby grand piano. There was a huge bouquet of beautiful yellow roses, two big, fluffy white Waldorf-Astoria embroidered bathrobes and a beautiful view of New York’s skyline through floor-to-ceiling windows. There was a fully stocked wet bar, a huge garden-style bathtub, marble floors leading to a plush wine-colored carpet and a gigantic bed with silk linens of gold tones and goose feather pillows on which to rest my head.

  “I need to call T,” I said to myself. “Tell him it’s on.” I walked toward the phone, enjoying every step I took in the luxury of the suite. “Naw, I’ll talk to him and Erik in Columbus.” That was my best move because I didn’t want to spoil this mood.

  I decided to take a long bubble bath, but before then, I called the airlines to arrange my return flight to get my son back home. Then I called room service and ordered up some shit just because I could.

  Afterward, I turned on some classical music. I walked to the bathroom as the melodic sound played throughout the suite. I smiled as I saw a phone near the tub, next to the toilet, so I punched 0 and waited until I received an answer.

  “When my order is on the way, just tell them to come in and leave my food,” I told the person who answered. “I’m chillin’ so just bill the room.” After hanging up, I stepped into the warm, bubbly water, allowing it to cover me as I sat down. I closed my eyes and submerged my body under the bubbles as far as I could without getting my hair wet, enjoying the serenity I was experiencing. Heaven has got to be like this, I thought.

  A few minutes later, I opened my eyes and saw the bottle of champagne and two glasses that were on the side of the tub. I poured two glasses just for me. With one glass in each hand, I toasted.

  “To me for getting the plug! I did it, I did it! I’m plugged!”

  After my personal pampering, I called and checked on my son.

  “Pammy, he’s fine,”
my mother assured me. “Actually, he’s playing with his cousins that he never has a chance to see.” She cleared her throat, throwing the hint out there. Even a deaf man could have caught it.

  “Well, Mom, I’m coming to get him tomorrow. I may stay overnight with you.”

  “That would be great. I miss seeing you. Actually, since you’re not with Chino, you can come whenever you want… not when he says you can.”

  “Mom, please leave Chino out of this. Anyway, I’ll see ya tomorrow, and I don’t need a ride. I wanna take a cab. Put the baby on the phone please.”

  “Okay, here he goes. Come on, sweetie, it’s your mama.”

  “Hi, boo. Hi, boo. It’s Mommy,” I said.

  There were breathing and slobbering sounds. “Halo-halo, Mommy.” The sound of my son’s voice sent chills up my spine. That’s right, boo, I’m your Mommy, and one day, you will be proud of me.

  “Are you having fun, boo?”

  More breathing and slobbering sounds. “Yes, fun, Mommy.”

  “I love you, and Mommy misses you.”

  “I wuv you. I wuv you.” The phone dropped and I heard kids laughing in the background.

  “Pammy, that boy is off and running.” My mother chuckled. “He is in there with those kids having a good time. Did you have a nice talk?”

  “Yes, Mom. Please be sure to watch him around the older kids. He doesn’t like milk and be sure—”

  “Pamela, I do not need your advice on raising a child. I raised you and you came out straight, as you kids say. Didn’t you?”

  “Yes, Mom. I just worry.”

  “You first-time moms are a total trip. You got a hip mama, and for your information, he does drink milk and eat everything you say he doesn’t. He’s not made of glass so he won’t break, bend maybe, but not break.” She laughed.

  “Stop making fun of me.” I pouted. “Just kiss the baby for me.”

  “When will he stop being a baby?”

  “See, I got ya there. You always told me that I will always be your baby, and so my son will always be my baby.”

  “Ha, that’s right. It’s true, you will,” said Mom.

  “I gotta go. Kiss him for me, okay? And I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

  “I will, and I love you, too. Bye.”

  “Bye, Mom.” Hanging up the phone I remembered my childhood and what a wonderful mother I had. I really didn’t have much in this life but my mom and my son, and for them, I was so grateful.

  I wrapped up in my big bathrobe and finished one of the glasses of champagne. Whew! This champagne is good, I thought. I looked at the tray that had been delivered and tried everything. The strawberries were fabulous and the seafood I ordered tasted good, too. It had been such a long time since I did anything special for myself, and this felt good. I was on a honeymoon with myself and it was time to start loving me.

  The room had a gorgeous window seat where I cuddled and picked over my food and drank more champagne. I stared out the window. The view was absolutely breathtaking. The more I drank, the more I gazed out the window. I had a serious buzz.

  I went to change the dial on the radio because I was tired of classical music. Spanish music caught my ear and I decided to throw off my robe and do the salsa butt-booty-naked. Then I did the Macarena. Yes. La Macarena. I was pretty good at it, too. I swore there was a Spanish person in me waiting to come out. I loved paella, tapas and tortilla española—all sorts of Spanish food. I did a few more dance moves and then changed the dial again to the famous WBLS. They were pumpin’ Shabba Ranks’s remix of “Mr. Loverman,” so I sang along. There must have been a Jamaican person in me waiting to come out, too, because I loved jerk chicken, beef patties, curry chicken, and goat meat, “mon.” Then they started with the rap remixes. I felt the music, then felt a verse waiting to come out.

  “Check it: this is the place where stars are born, and I’m the only one that can’t be worn out by any place, any part of the world.”

  I finally figured out why I didn’t have a rap career, ’cause my ass couldn’t rap. Then they were slowin’ it down with the slow jams. This was my shit!

  I put my robe back on, grabbed a long-stemmed rose from the vase of flowers and sang into it. By this time, the bottle of champagne was almost empty but they were pumpin’ my song by Teena Marie and Rick James, “Fire and Desire.” I sang every note, off-key of course, but you couldn’t tell me that. There must have been a black person in Teena Marie that came out. All I knew was if she and Rick ever hooked up again, it would be on and over for these other half-singing entertainers.

  I started tearing the petals off the rose and throwing them over my bed. I poured me a drink from the wet bar, then I took my place on the fluffy window seat.

  I sat and looked at the twinkling stars. It was lovely. The radio station pumped more slow jams, and that was how it all started. Me, booze and music. It was only a matter of time before the memories rushed in. They played that damn beggin’ Keith Sweat, and he sang the same song Chino used to sing to me all the time. He would call the salon and sing it over the phone to me.

  I could hear Chino’s voice singing to me like it was yesterday and we were together, so I took another sip of the golden-colored liquid and reminisced. Once they played Marvin Gaye, it was over. I sang myself silly and the tears came, I hugged a pillow to my chest with my knees pulled up close and just started talking to my Chino:

  Chino, I know you’re not physically with me now, but I know that you can still hear me and feel me. I know this because I can still hear you and feel you. I never meant to hurt you. All I wanted was for you to be happy. To love you is all I wanted and for you to love me, forever. I gave you all my love, my time, my life, my faith and my dreams. I gave you my heart. I couldn’t accept the thought of you not loving me anymore and wanting someone else. I know my friendship with Erik hurt you, but it really wasn’t what you thought.

  So many things went wrong. I accept our separation. We could never go back to the past again. We can’t even talk on the phone without arguing, and we never used to argue. It’s like we were never friends, like we can’t even stand to hear each other’s voice.

  To add insult to injury, you told everyone that our son was not yours, even though you know I was always faithful to you. You always told me that another woman would never come between us. You said this about a thousand times, and I believed you. And in the event that you didn’t want me anymore, I always thought you would be decent. After all we had been through and after what I thought we meant to each other. But you left me for a girl who didn’t even want your fat ass until your pockets got fat.

  I struggled with you. I slept on the floor with you. I made twenty-five-dollar runs with you. I was the one you turned out to stealing clothes and pulling capers. Not her. Then you married her when I was eight months pregnant and acted like a straight-up bitch about everything. You held on so tight to material things. Why, Chino? Why couldn’t you leave me and walk away with nothing, like how I found you? I stepped with nothing. You took our money, gave it to her, and then you took my car and gave it to her. But worst of all, you took your heart and gave it to her.

  Yeah, I was jealous because I’m human, but I was hurt more because of your triple cross. That’s the real reason for all the drama, and you know it. I never had a problem with your wife. You know this! But I never meant to hurt you, and you know this also. Our shit just went haywire. I could never really explain all that I feel but, Chino, I know that you know, and I also know that God knows.

  God, if you’re listening, and I believe that you are, then all I ask is that you protect and watch over my son. God, I love my son so much, and when I look at him, I see the best of your blessings. I also see the best of Chino and me. So I want to thank you for my son. And I want to thank you for the memories. I want you to bless Chino and his family. Watch over him and keep him safe from harm. And do the same for me. Please keep Chino happy. All I want is for both of us to be happy.

  Please forgive me,
Chino, for my wrongs, because I forgive you, Chino, for all the hurt and pain you caused.

  Dear God, one day, it is my prayer, that I’ll be able to tell Chino how I feel today and bless him like he has blessed me in my life, through the good times and the bad times. I want him to sit back and remember and feel special about himself. God, I just want to make it. I don’t know the way, but please walk with me and keep me and show me the way to happiness. Damn, my glass is empty. Chino, wherever you are, may God bless you.

  Twelve

  The van, Dragos and the drivers arrived at the party like clockwork, and I had all the fellas lined up. I had on a designer crimson linen sundress that melted against my honey brown skin. Of course, my hair was looking fierce. I wanted everything to be perfect, and it was. Everyone was there, and the music was bumpin’. Dragos came looking all preppy in his crisp white Tommy Hilfiger short set. His drivers had on Tommy gear as well. Gabrielle was overjoyed, and China was working the room talking about, “Let that be the reason I make three grand tonight.” I had no doubt that she would do just that. She looked great in the bikinis that I had gotten the girls. The boosters always came through.

  I had taken care of my business the previous night, and it went well. I got rid of fifteen of them thangs, and the quality was all that, and the heroin was all that, too. I got $6,000 for one ounce. Hell, I only paid $2,500 for it.

  T even brought his wife and his hoochie to the party. His wife had no idea about the hoochie. She assumed she was just another girl at the party.

  T and his hoochie dipped into the jacuzzi together, and I swear it looked like she went down on him under the water! His wife just sat over to the side and acted unaware, like nothing was wrong. Maybe there wasn’t anything wrong. Long gone are the days of the faithful-to-each-other couple, but everyone looked liked they were having fun.