by Sparkle
I yawned, sat up in bed, and wiped my sleepy eyes.
“I got to pee,” Sade said.
I moved over and watched Sade exit her bedroom. I remained sitting there until Sade returned. Sade sat back on her bed, but curled up on the opposite end from where I sat.
I reached for Sade, but Sade shifted her body further into the corner. I wanted to comfort her in some way and make her feel at ease. My hand landed on her leg. “Baby, we're going to get through this. I promise you.”
“Is he gone?” Sade asked.
“Of course he's not gone. This has nothing to do with him.” I frowned.
“I still can't believe you.” Sade had a look of disgust on her face.
I thought once she realized Calvin and I was still going to get married, she would drop the lies. “Sade, this morning, I'm going to take you to the clinic so we can find out for sure if you're pregnant. If you are, we'll get you on government medical assistance so you can get good prenatal care. I want you and the baby to be healthy.”
“Mom, listen to you. You act like, this.” Sade rubbed her stomach. “Is normal. Me having a baby by your boyfriend is not normal.”
My head was starting to hurt again. “Stop saying that, you hear me. I don't want you to say it to no one else. You hear me?”
Sade rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”
Okay. I guess playing nice wasn't going to work, so in a stern voice, I said, “Get your ass up and get dressed. We got a long day ahead of us.”
I didn't wait to hear her response. All I knew was she had better be ready when I was ready to roll out or all hell would break loose. I heard Calvin's voice before I made it to the bedroom. I walked through the door and Calvin almost jumped off the edge of the bed as he quickly placed his cell phone on the stand as if he hadn't been on it a few seconds ago.
“I thought you were gone to work,” he looked up at me and said.
“I got too many things on my mind to concentrate on work. As soon as Sade gets dressed, I'm taking her to the clinic to be tested. We're going to get to the bottom of this one way or another.”
Calvin sat on the bed and watched me get dressed.
Calvin said, “You know she's going to hold on to that lie. Don't let her come between us, baby. You know I love you and her so I don't understand why she's tripping out like this.”
I went and sat on the bed beside him. I placed my hand on top of his. “I know baby. She's about to turn sixteen and now she might be pregnant. Her hormones are making her act like this.”
I said it more to convince myself than Calvin. That was the only excuse I could come up with to justify why Sade was accusing Calvin of doing such a horrible thing.
~14~
SADE
I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but my mom was talking loud enough for me to hear her consoling the devil. My mom must have stupid plastered on her forehead. Why couldn't she see what was happening right up under her nose? I knew my mom had caught Calvin having affairs with other women, but none of that made her kick Calvin out of our lives. I thought me coming clean about what Calvin did would open up my mom's eyes. I thought she would get rid of that monster once and for all. No such luck.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt like my mom was turning her back on me. I thought mothers were supposed to protect their children. If I couldn't depend on my mother for help, then whom could I depend on? I felt completely helpless.
I didn't know what purpose going to a clinic would serve. My mom worked at a hospital so if I needed any medicine, she should be able to get it for me. I got dressed and waited for my mom in the living room on the couch. I could have gone to her room to let her know I was ready, but the way I felt right now, I didn't ever want to see Calvin's face. The less I saw of him, the better it would be for everyone. Every time I saw Calvin, my head hurt and I'm sure that wasn't good for my baby.
“Are you ready?” my mom walked in, interrupting my thoughts.
I decided to give her the silent treatment, but I did stand up and head towards the front door.
Joyce yelled out, “Baby, we're leaving. We'll be back.”
I rolled my eyes and walked out the front door.
An hour later, I sat beside my mom in an uncomfortable plastic chair as she filled out sheet after sheet of paperwork required by the state ran clinic. I glanced around the room. There were other teenagers there in the same predicament as me. Some of their stomachs were so big, that it looked like they would be having their babies at any time.
The realization of me having a baby filled my mind. My whole life was about to change. One change that I hated was the fact that I would now have to switch schools because Booker T. had a school policy about girls getting pregnant. Tears filled my eyes as my young life passed right before me. Dreams of being the next R&B teen sensation dissipated in the air. Going to Booker T. Washington was supposed to help me get out of the hood, but my situation was bound to keep me there a while longer.
“Sade Washington,” a middle-aged woman wearing a beehive hairstyle and purple hospital scrubs called out my name.
“Girl, that's you,” my mom said.
I followed my mom and the nurse to a room in the back. The nurse took my vital signs and handed me a plastic container to pee in. About five minutes later, I returned with the plastic container and handed it to the nurse.
We were escorted to a private room. The nurse handed me a white hospital gown. “Put this on. The doctor will be right with you.”
My mom took the gown from me and opened it up. “Take off your clothes and put this on.”
“Why do I have to get naked?” I asked. I wasn't feeling this doctor's visit.
“In order for the doctor to give you an exam, he's going to have to do some things,” she responded.
This was all new to me. Why did I have to get naked to get an exam? All the doctor had to do was put a thermometer in my mouth and place that thing on my chest to see how fast my heart was beating. I didn't need to get naked for that. “I wasn't prepared for this.”
“Since you're doing grown woman things, you're going to be treated like one, now take your clothes off and put on that hospital gown now.”
I took the gown from her hand, but didn't attempt to change.
My mom must have realized I did not intend to get naked. She changed her tone of voice. This time in a calm voice, she said, “It’s routine baby. It may feel a little uncomfortable at first. I'll be right here and you can squeeze my hand if it does. Try to think happy thoughts and the exam will be over before you know it.”
“Happy thoughts. What do I have to be happy about?” I blurted.
Seeing that I wasn't going to win this battle, I did as I was told. I turned my back to my mom so she wouldn't see my tears. I grudgingly removed my clothes and placed them on the nearby chair.
“You need to take everything off, baby,” my mom said.
I already felt dirty and having to get completely naked made me feel worse. I removed my underwear and put the white gown on. My mom shifted the gown around and tied it up in the front. “Now, go ahead and get on the table.”
Nervously, I dangled my legs from the table as we waited on the doctor to come. What seemed to be a lifetime, but was really forty-five minutes later according to the clock in the corner, an older white man wearing a white lab coat and a nurse walked in.
The man said, “Mrs. and Ms. Washington. How are you? I'm Doctor Mack.”
My mom responded, “We're fine, Doctor Mack.”
He looked at me and then back at my mom. “Mrs. Washington. Sorry for your wait, but we wanted to get the results back before going further. It’s confirmed. Sade is pregnant.”
My mom gasped. “How far long?”
“We'll know shortly. I want to give her a thorough exam to make sure everything is okay.”
I had been holding my breath it seemed the entire time. I sighed. Hearing the announcement from the doctor made it official. I was pregnant. Regardless of what my mom thoug
ht, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Calvin was the daddy. My mom could be in denial all she wanted, but that was the cold-hearted truth.
My mom didn't react to Dr. Mack's announcement. In fact, she was unusually quiet. My eyes grew bigger when I saw the plastic weird-shaped thing the nurse placed on a white towel on the counter.
“Sade, this may feel a little cold and uncomfortable at first, but try to relax. It's not going to take long. So just lay back and think of something pleasant.”
Easy for him to say. He wasn't the one getting some foreign object slammed up in him. I couldn't think of one happy thought as I endured the uncomfortable pelvic exam. The exam did, however, end quicker than I expected.
“I want to do an ultrasound to confirm how far along you are,” he said.
The nurse brought around a device and placed something that felt like cold gel on my stomach. I looked at the screen and saw something really small inside me. It was the making of a baby. I didn't expect to get emotional, but I did.
After the ultrasound, the doctor and nurse left the room and I got dressed. My mom remained quiet. She sat there as if she was in a daze. I was dealing with the hard cold facts of being pregnant so I didn't say anything either.
Dr. Mack returned with his report. He didn't address me; instead, he spoke to my mom as if I wasn't in the room. I saw him hand her a pamphlet. “Sade's two months pregnant. Because she is underage, we have a program that she will need to attend. You're required to go to the first class with her.”
My mom flipped through the brochure. “What time? I work. I won't be able to keep taking off work to bring her here.”
“Call the number on the back of the brochure and you probably can work something out. It's a six-week course and I think it's really important for her to attend.”
Dr. Mack swiveled his chair around and looked at me. “You'll learn a lot and it'll help prepare you for the little one you're about to have.”
Just a few weeks ago, I was worried about Rodrick, but now I had more serious matters on my mind--like the fact that I'm about to be someone's mom and I wasn't anywhere near ready.
My forehead tensed up as my insides boiled with anger. This was all Calvin's fault. He's ruined my life forever. I hated him. I looked at my mom as she listened to the doctor and a strong emotion of hate rose up within me. At this moment, I hated my mom too for loving the monster.
~15~
JOYCE
I listened at Dr. Mack go over the things that Sade would be required to do now that it had been confirmed that she was pregnant. Two months. Which meant seven months from now, I would be some little child's grandmother.
At thirty-five, I wasn't ready for that role. The doctor's results were totally opposite than what I had expected. I expected the trip to the clinic would prove Sade wasn't pregnant. It would then force Sade to admit that she was making things up. I imagined Sade confessing the lie and saying she only faked the pregnancy to break up Calvin and me.
Reality was far from my fantasy. Sade was indeed pregnant and now if I could get her to tell me who the real baby's daddy was, all would be well in my world. As I drove us home, I asked Sade again about the father.
Sade responded, “It's Calvin. C-a-l-v-i-n.”
“I was hoping after going to the doctor, you would stop with this nonsense,” I snapped. “Again, who is the daddy, Sade?”
She repeated Calvin. I told her she needed to stop with the games. Sounding frustrated, Sade said, “You're going to believe what you want to believe so what's the point?”
I refused to let up on the topic so I asked her again. Sade continued to ignore me and gazed out the window. Music from K104 blasted through the car as we rode the rest of the way home in silence.
Sade headed straight to her room as soon as we stepped into the apartment. I was mentally exhausted so I went to my bedroom. Calvin looked all cool and calm while sitting on the bed playing a video game. All I could do was shake my head. Here I am dealing with Sade's mess and this grown man was playing a video game.
I threw my purse on the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Well, she's pregnant.”
Calvin never stopped playing his game. He asked, “So when are you taking her to get rid of it?”
I looked at Calvin as if he had two heads. “No child of mine will be getting an abortion. We will make do. We'll be some young grandparents.”
Calvin threw the game controller down. “I'm not ready to be anybody's grandfather.”
Before I could respond, Calvin grabbed his cell phone off the nightstand and his keys. He headed towards the front door and I jumped up right behind him. “Where are you going?” I asked, as we neared the front door.
“Out. Anywhere, but here. Maybe, when I get back, you'll have come to your senses.”
“Calvin, I don't know what the problem is. It's not like you'll have to take care of the baby yourself. It'll be Sade and me.”
“Don't you get it? Sade is out to get me and it's like you're condoning it by allowing her to have that baby. How would you feel if someone accused you of something and you couldn't do nothing about it?”
I didn't have a response to his question.
Calvin looked down at me. “Exactly. I need to clear my head. Don't wait up.” With those last words, Calvin walked out the front door.
The floodgates seemed to open as tears flowed down my face. I plopped down on the couch as I thought about the state of my relationship with Calvin. I couldn't bear to lose Calvin over this. Sade had to confess that she lied and soon or else I might lose him--before we could even make it down the aisle.
“Mom, I'm hungry, but there's nothing in the kitchen to eat,” Sade came out of the kitchen and said, breaking me out of my trance.
“We'll order a pizza. I don't feel like going to the store.”
“Cool. I'll go meet him out front once I order it.”
“Call it in and I'll go get you the money.”
“I got it,” Sade said.
I didn't bother to ask where she got the money to buy pizza. I had to figure out what to do about Calvin. While Sade ordered the pizza, I called Calvin. Every time I called, Calvin manually sent my call to voicemail. I knew that because the phone rang once and then went to voicemail. If his phone were off, it wouldn't ring. It would just go directly to voice mail.
Frustrated, I sent him a text message. “Please come home. We need to talk about this.”
My heart skipped when my phone chirped, alerting me to an incoming text. “I don't feel like talking. See you in the A.M.”
Livid, I sent him text after text. I waited for him to respond, but he didn't. The last text I sent should get his attention. It read, “If you don't come back home tonight, you might as well stay where you're at. Your stuff will be waiting for you outside the apartment.”
“There. I bet you he will get his behind home now,” I said aloud, unaware that Sade had returned with the pizza.
Sade placed the pizza box on the coffee table and then handed me some napkins. “Mom, let him go. He's no good. You can do much better.”
“Baby girl, you need to stay out of grown folk’s business.”
“But he's a jerk. Even if he hadn't been messing with me, I would say he was a jerk.”
“You're not going to let up, are you?” I asked.
“I have nothing else to lose, mama. Calvin's stolen my childhood from me.”
I didn't believe Sade, but I wouldn't let her lie drive a wedge between us. I looked over at the child I had given birth to, reached over, and hugged her. “Baby girl, we'll get through this together.”
~16~
SADE
Some of the tension left my body as my mom held her arms around me. I could stay in my mom's comforting arms forever. The sound of the door opening caused us both to loosen our embrace. We turned to face the door. Calvin waltzed in as if nothing happened.
“Joyce, I'm back. Now what?”
“Tell him, mom. Tell him to get his shit and go.”<
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“Sade, watch your mouth,” my mom said.
Calvin snapped. “Little girl, you better watch how you talk to me. Joyce, you better control your child.”
My mom didn't tell Calvin off, instead she said, “Calvin, ignore Sade. She's upset. Come with me. We need to talk.” She got up from the couch and headed towards their bedroom.
“I'm done talking.” Calvin picked up one of the pizza boxes, went to the dining room, and sat down. He ate directly out of the pizza box.
My mom returned and took a seat opposite of him at the table. “I'm glad you came back.”
My mouth flew open as I watched my mom suck up to Calvin. She just told me that we were in this together, so why in the hell was she all up in Calvin's face like he hadn't done anything wrong.
In a soft voice, my mom said, “Calvin, if we're going to be a family, you can't keep running off every time something doesn't go your way.”
“Look. I've been dealing with your daughter disrespecting me for years, but I won't be dealing with my woman disrespecting me too.” Calvin stuffed another slice of pizza in his mouth.
“Baby, I'll never disrespect you. You know that.” I watched her ease her hand on top of his.
“I've lost my appetite.” I threw the half-eaten pizza on top of the pizza box.
I couldn't stand watching the scene anymore. I grabbed my cell phone and rushed out the front door. I paced back and forth in front of the building, but still couldn't calm down. I decided to walk down the street towards Crystal's house.
Some of the neighborhood boys were hollering at me, but I ignored them. I was not in the mood for their immature antics. “Y'all don't want none of this, trust me,” I said as I increased my pace.
It didn't take me long to get to Crystal’s house. I knocked on the door because their doorbell didn't work. Crystal's mom answered. “Crystal's in her room. Just go knock.”
Since I had been there on numerous occasions, I knew exactly where to go. I knocked on Crystal's bedroom door. “Who is it?” Crystal yelled out.