Let That Be the Reason

by Vickie M. Stringer

  “How’s your mom?” Chino said, changing the subject abruptly.

  “Fine, and your grandmother?” I replied, going along with his game. I knew neither my mother nor his grandmother wanted us together.

  “Lodie is fine, but I think your mother hates me.”

  “And you know this is true, brother. After all, you did leave her daughter for dead and with no support for her grandchild.”

  “I know, I know.” Chino paused momentarily, then spoke again. “Uh… Pooh?”

  “Yes, Chino.”

  “Let’s go to a hotel, or let me come over.”

  “Have you not heard anything I’ve said? You’re still the same. I want to be courted.”

  “Courted?”

  “Yes, just like your wife was. You remember? You would take her to dinner, buy her presents, take trips behind my back.”

  “Here you go.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “We didn’t have the money.”

  “Not at first, but when you made it, you gave it to another.”

  “I don’t wanna argue.”

  “We’re not arguing. I’m just stating the facts.”

  “Does Delano have any money?”

  “Pooh, go home. Darren, take her home.” Darren pulled me by the arm and pushed me out the door toward his car. He stuffed me into the front seat and drove off in silence. As we drove off, the sirens of an approaching police car sped past us onto the campus of the hospital. It was sobering to watch the police car drive by.

  “It’s not about money. I know him, Chino. As a matter of fact, I know him better than I know you.”

  “Can we talk about this in person?”

  “Sorry, no booty call here, buddy.”

  “Pooh—”

  “Chino, I’ve gotta go, I’ll talk to you soon.”

  As I slowly removed the receiver from my ear, I faintly heard him say, “Bye, Pooh, I love you.”

  Darren reached over, patted my leg and said, “You know Chino let you go free. That’s love, baby girl. That’s love.”

  Twenty-four

  I had done what is known in the streets as “booking yourself.” I had bit off more than I could chew and I didn’t know what to do. Helping Chino come up against my wishes, wanting him to be a father to his child, being that woman in the streets and knowing right from wrong but doing the latter began to weigh heavily on me. I was in the middle of an internal battle with myself while pacing and waiting for Delano’s phone call. He was a little late calling, so I prayed he didn’t have an issue with one of his sons’ mothers. We were going to go get my son from my mother’s home in Michigan, and I was ready to see my baby. Luckily I didn’t have to wait for his call for too long.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Carmen, are you ready?”

  “Yes, I’m waiting for you.”

  “I had a little problem with one of my babies’ mothers. She doesn’t want my son to go with us. She said she doesn’t know you.”

  I plopped down on the couch. Why now? I thought. “I was afraid of something like this happening. Delano, I don’t need any unnecessary headaches. I won’t hurt the child. Which one is it?”

  “It’s Karen, the youngest boy’s mom. She usually has no drama.”

  “No drama?” I snapped. “Why is she trippin’ then? Better yet, why did you tell her I was going?” I asked, somewhat confused.

  “Because I don’t keep secrets, and she needs to know that there’s someone in my life. But we’ll work this out. I think she still has feelings for me.”

  “Do you have feelings for her?” My heart pounded as I waited for the answer.

  “Nothing more than friendship, but I’ll talk to you about everything this weekend. I was calling to tell you to come over to my cousin’s house and we’ll leave from there, and check this… I’ll drive.”

  “Uh… no, thanks, I’ll drive. I don’t think your car will make it to Michigan.”

  “I’ll have you know that I have another car. The one you saw was my working car, and I’ll drive safe.” He laughed. “But for real, C, you live too far out, and I’m waiting for someone to stop over. Plus, I’m waiting for my older son to be dropped off so we can go. So go to my cousin’s and leave your car there.”

  “Okay,” I told him. “Um… Delano?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks for going with me to get my son.”

  “Carmen, it’s my pleasure. You don’t have to do everything alone. Remember that.”

  “I will. Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the driveway of his cousin’s house. It was stylish and had a shiny white luxury-series BMW in the driveway. Another car pulled in right behind me. It was a young woman and a boy about six years old. The little boy looked just like Delano. This must be the baby and his mom. Here we go. Please don’t let me get played. Here comes Delano out of the house with his bags. He’s putting them in the BMW. Nice car.

  Delano approached me and leaned close to the window. “Carmen, get out of the car. No one will bite you.”

  “Hi, D, help me with my bags.”

  “No problem.” The little boy ran to Delano.

  “Daddy, Daddy, where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise. A trip full of adventure. Do you know what ‘adventure’ means?”

  “No. Can I have some ice cream?”

  “Where is my hug at?”

  A man not afraid of affection. He’s good with his son.

  Holding his son’s hand, Delano led him to my Jeep.

  “Carmen, I want you to meet my son. This is Lil’ D, Delano Junior.”

  “Hi, Lil’ D, or is it Delano?” I bent down to talk with his son.

  “Everyone calls me Lil’ D, but I’m a big boy.”

  “Yes, you are. So what can I call you?”

  “Mmmm… call me Big Lil’ D.” He looked toward his father for approval.

  “I sure will, Big Lil’ D.” I gave him a high five. Lil D’s mama moved timidly toward us.

  “And, Carmen, this is Sheila, Lil’ D’s mom.” We both held out our hands to greet each other with a handshake. Sheila was the prettiest deep-dark-chocolate sister I had ever seen in my life. Instantly, I wondered what happened between them.

  “Hi, nice to meet you,” I said politely.

  “It’s nice to meet you, too. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Good things I hope.” I looked over at D.

  “Too good actually, but I trust D’s judgment, and I hope you all have a good time,” said Sheila in a less-than-sincere tone. “Come here, Lil’ D, give Mama some sugar.” Delano moved closer and placed a reassuring arm around my waist, touching the small of my back.

  “Sheila, we have to get going. I’ll call you tonight with all the contact information. Page me if you need me or want to talk to Lil’ D,” said Delano.

  “I will. Talk to ya later. Bye, Carmen.”

  “Bye.”

  And we were off in the BMW headed to Michigan. I couldn’t believe how smoothly everything went.

  “Delano, that wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.”

  “No, Sheila is cool. Karen will be hard.”

  “We can work with it,” I told him.

  “We? I like it when you say ‘we.’” He held my hand as he drove. I looked in the back at Big Lil’ D. He was asleep as soon as we hit traffic.

  We arrived in Michigan right on time. My mom was so happy to see me. She was even happier to see me with a man. My son was so glad to see his mommy, and I just hugged and squeezed him so tight he couldn’t breathe, smelling his scent, the one that only a mother knows of her child.

  “I missed you so much.” I smothered him with kisses. “I love you.”

  “I wuv you.” Lifting him in my arms, I turned to my mother and said, “Mom, he looks heavier.”

  “And he is. I feed that boy things that will make him expel a turd. Not junk food, not canned food, not Mickey D’s or Taco Bell, b
ut home-fried chicken and fresh greens from my garden. Need I continue? And who is this handsome young man?”

  “Mom, this is Delano.”

  “Hi, Miss—”

  “No ‘Miss’ here. Everyone calls me Mom or Star. This has to be your son. He looks just like you.”

  “Yes, ma’am—oops. Yes, Mom, this is my son, Lil’ Delano.”

  “He likes to be called Big Lil’ D because he is a big boy,” I added.

  “Yes, he is a big boy. Big Lil’ D, how about some of Mama Star’s homemade ice cream?”

  His little face lit up. “Daddy, can I?”

  “After you eat dinner, yes, you may.”

  “Mom, we’re going to stay the entire weekend. I want to show Delano around.”

  “Sounds perfect to me. The guest room is all ready, and you all are welcome. They have some sort of jazz concert downtown off the riverfront, and I know you like jazz. Get some tickets and go. I’ll watch the children. Your sisters are coming over with their kids, so there will be plenty to do for me and the kids.”

  “Sounds good, Mom.”

  “Now, let’s get you settled.”

  We got settled in, and I was surprised when my mom put the boys in the same room, and me and Delano’s things in the guest room. She’s old-fashioned, but not naive. But I wasn’t sleeping with Delano. I was too uncomfortable. I would let his son sleep with him, and I would sleep with mine.

  “Carmen, your mom put our bags in the same room.”

  “I noticed that.”

  “We can’t disrespect her like that. Hey, I got it.”

  “What?”

  “How about if we all sleep together?”

  “All of us?” I asked, surprised.

  “Yes, me, you, my son and your son. It’s a big bed, and that way I can still be next to you and my son.” Thank you, God.

  “Delano, I like that idea very much. Can I give you a hug?” I asked innocently.

  “Of course, but why now?”

  “Just because you make me happy.”

  “Can we throw a kiss in there because you make me happy, too?” Delano joked, giving me a sly grin.

  “Maybe we can,” I told him. And with that, he grabbed me and gave me a big hug and kissed me on the forehead and gazed into my eyes.

  “Carmen, I want to marry you.” I eased away from his embrace. These were the words a girl dreams of hearing, but I was confused. My hands became clammy, and I felt panicky. Was this my chance to be normal? I didn’t know what to say, so I changed the subject.

  “I want to go to the concert my mom mentioned tonight.”

  “That’s fine. We can check out the concert, but did you hear what I told you?”

  “Yes, Delano. Please be patient with me.”

  He gave me a hug. “Okay.” Then he kissed me on the forehead again. “But first things first, let’s eat whatever it is that’s smelling so good.”

  “Yeah, my mom can really burn in the kitchen.”

  Delano and I had a marvelous weekend. We talked a lot but I still didn’t tell him everything about me. He mostly talked about himself and his plans and told me he would be honored to be in my son’s life. That really blew my mind. I didn’t know what to say. Then my mom gave Delano the thumbs-up.

  “Pammy, I see the way he looks at you. I like him. Let’s keep him.”

  Delano never asked about my mom calling me Pammy. She only did it the once, and I didn’t even think he noticed it. What would he have said if he realized Carmen wasn’t even my real name?

  I started thinking, Can I tell him the truth? Can I tell him everything about me? Can I tell him that I dated men for money and all about the drama with Chino? That I’m a drug dealer and that I sold stolen clothes and that I’m confused and have gone through hell? He thinks my association to the life is just from hangin’ with my boys. He would flip if he knew how deep in the game I am. Can I tell him this? Can I trust him? Can I tell him about Dragos? Can I tell him and show him who I am without losing him? Would he still want me? Finally, I’m sitting on a pedestal. I like it up here. I’m afraid. I like how he thinks of me, and I don’t want that to end.

  God, when or how do I tell him all about me? How do I share myself with him? Please help me.

  Twenty-five

  Dragos requested that I come to New York. He didn’t say why but assured me there were no problems. When I arrived at JFK Airport, his driver, Victor, was there like clockwork.

  “Hola, Victor.”

  “Hola, Carmen. ¿Cómo estás?” (Hello, Carmen. How are you?)

  “Bien. ¿Y tú?” (Good. And you?)

  “Bien.” (Good.)

  “¿Dónde está Dragos?” (Where is Dragos?)

  “Está en Queens. Tú lo verás allí.” (He is in Queens. You will see him there.)

  “¿Me puedes conducir, por favor?” (Can you drive me, please?)

  “No, tomarás el metro.” (No, you will take the subway.)

  “¿El subway?” (The subway?)

  “Sí, Dragos te envía su amor.” (Yes, Dragos sends his love to you.)

  Victor dropped me off in front of Madison Square Garden. Standing before the arena, I felt as if I were entering a new phase of my life. I raised my head and noticed the marquee announcing a sporting event and imagined my name in lights. Carmen got plugged on this day! Returning to reality, I skipped down the stairs to the subway and was off, headed for Queens.

  The New York subway was an adventure. People singing, dancing, loitering and, of course, rushing. I got off the subway in Queens and skipped up the stairs leading from the stop. Dragos was there waiting for me. We drove to an area with a large garage. We pulled into the garage, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. There were over ten vans sitting chevron-style of various makes and colors. Above, there was a platform where men walked with guns, surveying the floor below.

  As we pulled into the garage, the door closed automatically. I was so nervous and I kept asking myself, You paid him, right? My nervousness was obvious because Dragos grabbed my hand and reassuringly said, “Carmen, relax. It will be all right. I want you to meet my brother. Actually, he wants to meet you.”

  My eyes began darting from side to side, and I asked, “Why?”

  “He’s curious about you.”

  Shaking my head I said, “I don’t want to meet him.”

  “Too late, here he comes.” Up walked a very handsome man, somewhere in his fifties. The car door was opened, and I was led out.

  “Hola, Carmen. Por fin nos conocemos.” (Hi, Carmen. Finally we meet.)

  “Hola.”

  “¿Tú hablas español?” (Do you speak Spanish?)

  “Si, pero yo prefiero el inglés.” (Yes, but I prefer English.)

  “¿Por qué?” (Why?)

  “Simplemente porque.” (I just do.)

  “No seas nerviosa. Yo tengo una sopresa para ti.” (Don’t be nervous. I have a surprise for you.)

  “Un momento. ¿Como se llama?” (One moment. What is your name?)

  “Adrian.”

  “Gracias.”

  Dragos began pulling me through the crowd. Workers were stuffing vans with bundled cocaine like an assembly line. Adrian stopped in front of a new Toyota van and said, “Carmen, this is your surprise. A new van just for you. Do you like it?”

  “¿Para trabajar o para divertirme?” (For work or for pleasure?)

  “Trabajo.” (Work.) “¿Necesitas un automóvil?” (Do you need a car?)

  “No, just trying to understand the surprise. I mean, I have a Jeep, but I’m not sure why you’re giving me a van.”

  “This will hold twice the amount of one of the other vans. Plus, it’s fully loaded. It has two car phones—one is hands free.”

  “Really?” It was hard not to be excited with so much bling blinging in my face.

  “Really, check it out. The combination is easy to remember. We can get you any color you want.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. I also have some cell phones for your use. Comm
unication is essential. They have no phone bills and will last for at least three months.”

  “Three months of unlimited use?”

  “Yes, a burnout, so what color do you want your van, because I can paint it if you don’t like this color.”

  “No, champagne is a nice color, but I’m not certain if I’ll need it.”

  “Why?” he asked curiously.

  “I’m slowing down. Dragos knows this.”

  “No, don’t slow down! Now is the time to move, to expand,” said Adrian with a hint of panic in his voice.

  Before I could tell him the same things I’d been telling Dragos, Dragos spoke to him, “Adrian, she’ll be fine. Carmen, I can even work on your ticket.” Oh, so now he can work on my ticket.

  My hands were sweaty, and I couldn’t move my mouth.

  “I don’t feel so well.” I rubbed my face and closed my eyes.

  “We’ve overwhelmed her, Adrian. Come, let’s go eat and enjoy the city.”

  “Carmen.” Adrian placed his hand on my back.

  “Yes, Adrian?”

  “We’re here to help with anything you need. We’re behind you all the way.”

  All I could think was, Why now? This is what I wanted all along, but it came too late. I remember Dragos telling me to be careful about what I ask for because I just might get it. But this time, I didn’t want it. Hell, I couldn’t even give it away.

  Dragos, Adrian and I went to Long Island City and devoured seafood at a local restaurant. I didn’t want to talk about the new opportunity or the van.

  “Carmen, I know this game, and if you follow my lead, you will make millions every month,” Dragos told me, getting back to the point at hand. “I’m dropping your ticket again by three grand, so now off each kilo you can make an extra three grand.”

  I decided to pick his brain since he was putting a harness on my back in order to work the shit out of me. I quizzed, “How did you get into the life? Is this an inheritance or what?”

  He started laughing and responded, “You have been watching too many gangster movies. Not all persons of Hispanic descent are groomed for a life of crime. I have a sister who is a doctor. She graduated from Yale, and I have an uncle who is an attorney. He gives me a lot of advice.”