by Jenika Snow
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Alex stops me and wraps me in a tight embrace. “Are you sure you don't want to stay? There is a lock on the door and I’ll be right down the hall.” His words are too low for anyone other than me to hear. I know he means well, but I just need to be by myself. Sure, Claire will probably be there, but I can deal with one person, not a house full of drunken people.
“No, I just want to go back to the dorm.”
He pulls away from me and looks into my eyes. “Text me when you get home, okay? I'm taking you to lunch tomorrow and we are going to talk about all of this. Something is up, and I want you to be honest with me.” He kisses me on the forehead and I close my eyes. I hand Frank to him and lean down to kiss his chunky face.
“Okay.” I follow Holden out of the house, but before I step outside I look over my shoulder and lock gazes with Adrian. He’s watching me with an intense expression and I wonder what he's thinking about right now.
Once Holden and I are out the door he takes my hand again and leads me briskly to his car. He opens the door for me but doesn't say anything. He still doesn't say anything after he slips into the driver’s seat, cranks the engine, and accelerates down the road. The cramped, stacked houses flash by us in a blur as I stare out the window. I should say something, apologize, open up a conversation … something.
“I'm really sorry you have to take me home. I know it wasn't on your top things to do tonight. I just couldn't stay there anymore.” I chance a glance at him, see his jaw clenched tight, and feel the awkwardness increase.
“I wouldn’t have had anyone else take you home.”
I slip down in my seat and continue to watch the buildings pass by. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Holden finally speaks again.
“I don't want you hanging around Adrian. I mean it.”
His comment catches me off guard and I am momentarily speechless. I can feel my mouth hanging open as I stare at him in shock. This is a side of Holden I have never seen. The fierceness in his statement, the command that he wants me to just do this without question. It has me so stunned.
When I get my mind wrapped around what he said, my confusion becomes irritation. “Excuse me?” Holden's jaw is still clenched, but when he looks over at me I can see his expression soften.
I don’t understand any of this. I told him and Alex back at the house Adrian helped me.
He sighs heavily and runs a hand over his jaw. “I’m sorry, Sky, I don't mean to be so ... demanding or anything. It's just that I want to protect you from guys like Adrian.”
“And what sort of guys are that?” I can see the campus lights up ahead, but I need to know what Holden is talking about. “Guys that help a girl out when she’s in trouble?” He doesn't speak again until he pulls up to the curb right outside my dorm. His whole body is tense and he doesn't look at me, just stares straight ahead. “Well?” I have never seen Holden act this way. The butterflies and warmth that I’ve always felt when I looked up at him were nice, familiar, and a fleeting thought passes through my mind.
Could he be jealous?
No, I know that is probably the most absurd thought that I have ever had. I know he doesn't think of me as anything but a little sister.
I don’t want to get into this anyway, not after the night I’ve had. “Thanks again for the lift.” I have my hand wrapped around the handle and I'm about to push the door open when I feel his big hand on my shoulder, stopping me. He looks at me apologetically.
“I’m sorry.” He has yet to remove his hand from my shoulder and I can feel his warmth seep right through my clothes. I feel like I'm at home when I look at him, when we hang out. It’s always been that way, and I latched onto that, craving it because I didn’t feel anything else for anyone.
But then I felt something profound with Adrian.
“I just would prefer it if you stayed clear of Adrian. I didn't mean to bark at you like that earlier, it's just he rubs me the wrong way, and when I saw him with his hands on you—” His jaw clenches tightly again before he continues. “It just pisses me off.” His smile seems a little forced.
“What exactly aren’t you telling me?”
“He just has a bad reputation.”
I move away, pressing myself against the door so I can get a better look at him. The shadows play across his face, hiding parts of him in darkness. “Rumors? Like what?”
“Partying hard, bad boy persona all the way. Hell, you think of it and it’s been said about him.”
I never did put much stock into rumors. Hell, the guy who assaulted me all those years ago had been known for being sweet and kind, gentle even.
He hadn’t been any of those things when he tried to take from me something I wasn’t offering willingly.
“You don't like Adrian because you heard rumors about him? Did you ever ask him about any of this?”
He shakes his head twice and breathes out roughly before leaning back in his seat and staring at the roof. “Yes. No. Fuck, I just want you to be safe.” He cuts a glance toward me and there is a heartbeat of silence as we watch each other. I have a feeling he wants to say more, but when the silence stretches on I know now is the time for me to go. I don't know what Holden's deal is, but the guy staring at me right now is not the same one that I grew up around. It isn’t the guy I’ve had a crush on for so long it’s pitiful.
But what I felt in that moment with Adrian was something so much more … something deeper.
“I’ll be fine.” If he knew how Adrian had helped me in just that short time he might not feel like this. But that isn’t something I am prepared to go into, at least not right now … maybe not ever. “Are you sure you're okay to drive home, Holden?” Concern quickly replaces all other emotions. “You're acting strange.” His smile flashes in the darkness, all straight white teeth … but distant. It’s a smile he uses as a façade, and now he is using it on me.
“I'm fine.”
I know Holden is only looking out for me, but something in me has changed in just this short time … in just that one moment I looked up and saw Adrian standing here.
Something felt right.
Maybe he is just worried about me?
“It'll be okay, Holden. I’m not a little girl anymore. You and Alex don’t have to protect me.” It’s a lie. I need, want to be protected. And the flash of Adrian in my mind has me feeling calm, warm.
There is a part of me that wishes I was strong enough to go through this alone. But even after that incident I’d never spoke of happening four years ago, I felt like I needed someone telling me everything would be okay even though I know it won't be.
It never will be.
Chapter 7
Adrian
I saw the cute girl around campus all of the following week, and the next. What bugs the shit out of me the most is the fact that Holden, her brother, or someone else is always hanging around her. Don’t they see that they’re suffocating her? She looks ready to bolt at any minute, and it pisses me off.
College is supposed to be freeing, and yet every time I see her, I just see a bird that is close to having her wings clipped or some shit.
Lighting a cigarette, I sit on one of the tables, reading a book. It’s an English book, some romantic shit that we need to analyze, and I hate to admit, I kind of like it. Bad boys with the shittiest reputations can read. I’m not at college to bang chicks and waste away. Contrary to what everyone believes, I do want a life at the end of all of this. A life that I create myself, and I’m determined to get it.
My mind keeps drifting back to that girl, and it’s driving me crazy. She was so beautiful, and I just know that I can make her happy.
Hoping to push thoughts of her aside, I focus on the book in my hand and go back to reading.
Time passes, and I am aware of all the girls around me. Several approach, trying to get my attention, but I’m really not interested. They are the last thing on my mind.
“Hey,” a voice says.
Gla
ncing up, I find Skylar standing staring at me. She has an armful of books and a full bag on one shoulder.
“Hello,” I say, lowering my book.
The moment her eyes meet mine, I see her cheeks start to heat, and she nibbles her bottom lip, which for some reason I find really cute.
“How are you feeling?” I don’t even know who the bastard was but I know his kind. He can’t take no for an answer, and girls like Skylar suffer. What I didn’t like was the look in her eyes. It was like she’d already been through that kind of crap before, which just pisses me off. She should be able to have some fun without any trouble, and yet she isn’t allowed to.
“I’m doing really good. I actually wanted to apologize for my brother and his friend, Holden.”
“Don’t worry. Holden and Alex just have a lot of hate for me,” I say, smiling. I’m not well liked by those two guys. Mainly because the girls they fuck always come back to me. “Was it your idea to be here with your brother?”
She shakes her head. “My parents wanted me to stay at home. When Alex offered to keep an eye on me, I was allowed to come here.” She shrugs. “There’s not a lot I can do.”
Closing my book, I stare at her. She wants excitement. I don’t know how I know that, only that she is pretty much vibrating with it.
“So you’re going to be spending a lot of time with Alex and Holden, right?”
She shakes her head. “Probably not. They’re older than me, and I’m sure they don’t want me hanging around with them.”
“Then how about I take you out tomorrow night?”
“Tomorrow?”
“You can trust me. I wouldn’t have saved you the other night if I wasn’t a good guy.”
“It’s not that, I just hadn’t thought about it. Alex says there’s another party.”
“I’m not taking you to a party. I’m taking you out to go and have some fun. What do you think?”
“It depends on what you consider fun.”
Leaning closer, I inhale her fresh lemon scent. What is it about this girl? I never take my time getting to know someone, but with her, I want to know her, to get her to be addicted to me.
“Then you’re going to have to come with me, and find out.” I wink. “What do you say?”
Before she can answer, someone calls her name. I turn toward the sound to find Holden making his way toward us.
“Your protector is coming over.”
“He’s a good guy.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
Staying on the bench, I watch as Holden looks at me, and then at Skylar before his focus comes back to me.
That’s right, asshole. She came to talk to me, not you.
“Skylar, I’ve been looking for you all over,” Holden says.
Doesn’t he notice that she tenses up at the anger in his voice? This guy is pissing me off, and I tend to avoid him.
“I went to the library. I’ve still got to study, and you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve told you that. I’m fine.”
“We don’t want you wandering around like this. Anything could happen,” Holden says.
Skylar rolls her eyes. “You’re worrying too much.” Her gaze comes back to me, and I watch her, waiting. She is pretty much shaking with anger. “What do you do for fun?”
“Party,” Holden says.
“I do whatever the hell I want to do. What do you consider fun?” I ask, intrigued.
“She doesn’t need you, asshole.” Holden catches her arm, and she pulls out of his hold.
“Enough. God, will you just stop?” She sighs, and her gaze is once again back to me. Score! “When do you want to pick me up? Are you doing anything tonight?”
“We’re partying tonight,” Holden says.
“I can pick you up by seven.”
I am fighting tonight, obviously, but I can change my plans.
“Excellent. Pick me up at seven. I’ll be waiting.”
I watch as she storms off, and I know I can give her what she needs. She’s trapped, and needs someone to pull her out of the hell that she has gotten herself into.
“What the fuck are you smiling about?” Holden asks.
I shrug. “Nothing.”
“You’re not going to pick her up.”
“Are you and Alex going to stop me?”
“Skylar is a good girl. She doesn’t need the likes of you.”
“What? A guy who is honest about who he is, or a guy like you?” I get off the table, hiking my bag onto my shoulder. Alex and Holden have reputations around campus, and a lot of people are afraid of them. I’m not one of them. Neither of them can take me. I have a lot of practice, and if they even thought to take me down, I’d hurt them, changing their futures forever.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t fool me, Holden. You’re not a good guy. You can pretend to be all you want but the truth is, you use girls like Skylar.”
Holden takes a step toward me. “You better take that fucking back.”
Staring into his eyes, I make him see that I’m not afraid. “Brandy, Charlotte, Mandy, Kate, Rose, do you want me to keep on going?”
“What the hell do they have to do with anything?”
“They are all girls you’ve strung along. You break hearts, Holden. So long as you get what you want, you’re happy. Skylar’s on your radar.”
I’m not going to tell him where he’s fucking up. She is going to be mine, not his.
Not that I’ve been close to any girls. I’ve fucked a lot of girls and women, but they all knew the score. None of them wanted to keep me long term, and I’m more than happy about that.
Leaving Holden glaring after me, I make my way toward my next class. At the door, I mutter a curse when I see that it has been cancelled.
Slamming my hand against the door, I head back outside, and decide to go to the library.
Entering the large building, I go toward the English literature section, but pause when I see Skylar sitting on the floor with books open around her. She is hidden in the long rows of books.
“Are you hiding?” I ask, leaning against one of the shelves.
She looks up with wide eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s the library, babe. Anyone can come here. Why are you here, and why are you hiding?”
“You need to ask me that? Did you see Holden?”
“I saw, I heard, I vomited. He always that protective of you?” I ask, crouching down to see she has a couple of science books open. “This your major?”
“I don’t have a major, and no, Holden has never been this protective, and it’s … annoying.” She frowns. “How can it be so annoying?”
“You’re not used to it.”
“I don’t know. I remember when I was younger, he was there, but not like this. Maybe I’m just ungrateful or something.” She shrugs again, and looks over at her books.
“What is it?” I ask, sensing she wants to say something more.
“It’s nothing.”
“I won’t tell them. In case you didn’t see, I don’t exactly have the best rep when it comes to your boys.”
“My boys, ha!” She laughs. “Fine. College is supposed to be about exploring, right? Finding yourself, and working with your independence.”
“I guess.”
“I don’t feel like I’m ever going to have that. Alex and Holden are breathing down my neck, and it’s hard to even want to hang around them.”
“It sucks.” I wonder if she realizes how pretty she is when she’s frustrated.
“I think what is shocking is I used to have this big crush on Holden. I think I still do, I’m not sure, but he’s looking less attractive right now.”
Okay, I don’t like the thought of her liking Holden, or even having a secret crush on him. She deserves better than him.
“What do you think about fighting?” I ask.
“It’s painful, and a waste of time? I don’t know. I’ve not really
given it much thought. Why?”
“I fight, and I enjoy it, and I was wondering if you’d like to come and see what it’s all about tonight.”
“You’re busy.”
“I can cancel at any time. You want to get out, have some fun and excitement, I’m your guy.”
“Is it dangerous?”
“Yeah, but I’ll be there and make sure you don’t get hurt. What do you say? You want to take that chance?”
She nibbles her lip, and I wait, wondering if I have read her right. After years of fighting, I’ve become quite good at reading people.
“Yes. I want to go with you.”
“Excellent. I’ll still pick you up at seven, and I’ll even feed you after.”
“Awesome.” The smile on her face makes my breath catch.
“You’re still going to hide out?”
“Holden’s trying to get in touch with me. I just want a few minutes to myself. I had more freedom in high school.” She closes several books and sighs. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For asking me.”
“You may hate it.”
“I know, but I’m curious about it, and I want to learn everything.”
She’s a little firecracker.
I wonder if Holden even realizes what he’s doing to her.
His loss is my gain.
Chapter 8
Skylar
“You’re going to a fight?” Claire asks. She’s on her bed, with six books open. I don’t even know what she’s studying, but how she can look at all six, and be making notes, I don’t know.
When I was at the library earlier, I’d been distracted, and it was next to impossible to actually think with Holden and Alex constantly crowding me. I didn’t even know that I could feel trapped, but that was exactly how they are both making me feel.
“I’m not fighting. Adrian is.”
“I’ve heard some rumors about Adrian. It seems to me that he’s the bad boy on campus. Hard, tough, sexy as hell. Does he have tats? I love tats.”