Avoiding the Badge

by Dorothy F. Shaw

  There—she’d finally said it. Relief flooded her system, making her heart race. Good grief, it felt like a ten-thousand-pound weight just slid off her back.

  He glanced at her and back at the road. “Rayna, you know that not all cops are like that, right?”

  “Of course I know that. I mean, my head knows it. Doesn’t mean my heart does, though.”

  He nodded. “But you dated me anyway. Why?”

  She dragged her teeth over her bottom lip. “Well, honestly? I don’t know.”

  He gave her the side eye. “Come on, really?”

  “Other than the obvious, that you’re the sexiest man who’s ever looked at me or expressed interest in me. But...maybe it was the way you kept coming into the office.”

  He grinned. “Wearing you down.”

  She giggled. “Yes, but then that kiss...” Rayna’s skin got warm just thinking about that day in the vet clinic, and she fanned herself, smiling at him. “That kiss sealed it, and I thought, why not? And don’t take this wrong, but I really figured one date and then you’d see what a bore I was and that’d be the end of it.”

  “A bore? Rayna, you are so far from boring it’s not even funny. How the hell do you think you’re boring?”

  “Okay, not the point. Either way, I never expected that things would continue, and they did. Here we are. And now...”

  “Now what?” He glanced at her then back to the road.

  “Now I’m having feelings for you. I know it’s soon, so I hope that doesn’t freak you out. But the truth is I feel for you, deeply, and that makes this whole thing even scarier now.”

  He looked over at her and squeezed her hand. “Really wish I wasn’t driving when I tell you this. But I’m not waiting, so please hear me.”

  Good grief, what was he going to say to her? Nervous unease crept up her spine, and her hands began sweating. Ugh, how pleasant for him, since he’d kept hold of one of them the whole time as they talked.

  There were only two ways this could go. He was either going to let her down—not so gently—saying he had no feelings for her and this was all just a fun fling for him, or he was going to confess that he had feelings, too. And Rayna had no idea which it would be.

  “Okay. Sure.”

  “Doc, it’s not too soon, at least not for me. I need to tell you, I’ve been having feelings for you for much longer than the three weeks we’ve been dating. I swear to God, from the first day I saw you a little over six months ago, I’ve been having feelings for you.” He pulled their hands to his lips and kissed her fingers. “I hope that doesn’t freak you out.”

  Rayna’s mouth almost dropped open, but she managed to control herself. She’d suspected, and even hoped, that he might be developing feelings for her, too, but hadn’t fathomed the depth of it. No wonder he’d kept coming into her office rather than taking Axle to the contracted PD vet. And no wonder he was always shy, or sweet, or joking with her—at least trying to, because she really tried to keep their interaction limited when he came in. No wonder... “Wow.”

  “Shit, are you freaked out?”

  “No. Not at all. I’m...well, flattered? Definitely swept off my feet, but you’ve been doing that for a while now.” She smiled.

  He blew out a relieved-sounding breath. “Okay, good. I got scared for a second there.” He laughed.

  Relief moved through Rayna too, because she now knew he felt for her as she felt for him, but consequently, fear followed close on the heels of her solace because now...now she was really vulnerable.

  Now her heart was really at risk.

  “Look, I get it. Lots of cops cheat, hell lots of people cheat. But cops do have a bad rep. It’s just the truth.” He shrugged. “I know guys like that. Actually, I know female cops like that, too. But not all cops cheat, just like not all people cheat.” He glanced at her and gave her hand another squeeze. “I don’t cheat, Rayna. It’s not my MO. I got no reason to, especially now. But here’s the deal, I know that no matter how many times I tell you that, your head might hear it, but your heart won’t. I don’t want anyone else but you, Rayna. Haven’t wanted anyone else since the day I brought Axle to you. So, I guess I’ll just have to show you, and if you’re willing to try and trust me, I will show you. I will prove it to you.”

  Rayna gazed at him across the cab of his truck. His face was a mask of seriousness. And she knew, down to her toes, that he meant every word he’d just said to her. Truth be told, there was still that small part of her that knew, even if he meant it now, that didn’t mean he’d be able to follow through.

  Moreover, a bigger part of her knew in her soul that he could and he would follow through. Rayna shoved that small part aside and leaned over the center console. Getting close to him, she brushed her lips over his ear. “Derek?”

  He let out a sigh. “Yeah, Doc?”

  “Thank you.” She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

  Derek Hansen was a cop. And Rayna was totally falling for him.

  So be it.

  Chapter 18

  “Will you relax?” Derek held his phone in his hand as he grabbed a clean button-up from his closet.

  “I can’t. I’m nervous, Shirley.” Derek heard some fumbling in the background. “How the hell did Rayna convince Tish to double again?”

  “Because the woman is made of magic? Dunno, Jeff.” Derek grinned and, even though Jeff couldn’t see him, shrugged and raised a hand to make his point. “You ever think maybe Tish likes you?”

  “Psshaww! As if!”

  Derek stifled a laugh as he shook his head, set the phone down and pulled on his shirt. “I bet she does.”

  “Listen to me, Shirley. You’ve been dating Rayna for how long now?”

  A huge grin hit Derek’s lips. “Five weeks. Five gloriously wonderful wee—”

  “Zzzactly. If Tish was interested in me, she’d have already gotten my number from Rayna. Or you. She didn’t, so that’s easy math.”

  Derek heard more rustling. “I don’t even want to know what you’re doing so I’m not going to ask about the background noises. Even though I just did. Dammit.” Jeff’s laugh echoed through the speaker of his phone, and Derek smoothed his palm over his face. “Anyway, you ever think maybe Tish is waiting for you to call?”

  Jeff started laughing harder, like an obnoxious fool, and then finally cleared his throat. “Don’t be stupid.”

  Derek glared at the phone. “Hey! Don’t be a penis, or I’ll leave you home tonight.”

  “I’m kidding, Shirley. Don’t be so sensitive.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Also, keep telling me what not to be and you’ll be home watching porn all night.” Derek moved into the bathroom. “So, answer my question, Mr. Nervous Nelly.”

  “Fine. Tish isn’t waiting for me to call because she is a beautiful, intelligent, modern, and independent woman. She goes after what she wants. She does not wait for it to come to her.”

  Derek frowned at the phone. “And you know this how?”

  “Just do. Trust me.”

  “All I’m gonna say is this, Tish might be all those things you listed and more, but she’s still a woman. And women want men to be the ones that call. Also, I’m calling you Nelly going forward.”

  “Ugh, you’re so old-fashioned, Shirley. It’s really cute. And congrats! You finally picked a good name for me.” Jeff chuckled.

  Derek laughed. “I’d rather be old-fashioned and cute, and get the girl, than be alone on the couch watching skinamax, Nelly.”

  “Harsh! Way harsh!” Jeff laughed. “Proud of you, Shirley.”

  Derek shook his head. “I’m so glad I could earn your pride. Now let me finish getting ready so I’m not late picking up the girls.”

  “All right. I’ll see you at the Whiskey B soon. I’ll get there early and grab a table.”

  Derek smiled and picked up his phone. “An
d a few shots, no doubt.”

  “Nahh. I’ll be good. Later, tater.”

  “Later, Nelly.” Derek hit the End Call button.

  Satisfied with his appearance, he sprayed on just a little bit of cologne and shut all the lights down in his bathroom and bedroom. Heading back out to the kitchen, he found Axle napping on his big-ass designer dog bed.

  He stopped in front of his partner. “Well? How do I look?”

  Axle raised his head up, and then his ears perked, but one flopped to the side.

  “Not a good color?”

  Axle tilted his head to the other side and gave a little garumph.

  “Okay, so the color works. Glad you’re good with it.” Derek laughed and moved to the refrigerator. He stopped before opening the door, smiling at the pic of his daughter with her little half sister in front of a huge Fred Flintstone billboard in Bedrock City, AZ.

  Next week, she’d be home from her summer adventure with her mom, stepfather, and little sister. Megan had had a blast, best summer vacation yet, according to their nightly chats anyway.

  Derek missed her a ton, but the break had been nice, too. He’d had a lot of free time to devote to Rayna—

  Speaking of, he still needed to tell her about Megan. He’d meant to tell her on their drive home from Prescott two weeks ago, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. She’d finally opened up about the cop thing. For real, considering the kind of man her father was, Derek didn’t blame her for not wanting to date a cop.

  Plus, the last thing he wanted to do that day was lay his stuff on her and give her cause to worry about his friendship with Stephanie. There was nothing between him and his ex. That chapter of his life had been closed so long ago, he could barely remember ever feeling anything but friendship for Steph. It made sense, they’d really only ever been friends. Best friends, in fact.

  Plus, it was entirely possible his Doc would put on the brakes when he told her about his daughter, simply because she had said she really didn’t want kids. That trip had marked a turning point for him. He’d known after the night they’d had in the hotel that he was falling in love with Rayna.

  The prospect of losing her was just too scary for him to face.

  Derek sighed through his nose and pulled the pic down from the fridge, then put it in a cabinet drawer. Rayna had wanted to come to his home, spend time there, and there was no getting out of that. Not if he wanted to continue with her.

  So, in order to make that work, he’d taken down all the pics of Megan and any of Stephanie that were in his house. He’d also put a lock on his daughter’s bedroom door and told Rayna some bullshit about that being where he stored his guns. God, he was a dick.

  It was the wrong thing to do, especially because Derek had nothing to hide, least of all his daughter. But the truth was, the longer he went without sharing with Rayna, the more it started to feel like he actually was hiding something.

  Knowing her like he did now, and knowing the story about her father, there was no way Rayna wouldn’t see him failing to tell her as a betrayal of her trust. She would, he was sure, though Derek prayed she’d understand why and forgive him.

  But if she didn’t? Fear crept up the back of his throat. He was a cop and took on the bad guys daily, not without fear, but with a ton of determination. However, the fear of losing Rayna was more intense than anything Derek had ever felt in the line of duty. He shook his head and ran his palm over his close-cropped hair. Derek had no idea what to do.

  He was screwed either way.

  * * * *

  Rayna opened the garage door, knowing Derek would be pulling up any second. They hadn’t been back to the Whiskey Barrel since that first night they’d met up. It seemed really appropriate that finally going back meant they’d go for the double date thing again.

  Plus, Jeff and Tish needed to get better acquainted. Rayna’s idea, and Derek agreed. Moving back into the house, she headed for her bedroom and master bath. Coming to the doorway of the bath, she looked at her friend. “You almost ready?”

  Tish was bent close to the mirror, adding more eyeliner. “Just about.” She turned to Rayna. “How’re my wings? Are they even?”

  “Your what?” Rayna frowned and stepped closer to her friend.

  “My eyeliner wings. Are they even?” Tish closed her eyes and raised her brows. “How do you not know what wings are?”

  Rayna leaned closer. “Uh, not a big makeup person. How do you not know that?”

  “True. I do know that.” Tish groaned. “But, just pretend you are for a minute. Are they even?”

  Rayna chuckled. “I think so, yes.”

  Tish drew in a loud exaggerated breath. “Okay ‘you think so.’ Telling ya, no help at all, lady.”

  Rayna leaned a hip against the counter and pursed her lips. “You seem nervous. Why?”

  Tish stepped back from the mirror and fluffed her thick dark hair with her fingers. “What? No, not nervous.” She turned, looking over her shoulder in the mirror, Rayna assumed to check...well, she had no idea. Then spun back to face the mirror. “Just want to make sure I look okay.”

  “Hmm.” Rayna crossed her arms. “Thank you for agreeing to double with us again. Like I said, it should be fun.”

  “Well, Jeff is one of those goofy asshole but deadly good-looking guys I tend to stay away from. Plus, I can tell he’s the bossy type. But for you, I’ll suck it up and deal.”

  “Deadly good-looking?”

  “Yes, but also goofy asshole. So, they cancel each other out.” Tish shrugged and added more lipstick. “Plus bossy caveman. Definitely not my type.”

  “Okay then.” Rayna nodded. “You need a shot before we go?”

  “Fuck yes, I do.” Tish placed her hands on the counter top and leaned on them, as if she was exhausted. “A shot would be outstanding right now.”

  “Ooookay then.” Rayna stifled a laugh. “How about you meet me in the butler’s pantry? Like right now? Because he’s going to be here, like two minutes from now.”

  “Got it. Be right there.” Tish spun again, this time clearly checking her butt in her jeans. “Do these look okay on me?”

  “No time for this.” Rayna walked out of the bathroom then called over her shoulder, “Going to get shots now.”

  “Not helping!”

  Rayna ignored her friend, who was definitely, no doubt about it, nervous. But why? Maybe... Wait a second! Rayna grabbed the bottle of tequila. Maybe Tish liked Jeff more than she was willing to admit. And wouldn’t that just be adorable?

  With a huge grin, Rayna filled two shot glasses. Raising one glass eye level, she peered into the golden liquid. “Nothing like a little tequila truth serum to bring all things suppressed to the surface.”

  “Bring all what things to the surface?”

  At the sudden sound of Tish right behind her, Rayna jumped and spun around.

  “Ooh! Thanks!” Tish took the glass from Rayna’s palm. “Come to Momma.”

  “Good grief, you scared me.” Quickly, Rayna shook off the shudder that’d raced through her, then picked up the other tequila. “Let’s drink to dates with gorgeous men.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Tish rolled her eyes. “Fine. But if he’s a goofy asshole tonight, or pretending he’s all submissive when he’s really all bossy caveman, I can’t guarantee I won’t wander away.”

  Rayna watched as Tish tipped the shot to her lips and swallowed it down. “You like him, don’t you?”

  Tish put the empty glass down. “Who? Derek? I don’t really know him personally, except through you, of course. But, yeah, so far. I guess I like him.”

  “No. I meant Jeff.” Rayna tipped her shot and swallowed the alcohol.

  “No, I do not. Already said he’s not my type.” Again she rolled her eyes. “I mean, I’m not trying to be a bitch, he’s nice enough. But I don’t like him like him
. Why would you even say that?”

  Well, so much for the idea of plying Tish with booze to get her to admit the truth. Then again, two seconds after downing the shot wasn’t really enough time for it to work. “Well...I don’t know. I mean, you’re nervous. And as long as I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you nervous. And maybe that’s why—”

  “Knock, knock, anyone home?” Derek called from the laundry room.

  An instant smile hit Rayna’s lips. “Come on in, honey. We’re ready.”

  Tish crossed her arms. “Maybe that’s why what?”

  “Never mind. It’s not important.” Rayna shrugged and moved into the kitchen to get her small purse.

  Tish followed. “You don’t ever say things that aren’t important, Ray. Please tell me.”

  Rayna sighed and placed her palm on her friend’s upper arm. “How about this? Let’s get to the bar, have a couple drinks, do some dancing, and then I’ll tell you. And I promise, it’s nothing bad.”

  “I am the luckiest man in the East Valley right now.” Derek came into the kitchen, big smile on his, to quote Tish, deadly good-looking face. “You two look absolutely beautiful!”

  “You’re looking pretty damn good, too.” Tish smiled, grabbed her small clutch off the table and glanced at Rayna. “He’s always this sweet, huh?”

  “Yes, and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.” Rayna smiled, not taking her gaze off Derek. When he stepped in front of her, she rose on tiptoe, circled his neck in her arms and kissed him.

  Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tight against him. He let out a little groan when she stroked her tongue over his. When she broke from his lips, he brushed his nose over hers. “Missed you, Doc.”

  Rayna smiled. “Missed you, too, honey.”

  “You two are so fucking cute, it’s almost frightening. Before this goes any further and you two need privacy, maybe we should go.”