Avoiding the Badge

by Dorothy F. Shaw

  “Doc, I’d love that, but we haven’t even talked about it.”

  “I’m on the pill.”

  “Yeah, but...” Derek knew he was clean because he’d gotten tested right after he’d met her. Since then, he’d only been with her. He smoothed his palms up her thighs and then rose to lean over her. He stroked the back of his fingers along her cheek. “Baby, listen to me, I want that with you. I do. But now’s not the time to make this decision.”

  “Why not?” She tilted her head, pressing her cheek to his fingers.

  “Because you’re vulnerable right now, and overstimulated.”

  “Derek, I need to feel you. All of you.”

  God almighty, she was killing him. He pressed his forehead to hers. “Doc...”

  “Please?”

  Dammit... Derek leaned to the side, resting his weight on one hand. With the other, he slid the blindfold off her eyes. “Look at me.” She blinked a few times, and Derek smoothed her hair away from her face. She focused on him and the sweet expression in her eyes laid him flat. “I’m going to untie your legs.”

  “But—”

  Derek placed his finger against her lips. “Doc, just stop and let me do what I gotta do to give you a minute to settle and think.”

  She nodded, and he moved off of her. Going to the end of the bed, he unhooked the ankle cuff from the bed-strap, then did the same with the other, freeing both of her legs. Staying at the end of the bed, he watched her as she pulled her legs up and together.

  Derek’s cock was so hard he could probably hammer nails with it, but that didn’t matter. He could wait. What mattered was giving her a moment to breathe. Giving her time to gather her thoughts.

  Getting off the bed, he cracked the bottle of water he had on the nightstand and brought it to her lips. “Here, babe.”

  She raised her head and sipped. Then sipped a little more. “Thank you.” She laid her head back down. “You’re not gonna untie my arms are ya?”

  Derek had to smile. The question came out coated with her slight Southern accent, the one that only came out on rare occasions. “Jesus, you’re killing me, you know that?”

  She frowned but then smiled. “Why?”

  He shook his head. “Drink more water.”

  She drew in a breath and rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

  Again with the accent. Derek chuckled as he gave her a little more water. “No, I’m not going to untie your arms.”

  She smiled. “Good.”

  “Keep up that sassy attitude, and I may just make you sleep this way.” He capped the water bottle and set it down on the nightstand.

  “Um...”

  Her eyes were wide as silver dollars, and he blurted out a laugh. “Relax, Doc. I’m kidding.” He bent and kissed her lips, then climbed over her and stretched out beside her.

  “Well? How’m I supposed to know if you’re bein’ serious or not?”

  “Fair point.” He smiled and traced a line down her breastbone. “How’re you feeling?”

  She raised a brow. “Horny.”

  Derek cracked up laughing again, and this time Rayna laughed, too. His chest burned, and his stomach felt funny. Intense feelings were boomeranging all over his brain, feelings he hadn’t felt in years. Overwhelmed and a little scared, Derek rolled over her and settled between her welcoming thighs.

  As he held his weight off of her by leaning on one arm, Rayna looked up at him and he cupped her face in his palm. Derek brushed his lips over hers, rubbed his nose over the tip of hers, and then kissed her as tenderly as he could manage.

  She moaned into his lips and tilted up her pelvis.

  The head of Derek’s cock met the wet heat of her cunt.

  She moaned again, and he pulled from her lips. With his forehead pressed to hers and their eyes locked, he slid the rest of the way inside her tight pussy. Derek closed his eyes and sucked in a breath as her warmth encased him.

  “Rayna...” Emotion beat through him, and he opened his eyes and traced her cheekbone with his thumb. “I’m in love with you.”

  Derek had never said those words to a woman before. Not even to his ex, and he’d never known why, not truly.

  But now he knew the reason was because those words were only meant for Rayna.

  Chapter 20

  “What are you watching?” Wiping her hands on a dish towel, Rayna stepped up to the back of her couch.

  Derek glanced up at her and so did Axle from his spot on the floor by the couch. “I think it’s called Baby Boom? Old, but great movie. I haven’t seen it in a long time, though.”

  “Oh yes, she falls in love with a vet, right?”

  “Kinda like me.” He popped his brows and grinned up at her.

  “Yes, kinda like you.” Rayna smiled as she bent and gave him a soft kiss. “You know, just so you know, you’re very much a romantic for being an alpha caveman police officer.”

  He laughed. “Caveman?”

  “I do believe I’ve heard you use that word before, yes.”

  “No way.”

  Laughing, she moved back to the kitchen, hung up the towel. When she turned, Axle was sitting in the doorway, ears flopped to the sides, tail wagging. “What? You want a treat, don’t you?” She laughed and moved to the freezer. Grabbing an ice cube, she stepped in front of her sink where the small rug was. “Hier.”

  With a little half yip-groan, he trotted to her. Rayna stepped aside, and Axle moved onto it and sat. She chuckled and stroked his head. “You’re a very good boy. Always listening so well.” She held open her palm, and Axle gently took the ice cube. Smiling, she straightened. “And you’re also a big softy, just like your daddy.”

  Turning off the kitchen light, she moved back to the family room and plopped on the couch beside Derek.

  He scooted her closer. “Okay fine. I may have used that word before. But only because of Jeff.”

  “What word? Oh! Caveman.” She cleared her throat and rested her head on his shoulder. “You’re so funny. And so is Axle.”

  “Yeah? Why’s that?”

  “He and the ice cubes. Too funny. And you take issue with the caveman comment, but not the romantic one. That’s actually far beyond too funny.”

  “Ice cubes make a fantastic low-fat treat.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Honestly, I can’t really argue the romantic thing. I’m a total softy underneath my alpha caveman exterior and bulletproof vest, and I’m not ashamed of that.”

  Rayna yawned. “Axle is as much a softy as you. Plus, you also like chick flicks. He probably does, too.”

  At that moment, Axle came trotting back out to the living room and plopped down in his now favorite spot beside the sofa.

  “That’s a secret. If you tell anyone, we’ll deny it to the day we die.”

  “Your secrets are safe with me, caveman.” With a giggle, Rayna curled her legs under her and pulled the soft fleece throw she had draped over the side of the sofa over her lap. “Diane Keaton is so timeless and sophisticated. How old is this movie?”

  Derek scooched lower on the couch and stretched his long legs out in front of him on the coffee table, crossing them at the ankle. “Late eighties, I think. Let me see.” Grabbing the remote, he pulled up the info on the film. “Yup. Eighty-seven.”

  She raised her head and looked at him. “So basically, when the movie was made, we were toddlers.”

  “Yes.”

  “And this is what you want to watch tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay.”

  “Go with it, Doc.”

  Rayna giggled and laid her head back on his shoulder. “Going with it, honey.”

  Truly, she didn’t care what they watched. Rayna didn’t mind chick flicks, or action movies. Blood and gore wasn’t her favorite. But a good suspense or thriller was always cool. Either way, cuddl
ing on the couch with her man was the part that made her happy.

  Her man.

  Somehow in the last six weeks, he’d become Rayna’s man. Then last week, he’d told her he was in love with her. She smiled, warmth filling her bones as she recalled that night. It was a memory she’d happily cherish forever.

  Of course, when he’d confessed his feelings it was in the middle of incredibly intense sex, where he’d bound her to the bed. However, after he’d said those words to her, the entire dynamic of the moment shifted from unbelievably heady sex to unbelievable lovemaking. And every night since then, Derek had made love to her.

  Except for last night. Last night he’d been tired, but he also seemed like there was something on his mind. She’d asked if he needed to talk about anything, but he’d declined, and they’d gone to bed early.

  Derek smoothed his palm up and down her arm, and Rayna snuggled a little closer. Tonight he seemed back to his normal self, so Rayna hadn’t given it much more thought.

  Derek pressed his lips to the top of her head again. “You love me?”

  She smiled, the warmth inside her growing. “Yes.”

  “You sure?”

  She giggled. “Yes.”

  “Good.” He squeezed her side.

  “Oh, goodness gracious, spaghetti for a baby?” She rolled her eyes. “I may not be parent material but even I know that won’t work.”

  “Not parent material?”

  She glanced up at him. “We’ve talked about this.”

  “Rayna, that’s just silly.” He frowned and looked back at the television. “Oh my God. The diaper with electrical tape!”

  Rayna laughed. “So sad. But I have to say, I’ve never changed a diaper, so I get it.”

  “What do you mean you’ve never changed a diaper? Didn’t you babysit in high school?”

  “Never. Too busy working a part-time job at a vet office.”

  “Wow, you might be the only woman I’ve ever met that never babysat kids.”

  She shrugged one shoulder. “Just never had the time is all. And my brother doesn’t have any kids. And as you know, neither does Tish.”

  “But that doesn’t mean you’re not parent material.”

  Rayna shrugged again. “I don’t know. My focus has always been my career.”

  Derek muted the TV then shifted and looked over at her. “Babe, I know we talked about this a few weeks ago, it was brief, but still. Are you serious when you say marriage and kids aren’t in the cards for you?”

  Rayna straightened and focused on him. She didn’t know why he was asking her this. Because of that, she didn’t know how to answer. Did he want marriage and kids? And if so, did he want them with her?

  Yes, it was true that Rayna’s career had always been her focus, but that didn’t mean that at one point in her life, specifically when she was a little girl, that she hadn’t wanted marriage and kids.

  Being so young and naive, she’d always figured marriage and kids would just happen. Then after her parents’ marriage blew up, she put that idea out of her mind.

  Older now, she knew that marriage could be a good thing. Just because her parents’ marriage wasn’t successful didn’t mean she couldn’t have something good for herself. Intellectually she knew that. Emotionally was a different story. That’s where the fear was alive and real.

  Besides, even if she knew without a doubt that she wanted that kind of life, a person couldn’t just snap their fingers and poof, manifest a husband and two-point-five kids. The life she’d worked so hard for hadn’t exactly allowed her the luxury of time.

  But with Derek—Derek made her want those things. More specifically, want them with him. She loved him, was in love with him, but it had only been six weeks. It was too soon to even go down this road.

  And what if she did? What if she told him she wanted those things and—a tremor of fear spilled through her.

  What if he didn’t want them with her?

  * * * *

  “Rayna, answer me.” Derek stared at her, caught somewhere in a deep well of fear and disappointment, and more fear.

  “I’m not sure I know how to answer that question.”

  “A simple yes or no would work.”

  She frowned and looked down at her hands. “It’s not that simple, Derek.”

  Shit. Shiiiiiit! “Babe, it is that simple.”

  “It’s never been in the cards for me.” She looked up at him, her brows drawn together. “I went straight to college after high school. Then I went to vet school. Then I worked at a practice. Then I opened a practice.”

  “Right, I get that. You’ve been busy. But...you said you don’t think you’re maternal. Do you really believe that?”

  She sighed. “I’m not maternal. I’ve never even changed a diaper. The closest I’ve come to a human baby in the last five years has been when parents come into the office with theirs. And taking care of animals doesn’t translate to motherhood. Why are you pressuring me about this?”

  Derek opened his mouth, then closed it again. For fuck’s sake, why was this so hard? How could he tell her about his daughter if she didn’t even like kids? He blew out a breath and ran his palm over his head. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m just trying to...I don’t know, I guess determine if this thing between us works out what the future might hold. If you don’t like kids, or want them, I guess I’d want to know that now.”

  Rayna’s frown deepened, and she shifted her legs from beneath her. “Derek, it’s been six weeks and you want to talk about marriage and kids? That sure feels like pressure to me.”

  Defeated, he shook his head. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to pressure you. That’s not what my intention was.”

  “Okay.” She looked back down at her hands. “Please understand, I’m just not ready to have this conversation yet. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I do.” She covered his hand with hers. “I’ve never loved anyone before, or been loved by anyone, and I want to explore that before I start thinking about what the future holds.”

  Glancing down at their hands, he linked his fingers with hers then looked back to her eyes. “You’ve really never been in love before?”

  She smiled. “Derek Hansen, I swear to all things holy, you are the most interesting and complex man I have ever met.”

  He shook his head, unable to stop his own smile. “Rayna Michaels, you are also complex. And evasive.” He laughed. “Can’t you answer the question?”

  She sighed. “No, I’ve really never been in love before. Happy?”

  “Yes. Well, no. I mean I think that’s sad you’ve never been in love before, but it makes me very happy that I get that ‘first’ too.”

  “Good grief.” Rayna rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Do you want to finish watching the movie?”

  “Yes.” He grinned and settled back into a comfortable position on the couch. Rayna slid close, curled next to him and rested her head back on his shoulder. He un-muted the TV, then kissed the top of her head. “Doc?”

  “Yes?”

  “I love you, too.”

  “Good.” She turned her head and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.

  He squeezed her side. “Good.”

  The movie played out before his eyes, but Derek saw none of it. All he could think about was the fact that he hadn’t told Rayna about Megan yet. Or about his ex. Why couldn’t she just give him a straight answer? If he had to guess, maybe she did like kids, and maybe she did want some of her own someday? But there was no way to know if he was right or not.

  Withholding this information about his ex and daughter was a disaster waiting to happen. Megan was coming home tomorrow. The plan was to have her at his place overnight and then she would go back to her mom on Sunday morning, since he had to work.

  Keeping this from Rayna any longer was no longer an op
tion. He needed to try and tell her tomorrow. Or at the very least, tell her before next Friday when Megan came back to him to spend a few nights.

  Fear crept up the back of his throat, and his stomach churned with anxiety. Rayna was going to hate him for not telling her. Even if she was fine with the fact that he had a kid, she was still going to hate him for not trusting her.

  Caveman, his ass. Derek was a fucking coward.

  Chapter 21

  “Oh my God, Dad! You would not believe how long it takes to drive across Texas!”

  Unable to get a word in edgewise, Derek listened as his ten-year-old daughter went on and on about her summer trip with her mom, her half sister, and her stepdad. Smiling, he pulled into his neighborhood.

  “And Florida? Actually that whole part of the country is soooo hot. Way hotter than Arizona. And the bugs? Like...ugh, so gross. Mosquitos and plamettos?”

  Derek laughed. “Palmettos.”

  “Yeah those.” She shivered. “Gross. They look like those flying sewer roaches.” She scrunched up her nose. “But they are everywhere.”

  “They look like roaches because they are roaches, angel.”

  “Ewww! Really?”

  “Yup, really.” He laughed.

  “Steven didn’t tell me that.”

  Derek shrugged a shoulder. “Well, maybe he didn’t know.”

  “True.” She pulled her cell phone from her backpack. “I have a ton of pictures from NOLA and lots of places for you.”

  He glanced at her then back to the road. “I thought your mom said no cell phones for the summer?”

  “She did. She and Steven took pics, and then she added them to a shared photo folder.”

  “Gotcha.”

  “Daddy, if I had my cell phone I would’ve been texting you.”

  “Likely story.” He raised a brow. “More like, if you had your cell, you would’ve spent the whole summer with your nose in Instagram or snapping yapping with your friends.”

  She laughed. “Snapchatting, Dad.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Either way, you would’ve missed the palmetto bugs and all the other cool stuff you saw.” He pulled into the driveway.