Let That Be the Reason

by Vickie M. Stringer

  “That’s straight, because I need to go to work in Cleveland.”

  “Ant still your driver?”

  “Yeah, all the fellas still with me. They just waiting on work.” Then I remembered the dude from the party.

  “Chino, was one of your friends at a birthday party I gave?”

  “Yeah, Rock was there with your friend Delano. I don’t wanna talk about that party,” Chino said bitterly.

  “Neither do I.” I just wanted to confirm my suspicions. “He looked familiar to me but we don’t have to discuss it.”

  “You didn’t invite me to your party to meet your new ‘brother.’”

  “You may meet him, one day.”

  “Pooh, you’ve got to be careful. You’re putting a million-dollar hustle within reach of a lot of suckers. If they get knocked, they’ll take you down, and that Colombian you fuckin’ with won’t like that shit. That may cost you your life.”

  “I know, that’s why I want out. This will be my last run, Chino, and I’m only doing it because of you.”

  “Do you wanna ride to Cleveland with your Chino, just like old times?”

  “Yes, I would like that. Thanks for asking because I need to do some shopping.”

  Chino laughed. “Need?” I reached for his hand. “I’m sure you don’t need anything,” he told me once he spotted the three-carat diamond that glistened on my left ring finger. I put my right hand on top of his hand, covering it completely and he saw the ring that he gave me. His eyebrows raised. “I need you, Chino.” He couldn’t respond. His pride was at its lowest and now he knew I never stopped loving him. “I do have one request.”

  “What?” Chino said suspiciously.

  “That we’ll stay at the Tower City hotel and you will let me take you shopping and buy you something just for you.” I looked him in his eyes.

  “You don’t have to.” He shook his head, resisting.

  “I want to.” I continued to make eye contact.

  “Okay, Pooh, let’s do it,” Chino told me after an uncomfortable silence.

  “Good, now let’s order dessert.” I smiled slyly.

  Twenty

  I was lying there next to my wife, but all I could think about was meeting Pooh earlier that day. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. It wasn’t that hard. She was still the same ole Pooh, willing to give me her last. That was the Pooh that I knew and fell in love with. I only wished others knew her like I did.

  I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, in a family of hustlers. Those were some good times. I never saw my father work a job a day in my life. Rumor had it, he never worked a legit job, but he stayed paid. He had various hustles from the drug game to women. My pops is doing time right now, but I’ll never know the truth of what really happened to my moms.

  When I was twelve years old, I was sitting on our porch and waiting for my mother to come home and take me school shopping. Instead of seeing my mom, I saw the tears slide down my grandmother’s face as she told me that my mother was found dead. They said she put up a good fight, but it wasn’t enough to save her life.

  My parents were a lot like me and my Pooh. They hustled together. They even caught a case together. That shit was real. My father took the time, and my mother took a deal. The deal my moms took landed us in the witness relocation program, which forced us to move away. No good-byes or nothing. Although my mother tried to make a new life for us on the run, she missed Cleveland and promised that one day we would be back. That one day came sooner than I thought. One day we were running, the next she moved us back to the city. Shortly afterward, my mother was found dead in an alley, beaten and shot.

  My mother was my everything, and we were alike in so many ways. I often wondered why my dad had her in the streets. She had six kids that needed her. My grandmother took up the slack and raised us, but I still wonder what the hell was on his mind. That was my mom and the only woman I ever loved. She named me Christonos and was the only person allowed to call me that. My grandmother nicknamed me Chino when I was three, and that’s what everyone else called me. No one outside my family knew my real name, with the exception of the one person I trusted: my Pooh.

  I guess I am my father’s son after all, ’cause I got Pooh out here in them streets, but she didn’t know it yet. Yeah, Pops, I guess whatever the fuck was on your mind is the same thing that was on mine: money. Getting paid by any means necessary. Anyway, I can’t cry over spilled milk. See, that was why people thought I was a cold person, ’cause I kept going no matter what happened. What else could I do?

  Pooh said my supply would be available in the morning. I looked over at my wife, who was sleeping peacefully. Damn, I wished I could but I couldn’t. I ran my hand across my wife’s thigh repeatedly, hoping to wake her. I gotta see my Pooh. I wondered if she would… yeah, she woke up. I turned on my back because my wife knew what time it was. She had that knockout head that would surely put me to sleep. Oh shit, yes… yes! She did that shit so well! I palmed the back of her head. I gotta do what I gotta do. Thank you, God, for answering my prayers. Good night, Pooh, and thank you!

  Twenty-one

  Well, I finally saw my Chino again, and it was nice. He looked really handsome, as always, with his honey brown skin. He had those full, deep-set eyes that my son inherited. Even in times of despair, he maintained those confident mannerisms that I fell in love with. The only problem was that I didn’t want to sell drugs anymore, not even this one last time. I wanted out. A part of me was saying, “No more!” But another part was telling me, “For Chino, you must do this.”

  I called Dragos and asked him to add thirty more to my ticket. I listened eagerly as he replied, “For you, Carmen, no problem. There will be two.”

  I knew he had to send two vans to fill an order of fifty kilos.

  “Will you please come see me, Dragos? I need to talk to you.”

  “I’ll come this weekend.” I would tell him it was over when I paid him for this shipment. I would also tell the fellas when I made my deliveries that it was my last run with them.

  The next morning, I picked up Chino and his driver, Ant, who kept staring at me.

  “Please drive and stop staring at me,” I told him as I gawked back at him. “Yeah, it’s Chino and Pooh in full effect. You know I got love for my Chino.”

  “I know you do,” Ant replied. Ant knew that I would do anything and everything for Chino. We all go way back, but I knew all his boys were still mad at me over the past drama.

  Chino and I sat in the back of the van and talked up a storm. We talked about old times and sang a few songs together, all off-key of course. But I could tell that he was still bitter that he had to come to me for help, but I hoped in time he would get over it.

  When we got to the Tower City hotel in Cleveland, Ant walked to the front desk and got us checked into a suite. Chino and I had some time to kill, so we went shopping.

  The hotel was attached to the mall, and I knew just the store I wanted to go to. It was a men’s store that sold nothing but the best. I told Chino that he could have anything that he wanted, but all he picked out were two men’s dress shirts. This was special for me because I was able to buy something for him without using his money. It was from my heart. We did a little more window shopping since he refused to allow me to buy him anything else, and then it was time for him and Ant to hit the streets and handle business moving that dope.

  I only had to show him one time how to work the compartments in the van. Place the car in park, put your foot on the brake, turn the AC vent on, lift the rear window lever to open the front seat cushion, and the front window lever to open the rear seat cushion. To close, do the opposite.

  He remembered the combination instantly. Before he left, he leaned in, smacked me on my behind and said to me, “Be ready when I come back.”

  I knew exactly what he meant. “No, Chino,” I told him seriously, “that’s not for us. You have a wife.”

  “But you were my first wife.”

  “You’re righ
t, but you’ve moved on.” With that I turned and walked away. This was supposed to be a happy time, and he had spoiled it by suggesting that I sleep with him. All I could think was that I wanted more and that I deserved more. Sure, I had let Wade do me with no commitments on several occasions, but those were horny, toe-curling, eat-me sex sessions. I cared too much for Chino to sleep with him. I didn’t want seconds and I wouldn’t be seconds.

  I went back to my room and decided to call Delano. I was missing him and I wanted to hear his voice. Maybe it was because I found so much peace with him. When I told him that I was getting out of the business, all he had said was, “Good, because I want more for you.” Well, Delano, I want more for me, too. I paged him and then ordered a steak and lobster dinner from room service. My room service arrived at the same time my phone rang.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hi, Carmen.”

  “Hi, Delano, how are you?”

  “I’m fine. What are you up to?”

  “I’m just in Cleveland chillin’,” I chimed, floating back into the fluffy pillows.

  “I figured that was where this area code was from. So, you thinking about me, huh?”

  “As you know, I’m trying to make some changes, and when I get back to the city, I would like to spend a lil’ more time with you—that’s only if you want to.”

  “I would like that very much.”

  I exhaled a breath of relief. “I want to get to know you better, Delano. I apologize for being so difficult to you and—”

  “Shh, Carmen, there’s no need to explain,” he interrupted. “We’ll work this out. Let’s do something with our children. I want you to meet my sons.”

  He is a blessing. “My son is with my mom, but we can go pick him up.”

  “You sure you don’t mind me meeting your mother?”

  “I’m sure, Delano. These are the two most important people in my life, and I kinda like you.” We both laughed. “Well, my food is here, so I’ll talk to you later. I may page you again.”

  “I’ll be waiting. Bye.”

  When I got off the phone, my message light was flashing. I dialed down to the lobby to check my messages.

  “Guest Services.”

  “This is Suite thirteen-ten. I have messages?”

  “Yes, from Chino. He said that he is thinking of you and TCP for life. That’s the only message. Is there anything else, miss?”

  “No, thank you.”

  I ate my food and took a long, hot shower. Then I called to check on my son. As I lay alone in my bed, I thought about the message from Chino and a sense of euphoria washed over me. He never forgot.

  My eyes began to get heavy. It was time to get a good night’s sleep since we would return to Columbus early tomorrow. I planned to talk to Dragos in the morning and pay him. This would soon be over.

  Chino arrived at the hotel late that night, knocked on my door and woke me up.

  “Pooh, that yayo was excellent. I haven’t seen that much dope in a long time. I was a lil’ worried at first, but everyone liked that shit. The fellas that rocked it said it was just like butter. Can I get fifty next weekend?”

  “Wait, Chino.” I yawned. “You said just this one time and that was it!”

  “I know, Pooh, but why let a hookup like this go?”

  Not only was I tired but I was in total disbelief. “Chino, I’ll turn you on to my source, and you can deal with him.”

  “No, I like it like this. I don’t want to meet no one. Why should I when I have you in the mix?”

  “Because I’m not your frontline man anymore. You can step to him yourself.”

  He began to pace back and forth.

  “Okay, see, now you want me to look stupid in front of the fellas.”

  How could I tell him that, one, I was never supposed to give anyone that van combination; and, two, I really resented him wanting to keep me in this life for the sake of his own greed?

  “Chino, I’ll give you some money. If I get more drugs, more of my money will be tied up. Dragos already fronts me, but I had to pay up front with a deposit. Dragos has a two-million-dollar deposit of mine, which gives me an unlimited credit line with him. I just want to pay him, get my two million and get out of the dope game.”

  “Pooh, this could work for us. We can even work out something with the baby. Somehow this could all work out for all of us.” Now he is bringing the baby into this. My weakness. My mouth wanted to say no, but my heart couldn’t. This was always my problem.

  “Come on, Pooh.” He began to rub the sides of my face. This was not what I wanted, and he didn’t want to let me out. I felt completely stuck and confused.

  I looked down at my Chino kneeling before me as I pointed the nine at the back of his head and began to press the cold steel against his skull. He raised his eyes to look up at me. Not one trace of fear showed on his face, only pain. I lowered the gun from his head and stood there in front of him as shame swarmed my body like bees swarming a hive. That look took my mind back to the deepest secret Chino and I shared.

  Three years ago when I was in our bedroom, I heard sobs coming from our living room. I came into the living room and found Chino on his knees covered in blood and praying. I ran to him and checked him for injury. His face was bruised from what looked like a pistol whipping. Chino told me how he had been abducted by some rival drug dealers who intended to rob and kill him. He told me how all he thought of was me and how badly he wanted to live. They stripped him naked and had him kneel before them as they pistol whipped him and bragged. He said he never felt so humiliated in his life.

  Wanting to live and thinking of the life we were building, he acted like he was scared to death, fooling his abductors into a false sense of security and causing them to become too relaxed. He gained courage and snatched the pistol from the hand of one of his abductors. He killed all three of them with shots to the head, heart and stomach. Chino then jumped out the second-floor window naked and ran for help. He was assisted by an older white gentleman who drove by in a car. Only I knew what had really happened, and we shared the secret of those killings as we watched the news report of bodies being discovered in an abandoned house on Woodland Avenue.

  Chino stressed how he never wanted to feel that way ever again in his life, and how if he were ever put in that predicament, he would fight instantly and choose death rather than to suffer degradation and humiliation. I was the one who cried with him and wiped the tears from his eyes. I placed my hurting baby in an Epsom salt bath and nursed his mind and body back to life. I whispered into his spirit that it gets greater later, that he was a king and that they had used drastic measures out of jealousy—building my baby back up. I was hurting with him and sad ’cause I couldn’t erase the pain. It was no different than a man consoling his woman after she had been raped. He knows she has been violated in an unmentionable way, scarred for life, but there’s nothing he can do.

  Here I was, placing my Chino in that vulnerable position again, by my own hand. After that episode, Chino always went for death, and the only reason he showed me mercy was because of our past, the fact was, I was his Pooh. I dropped the gun and kneeled with him, holding him and saying my apologies, “Chino, I’m so sorry, baby, I remember that night. I wasn’t going to hurt you. I promise.” I lifted my hand to wipe away his tears and mine. He was shaking and not responding. I hugged him closely, but he did not hug me back. I continued to try to reach him. “Chino, baby, I’m here. Please, what’s wrong with us?”

  He abruptly pushed me back off him and backhanded me, splitting my lip. He snatched up his gun and rose to his feet. “How could you put me in that position after what happened to me? I killed those niggas that did that shit to me, and now it’s your turn to get what they got. So now you a trick bitch, huh?”

  We left Cleveland after breakfast the following morning and arrived back in Columbus. Everything went like clockwork.

  Dragos was impressed with the work that I had put in. But when I told him I wanted out, h
e totally flipped on me with some story that I really didn’t care to hear.

  “Carmen, you can’t do this. I need you to help me out now. On my end, I had some losses, and I need you. You’re a big part of my team, and I need you to help move the product with me. How you Americans say, ‘Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.’”

  Oh, now he a straight-up foreigner. I countered, “Dragos, that saying is good for anyone working together. How about this one: ‘Do you know the difference between a workhorse and a racehorse?’” He looked confused, and even I didn’t know what I was saying. So I continued to try to get out of this. “Or this one: ‘Give a sister a break.’”

  “I gave you a break,” he snapped back in perfect English. “When you wanted to be on, I was loyal and only worked with you. What was that worth to you? Did you think it came without a cost? Now I want you to help me with my plans as I helped you with yours.”

  I listened in disbelief as this man stretched our relationship to keep me in the position of selling. Dragos knew damn well he could get someone else just like me to sell for him. Everybody was looking for a Colombian or Dominican plug to know. Now all of a sudden I was invaluable. Did he forget I had to beg up on this position, cut side deals and go for broke to work with him… for him? Now he wanted me to help him repay a loss on his end. I couldn’t believe it. These muthafuckas didn’t want me out because it was benefiting them. Dragos evidently had a new supplier. His previous supplier ran into some problems on the customs end of things.

  The yayo was coming into the country in boxes of Dole pineapple cans. I received cases of canned pineapples, I opened them, took the yayo out and then had to repackage them. It was too much and too heavy.

  Plus, I was tired of all the lying to my mom and my family, not to mention all the paranoia. I had a suspicion that the cops were closing in. How long could I expect a run in these streets to last? For every $1,000, eventually you paid the piper. Now Dragos didn’t want to give me my deposit, nor did he want to let me retire. For every insinuation I made about ending my career, he had a response.